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Keeping the same frame.

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December 13, 2018
8 upvotes

After being humbled by Rian and a couple other contributors a couple months ago about being a validation whore plus never using OYS, I genuinely don't deserve any help or advice because I haven't added any but I'm stuck on my path and need some wisdom from some guys that have been where I am.

My frame, is not consistent atall! it's just all over the place, basically what I feel like on that given moment. I have some examples. I try to have a good positive frame always but sometimes my feelings get in the way and my mind takes over and my body reacts!

  1. Yesterday I had a good time with my LTR (pre red pill). everything was smooth I had a good positive frame and shit tests and compliance tests where just ignored or pressure flipped. I had some activities planned where we went to build a wigwham if I spelt that right. all went well I had a good productive day learning some new shit and getting down and dirty which is always fun!!

  2. She had spent the night at her mum's house and went to work from there (we work with eachother.... I know, I fucking well know!!!!!!).. She gets home and I've made some dinner (I'm a chef) no big deal I love to cook, We eat she washes up. except this time I'm silent I don't feel like talking much or engaging in any lengthy conversation, I'm just silent and as she said "blunt". I ignore any shit test attempt, and don't feel like doing a fucking thing....

  3. That night we go to bed and start messing around. She's giving some monster head, and I have what I call the kink mirror so I can see all the good bits while she's doing it. So I'm turned on as fuck and tell her that her butt looks good and I want to fuck it, she tells me that it's "all I want to do lately". I don't say a fucking thing as I'm still with my nuts in her mouth I then reposition so I can get to it and she smacks me away.... Bam!!! I'm instantly limp and all the blood rushes from my little head to my big head, she turns and asks "something wrong" I tell her "no", get under her and finish her by eating her out. She then says "get the lube and fuck me or just use your own". I jump straight out of bed, put a towel round me and go to shower and brush my teeth. When I get back she's pouting on the bed and says "why did you do that" I ask "what" with a dumb stupid fucking look on my face, she said "you never just jump out of bed" I asked if it was because I didn't hug her and she said "yeah" I told her I wasn't thinking, and watch my show on t.v..

I just need to know why I'm in my feelings so much and my mood can change rapidly from 1 day to the next. I'm trying my fucking hardest to get away from the fucking validation trap, to the point where I've deleted all social media. But being my own man and judge it seems that I'm judgeing myself through my feelings and not through something worthwhile. I have oldschool morals and values but they get you nowhere with women because none of them abide by any kind of moral or value (except your value) so I'm just going off my mood. I know you guys don't like giving the answers because you know it takes away from the hard work that you all put in but am I right in this? Are all your frames based on what you feel like then (like women) or do you guys follow a code of conduct...


Post Information
Title Keeping the same frame.
Author Westerncaesar
Upvotes 8
Comments 55
Date 13 December 2018 12:48 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203741
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/a5obyt/keeping_the_same_frame/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
framelong term relationshipshit testthe red pill
Comments

[–]coachdad816 points17 points  (2 children) | Copy

Great comments so far but I'd add that this is your life you are talking about, not some game you are trying to win. Trying to be an alpha or a red pill man or whatever is trying to be another person when what you need to be doing is being the best version of you by cutting out the whiny crap, getting your stuff together, being assertive and most importantly discovering what makes you happy day-to-day and following that. What hobbies do you enjoy, what kind of social situations? What kind of tv shows, gym sessions, dates, etc. Spending your time thinking about what your LTR thinks or if you are saying the correct thing only makes it worse. Get out of your head. Spend your time doing the fun stuff you want to do, talking about the things you want to talk about, being around the people you like being around, screwing the way you like to screw and when you want to screw. Its all about being happy without reservation. Because if you are happy the people around you will be happy. No one enjoys a sullen, quiet, over-analytical person. Keep working!

[–]Westerncaesar0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Fuck!!...

[–]johneyapocalypse2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you tried Excel?

It's a great place to document your wife's shortcomings, input your concerns, notate the many ways you work hard on her behalf, and improve your relationship.

[–]BobbyPeru7 points8 points  (9 children) | Copy

I jump straight out of bed, put a towel round me and go to shower and brush my teeth. When I get back she's pouting on the bed and says "why did you do that" I ask "what" with a dumb stupid fucking look on my face, she said "you never just jump out of bed" I asked if it was because I didn't hug her and she said "yeah" I told her I wasn't thinking, and watch my show on t.v..

I literally cringed at this whole thing. You are acting like a passive aggressive chick

Less talking, more fucking. Simple.

She gets home and I've made some dinner (I'm a chef) no big deal I love to cook

You are DEERing to us - totally unnecessary.

