Leading your wife to fitness?

[deleted] · 2015-06-18T02:47:29+00:00

Having had the same issue with my own wife - this is working for me.
What follows will take leadership and when she is in a shit test mood - accusations of being controlling. Holding frame and staying strong has helped me not give a shit and to stay the course.

A few months a go I instituted the following in our home.:

All meals are made from scratch . She does the cooking. These meals are also predominantly paleo ( limited starches, no wheat etc..)
Every night - we do a brisk, 3 mile long walk.
Every Sunday we fast the entire day.
We only drink a couple of nights a week - in moderation.
We only eat ice cream as a rare treat - while out and about. We don't ever take it home with us.
We go on long hikes ( 8-10 miles up major mtns.) every other weekend. An added benefit is that twice Ive had very young, hot girls, who we met on the trail - openly show attention to me . Even though she has gotten pissed about it -when it happens - it has only helped her have more attraction for me.
We run 3 miles - three mornings a week.

Combined these seven things have made a difference in the health of both me and my wife. My SMV is a bit higher than hers and due to the fact that I work in the woods as a logger - my physique is pretty impressive for my age. That said my wife is a very good looking gal - but the extra fat she had gained this past winter was the final straw. I had to do something. Although she was no ham beast - I couldn't stand looking at the cellulite, flabby ass cheeks and little ring around her waist. When I had met her I loved her slinky waist and her tight little ass that I could almost hold in my hand. Something had to be done. So after commenting on this site and then reading responses - I decided the best course of action was for me to institute a list of expectations and outside of the cooking take initiative to act on all of them. It has worked. She's lost some weight and just recently she bent over in the garden in her yoga pants and it made me hard for her. We ended up having some of the best sex in a long time that night. It was great ! I fucked her hard and dirty while recording it for our own little porno flick. Just like old times. It does help that my wife is naturally submissive and our roles in the home fairly traditional. So its a lot easier for her to follow my lead and respect my expectations than many other types of women out there. Good luck

Redneck001 · 2015-06-18T13:21:15+00:00

I've always been in good shape. But I did slip to ~20% bodyfat a few years back. Then started taking my fitness and nutrition more seriously.

When I was 20%, wife was overweight and would lay around, eat, and generally give me shit. When I hit 15%, wife started running and counting calories. When I hit 12%, wife started lifting (she started with SL, moved on to MadCow, she's now trying to figure out her next program). She dropped 35 lbs in a year. And she looks pretty damn hot at 145 lbs at 5'7". She gets complimented all the time about her legs and her guns. She needs those good feelz from compliments.

When I hit 10%, the shit tests stopped. Completely. (edit: Well, not completely, she tests me now as her way of flirting. Which is fun). Sex happened anytime I initiated, with a few exceptions (like my "Own Your Shit" post). When I hit 8%, she started doing anything I told her to. Any.thing. But comfort tests still show up semi-regularly.

So, in my case, "lead and she'll follow" worked. I've never mentioned her weight to her. I have given advice on where to set her daily and weekly caloric intake, and helped her with her form on lifts, but never had the "you're fat, and get your ass in gear or I'm outta here" talk. Not that I wouldn't (or won't), but never had to have that talk.

My wife's motivation (and ultimate discipline) came as a reaction to me.

My advice is, if your woman isn't taking care of herself, you're overestimating your SMV. Get stronger, leaner, and bigger. If you're not the fittest, most shredded dude in any room you walk into, you're not there yet. When you are, she'll have no choice but to fix her shit.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-06-18T01:20:29+00:00

My leadership has motivated my wife to get in shape, marginally anyway. However, I think you are correct that RP drives sexual satisfaction but there are deeper and more complex forces at work in motivating people to get in shape.

Sometimes you have to get the gym membership, then take her by the hand and literally lead her out the door, to the car, drive to the gym, open her door, take her hand again and lead her inside the hallowed halls of the Iron Temple. Holding services daily.

[deleted] · 2015-06-17T20:24:41+00:00

Somehow I picked a chick who has an internal breaking point for too much stored energy, so I am totally unable to contribute on how to motivate.

