I'm a broke guy in a field of rich kids

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January 23, 2019
125 upvotes

Hey good people,

So I'm currently at a well known college on a scholarship. A college that is almost out of my league.

Most of the people here seem to be from fairly rich backgrounds. At first it didn't phase me but after socializing a bit more over the past month, it is starting to affect me a bit. It just feels like I just don't fit in here.

I've been able to meet a few girls I can relate to but it seems like I have different perspective on life, as well as different priorities.

I am from a pretty rough background so I've been a bit care free, go with the flow type of person. As much as I like to have fun, I know how to prioritise my academics.

The social scene just seems like a whole different ball game here. You can just tell by the way I carry myself I just don't fit in here. I've been told I am pretty confident and fun guy to be around but it feels I'm constanlty being looked down upon because of who I am or where I come from. Picture 8 mile Eminem at Princeton or Harvard.

How I turn things around and still have fun?

The past year I've made excellent progress developing myself, I workout a lot, reading and just working my ass off to save some money.


Post Information
Title I'm a broke guy in a field of rich kids
Author CoolaGoola
Upvotes 125
Comments 56
Date 23 January 2019 03:42 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/175083
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/aj0xkw/im_a_broke_guy_in_a_field_of_rich_kids/
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Comments

[–]RP0986179 points180 points  (4 children) | Copy

I’m from a similar background to you so here’s my outside view - either turn your difference into a selling point, because being positively unique is always going to be interesting/intriguing.

Or learn to play their social game and network with these people, I guess they may prove very useful in your future.

On a side note don’t forget that in the real world the street smarts, the hard work and the suffering you get from a tough background will take you far - so don’t start feeling ashamed of these traits.

[–]koldkillah8328 points29 points  (2 children) | Copy

Be different

[–]adonis_syche4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Be different

[–]Fonzoon-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be the same. But in a different way.

[–]FalconWrite67 points68 points  (4 children) | Copy

Don’t worry about trying to play catch-up. You are not in competition with these kids' rich parents. Just make enough money to functionally get your needs met within your lifestyle and focus on building genuine connections with quality people.

[–]jackandjill2212 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

Those types of people are wary of who they make connections with.

[–]FalconWrite14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

As should anyone with something to bring to the table be

[–]jackandjill225 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Idk about that. They're like Sean Parker social network types assholes. They'll backstab you because it's convenient.

[–]FalconWrite5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s why you vet long enough to actually determine whether they’re a quality person or piece of shit before investing in any relationship. That’s the connection building process.

[–]aanarchist22 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy

Stop putting children born with spoons in their mouth above you, they're not better than you and if anything you get an early start with character building since you have to start from the ground up. It's not out of your league, if it was you wouldn't be there. You deserve to be there and you got there without mommy and daddy's money and connections, and people's envy over this fact is their own personal flaw, their problem to deal with. Focus on what you are trying to accomplish, on your goals, haters have no value to you except to laugh at their good jokes.

[–]indigenoushorizons0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OP this is it

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need to master Frame. When I was in grad school, I had an absolute shit car....like hand me down, shitbox family truckster bad. My fraternity brothers would give me shit about it - I was the live-in grad advisor because I got free room and board for it. Then they saw a blonde dimepiece get out of it one day, and a brunette dimepiece get out of it another day.

Them: "But which one....?"

Me: "Both. And now you understand; it's not the car, it's the MAN."

Also, there will be plenty of rich Beckys going through their edgy "Bad Boy" phase. Locate, and exploit.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

You bring a lot of color to the normal overly clean and mentally washed groups you are now engaging with.

Be rough around the edges, be the guy who doesn't need money to be awesome and have a great time.

Many of those women in and out of relationships there are bored with the typical experience and need what you have.

[–]mabden38 points39 points  (3 children) | Copy

My daughter went to an ivy league school on a full ride scholarship. Her friends/roommates where offspring of doctors, lawyers, wall street execs. The biggest difference between her and them, she had her shit together and knew how to handle her shit because we taught her to be independent and how to think for herself, whereas her friends relied on mommy and daddy to get them through life. Academically they were all on par, my daughter graduated with honors, but life... forgetaboutit.

Use your background to your advantage, and this mindset...

" it feels I'm constanlty being looked down upon because of who I am or where I come from."

will keep you in a place of your own making. Fuck them, they are just as fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional (fine) as the next kid, maybe more so.

