708,624 posts

On the fence

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June 22, 2018
6 upvotes

Background: Was into the RP before marriage, fell off the saddle during marriage. Just started reading the sidebar and the rational male book, lifting again regularly. Not overweight but can improve muscle mass.

Been married for 2 years, no kids, both of us work and have good jobs, own a house. Since we have been married, sex and the overall connection has gone downhill, plus she is gaining weight. Had a huge blow up 6 months ago on a trip, both of us threatened divorce, me so more and I was being over the top an asshole (name calling, etc). She ended up staying in a different hotel room that night, had make up sex in the morning.

She never really got over this, although we discussed it many times at her request. 3 months later she finally gets off the pill (over the argument now I assume). She holds all grudges and it’s something I really don’t like, even after we work through the issue. One example is she wanted a yard sale and I was busy so she blamed me, but I stood my ground and said I told you I would help but not as much as she needed because I was doing Home repairs.

Fast forward to this week. Her relative died and she is more distant and cold than usual. I confront her about it and she said that she doesn’t have any more to give. I say that if you want to leave that’s fine with me, I’ll be ok either way but I’m not leaving the house. She’s crying to I go and be a silent oak and hug her. She ends up saying it’s not going to work a few times and ultimately decides it may. I stay down stairs, she goes to sleep, and have a drink. I’m starting to think it may not work either but I want to make it work because of our vows, but on the other hand I’m ready to move on and become the person I was before we were married that was more selfish and goal orientated.

A divorce may be messy because of the house but I think it would be amicable. Not really sure what to do between the lack of sex (I know this is attraction and respect based, working on it), the regular soft main events from her, etc. anyone else go through anything like this?


Post Information
Title On the fence
Author sockaccountant97
Upvotes 6
Comments 65
Date 22 June 2018 02:34 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204306
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8t1sqs/on_the_fence/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
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Comments

[–]Trtntrenbrah9 points10 points  (9 children) | Copy

What’s there to save here realistically?

You have no kids.

Cut your losses and move on.

Divorce at this stage is a cakewalk

Do you really want to complicate shit further when children are involved.

Being distant. Lack of sex, threatening divorce.

What’s the dudes name ?

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Yeah it’s been rough but there are a lot of good times too. Yes divorce is very easy now but there is still something there, and that’s why I married her. I don’t want to make a decision I will regret because of temporary (maybe temporary) issues.

The distance, sex and threats should go away after attraction is increased using RP methods, correct?

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

“but I want to make it work because of our vows...”

Just caught this. Fuck that. Vows mean nothing to women, just words to them. As soon as you stop providing feelz and resources ($), she’ll look to get those else where and kick you to the curb and magically forget her “vows”. They are not programmed to accept responsibility.

I understand though, as a man, we take our word very seriously and actually mean what we say. But don’t let that stop you from doing what you need to do here with your new RP awareness.

She doesn’t love you. She can’t love you. She only loves how you make her Feelz.

[–]RedPillCoach2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

They are not programmed to accept responsibility.

True, but we are.

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great post, thanks man

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fucking awesome comment.

Right on the money.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

The distance, sex and threats should go away after attraction is increased using RP methods, correct?

No if you do any of this for her you fail. The only way to live with a woman is to be able to live without her.

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Makes a lot of sense. I become the best man I can and then evaluate the position from A place of strength

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wait, have you previously read the sidebar, or not?

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just started reading it over the past week or so

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’ve only been here a year, but I do believe you are the first to ever say you STARTED a marriage being RP.

THAT’S FUCKING AWESOME!!

Oh, wait, this isn’t an FR about an RP marriage...

Damn..

You fell off the RP horse.

You lost your shit in a big blow-up.

Then there’s the yard sale debacle.

Of course, the best time to confront anyone about their attitude is when they are grieving.

YOU moved out of the marital bedroom. Why? Are YOU guilty of something?

You’re not sure you are right for each other. There are no kids, and you can envision life without her.

Your 3 issues are her lack of respect, lack of desire for sex, and she places others, like family, above your marriage.

Well, you are the poster boy for who MRP was written for!

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?!

Go over to the sidebar, you remember where it is, right?, and find the 12 levels of dread and ...

START RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

Seriously, just do it. Be like Nike.

In less than 12 months you will be getting laid like tile.

Maybe the wife.

Probably someone else.

But DEFINITELY somebody.

Early in your journey, see some attorneys and get your shit straightened out about the house and other assets. Start building your warchest and be ready to divorce her.