But I think we may also be trying to 1:1 something that doesn't 1:1.

Eg. Guys look at thin girl , evaluate own thinness and say, hey if I want to bang that chick over there I should probably lose a few. (Note this is a man of neutral self-confidence).

Girl looks at thick guy, then thick guy's wallet, then thick guy's potential for wallet growth, and then throws out tests and sees how he responds...and then if that all goes well and she knows he's into thin girls she loses weight in order to bang.

So the leading by example doesn't just equate : go to the gym. It means up your smv as a whole.

I'm really dumbing down and bastardizing what's covered in a lot of the reading material on smv. But if I had to guess that's the crux of the biscuit. If you are high on the smv totem pole. She's going to do what she needs to keep up, and if she interprets that to mean you like fit chicks...that's what she'll attack. If you're a hot physical trainer, but with no clients and clingy and fail all the tests, she may blimp out on you and there's shit all you can do about it until you get off the couch and get some clients and pass tests.

battery_licker · 2015-06-17T20:15:27+00:00

I've had good success getting my wife to get in better shape. It wasn't dread per se that did it, though I'm sure that helped.

What worked for me (disclaimer: might not work for you) was me explicitly stating her fitness was one of my expectations for her behavior. I also dropped the bullshit about "it's not for me, it's for you". I actually made all of my expectations clear (in writing, no less) and her behavior in all areas, including fitness, greatly improved. Whether this works for you depends on the personalities involved.

Another thing I've seen in my marriage is using her emotions to get her to do what I want. Negative emotions almost never cause long term change in women's behavior. Making her feel bad about being out of shape will usually only make her seek out temporary pick-me-ups to feel better. So when I told her to start exercising and she did, I gave her a lot of emotion-based praise to keep her going until her hormones made working out feel good enough that she did it on her own.

redpill-hardmode · 2015-06-17T22:02:13+00:00

That's the RP line. Here's the reality. You can't make them do anything. You can lead and hope they follow. In some things they do. In some they don't.

People can say I'm not leading enough. That's fine. She's going to the gym with me three days a week. But I cannot cannot cannot make her walk fast enough on the treadmill to lose weight. And there's no amount of browbeating and dread and me getting abs that's going to change that. At some point its just not worth fighting all the damn time trying to squeeze blood from a turnip.

[deleted] · 2015-06-17T20:16:36+00:00

It's been ongoing here. I'm still building mass and dropping fat, and she's noticed and commented on it. She's had short stints of motivation here and there, we'll see if they stick as I continue to pursue those sweet, sweet aesthetics.

Once I'm joocy as fuark I imagine the dread game will be strong without even trying.

trphardmode · 2015-06-18T00:43:36+00:00

Not to mention that even a person committed to weight loss will likely not know the correct ways to achieve it.

If she is not the type to get in shape on her own (this is rare enough to almost qualify her for unicorn status in the US these days) you need to be her personal trainer and (more importantly until her BMI is out of the overweight range) dietician.

yoaked · 2015-06-17T20:22:36+00:00

Women need men to lead them... this is why they prefer alpha males over beta males. Most women will follow a leader (there are exceptions), and by now, you should know that leaders lead by example more so than by words.

So, how does one go about leading her towards fitness? Start with the small stuff first. If she buys the groceries and its usually junk food, then you need to man the fuck up and start doing the shopping and cooking. Set the example of what a healthy lifestyle looks like. Once she sees the example you set, she may be receptive to following your lead... especially if you get the kids involved in working out, bike riding, physical activity, and eating healthy.

People, almost all people, do not want to be the lone ranger. As such, if she is the only lone ranger in the household (i.e., only one who is unhealthy) her hamster will soon recognize her predicament and make adjustments accordingly. Once she sees the benefits from eating healthy, you will have an easier time getting her to enjoy physical exercise. YMMV but if she flat refuses to change, then you have a different situation on your hands.

ElGuapoMiguel · 2015-06-17T20:53:26+00:00

I also think there is a danger in increasing your SMV to much, esp in fitness, and the wife will just give up and hope for the best.