At the graduation party with my daughter, her friends, and their parents; they went around the room declaring what they were doing/going post graduate. Med school, doctorate program, law school, etc all very impressive and shit. When it came to my daughter she stood up and proudly declared she was going to become a waitress. You should have seen the expressions of all the parents who just paid a quarter million dollars for their sons and daughters to get an ivy league piece of paper.

[–]igotbeatbydre13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

Was she trolling or did she really want to be a waitress?

[–]mabden29 points30 points  (0 children) | Copy

She was fucking with them. Eventually went on to grad school, but not right away. Actually turned down two med school offers, moved out to the west coast and lived the bohemian lifestyle for a couple of years. She did not want to commit 8 years and $300K - $500K on a career path she was unsure of.

Not much I could say as when I was 18, packed a backpack and hitchhiked across the country for two years. My folks did not know where I was for months at a time. At least my daughter had a plan. :)

[–]TheBunk_TB12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

I hope the ultimate troll. Like getting a Masters in Social Work.

[–]bruiser1819 points20 points  (4 children) | Copy

When in such situations, I behave as though I have a 15 inch cock and don’t care who knows it. Be confident, work with what you got.

[–]BACONisKEWLEST6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

now I’m just picturing a dude walking around with a limp

[–]bruiser186 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

See, this guy gets it

[–]SolarTortality1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nice A&A

[–]apost54-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like a pain to carry around

[–]Pajca11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

I am in a similar situation to you and I will tell you my experience.

So I live in a medium sized town in a 3rd world country. My parents are kinda rich (upper middle class) and I may be the richest 'kid' in my group of friends and in my class at school. And I never looked down on anyone who has lass money than me. But I can tell that some of my 'friends' are using me just for the money, and it has become so obvious it's crazy.

But about a week ago I transfered to a private school in the capital city. And they are all way richer than me. This was (and still is) a big shock for me. I went from being the richest to the poorest person in the group. The first couple of days I was trying to prove myself to them (this is VERY stupid, don't do this), but now I have realised that the don't give a fucking shit about how much money I have or don't have.

But after all I an tell you this: You should not care. You should not feel like you are below them just because you do not have money. Guys do not give a fucking shit if you are a billionare or fucking homeless, if you are fun to be around they will be your friends.

Also money DOESN'T get you girls. Girls don't give a fucking shit about money and I learned this from experience. If they wanted money they would be with a 60 year old millionare suggar daddy.

Just keep working on yourself and you will go a long way.

And the easies thing you can do is to improve your style for cheap. Just get clean clothes that fit nice and you will look 10x richer than the guys who look like they are homeless.

Anyways that's it.

[–]ChadTheWaiter10022 points23 points  (2 children) | Copy

Girls that come from money don’t worry about money.

[–]mabden6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

My wife's family is very well off. She told me that one of her cousins coached her daughter on how to spot wealth by assessing rings, watches, clothes, etc. Mamma's want what's best for their daughters, i.e. hypergamy.

[–]RedEyeDude5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's the opposite of what hypergamy means. Girls care about the guy's money.

But, they also care about how much status he commands in their social setting.

[–]bob13bob4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Badge of pride, you are smarter than the silver spooners around you. Girls are smarter at evaluating male.potential, they know you got to their level with out privilege. It means you are more likely to be more competant aptitude.

[–]CaptainBW3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have some fucking confidence. The Buddha didn’t become The Buddha until he left his wife, his kid, and all his riches behind him to become a wandering beggar man. Figure out exactly what YOU want for yourself, not what posters in this sub tell you what you should be striving to be.

[–]0io-3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

One thing that's helped me is to remember that "it's just a bunch of guys." Even if you're talking to a group of billionaires and CEO's or celebrities or Kings and Princes or Admirals and Generals, if you start thinking about how "important" they are and worrying that you're going to screw up it's going to mess you up. If you're talking to a girl she's just a girl. It doesn't matter how rich and famous her parents are. If you're talking to people at your college they're just a bunch of college kids, same as you are. The college already made the decision that you belong there. You need to give no fucks about whether some group of guys think you belong there or not. It doesn't matter how famous or important their families are. You already know how to talk to guys or how to talk to a girl, and that's all they are.

[–]TheBunk_TB2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just kickass and remember that you arent a stuffed shirt.

Don't relate to women. Have some type of operational understanding? Yes. Knowing needs and wants? Yes. Cues and social background? Sure.