You are the IDEAL candidate for MRP.

It would be awesome if you would post an FR every month or two detailing exactly how well this is working for you.

One caveat; you spill your seed in her and get her pregnant then..

ALL BETS ARE OFF.

You will deserve to get fucked without getting laid.

You will deserve to lose the house.

You will deserve to lose 40% of your gross while she fucks other men in your bed while raising your children to hate you.

You will deserve to be a financial cuck to her and the State for the next 19 years.

Don’t be a cuck.

Don’t be stupid.

ABCBC

ALWAYS BE in CHARGE of the BIRTH CONTROL.

Now, stop reading this, and...

START READING THAT!! >>>>>>>>>>

You’re welcome.

[–]drty_prRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You will deserve to lose 40% of your gross while she fucks other men in your bed while raising your children to hate you.

That is so elegant

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

“my only issues are lack of respect, lack of sex, and she puts others like her family over us.”

Welcome to the club. ====>

[–]RedPillCoach3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’m ready to move on and become the person I was before we were married that was more selfish and goal orientated.

Great! You can be that while married or after you are done being married. Your choice. You say you want to "try" because of your vows and I think that is great. Then maybe you need to try and stop watching the clock? This process takes at least a year and there are few shortcuts that are in your control. Sure you can juice and take your T Shots and build muscle quicker but you still have to go to the gym. Sure you might have a wife who responds better, or worse but you still have to follow the process.

anyone else go through anything like this?

That is rich. Funny even. At least you know you have found the right place.

Her relative died and she is more distant and cold than usual. I confront her about it and she said that she doesn’t have any more to give. I say that if you want to leave that’s fine with me

I think a better response might have been a light A and A: "OK, you can take from me for a while sweetheart, but don't make a habit out of it." You escalated it right into separation and divorce talk at exactly the wrong moment. IMHO.

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

When I asked about her being cold, it was a week since the funeral. I was referring to her in general not a separation. She brought up “I don’t think we are right for eachother” type talk

[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

No kids = dating with slightly more paperwork. That's it.

Yes, divorce can get a little complicated, yes you might lose some assets, no big deal. You have lots of time to make more money.

This isn't me advocating for divorce, by the way, just reminding you to treat her like a slightly more committed girlfriend and act accordingly. Divorce at this stage is going to be pretty quick and painless.

Whatever you do, do not get her pregnant. In-fact, don't even hint that you are interested, tell her you don't want kids ever. At this point she should be qualifying herself to you, showing you why she is worth it to impregnate. The fact that this isn't happening is highly concerning. Usually the fisherman doesn't start reeling the fish in until after the fish takes the bait. i.e. the average noob post here is pretty much identical to yours except it is after kids.

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I’ve called her out on a lot of stuff. I told her A few weeks ago, “you need to worry about being a better wife before you worry about being a mother” after I told her to get back on the pill. Which as far as I know, she hasn’t. Probably because there is no sex. One month right now, by far the longest in this relationship. Side bar, lift, read, be selfish to make myself better for me going forward

[–]RedPillCoach4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

One month right now

So we are at an impasse are we? I wonder who is going to make the first move and whether it will be towards reconcilliation or divorce.

A marriage this short turning sexless has an extremely grim outcome and it is also relatively rare. Are you sure she is not getting some on the side? Have you checked? This woman is behaving like a cheating whore (pulling away, crying during a hug, "whining this will never work" and suddenly denying sex are all clues and warning signs of cheating). Of course she is a woman so it can be hard to tell.

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Might be emotionally, but not sexually. Good insight

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

One month

and your still married?

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol, that’s part of the reason I discovered this place

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Who is the prize? Almost everything boils down to that.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was at this point in my marriage. She was growing distant, we didn't connect or enjoy doing things with each other, and sex or the desire for sex dried up. I tried to talk through it, be a better partner, but in the end I don't think we were ever right for her. I would have been willing to make it work because I was raised that marriage was sacred, but she made it clear that she doesn't hold it in the same regard when I found her at someone else's house at 2am, which is funny because she's the one who pushed for a wedding. Long story short, I don't know you guys, but it sounds like you may not be right for each other even if you really wish you were. On the upshot, I've really found out a lot about myself since then and I'm much happier as a person, and I've recently found a relationship that I'm genuinely enjoying, not one where I'm planning "when we're this happy, I'll ask her to move in, when this happens, I'll ask her to marry me." If that makes sense. I was handling relationships the way I was taught you're "supposed to" but the relationship I'm in now, I just love everything about it and just want more of it.

