Gents, First I want say thank you for all of the advice, name calling, and general support over the year. I have to say I can see the dividends paying but it's only the start. This will be a long review since my last post and there will be some questions sprinkled in.
The last update was that I returned from deployment to an empty rental house with nothing but dust bunnies. The first night I was back in town I wanted to see my daughter but I realized the road trip brain was a no go. Spent the first full day finding a place, a gym, and furnishing my citadel to say the least. It was interesting being a bachelor again but I was noticing IoIs from most of the girls that dealt with throughout the day. It is fun.
Reached out to the wife and I found myself first amused that she didn't have a plan which I pulled out of her for our return.I found myself developing the plan and instead of asking "Where do you want to meet" I was more leading and directing where we would meet before we picked my kid up from school. My focus was on my kid and I realized through this process that I have to be co-parent with the StBX.
We discussed the process forward in which I explained we will be separate and there is no "Honey, let me sleep in the guest room" or any of that. While we talking she must of realized that I was not considering going back.
It was a mixed bag of emotions but I held frame. Multiple times she would try to state something that was "I want this for the kid" when it was actually for her. I was amused by it and shut it down saying that would be discussed later (ie per legal document). We had an hour together before picking the kid up which I voice memo'd on my phone, which got some major points on record that we agreed with (I understand this could change).
We picked up my daughter and I was just focused on her and how I know moving forward I will be a better man and father for her. I feel an intense focus on our relationship that I know was lacking before I found the RP and the paradigm shifted.
After that we went to dinner and it was a nice hipster-esque place. I just loved on my daughter throughout the night and I had to say that when I left to go to the restroom she must have got jealous at our waitress who I caught glimpsing at me when I was walking past. It felt good. In seriousness I would say I'm a decent 8.5 and my wife was looking like a 6 because she didn't clean herself up or anything like that.
I really saw past that and I was amused by how I see her as a X-partner. If that makes sense. During the dinner, I held frame as she tested some boundaries trying to see if I was actually doing leaving which I am. I AA and AM multiple shit tests and everything that I was expecting to come my way.
After dinner we went back to "mommy's house" and we played with our daughter as a family. It was really fun time for my daughter and sadly it was something that we should have been doing before but we were both in two different places and I was not leading the family.
We had a fun time and I told the wife I was putting the kid down. I put her down and read her a book. In that moment there was a flash of "Let's work this out" and BP/cuckiness in my brain that was seeping through. I killed it and I went and focused on the moment with my daughter. It was definitely something that I would have used to dread because I was a little bitch not leading my family.
After the kid was down, I walked around the house and I could see there was a lot of work to be done. My StBX was looking like the weight was unbearable as it was a manageable project and she had chosen a decent house with good bones. She chose her actions and I wasn't going to shoulder any of it.
During this period, I noticed there was no attempt to victim puke, no "Take me back", no name calling, or anything that would make me ugly. It was flowing very well and it was most likely a shock to her system but I didn't care.
When I was about to leave, I could see that I needed to stroke her emotions a little bit. She looked like she realized that "Fuck, the RP broneilbro is what I created and it's what I want"
I could see the hamster spinning and spinning how to justify not taking me to bed. She went for a hug for a goodnight and she just held on. In that moment she realized the BP me was leaving and this new RP was moving on without her.
She started crying and in that moment I was torn between just leaving her there and being petty or just be that Oak tree. Since she is the mother of my child, and I am looking at the long game here I just held her and told her everything is new and the new paradigm is what it is. There was no "I'll be back" or "We will get back together" it was me driving again the fact that OP was moving on. She was shocked by this but then in a moment she was looking for a kiss that I just decided not to because I'm going somewhere else and her throwing pussy at me would be the save all.
She asked me "Do you want to stay the night?" and I replied with a look that stated that "No". I could see how she again realized that broneilbro was out the door.
I'll be truthful there was a glimpse of BP cuck that wanted me just to forget about everything that has transpired over the deployment. I wanted it to be comfortable again and I wanted us to be a family and live that Norman Rockwell life that everybody dreams about.
As a dim light RP started to shine and reminded me that the through the deployment I have personally grown, mentally, physically (she couldn't stop talking about my arms) and emotionally that I was not going to threaten that and revert back to my old ways.
I see her for the true person she is and I probably understand her musings better than her, but moving forward I know the delicacies in the relationships that we have but I will still be the first to file as I am meeting with potential lawyers this week to finalize it. It will best to file while things are cordial and still focused on the kid.
The road isn't done and will never be done. I am just saying that putting RP into practice is the key to actually making shit happen. Acta non Verba is my new motto and I am taking the actions that I need to live the life that I want. This is just getting fun...
TLDR: RP fucking works if you act...
Thanks again and please rip me where you see fit.