There is nothing wrong prioritizing school.

[–]goblinboglin2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You seem to be doing pretty well, you can't change your social status anymore without getting your education (and getting a good job) or winning the lottery.

Just do what you do, focus on academics instead of partying and you might be successful.

[–]red_matrix2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here’s my advice: put first things first, that’s academics and lifting. Second - seek out your social circle. College campuses are huge, and there are a lot of people there just like you, some will be better and some will be worse off. Girls no longer go to school for the MRS degree, they want to get wild and hook up, but they don’t want to be shamed for it (seek out these girls, they are everywhere). Read the Book of Pook if you haven’t yet. You will never have dating pool of available coeds like this in your life - enjoy it, but don’t make sex you’re #1 priority.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I had the same sorta mindset in a similar situation, I’m 22 & done.

All I would add to what’s been said. It’s a mind game more than anything else.

If your people skills improve, your physique improves, your presenting ability, humor, wit, Scientifc & Philosphical thinking, etc etc

These are all things that none of them can replicate with their money. These are all things that have to earned and acquired with good old practice and anyone who builds themselves a strong base not built on material wealth is damn near invincible.

There’s a reason why Henry Ford and many others said: “If I lost all the money I had today, I have would have it all back within the decade”

  • what this means is , build the man- the wealth will come because you’ve already done the trial & tribulations thus knowing what it takes to get there.

On a related, YOU BELONG THERE. There is this thing called imposter syndrome- it’s what you’re experiencing. Remember, you GOT IN. You proved the first part of your worth just by doing that- they are not better or worse, merely playing the same game.

Not only that, YOU ARE LUCKY & Blessed. you have access to people that most people never will. If you can convince them of anything, if you can fuck their bitches, make friends with their Alphas well....

There is a reason why they say you are the average of the Five people u hang out with.

Take 5 of the most elite of them, make them your friends and guess what’s going to happen to you?

You have been given a challenge my friend, it’s upto you if you are willing to rise to it.

[–]midas442 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You just have to own the shit out of your social status. Do NOT pretend to be someone you are not and instead just be more of who you are.

I went to a private school for one year at uni and it sucked: excessively rich kids, vineyard vines, salmon pants, boat shoes, etc. I just sulked away in my poor bubble and did not even try to meet anyone at school.

The more you embrace yourself, your story, your passions, and your strengths the better the friends you will make. I know so many guys who just embraced what they liked and where they come from and everyone just gravitated towards them.

[–]3chazthundergut2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Own that shit. You're not just another preppy gayboy with a silver spoon up his ass. 8 mile would fuck the shit out of some Harvard bitches

Also you need to realize that the whole they are looking down at me I don't belong! is 90% in your head. Most people barely notice you, and how the fuck do they know how much money is in your account?

You feel overwhelmed and out of your element and you are projecting insecurity. Stop.

[–]MisunderstoodAsian2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

As someone who, at a young age was taken from a typical working class neighbourhood and thrust into a top 1% environment (not figuratively, literally the top 1%, these motherfuckers all had daddies who were big CEOs, bankers, surgeons etc, wearing Rolexes to school etc), I learnt that trying to fit in by emulating their behaviour will only work for a while on a superficial, unsatisfying level.

At the end of the day, your upbringing shapes who you are, and there's a roughness about people who grew up like we did that will never truly go away. It sounds corny as hell, but being yourself really is the simplest way. Our upbringing gives us an edge that the super rich don't have. Girls will notice that in particular.

Be grateful for your upbringing and that you have the opportunity to observe and interact with both extremes of society. It'll give you insight that not many people have.

[–]KitMindhead1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your mindset is all wrong.

Embrace your background, be tough, lift, don't be afraid to get your hands dirty and the women will be all over you. Be different, choose very cheap dates, take them for walks in the park, hiking, stuff that is super cheap and costs you nothing. If their are environments where you aren't comfortable stay away from them.

Be the situational alpha, as in choose a situation where you excel. Join a club of something where you can be the leader or socially be very comfortable.

You aren't a threat to rich girls reputation, you aren't even a likely candidate for a serious relationship, and you aren't part of their normal social circle. These things are all plusses for easy casual sex and you need to play this up. If you are self conscious and always worried about your lack of money or social status than you won't get anywhere. Be confident, move quickly, and make the most out of college you should be living it up while you can as its over so fast.

