Do guys treat everyone this way or is it my looks?

Cardiscappa · 2017-04-15T17:10:03+00:00

It sounds like you don't know how to converse. Lack of conversational skills and closed off body language are death to any kind of pleasant interaction. Are you monotone or does your voice change pitch and speed?

Can you give an example of a conversation? (What he says and your replies.)

asteadyheart · 2017-04-15T18:44:54+00:00

I think you pointed out your own problem, that you answer with a few words and you're done.

Instead of being so hung up on how they won't talk to you later, just talk to them now and they might surprise you. Guys aren't SO revolted by appearances that they won't talk to an "ugly girl." What they won't do is talk to an "ugly girl" who is writing their name in notebooks with hearts and just clinging and desperate. It doesn't sound like you do that.

So try this, when your partner asks you a question, respond and ask him a question! Sometimes it's simple as, "what about you?" after your response. Example:

Him: So what are your plans after graduation? You: Oh I plan on.... [insert plan here], what about you?

He will tell you, the general acceptable replies are,

"Oh that sounds cool. I've always wanted to do that/How did you decide to do that?/Are you excited?"

Just keep branching off. What is killing conversations seems to be your inability to keep going or to reciprocate. A relationship, not romantic just any kind, is built off of mutual interest and intimacy (not physical).

You show interest in their hobbies/life/etc and then they show interest in yours. Then you share something about yourself that isn't quite so obvious (ex: "I actually really love....") and they share something of theirs. If you try to continue a relationship with zero intimacy, then it will never be able to get anywhere.

throwawayred521 · 2017-04-15T20:56:35+00:00

I didn't want to be that guy but sadly nobody in the comments has pointed it out so I'll have too.

You mentioned your chubby so there is something you can do to boost your attractiveness 3 fold, working out (if your not doing so already).

The benefits aren't just superficial, they are also healthy benefits both physically and mentally. As a guy the first thing I look for is the body, and I know there's a lot of men that do the same, so why not shoot two birds with one stone?

radioactivities9 · 2017-04-15T18:50:27+00:00

Men are more likely to get super awkward and quiet around really good-looking women, actually. Some even get angry towards beautiful women. It's actually more common than people expect. People expect the opposite, that good-looking women get more privilege, but it's just as, if not more, often they get more hate from both genders.

Go to the gay bar and see how lesbians treat you if you want an accurate test.

JackGetsIt · 2017-04-15T18:17:58+00:00

Ok. You're ugly. Now get past that. Improve on what you have to work with and don't give up. If you go full learned helplessness then you might miss a genuine opportunity which often looks like just a conversation. Your extreme self consciousness is what's effecting this 'flow.' I'm also guessing it's affecting your ability to work on self improvement.

Some pretty girls are treated the same way as well because often times guys aren't as tactful and miss sending the courtesy text etc. You just seem over sensitive to it because you read into every interaction as, 'it happened this way because I'm ugly.'

I do well with women but purposefully ignore pretty girl targets on occasion for lots of reasons: Not a good time; Lazy that day; She seems annoying; She seems expensive; I already have a ton of plans; I have enough plates right now; I know she's in a relationship. Etc. Etc. It's just not black and white.

So what is the problem? Is it my looks and do guys treat pretty girls the same way?

Yes. It is your looks. Yes, men do treat pretty women differently but the bottom line is your compounding it immensely by letting it effect your emotional state during the interaction. I'll even go one step further. If you don't resolve this insecurity you will effect and infect any relationship you do manage to land. Men don't like constantly dealing with a girlfriend who thinks she's unworthy and ugly. It's exhausting and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

teammeli · 2017-04-15T19:34:17+00:00

sounds like you need to get out of your head, start smiling and start making people laugh. easier said than done, right? practice on everyone. at the checkout line, in group activities, whatever. people can sense when you are taking yourself too seriously and it makes things weird.

also, a lot of "being ugly" is fixable -- hitting the gym, changing your diet, clearing your skin up (if you have acne), learning how to do hair and makeup, and you will go up a few points already. women have it good -- we have so many things in our control that dictate how good we can look. believe me, i put a lot of work in to look good! and it makes me feel good, which in turn makes it easier to talk to people and feel less conscious.

it gets better! at first it will feel weird. believe me, most people are so concerned with themselves and self-centered that they probably don't even notice half the things you feel insecure about. rely on us here to help you evolve!

edit: i would also recommend reading "how to win friends and influence people"

IVIaskerade · 2017-04-15T21:19:17+00:00

It's less than a do with whatever you think your looks are and more to do with sitting in front of the computer all the time.

Much like guys on TRP, you can't get anything done if you aren't getting out and doing things.

Guys aren't approaching you because it's illegal to trespass. You have to be approachable to be approached.

