Personal epiphany about betas

il-est-ressuscite · 2016-02-29T11:30:35+00:00

Ah, the terrible beauty of a /u/jacktenofhearts excoriation. First you'll say to yourself, "wow he's a smart dude" and "that's some torrent of words, amazingly vivid and eloquent." And you'll be right.

Then you start to feel the burning sensation a little and you'll think "man, like, those examples can't really apply to me can they?" Then the sting REALLY kicks in and you think "damn, does that fucker stay up all night doing lines or what?"

But then, you get used to the discomfort, especially when you find yourself edging close to admitting to yourself that he's right. Then gradually you surprise yourself when you start thinking "damn, that hurts SO good!"

Yeah, if you're lucky his beating will leave a mark and you'll look at it and BE grateful. So do yourself a favor and make the most of what he gave you.

jacktenofhearts · 2016-02-29T08:43:55+00:00

Man, you don't have many friends, do you?

Because if you did you'd recognize men will generally organize themselves into hierarchical structures, not "orbital ones." Which means you can have a "beta" friend and still get some value out of it, and vice versa. Especially if you're a homeowner and the potential friend in question is a neighbor. Generally someone with the socioeconomic status to own a home is competent at something. A "beta bucks" guy just means his wife's not fucking him. But the fact that he's 40 lbs overweight or still wears Members Only jackets or has a haircut from 1988 is not really relevant to your relationship to you. His unattractive appearance and try-hard personality would reflect poorly on you, if you were going to party in Vegas. But he's just asking you for coffee, not Vegas.

For example, maybe he's a criminal defense lawyer. So unlike your other lawyer friends who mostly toil in corporate law firms dealing with things like health insurance disputes, this guy knows some "real life" law and helps you get out of your next speeding ticket? What does he want in return? For you to just get some coffee with him at the local scene place (which I'm sure he raved about), and make some comment like, "wow, this is a great view, we should get lunch with our families sometimes." The fact that a new acquaintance is giving him validation will be such a brilliant spike of dopamine in his mind, and he'll probably do any favor you'd ever want to ask of him in the future.

Maybe you don't need any favors for him, maybe he has a boring job in an obscure STEM field with zero real world applicability. But maybe he's lived there awhile and he knows people he could ask for favors. You're going to eventually need a plumber or handyman. Instead of rolling the dice with Yelp, you can just ask him if he knows a good plumber. What's great about these thirsty aspie guys is they're 100% incapable of lying, just like Ned Flanders.

Look, I know this sounds pretty Dark Triad for the comments I usually leave, and the above advice could uncharitably be described as he's probably a lame loser, but he might still be useful to him, so pretend to be his friend so he can do you favors. But I'm trying to explain, in the plainest why this way of thinking is retarded:

Staff (men and women) overtly sucking up to me creep me out even less as their agenda is obvious…like Nice Guy’s too I guess.

This creeps you out because you are too freaked out by the idea you're a high status male. It's an unfamiliar feeling. You're not a "cool guy." Nobody treats you as "cool." When they do, you flashback to some "Carrie" moment in your formative years, where the real cool guys thought it would be hilarious to pretend you were cool, then dump pig's blood all over your prom dress. The idea that you're a high status male in society is so fucking foreign to you that your mind just freaks out. Your post could literally be interpreted as self-loathing, do you realize this? Why does this guy think I'm so cool? I'm a loser. If he's acting this nice to me, he must be an even bigger loser.

You are also way too socially retarded to trust your judgments of people's incentives, and too passive to reject 'covert contracts.' Someone kissing your ass is doing it for a reason. There is no free lunch. But if someone offers you lunch and then asks you to pay afterwards, there are several situations where you can just say, "how about... no." When you do that, they'll probably be annoyed and frustrated. They will probably react at least somewhat negatively. And if you're still struggling with issues of codependency like most guys on MRP, it probably doesn't just apply to your wife. The idea of anyone thinking poorly about you just kills you, it makes you feel all sorts of embarrassed and anxious and upset.