[–]sehns1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Some great advice in this thread but wanted to add one more thing - a lot of those other kids are probably also not comfortable in their own skin either. Everyone else is insecure and worrying about their own fucked up problems that aren't visible to you. They are just different problems. Once you realise everyone is too busy caring about their own insecurities to focus on yours it will set you free.

[–]MFcrayfish1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

you're a realized man, in fact, be proud of your journey on becoming who you are now. Network as much as possible it will save you in a pinch when the times get rough.

[–]alleyteris1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude remember in the end ,nobody will give a fuck about your situation than you.

Let me elaborate, you said that you feel out of water for being around rich students, having said that i believe that some of this people even ENVY you, yes you read that right, those people ENVY you secretly, because you struggle to get there while they were handed their situation ona silver plater. This people know that you are above them , just because you are not rich and yet there you are rubing shoulders with them having worked hard, that is a feat on itself . In the end if you strip them of wealth thry are normal people too, no need to feel out of place.

And if you do what you must do and fix what you must fix , also dont be embaraced for being poor , remember people are all the same regardless of wealth so treat a man as a man and a woman as a woman regardles other factors

Just my two cents here

[–]warthundersfw1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was also obviously not rich like others at my ivy league school but even though I didn't give a shit about other people I never felt inferior to them and I felt as if people kept trying to get me into various groups regardless of me not exactly fitting in. Why? Idk, I was cool to hang with I guess though I honestly thought I was an antisocial ass back then,.

[–]gitpullhoes1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hoes love guys from rough backgrounds, in fact everyone loves an underdog story. You also gotta understand that your parents’ money doesn’t make you better than anyone else. My best friend still drives his dad’s Bentley, and I’ve never even owned a car. You’ll find good people among the rich, just be chill and optimistic.

[–]SalporinRP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm sure a lot of girls would like to take a break from fucking stuck up chads and get with someone more down to earth.

Just own it dude.

And in my experience as someone who grew up in one of the richest towns in America in a lower middle-class family, 95% of guys just don't give a shit. Most of my good friends from growing up were much richer than me and had no qualms about me rolling up to their house in my 2004 Honda Civic. Just go out and make friends. And being friends with rich people is fun dude. One of my best friends growing up took me on a 3 week trip to Europe with his family in high school all expenses paid. We were staying in 5 star hotels every night. It is probably the most lavish vacation I'll ever go on.

Point being just be a fun and interesting guy and most people will welcome you with open arms.

[–]Fastbac0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There’s a great line the remake of “The Thomas Crown Affair”. The girl he’s dating has read his file (long story)and is impressed that a poor kid from Ireland got into Oxford, on a boxing scholarship! He says, “Rich kids can’t box. The problem was learning to talk.”, referring to his lower class accent.

Fake it till you make it, and use your differences as something that makes you unique. Own it!

[–]adonis_syche0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, I have two very close friends. One is just like you, scholarship yada yada, and the second one is just like the people you're mentioning here about, silver spoon yada yada. You know it from the pauper's perspective, let me tell you from the rich guy's perspective. HE IS FUCKING JEALOUS! Go figure! This guy with enough pocket money to buy gold plated super cars, with donations giving trustee-heading dad i GODDAM JEALOUS of the guy working as a waiter after class to make ends meet!

Why?

because from their perspective, the other guy is at the same plane as him without exhausting so much cost. Imagine from the rich dude's perspective, he look at this guy with everything done fine by the end of the class, and then working part time, and come exam season, he is acing the exams and projects! And rich pants need all these resources just to pretend to compete.

You gotta think more about it to get it.

You're a source of envy to them, you're every girl's catch. All that if you exude uncaring confidence. That is attractive to everyone, even the employers. Everyone admires the tough dude who doesn't care and get things done. Who minimizes cost. Just picture yourself in that place, you'd nut to your own self. Champagne of victory!

[–]Red_Rifle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm going to offer some alternate advice compared to what you've mostly been hearing here.

  1. Clothes make the man. If you are trying to improve yourself physically in the gym and mentally in the library you are doing yourself a disservice if you aren't improving your wardrobe, too. You can thrift the same brand that your wealthy peers are wearing for pennies on the dollar, and look just as good. If you LOOK like everyone else, that will take away 95 percent of any 'you not fitting in' feeling. Obviously I would pair this with hitting the gym; look good naked, too.