VigilantRedRooster · 2017-04-16T04:19:13+00:00

Men can be attracted to women with all kinds of unique appearances. What matters is that she puts forth a personality that is warm and inviting, is competent at reading and putting out inviting body language, supportive of and deferring the right amount to a well vetted partner. These and other factors are collectively considered feminine characteristics.

What you might watch for in order to diagnose your meeting problems:

Off-putting instead of inviting conversation.
Responses that end the topic rather than invite a reciprocal answer.
Not reading and responding well to others' body language
Resting bitch face even when you mean to look inviting to a particular person
Not good at putting out IOIs

As for solutions, once you determine areas to improve

To better understand body language, read What every body should know
To calibrate your facial expressions, spend time in the mirror watching your face and fine tuning the way you look for various emotions and reactions. It can seem silly at first but has great potential.
To figure out conversational problems, look for a trusted wingwoman to give you good firsthand feedback about your IOIs and initial conversations.
Make sure your conversation invites a reciprocal response, rather than ending a topic with a thud.
Low impact, high calorie workouts include swimming and bicycling; avoid jogging early in a weight loss program, you'll pound hell out of your knees and shins.

YoungYogiMama · 2017-04-16T05:43:02+00:00

Several people hit the nail on the head with the conversational, confidence & body language aspects to you problem, so i will focus on the physical improvements you can make! (Of course i don't know what you look like.)

Honestly like 90% of attractiveness is just being fit, healthy and "put together." Knock out facial features and body parts can put you in the top tier of females but you can still be very attractive even if you were born a plain jane or with unique facial features. Think of it this way - objectively beautiful/hot women come in all skin and hair colors and can be short, curvy, tall, skinny, big boobed, small boobed, round face, long face, straight nose, curved nose, curly hair, straight hair and any combination of these. There is a huge variety among objectively beautiful people (and within this pretty group men will have preferences or "types"). What they all have in common is being the best versions of THEMSELVES. So with that said, if you keep your body as healthy and fit as possible and put effort into your skincare, hair, makeup & clothes, you too can be a hottie.

-exercis daily. Some days you can go really hard at the gym or pilates etc - other days maybe you just walk more and do some squats while watching tv. But try to put in at least some effort each day. This will also be great for your confidence.

-eat clean. You don't have to give up any vices for good, but aim to eat as many healthy foods each day as possible. Turn junk food into a sometimes-treat rather then a daily occurrence. Eat mostly plants - lots of fruits, veggies, green, seeds, nuts, beans, herbs, whole grains. Smoothies, juices, fruit, salads, soups, oatmeal, smoothie & buddha bowls are great ways to up your fruit & veg intake! True beauty foods.

-Get your brows done. Waxed or threaded, its a game changer.

-Take care of your skin. Homemade masks, facials, quality products, dry brushing, oil soaks, sunscreen, etc

-learn to do your hair and makeup and invest in good products. YouTube is your friend!

-figure out what clothing styles flatter your body type & what colors flatter your skin tone

-maybe use self tanner and teeth whitener

-keep your nails clean. They don't have to be perfectly manicured but dirt under the nails, chipped polish, gross cuticles and calisouses are not cute

-maintain good posture, even when you are sitting!

-whoever said "face posture" i love you! Bahaha its so true! Be conscious of your facial expression even when ur just walking down the street or sitting on the bus. Are you scowling? But on a small grin and happy eyes instead and see how it feels. Its really minimal effort and instantly makes me feel so much happier/at ease.

-get your beauty sleep. I know im a haggard mess when i'm sleep deprived! And don't stare at screens every night before bed! (Hypocritically i'm doing that right now but its my first stretch of vacation time this year so i'm living on the edge :P)

Anyways, SO much of beauty is within our control! Take charge of your life and start improving yourself! You are not doomed to a life of being fat and ugly, but only YOU can determine which way your life goes. Beauty is a bit of pain, hardwork & discipline but its so worth it. Don't begrudge a pretty girl for her looks because she probably puts in a lot of effort! Don't focus on competing with others - focus on competing with yourself. Try to improve yourself on a daily basis. You'll never regret it!

Gardrothard · 2017-04-16T06:59:02+00:00

If you're a hot girl, then I guess, you can go around talking about boring things guys don't care about and they would listen. But, nobody would ignore kind and fun person because they are ugly.

Everyone likes to talk about themselves. They won't care so much if their audience is ugly or not. Let them talk and listen and people will want to see you again and spend time with you.