But you hate paying for lunch you didn't really want, and only ate because it seemed free. So now you can't even eat a fucking sample at Costco, because you're worried there's a covert contract that enjoying that spicy pickle sample, now means you "have" to buy that 36 pickle jar set. You don't "have" to do shit, but if you don't buy that pickle jar set, then that random guy or girl handing out the samples might frown a bit, and cause your mind to totally freak out about what a piece of shit you are, how dare you make someone else feel bad.

But, you know, fuck that Costco sample guy if he has a covert contract. And to be honest, very few people you deal with are on a strict sales or commission basis. The Costco sample guy is definitely not paid a percentage of 36 pickle jar sets he sells. He probably just frowned because you said, "wow, this pickle is really good!" but then declined to buy the jars, and disappointment is a natural reaction to feel when someone likes your product but declines to buy it. But, you know, his disappointment is not your problem, is it?

That's why you freak the fuck out when an employee at Banana Republic asks if they can help you when you walk in the store. Because their agenda is NOT obvious. Why is he so helpful? Does he get a commission? But the prices are all on the shirts. It's not like he can overcharge me. But maybe he's going to say I look good in some shirts, just to convince me to buy it. What do I want to buy anyway? Should I ask him if they have any sales? But maybe he'll think I'm cheap and roll his eyes. Oh god, I hate when people think I'm cheap. But I don't want to buy shit I don't want just to look not cheap. Why did he even ask me anyway? There are like 10 other people here. Is it because I'm carrying a bag from another store? Does he think I'm some sort of 'mark' that's likely to buy something? But AREN'T I likely to buy something? Why the fuck did I walk in here anyway? But those 10 other people walked in here too, why isn't he trying to help them? Oh god, what do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do--

And that's why you grunt, "no, I'm good, just looking" and charge past him with an awkward power walk, since that's clearly way too much cognitive load for your poor little socially incompetent mind.

Then you find some shirts you really like, but they don't have your size. Maybe you could ask that sales guy if they have inventory in the size you want in the back? But what if he's put-off from your earlier interaction? Why'd you act so rude anyway? But are these clothing store sales guys so aggressive anyway? And what if he gets the size shirt I want, but I try it on and I actually don't like the fit as much as I thought I would? Is he going to be pissed I made him go in the back? How much effort does it take to 'go in the back' anyway? Is it just like boxes sitting around, or does he have to get on a forklift or some shit? Oh god, what do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do...

Redneck001 · 2016-02-29T14:21:32+00:00

Have dude over for beers and grilling.

He's your typical friendly neighbour guy. Maybe he's lonely. Maybe he's a CIA assassin. Maybe he's a closet gay. Maybe he's cool as hell.

Only one way to find out.

RPAlternate42 · 2016-02-29T07:16:51+00:00

While I get what you are feeling here, this whole thing reads like those "epiphanies" the toddlers over in TRP have about everything they see, read, or hear about; they find some way to inject/overlay RP into it.

Look, they guy may be annoying as fuck. The guy may even creep you out. But if you start acting like an asshole, or like you are better than he is simply because he's overly friendly, then you are acting like entitled bitches who won't give a guy the time of day simply because they tried to hold the fucking door open.

You're new in the neighborhood. The neighbors may have better insight than you on this fellow.

Meanwhile, regard these:

Law 5 - So Much Depends on Reputation – Guard it with your Life
Law 18 - Do Not Build Fortresses to Protect Yourself – Isolation is Dangerous
Law 19 - Know Who You’re Dealing with – Do Not Offend the Wrong Person
Law 24 - Play the Perfect Courtier
Law 38 - Think as you like but Behave like others

sexyshoulderdevil · 2016-02-29T03:29:27+00:00

Eh, your neighbor might be Ned Flanders.