  2. You seem to be getting your feet wet in socializing and you say people think you carry yourself well. You sound like prime material for a fraternity. Say what you will about them, but they are instant access to a male friend group, women, and a social life. A lot of the top houses would probably discriminate against you for not having a ton of money if it was obvious and can often cost a lot of money, but there is still a ton of value in being in a middle tier- lower top house at a large campus, and honestly, even in the worst of the worst house, you'll still find much of what you're looking for. Head over to the frat subreddit for more on that. I really can't recommend joining a fraternity enough for a young man looking to make friends in college.

  3. If a frat isn't your thing, join a club. Any club, really, but especially club sports. It's very much like a fraternity, often without the price point, and is also a great way to stay in shape.

[–]ThinSpiritual0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was in your shoes when I went to college... Calculating my daily spending to make ends meet when my friends invited me to play poker with them with a minimum buy-in of $250. Ofc I didn't go.

2 things that I learnt in hindsight that helped me to build my mental frame:

  • 1) It was me vs. them, not my parents vs. their parents. I started to focus on ME vs. THEM, and I realized they are not superior at all, and once that frame was set by ME, some of them started seeing ME for who I was. In fact in senior year I became one of the most popular guys around. I dated chicks that would traditionally be considered as being wayyyy out of my league.

  • 2) Take initiative. It's always a big party, and you can step in at anytime, or you can stand outside and watch others have fun. Once I realized this and I took initiative to step in, I was surprised at how quickly people accepted me.

So overall, the feeling of "I don't fit in" is mostly created by yourself (ourselves). Go back to the TRP principles, kill your internal hamster, SELF-VALIDATE and don't seek it from "richer kids" (because you perceive them as having higher value??? Think rationally why? What exactly do you think that make them better vs. YOU -- nothing), build confidence and remove that mental block that preventing you from achieving things, including fun, friendship, good grades, etc.

[–]CasualPlay3r0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Turn your perceived weakness into your biggest advantage my friend, people here has already brought good advices.

Work on your frame, the things you experience and live can either make you or break you, the choice is yours.

Own who you are, dont let your past/thoughts/anything own you.

[–]smartdelta90 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Be yourself. Embrace being a misfit. Don’t try to fit in. If it happens great if not who cares

[–]modern-day-hemingway0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was in a similar situation when I first started college. Tried to fit in at first, but eventually made me miserable. A year in I just owned the fact I was a scrappy kid in a preppy school. Girls dug it. Lames hated it. I enjoyed myself either way & left much more confident & competent than when I first started.

Wish you the best brother, enjoy your time there & make the most of it.

[–]EumenesOfEfa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I suggest you to watch "a scent of a woman". Other than this being a great film with a spectacular cast, it dropped quite a few redpills packed in an easy to swallow format.

[–]SmamelessMe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What you think is you weakness is your biggest asset.

The people around got to where they are through hard work and heavy assistance from their families. You had only hard work. That alone validates your competence. And society values competence.

On top of that, you are aware of the social game. More importantly, how artificial it is. Use it. Learn how to play it. Better yet, learn how to profit off of it. The game those rich people play is the proverbial water. They are fish born in it, so they are not as aware of it as you, who got in it to swim.

Turn thoughts such as:

Night club is a place where rich people meet. I cannot keep up with them, because I don't have the money.

Into:

Night club is an establishment that profits from giving people a place, where they can pay for the opportunity to perform human mating dance. How can I profit off of this socially? I.e. would it be possible for me to subtly mention this idea a few times, and then "come up" with an idea to host a pre-drink party at my place?

[–]elf_knife_love0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Play on those differences, they make the men around you uncomfortable and the women love it.

If you got there because you are smart, you can show up in tracksuit, act out of place and chat up the professors during lectures or ask the thought questions after talks. Nothing is hotter than being superior to your peers despite them having an advantage over you.

Also, keep in mind, women aren't everything. Meeting the right men here will probably benefit you immensely in the long run.

Lastly, some of the women at top-notch colleges are sent there by family for the modern equivalent of "finding an husband". They won't be interested in your because they know daddy wants someone that can bring wealth and influence to the family... that's just the way of things, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

[–]OfficialAaronL0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

As somebody from a more privileged background, I always always always make sure to treat people equally and make sure nobody is feeling left out or as you mention above. Can you give us some examples of what you've experienced?

[–]orezavi-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Monk mode. Focus on studies and get a good job. Then you’ll have money.

[–]Buckeye1234-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also if you play it right corporate America will love you.



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