Practice, practice, practice. You have much work to do . Start by not being a faggot

[–]Westerncaesar1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Passive aggressive?? I didn't think of it like that.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

Trust me, I used to do shit like that often. I thought I was outsmarting her- trying to impress mommy. It comes across as butthurt and passive aggressive. Try not to talk during sex and for sure don’t negotiate during sex.

Where are you on the sidebar and when did you start swallowing the pill?

[–]Westerncaesar2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

I've read all the books from mrp sidebar, and I've read the trp sidebar once.

I think I'm gaming her but obviously I'm fucking it up, I swallowed the red pill around a year ago. I'm learning very slow and have a complete misunderstanding of what I'm doing. My guess is I should start with OYS, but I was hoping to avoid doing that.

I've also just started to watch the Redman group on YouTube which is helping me, but still some of the concepts just haven't sunk in.

[–]BarracudaRP0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

My guess is I should start with OYS, but I was hoping to avoid doing that

It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do next. Are you nervous about receiving criticism? I was at first too, because I didn't understand it. I was afraid of being called a faggot because I thought I could come to Fight Club and just watch.

See how ridiculous that sounds? I bet the same is true for most of us. The books alone are clearly not getting you over this hump in your mind, and you are right that your frame is suffering greatly because of it. You need to come rub elbows with some men who have their shit together in OYS.

[–]Westerncaesar1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

No, not afraid of getting shredded on there. I actually believe they do it to give you thick skin in there own little way.

I just wanted so bad too get it all alone, but I'm just not 'getting it'... I see on some posts that people have mentors here and do really well with that.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

"There are three classes of intellects: one which comprehends by itself; another which appreciates what others comprehend; and a third which neither comprehends by itself nor by the showing of others; the first is the most excellent, the second is good, the third is useless.” - Machiavelli

I can appreciate why you want to do this on your own, but once you recognize that you're not grasping something, it's foolish to continue that way. You just need to be good, so striving for most excellent (in his terms) is a waste of energy. The help is available to you which, combined with the work you're doing on your own, will get you where you need to be.

[–]Westerncaesar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm good, I have assured myself that if things break down I'll be okay. My life/frame will go on untouched.

I have a much better understanding of frame now thanks to just these comments.

I'm trying to be better, always!

[–]johneyapocalypse0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"There are three classes of intellects: one which comprehends by itself; another which appreciates what others comprehend; and a third which neither comprehends by itself nor by the showing of others; the first is the most excellent, the second is good, the third is useless.” - Machiavelli

I don't often learn from this shithole we call askmrp, but I just learned that. Thank you.

I could have used that when I wrote this.

[–]LongRoad_5180 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That’s your ego. Kill the ego. Post your shit. The only reason you want to go at it alone is for some sort of sense of self pride (aka ego).

[–]plein_old6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy

Your wife turns you on tremendously with foreplay, asks you to fuck her, and you jump out of bed and take a shower.

And you're surprised that she's disappointed..?

my mood can change rapidly from 1 day to the next

You're lucky to have a woman who wants to have sex with you. I don't mean that as an insult, but being super moody is not something that many women want to be penetrated by.

[–]Westerncaesar1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Can't argue with that! No insult taken...

I read alot here, read about guys getting amazing results with AA and being cocky and fun.

I'm not that guy, but I'm trying to be. I don't say much and STFU works wonders for me, but I don't want to be boring either. So I try, but I fuck it up.

I'm a student of the game. I had my beliefs completely fucking shattered by trp and had to build them again which at it's core has done me nothing but good.

I've read all kinds from dating coaches and life coaches but nothing worked. It was putting a plaster on a broken leg...

I've also read the sidebar books more then once, I'm just trying to expand through trial and error.

[–]plein_old4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

What do you actually want in life?

Do you want to be happy, have good sex, an enjoyable marriage?

being a validation whore

It sounds like you're still wanting to get validation from men on the internet that you've never met. Or you want strangers to tell you what your values should be.

I genuinely don't deserve any help or advice

You sound almost like a person who has joined a cult or something. Why not just relax, figure out what your values and goals are, and go from there?

[–]Westerncaesar1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have a missunderstanding of what the red pill actually is!! I've got this all wrong. A guy just now put it the best way possible! I'm trying to win a game and become this alpha red pill super Chad or something. I just want to relax and chill the fuck out about how much game I need.

[–]MisfitPL91 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm not that guy, but I'm trying to be.

Keep it up mate. Read up on amused Mastery and passing shit tests.

When you missus said " thats all you want to do lately " you could have been cocky and replied " Nah - also want to ...cum on your tits, ......cum on your face......have a 3some with Stacy .... " pass her shit test.

When she asked " Is something wrong " She knew.

Dont tell her what you want - do it

[–]Westerncaesar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am starting to see the humour in all she says, I'm looked at weirdly when I laugh about it. But fuck it, DNGAF. Amuse yourself right?

