My (24F) former bf(24M) for 2 years reached out to me. What does he want?

Neuroentropic_Force · 2019-01-24T15:13:00+00:00

It sounds like he is trying to restart your relationship.

It takes quite awhile to get over an LTR, especially if you are younger, at least a year I'd say.

When you break up, if it was mutual or if it wasn't, you are focused on why the relationship isn't working. But when you've been apart for a few months, or awhile, it is easy to remember only the good times. This, paired with an oxytocin/emotional withdrawal of not having the physical comforts of the other person, can lead to an almost drug-seeking behavior to get those good parts back. This is dangerous, especially if your relationship was somewhat codependant, life can be easier, much easier together in the short-term, but in the long term it's a bad idea.

You both broke up for a reason, and in my experience those reasons are usually very good reasons, it's only been 6 months, nothing has changed. You need to resist falling back into that old pattern of behavior, or you will find yourself back at square 1, and likely a position where neither of you will grow to overcome the problems that meant your incompatibility to begin with.

Now I say all this with a great degree of generalization. I think this applies to most young LTRs, but, yours could be different. I don't know either of you, your history, your personalities, etc.

IMO, if you tend to believe it is the former, you need to make it clear to him you do not want a relationship, that you can't talk to him all the time, and you will not get physical with him. You both have to move on or you won't grow. And if you were truly in a codependent relationship, you shouldn't make friends either, you should just move on completely, even if it hurts.

pennynotrcutt · 2019-01-24T16:42:36+00:00

I personally think he wants a friends with benefits relationship. If he wanted to get back with you he would have said something to that effect by now.

Jesus-slaves · 2019-01-24T15:00:35+00:00

I'm not sure I'm allowed to say that word here.

EGOtyst · 2019-01-24T17:25:00+00:00

Booty call. Definitely not friendship.

throwawaybpdnpd · 2019-01-24T16:58:35+00:00

He either wants sex or the relationship again

What he wants doesn't matter here

You don't need to know exactly why, you should forget about this guy it's only been 6 months

Windiigo · 2019-01-24T14:58:18+00:00

Well you just wrote the answer yourself. You don't want to fall back into the rabbithole. You have been there and it did not work before, why would it work now?

I gave been in the same position and I got back with him, we lasted another 5 months before the same problem broke us up again. If it's causing a breakup the first time, it usually does the second time unless years have passed in between and you have both significantly changed

dian_slay26 · 2019-01-24T18:23:42+00:00

He misses the sex girl. If you want to have a sex exclusive type of thing then just make sure you're going in with your eyes wide open. If you still have feeling like you want to date him again, you gotta be clear that's what he wants too before your back in bed wondering wtf happened.

soft-sleepy-kitty · 2019-01-24T19:13:37+00:00

Self-validation.

aussiedollface2 · 2019-01-24T22:18:08+00:00

Why did you break up? Who broke it off? It’s hard to say without knowing him but some guys do like to keep women around that they like and are attracted to, for company and other benefits. I think as women we immediately assume they want to get back together because that’s what WE might want. But don’t fall into that trap.

More importantly, what do you want? It sounds like you want to get back with him? Once you identify what you want then you can tailor your interactions accordingly. If he keeps acting like this then I think it could be reasonable to casually ask him what his intentions are. If he wants to be with you he will tell you.

Good luck!

xo

ImTheCaptainNow24 · 2019-01-24T18:48:56+00:00

Whatever you do, don't have sex with him unless you want to have sex with no strings attached.

If you are interested in getting back together, then you can just see where this goes (without having sex). Don't force his hand though, wait for him to ask you to get back together. Meanwhile you should date other people and just generally have options. I'm giving this advice as someone who is very experienced with this. I got back together with my ex-boyfriend, and we ended up getting married, but there were a lot of mistakes along the way.

If you are not interested in getting back together, then cut contact.

FwoGiZ · 2019-01-25T15:45:27+00:00

There is no denying he wants sex. Does he want more? Only he knows...

JDRorschach · 2019-01-26T03:57:55+00:00

Ask him what he wants to be now.

Though honestly, the lack of assertiveness on his part seems like a red flag to me.

Title	My (24F) former bf(24M) for 2 years reached out to me. What does he want?
Author	Nyufis
Upvotes	6
Comments	35
Date	January 24, 2019 2:52 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ajd5mn/my_24f_former_bf24m_for_2_years_reached_out_to_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-24f-former-bf24m-for-2-years-reached-out-to-me.196706 https://theredarchive.com/post/196706

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