[FR] Main Event Just Happened

DeplorableRay · 2017-08-22T14:11:16+00:00

Main event? For some of us, this is a Monday.

screechhater · 2017-08-22T02:03:22+00:00

Not a main event. A comfort test.

Here is a smooch on the forehead and pat on the pooter. Feel my comfort ?

Look up main event in the search bar. Check MRP.

Let us know what you discover.

This is good practice to grow a set of cast iron balls. You gonna need them for a main event.

Mine went on for a fucking week.

BobbyPeru · 2017-08-22T06:58:36+00:00

Not even close to a main event.

You did the right thing with STFU since you didn't know what else to do

Sepean · 2017-08-22T13:13:21+00:00

That was not the main event. Look, so far shit was easy. You've made a few changes, got the newbie gains, wife tested you a bit but mostly she's just been happy with her better beta.

But now you're beginning to show the early signs of a real frame and she's wondering if there is an actual alpha somewhere in there.

And that brings on these half shit, half comfort tests. It's a mix of poking your frame and being worried that you're slipping out of her control, that you'll have options.

This is the first step, but your experiences have been so limited that you think it is the high point. You can go a lot further - your frame can grow much stronger, you can be more masculine, more awesome. She'll certainly go a lot further, she'll ramp up into unbridled anger and deep sorrow to test you.

There's plenty of people saying here that it was a comfort test but it is only part comfort test, and passing the shit test is more important than the comfort test. Going for a verbal A&A plus a hug is fine, but a pure comfort test pass is going to get you in trouble.

Do not bring her complaints up. Don't moderate your behavior, on the contrary: more alpha, more dominance, more cockiness. You just keep on upping it, and she'll keep on upping it. She's going to be on a roller coaster, going from angry to sad to submissive to kinky. Initiate more and caveman her so she knows you're alpha and that she has value. It's calming all around a great lead up to comfort.

Work on your frame so you'll have some better responses than just STFU. You can learn some phrases but nothing beats actually being ok with who you are, what you want and however she feels about it.

88Will88 · 2017-08-22T04:19:11+00:00

This was a comfort test, she is threatened by you changing which induces dread. Women deal with dread by throwing out lots of comfort tests. Just give her a cuddle and say shhhhhhh. The real question here is what will you do in a real main event? Do you care if the marriage ends? Why do you care, is it because you luuurve her and don't want to lose her, or are you OK with that? Some cast iron balls will help in a main event but you need to know what it is you really fear, and what it is you really want.

anythinginc · 2017-08-22T14:38:14+00:00

Some of my thoughts:

Way more than before but still only 1-2 times a week. Sex was never my main objective, I wanted a better life. Rejection is basically zero and starfish is gone.

A woman who has made these gains, and who is in this place, is expecting to feel good, not anxious, about her relationship.

"I don't want to talk about it."

This is code for "when I don't want to talk about something, you are supposed to drop whatever you're thinking about, or at least do exactly what I would want you to do in the situation, just like the past 8 years." And likely, that is probably part of why you got together and have stayed together, "compatibility" is short for "the other person does what I would do in this situation and thinks about what I want, or I can at least rationalize is acting in our best interest."

And I think this is your current battle, and she says as much:

I don't expect you to agree with me or expect a response, I said what's bothering me and do what you want with it.

She doesn't expect you to make her feel better. She don't expect you to consider her. She is anxious because you're NOT dropping something when she says "I don't want to talk." She is anxious because you're NOT necessarily doing what she wants you to do in whatever situation. And minus that, she feels you are not bring compatible, "we aren't a team." She has her frame, and sees yours, but isn't onboard yet.

The bridge you need to cross, is for her to be in your frame and trust/know/feel that you doing what is best for you, is naturally best for her, and best for your family; or at least have enough attraction for her to not give a shit.

She doesn't like change and can shut down when making major life decisions.

And again, the battle, the bridge, is that she isn't in your frame yet, doesn't subconsciously consent and trust you to handle these things for your family and do things in its best interest, and that is not surprising if you shut down and stonewall comfort tests like they are shit tests/main events (like you're still in phase 1). The attraction (and/or anxiety) is building, that is evident, but compliance and trust and security are not quite here yet.

Started lifting/dieting and I've been implementing elements of Dread Levels 1-5....I've been going to classes on my own, learning new things, going out with friends, etc....Recently I have been looked into making some big career moves

So a bunch of attraction and dread building stuff, but again, no comfort, no compliance, no owning shit for the house/family. Thefamilyalpha would also say, no "vision" with your wife.