I get caught off guard sometimes when she ups the stakes... And that's when I shut down and become unresponsive because I'm not witty with a cocky comeback!

[–]light-----------dark3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Learn to control your mind, and everything else will follow.

Sit with yourself and observe your thoughts - what are you thinking?

It’s been argued that our thoughts influence our feelings, which in turn influence our thoughts, and then feelings again - it’s a circular pattern. If this holds true, it can be argued that our neurological pathways form together, which creates our state of being.

Is your state of being consistent or turbulent?

[–]Westerncaesar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I do an hour walk cardio to the gym, listening to music and letting my thoughts run wild. I'll continue to do this as it helps me relax from trying so hard.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

[–]Westerncaesar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've misunderstood alot. I must start again.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

there is a good post about the train driver and the taxi driver

Be the train driver

username was robert something

[–]Westerncaesar1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

The metaphor being the train driver knows where he's going straight line. The cab driver takes a lot of routes to get to his destination?

I think I've read something like that on here, but TBH I've read so much it's just mushed into 1 big pile of unrefined crap.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

TBH I've read so much it's just mushed into 1 big pile of unrefined crap

DNGAF/ OI is your best friend then.

[–]Westerncaesar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is too true! Just the fuck it and let it go, you can't control anyone but yourself, was the best advice i have taken from here.

I'm still OD though. I'm self assured, not confident yet.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Redpillrobert. He got into an argument with one of the mods about marriage and was either banned or deleted his account. Pity. He was a great contributor and that was a great post.

[–]hystericalbonding0 points1 point  (15 children) | Copy

Are all your frames based on what you feel like then (like women) or do you guys follow a code of conduct.

Nobody cares about your morals or values. This place is for strategy.

Your frame is your reality. If your reality shifts based on your mood, then you're mentally ill.

she tells me that it's "all I want to do lately"

She's bored with it. Bored with you. Be more interesting.

I have oldschool morals and values but they get you nowhere with women because none of them abide by any kind of moral or value

No, it's because morals and sexual attractiveness are orthogonal. Being a good boy is useful when a woman is looking for beta traits. Being hot and having game are useful for getting laid.

[–]Westerncaesar0 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy

Okay well it isn't a reality break. That happened when I first came here. As another guy put, I'm being passive aggressive and highly reactive instead of proactive. Thanks for the input.

[–]hack3ge0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

I was just like you - too focused on my wife and trying to change her behavior. Took like 3 guys here, plus 5 months and 2 huge fuck ups for me to get it. Just keep reading and making small incremental progress.

You should use AA/AM because you genuinely find it funny not because you want to unlock some golden pussy achievement. Perhaps my favorite times are when I see her behavior or what she’s going to say before she does and just smirk at her like yep I knew that was coming how about this instead. The same goes for game and kino - women can intuitively sense your underlying intentions and frame and they respond to that more so than what you say or do.

[–]Westerncaesar0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Did you do this through OYS? Or did you go about it through your own work and message them privately?

[–]hack3ge0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I should have done it through OYS as I’m nothing special but I have always been a very private person so it was done through PMs.

Make sure you search for the Dancing Monkey Attraction post here as that was one of the posts that really opened my eyes to where I was struggling with frame.

[–]Westerncaesar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man!

[–]LongRoad_5180 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I’ve just entered month 3 and am starting to realize this. Lots of guys have pointed it out to me. I’ve been wrapped up that my success is changing her behavior. But it’s not. It’s making me better. And this is a long game that takes hard work. Lots of hard work with only little improvements here and there. But looking down the road these will add up. I’ve been trying to be too much like some of the chads on here and being fake / laying on the AA/AM/ sexy all non stop. That’s not at all what this is about. It’s finding yourself and sticking with that and not giving a fuck about what anyone else thinks of you.

[–]hack3ge1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's why the slow transition is so important - there's no way you can build frame, OI and DNGAF over night and thats the only way AA/AM work. If you are afraid to piss off your little princess it won't be authentic and you will backpedal. All of it comes from reading, internalizing material, applying it in your life and then you get those aha moments where you realize this shit actually works. This why STFU and lifting are the only thing you need to do at first - its not natural for most guys here to use AA/AM. I'm 7 months in and only recently has my wife actually started laughing at my AA or smiling when I AM and she knows I caught her.

It's really a snowball effect and you hit a tipping point where everything becomes natural and its just who you are.

Neo: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?

Morpheus: No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

[–]LongRoad_5180 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I think this is why almost everyone goes through a Rambo stage. Some worse than others. You think you’re being “the alpha” when you’re just being a pouty little beta poorly pretending to be an alpha. Once you stop pretending to be something you’re not and simply be you - what you truly want not with regard to your wife, parents, children, friends, society, whoever - then you start getting what this is all about.