Unless he's an ass, be cordial. Then just do whatever the fuck you want. I say "Hi and Bye" to people all the time and don't give it a second thought.

alpha_n3rd · 2016-02-29T12:12:10+00:00

I have a neighbor that moved in and so desperately wanted to be BFF'S he'd keep me in long conversations, offer help and guidance on home projects, and wanted a neighbor buddy. After 5 minutes talking with him I realized he isn't someone I enjoyed being around, and, me being so busy, I keep it short but cool. Always wave, say hi, a short chat and off you go.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-02-29T15:47:20+00:00

it just struck me on the weekend the creepy guy is probably how a beta orbiter looks to a woman to a degree.

More like to the nth degree. Imagine that creepy sensor being followed by an intensely unpleasant libido draining and bitch making sensation.

For the rest, /u/jacktenofhearts has you covered.

opening_eyes · 2016-02-29T19:17:18+00:00

It is pretty foolish not to get to know neighbors to a degree. If you just got here and this guy has been here for decades, you might learn a bit about the area and its resources. Maybe he has got an ulterior motive to sell you a marina slip and it sounds like you will not only be well on guard for that, you can relish shutting him down and then post about your alpha moment here. Maybe he just wants to get to know and welcome the new neighbors because, up until pretty recently, that is the kind of shit regular, well-socialized people did.

bogeyd6 · 2016-02-29T12:29:56+00:00

For every man, be he beta or alpha, has a specific and unique thing to add to your life. It is the fool who pushes this away.

NiftyDolphin · 2016-02-29T17:11:54+00:00

It just struck me on the weekend the creepy guy is probably how a beta orbiter looks to a woman to a degree. Maybe women just get so used to the Nice Guy thing; take what you can as an entitlement for gracing them with your friendship.

You're close, but a bit off. Vis a vis your situation, the creepy guy would be viewed as a creepy guy.

A creepy guy is someone who wants something, but provides no value and shows no potential to do so.

A beta orbiter is someone who wants something, but provides value or shows the potential to provide value.

This guy being overly eager to please is setting off alarm bells, there's nothing wrong with that. Don't ever feel guilty when the dark corners of your mind pipe up and tell your conscious self to keep somebody on the radar.

That being said, don't be vicious just because the stakes are so small.

The guy may be an hard-core extrovert. For those types, sitting in their house, talking only to their SO is akin to physical pain.

He may be a lonely try-hard with no filter. Harmless, but be prepared to hear about Trump for President or about his relationship with wife/kids/co-workers as soon as he can steer the conversation that way. Got a few hours? Let him tell you about his autism.

Hell, the previous owner of your place may have been his best friend for the last 20 years. He's just projecting that relationship onto this one.

Something about him pinged you from your internal threat-board. Otherwise you wouldn't have bothered to write about this.

verify_account · 2016-03-03T16:22:24+00:00

From your post sounds like you could use some brotime. Also it sounds like you have social interaction issues.

fakefalse · 2016-02-29T06:30:53+00:00

That is an interesting angle. How women perceive orbiting betas and how it disgusts them.

whatagainst · 2016-02-29T11:14:54+00:00

Isn't the fact that you're worried some guy is going to fuck your wife beta? Just say you'll have coffee with the guy, you probably even won't in the end.

angels_fan · 2016-02-29T05:22:27+00:00

Jesus Christ...

Sounds more like you wife has bought into all the rape culture bull shit, mixed with a fair amount of solipsism.

A guy being overly nice? MUST want to fuck me. No other explanation makes any sense.

Some people are just friendly with no hidden agenda.

alpha_n3rd · 2016-02-29T12:31:02+00:00

He's gay.

*Next time he's overbearing just look him in the eye and be like "No offense friend, but I'm straight". If he's really gay then he'll know you're straight and back off. If he's not gay then hopefully he'll take the hint that he's acting gay and back off.

Title	Personal epiphany about betas
Author	Sadbeary
Upvotes	1
Comments	54
Date	February 29, 2016 3:07 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4880og/personal_epiphany_about_betas/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/personal-epiphany-about-betas.200288 https://theredarchive.com/post/200288

Comments