UEMcGill · 2015-06-18T16:17:58+00:00

I've come back to this a few times and here's my take. My back story is I've been active at the gym on and off for years. When I met my wife I was a gym rat, including boxing. Kids, house, career, it took a back seat with a few fitful restarts and failures. Now I've found Crossfit and Olympic lifting and I'm finally passionate about it again. I haven't been this passionate since I was boxing. Throughout all of this, my wife has mirrored my gym ethic. If I was at the gym, so was she. If I was getting fat and lazy, so was she. So in that regard, my own personal experience tells me, she was following my lead in when to go.

The second part of the story is I think women don't really know how to push themselves (unless they've been active athletes in the past) like a man does when it comes to weight training, and the like. I can count on one hand the number of women who have lifted to complete failure on a 1 RM retest. The rest get to a point where they're like "oh that's enough" and walk away. A man on the other hand, is stupid to the point of injury. So I see trainers pushing women to go the extra distance, and restraining men not to hurt themselves. It’s the nature of both men and women to be honest.

My wife and I had this conversation about 6 months ago.

Her, “I just don’t understand why I’m not getting stronger”

Me, “Let’s see your program”

Looking over her reps I see lots of machines, lots of 12-15 rep sets, and hours of cardio.

“Yeah, you’re never going to get stronger doing this. You need to be in the 3-5 rep range. I’ll get you set up on a Wendler program.”

“But I don’t want to get bulky”

“Do you want to lose fat? Do you want to spend less time on the treadmill?

“yes”

“Then you need to lift heavy.”

She’s now on a Wendler program, and has an awesome squat, and a squat ass (Dat ass!).

This could be the conversation with anyone’s wife or woman. Typically women think they need to “Cardio” their way out of fatness. They end up being skinny-fat, or lean but only eating 1200 calories a day, doing shit like eating half a muffin for breakfast. Welcome to future renal stress. So for them, it’s this endless cycle where they feel the only option is hours on the treadmill to be rewarded by piddly meals. I can see why lots of women fail. So every time I’ve gone to the gym, my wife has happily followed. She’ll outright tell you “I don’t want to be a dumpy housewife”. In that regard, dread works perfectly. Sustained meaningful results, well that was where I needed to be a good captain and lead. It was obvious in her efforts she was making were a desire to remain attractive to me as a wife. Her coming to me was my FO looking for guidance, and I gladly gave it to her. That’s a case of everything working out perfectly.

If your wife won’t go to the gym, then I would venture to say that the dread is not being taken seriously. Maybe your SMV is still not sufficient to warrant worry on her part? Maybe she’s an eternally lazy ham-planet? Or maybe you haven’t made your expectations clear.

If your SMV is higher than hers (a good indicator is now other women are flirting with you), she’s outright refused your request to go the gym; well that’s when abundance comes into play. Throw the nuclear option and next her. A redpill man cuts out the vampires in his life, including his LTR. I expect my wife to keep up in all my endeavors; I’m not going to pull her along kicking and screaming. There’s a line of women who will gladly take her place, so why would I?

Sepean · 2015-06-19T08:19:46+00:00

Dread, lifting, passing shit tests etc. can only lead to her getting more attracted to you and an activation of her competition anxiety. This will make her motivated to become more attractive.

But motivation is not enough to stick to a fitness and diet regime. Some people love to exercise, some people love to eat, some people have great self-discipline, some people are lazy. One unit of motivation just doesn't translate into one unit of effort. Some wives will stick to the gym if you look askance at another girl's tight ass, others will never be able to.

A good rule of thumb is that people will put forth exactly the least amount of effort you're willing to tolerate. If you tolerate a fat ass, you're going to get to live with one. Yes, that means you have to be willing to next her on the issue.

Title	Leading your wife to fitness?
Author	exbp
Upvotes	19
Comments	33
Date	June 17, 2015 7:47 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3a78e1/leading_your_wife_to_fitness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/leading-your-wife-to-fitness.201663 https://theredarchive.com/post/201663

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