[deleted] · 2017-04-15T22:11:30+00:00

these posts (because there are a few a week) should always include your BMI. 70% of women are overweight or obese. in our gynocentric society, women have grown up to believe they have no agency over anything. so when you're obese as a woman, you feel it has to be literally anything other than your fault. eat less, exercise more. fuck, go vegetarian for a month.

if your BMI isn't somewhere 19-21, and you're invisible to guys, you have no excuse.

radioactivities9 · 2017-04-15T19:19:23+00:00

If you pick apart Penelope cruz's features she sounds ugly too. Strong jaw, strong/furrowed eyebrows, big stubby nose :p She ugly?

http://s3.r29static.com//bin/entry/7a0/0,411,2000,1050/x,80/1631752/image.jpg

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/db/6a/d1/db6ad1c8f3dcc06928eaba48fff279e0.jpg

radioactivities9 · 2017-04-15T18:47:35+00:00

Why do you think you are ugly?

[deleted] · 2017-04-16T03:04:49+00:00

It sounds like you need to learn conversational skills. There are so many resources out there....books, podcasts, even YouTube videos on conversational skills. I would make that priority #1. I read your other post and I think you are craving meaningful interaction with other people but you don't know how to go about it.

I also think sometimes people can sense when someone has low self esteem. It can be uncomfortable to talk so someone who is self-loathing- I don't know why, but it's just something that people experience. I am not saying this to make you feel bad, but because I want to give you hope that as you start to improve yourself and make yourself to be the person you want to be, that you will find people are more interested in you.

I see that you joined Reddit s couple weeks ago and have sense started making realizations about yourself and wanting to change, and that is really good. It is clear that you know what you don't want to be like...instead of dwelling on what you don't want to be like, think about what you would like to be like. Who do you want to be? What do you want people to say or think about you? What are some goals (short and long term) you can make to change yourself into that person?

Good luck! You have many people here rooting for you. Feel free to DM me if you need help.

[deleted] · 2017-04-16T17:48:36+00:00

A lot of men are afraid to talk to women because of the risk involved. Last week a young guy got marched down to HR for complementing a co workers new hair cut. He got 3 days off wit out pay. That repremand will affect his career for the rest of his life. When I talk to women at work the only things I say a yes, no, hello.

Every man knows of a story like this.

ivegotsomequestions0 · 2017-04-17T05:08:29+00:00

It's probably your looks, but your best solution here is just to stop trying to force it with guys who don't want to talk to you, and then (this is the hard part) to not care that they didn't want to talk to you.

You're probably in college? Guys your age are extremely simple creatures. They want to sleep with hot girls, and since their social skills likely aren't the best either, they don't want to step out of their comfort zone unless they have to. They are pouring their limited energies into trying to get the pretty girls to have sex with them.

In a way though, you're getting the better end of the deal. Many of the pretty girls who are "friends" with these guys are not any more interesting than you. Sometimes, the guys realize it and play along in hopes of getting laid. Other times, they buy into the notion that the girl is cool and fascinating, when she isn't. She is going to have a harder time growing as a person, and she might end up getting used by a couple of her guy friends.

You are starting out somewhat invisible. Congrats, that means that you get to build your own value from scratch. By the time you're in your 30s, I promise you'll be a lot more interesting than most of those who had it easy.

I would just stop fighting against the tide with these guys. The guy you're currently working with wants to talk? Talk to him, I'd imagine it takes more energy to worry about his motives and shut down than it would to have a 5-minute conversation about your weekends. And after the project is done, if he stops talking to you? Ask how he's doing once or twice more if you want and if there's no response, forget him and move on to the next interesting thing. These little interactions are not worth your time. Think of them as in the same category as your interactions with your barista when you get coffee every morning. Sometimes (or often) your barista is surly. Fine, whatever. Occasionally your barista will be chatty. Sure, engage her about the weather for a few minutes. That's as much space as it should occupy in your mind.

mLii · 2017-04-16T00:33:49+00:00

I'm a guy. I find it easier to find to ugly girls I'm not attracted to, and I believe most guys feel this way, so I don't understand why you're having problems when you talk to men if you're ugly.

TheWorldToCome · 2017-04-16T04:17:15+00:00

If you are an average or above looking female you will get tons of attention weekly from men.

Cryptorchild92 · 2017-04-16T03:05:54+00:00

I feel like a lot of your problems are linked to insecurity. Guys tend to be more turned off by a woman being insecure about her looks, rather than how she looks. Get some positivity in your life, through exercise, healthy eating, engaging in hobbies and working on your academic/professional life as well. Once you feel better, you'll automatically be more attractive to men.

Title	Do guys treat everyone this way or is it my looks?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	13
Comments	48
Date	April 15, 2017 4:30 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/65jyj4/do_guys_treat_everyone_this_way_or_is_it_my_looks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/do-guys-treat-everyone-this-way-or-is-it-my-looks.167243 https://theredarchive.com/post/167243

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