[–]hack3ge0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep and they can sense when its real or not. This morning the wife was on me about something and told me I need to treat her more like a princess and I was like you know I treat you like my little ittle princess with a big smirk and got down on one knee to pretend to rub her feet. She comes back and was like you don't treat me like a princess, you treat me like a piece of meat and I'm just your fuck toy (she hated me calling her this and now shes calling herself it). I didn't say a word but apparently my face said it all and she screamed back "SEE YOUR EYES LIT UP WHEN I SAID THAT ASSHOLE". Its all about congruence and the communication really is all about the sub-text.

I'm not deliberately being an asshole just being assertive about my expectations, pushing her outside her comfort zone and not allowing her to manipulate me with her emotions like I did the past 16 years.

[–]firstlight7770 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Of you haven't, read the Book of Pook.

[–]Westerncaesar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No, but I've just downloaded it.

[–]becoming_alpha0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

she tells me that it's "all I want to do lately"

"Yep, that's absolutely what I want to do" or "nah babe, sometimes I want to have threesomes"

Staying silent there is a bit autistic.

I then reposition so I can get to it and she smacks me away... she turns and asks "something wrong" I tell her "no"

Yes, something is wrong and she knows it. Instead of owning it and having fun with it, you lie and say no. That's a faggot move, then you climb back into your beta box to please her, an even more faggot move. Somehow after all that, she still wants you to fuck her? I'm surprised and you're lucky. She's literally DTF and asking for it, which is what you said you wanted 5 minutes ago, but because you got your feelz hurt, you're up and out of bed instead of taking what you want and what she's offering you. You sound like a chick.

Her being pouty wasn't because you didn't hug her, it's because you didn't fuck her. Be honest now, you rubbed one out in the shower to console yourself because she hurt your feelz. Then when she confronts you on jumping out of bed you DEER saying you weren't thinking.

Get a hold of your feelz man. You're in charge of them, don't let yourself be affected by every comment she makes. Be the oak that doesn't care if the wind blows and the rains come. She wants that strength, not some wishy washy chick in a man's body.

[–]Westerncaesar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Haha this comment made me chuckle! And you have got straight to the point I'm trying to make. I want to get away from this nonsense I'm doing think I'm so game master, and actually just have fun being cocky with AA or AM. I have some learning to do, and maybe message some guys on there journey.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How’s your diet? What are your lifts? How often do you exercise? What’s your sleep pattern? All that can affect you.

[–]Frosteecat0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I just need to know why I'm in my feelings so much and my mood can change rapidly from 1 day to the next.

This could be for any number of reasons. Often we point to control of thoughts, words and actions of your state of mind as the solution--which, if you are feeling something strongly, usually should be dealt with by utilizing a combination of AM/STFU. Seems like you tend to lean too hard on the STFU side of things. You say you're quiet and not witty, but it really doesn't take much more than a couple words in the right tone to convey your feelings, without coming off as autistic, Rambo, etc. Keep it simple, positive and brief. It will work. Never just bail instantly in the heat of the moment. Silent butthurt is as bad if not worse than actually saying something. Flouncing from a room is highly unattractive.

You may also consider you have some kind of clinical/chemical hamster issues. I have a brain on overdrive, so I've turned to lifting, eating clean, herbal and nootropic supplements, etc. to help me find the right levels. This has aided me significantly in maintaining a positive and calm outlook--which helps me not run my mouth or feel hyper emotional. It really was chemical adjustments and some self restraint in my case. Meditation, journaling, reading, Yoga, martial arts--et. al.--are all things that work for some people to master their behaviors and thoughts/words. It is WORK, experimentaion and more WORK.

I gave up cannabis, limit alcohol and focus on a variety of supplemental cocktails to keep my shit dialed. It's been miraculous.

[–]Westerncaesar1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I do have a negative look at all things red pill. I think I may still be in the anger phase mix that with some bad advice and Rambo and you get this recipe for chaos!

This is why I listen to the red man group, they talk about it and it makes me think positively about my hole situation.

The way they see it and the words they use just makes it seem like it's all on me and I have yoyal power and control of everything!

I don't understand alot of what is written here, maybe I'm not educated enough but who knows. I just need to calm the fuck down and fix my shit, stop trying to be some red pill super alpha using all kinds of manipulation and passive aggressive nonsense to get an outcome that I shouldnt be focused on.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wholly fuck... wait until you blow it up and then she starts cheating, of course you will wonder why .....

[–]meivanlee0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just be you and enjoy life.

BE in your moment 100% of the time.

That’s the key to maintaining frame:)

[–]Southboundcrash-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

How are your lifts?

[–]Westerncaesar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

100kg bench for 3

150kg DL for 3

110 kg sq for 5

65kg ohp for 5



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