As planned, dread and anxiety have went up, getting you more sex, and leading to this comfort test. I would say it is time for the next phase. Having a frame that she can live in, and inviting/leading her in. Showing her that your frame is fun and safe and she can relax inside it. And again, she is fucking you enough to feel entitled to some comfort and anxiety relief, get her onboard the SurfingAstronaut train and enjoy the positive-feedback-loop. How to get her onboard? More value, more attraction, more vision, passing comfort tests, comfier frame, making sure the door is even open for her etc..

I think it can be done with just SMV and anxiety, but then you're playing with fire and always dealing with shit like this.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-08-22T15:47:02+00:00

A main event usually happens after you have learned to STFU and involves considerably more give and take than you describe. The Main Event also usually involves an intense release and a complete resetting of the relationship as the wife finally accepts your frame. This COULD have been a main event but it looks like a comfort test to me- and it looks like you failed.

I'm living like I'm single -We aren't a team -I don't discuss anything with her -I think about myself first -I do what I want and expect her to go along with it

Next time take her in arms and reassure her that it is all going to be fine. Think what you would do if a 12 year old little girl was crying. You would comfort her, right?

GargantuaBlarg29 · 2017-08-22T11:31:07+00:00

Scenario: You're walking to your computer and the power pole to the front of your house explodes. In search of a light you pull your phone out and drop it, breaking it. Crap, now you can't run to MRP and figure out what to say and the power pole won't be fixed for a few days.

What do you do when the wife comes for round 2. What do you think you should say?

creating_my_life · 2017-08-22T02:22:27+00:00

my SMV is higher than my wife's at this point.

As an aside, this is how men view sexual compatibility. Am I 1 or 2 points higher in SMV than my partner? If so, that person should have the advantage.

Women view SMV entirely differently. To a woman, you're either "a top 20% male", or you're not. If you're not, you're sexually invisible. If you are, other women are attracted to you, and then this woman is also. It's VERY binary. You'll know when you cross the threshold. If you have to ask, you're not over the threshold yet.

Don't be discouraged. "top 20%" is actually astonishingly easy to achieve. Just look around.

JDRoedell · 2017-08-22T02:23:55+00:00

No main event. Just a series of tests averaging towards the comfort side of the spectrum. Don't over analyze. The main event is closer to DL10 when you set the frame in a big way and she's in or out.

Kingofdeadbedroom · 2017-08-22T17:50:47+00:00

This is just a comfort test, and a test of your leadership frame. Don't get angry or DEER. Radiate competence and confidence. You were right not to try to win the emotional argument. Let her vent off her emotional energy and invite her into the calm safe waters of your frame.

redmountainpill · 2017-08-22T03:54:49+00:00

-- lurks for a year

-- half-asses MRP for 3 months

-- sits there like a mute retard (probably smirking) while his wife is seeking leadership and comfort.

This fact that you think your marriage is "redundant and predictable" shows that you don't really understand any of this. Go give your wife a hug and tell her you're a team

stonepimpletilists · 2017-08-22T13:55:18+00:00

This is a lead in to a main event, not a main event.

Pretend she wasn't angry or crying, what would you do? Do that

innominating · 2017-08-22T02:03:38+00:00

This is a series of shittests. Your STFU was better than DEERing and worse than handling the shit with AA and AM.

Carry on with cocky funny as if nothing happened, because nothing that concerns you happened. Her emotions overwhelmed her and her emotions are her responsibility, not yours. Don't Rambo. Be awesome and the type of fun, amazing guy women want to be around. If she doesn't like it, she knows where the door is.

bogeyd6 · 2017-08-22T12:21:12+00:00

This was not a main event.

Gotterdammerung1488 · 2017-08-23T17:32:03+00:00

Fart in her face and just walk away smirking.

TheButtslammingGhost · 2017-09-06T19:09:49+00:00

Next time:

She asks "if I still want to be married"

You fart in her face and just walk away smirking.

223552 · 2017-08-22T04:03:02+00:00

I had similar (I call it mini main event) with my wife a week ago. Just like you I couldnt think of anything to say, so I did STFU, the only difference was I threw in some comfort, hugs, holding her.

Since then, wife has been cold/withdrawn. I just get on with it.

Title	[FR] Main Event Just Happened
Author	SurfingAstronaut
Upvotes	20
Comments	35
Date	August 22, 2017 1:43 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6v7t50/fr_main_event_just_happened/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/fr-main-event-just-happened.198547 https://theredarchive.com/post/198547

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