Took pill 3 years ago. Went Rambo. Divorced.
Spun plates. N count over 100. (Got a good feel for how women really are through this.) Now recently in an LTR
With plates, if I was displeased with their actions, I’d remove my attention, go silent for a few days or more. Make them make the first move to reconnect.
But that’s partly impractical in an LTR because we interact daily and sometimes need to for logistics.
She’s out of town for two weeks visiting family. So I’m basically in a forced long distance relationship for two weeks. No sex. I’m also no fap.
We were texting. She didn’t do something I asked. So I wanted to remove my attention because she wasn’t pleasing me. I told her I was done talking with her for the day. She gets cunty, so I make it two. She texts me after several hours then texts multiple times all night and into the next day.
First clear mistake is, I broke frame and didn’t fulfill the two days. She baited me in. I held frame. But after it seemed like she got the point, I started chatting. I pulled off 36 hours or so. I rationalized it at the time, but now see how big of a mistake it was.
Second mistake, when I broke the two days I DEER’d. Essentially explaining punishment. Major back and forth. Held frame. But it mostly ended in a stalemate.
Overall, I def still have the frame, but lost significant ground through this situation. She’s texting me all day. Flirty, nudes etc. So all is fine. But I def don’t want to see this happen again.
This is new territory for me.
So I’m getting the distinct impression that I’m coming off like a woman “you didn’t make me feel good, so now I’m not talking to you”
But I know I did it right with plates. I just don’t get how you do it in something deeper.
Do you punish at all? I thought I read something about that in an LTR, but it was a long time ago, I’m fuzzy.
If they are like children and I explain my punishments to my kids, don’t I explain it with an LTR? Or is that DEER’ing?
Were my only mistakes in this situation DEER’ing and frame break?