[–]johneyapocalypse1 point2 points  (12 children) | Copy

Fuck your vows. Or...

  • Outcome: Be unhappy, unfulfilled, bored, lonely, perhaps depressed for the next 30, 40, 50 years, because you...
  • Action: Honored your vows.

Of course a divorce is messy. So is dog shit on the floor. Clean up afterwards. Even better, prepare properly before.

Of note, you're only two years into this mistake, and she's already (1) fat, (2) saying she doesn't have more to give, and (3) saying it's not going to work.

I’m ready to move on and become the person I was before we were married that was more selfish and goal orientated.

Go forward young man. Be that guy again.


Unless of course you're just being dramatic and blaming it all on your fat wife.

Side bar vs. divorce.

Your choice.

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I would say she has gained weight, not fat. So you’re saying, like other have, the side bar/books/lifting is really key to any marriage?

I don’t want to be unhappy and I want to honor my vows.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Wait, I’m confused again.

What about RP were you at the beginning of your marriage if you can ask a question like this?

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Red pill scene meaning I used a lot of the tactics to pick up girls, was spinning multiple plates, AA, I had it all down pack. Now, not so much. Completely fell off the wagon

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Okay, so I understand now.

You got RP down as a PUA tactic and found out, like everyone else, it doesn’t do shit for you past getting laid.

BUT...

You ended up here where your training can be completed.

So right now, you’ve swallowed TRP. You are currently in the dojo and getting your ass kicked by Morpheus. You need to upload the next routine that will help you on your journey so you can eventually see the code.

Before I waste my time, are you ready for one possible key to MRP?

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lay it on me brother

Edit: Basically correct re: my RP life thus far

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start here:

https://illimitablemen.com/understanding-the-red-pill/red-pill-constitution/

A lot of it will be review, and that, in and of itself, will be good. But, some of it should be new and will help prevent cracks in your foundation later when you really start to put that shit under load.

Next, go to the MRP sidebar, find the beginner tab, read about the four drunk captains and decide which one you are.

Next, go to the MRP sidebar WIKI, scroll down to ‘Misc’, find “12 Levels of Dread.” This becomes your pacing metric. What to read, and when to read it. It’s actually your outline for enacting MRP in your life.

Couple of thoughts.

DO NOT go faster than the one month per Dread Level. Your SO will flip out.

On the other hand, you may find that you need to spend an extra month on a level.

A lot of men, with a relatively healthy wife, will find themselves doing well at level 4-5.

Some others have to operate at levels 8-9 to get the results they want.

Couple more thoughts;

This shit is ALL ABOUT YOU, so HER responses are, well, relatively meaningless. To wit, don’t do this shit and then calibrate it to her response. That’s being in HER frame.

Build your frame. Learn about the 1000’ rope analogy/theory. The goal is to get her in YOUR frame.

STFU does NOT mean no talking. If you want to REALLY freak her shit out and push her over the edge, start making all the changes outlined and become an autistic mute in the process. Her hamster might run itself to death.

Read about STFU and what it actually means.

And remember the first two rules about Fight Club (MRP)

1) Never talk about fight club.

2) Never talk about fight club.

She should NEVER hear anything about the RedPill, see a book you’re reading, find an open window or saved bookmark on the computer. OPSEC.

This is a sexual strategy sub. If you are going to expose her in any way to the strategy; what’s the fucking point?

I’ve spent a LOT of time on the sidebar because I was searching for something different than a sexual strategy sub. And I found it in increasing my masculinity and fixing my shit.

Treat this like a 300 level college class.

Buy some 5-subject spiral-bound college notebooks. TAKE NOTES. The average adult reads at a rate of 220wpm and retains 15% of what they read, unless they are an idiot savant, which you have not presented yourself to be.

The bottom line is, this is life changing shit. It will not only change your intersexual relationships for the better, but all of your other interactions as well.

One more thing.

If you are at all struggling with your day to day routines, establishing your masculinity and knowing exactly WHAT to do, I recommend ‘Declare War on Yourself’ by Marc Summers. I’ve read it twice, but I want to read it at least 3 more times before I consider asking the mods to add it to a section like, ‘For the Autistic among you,’

That should get you started.

You are in askMRP, but this is more of a trauma center than a clinic where you go and get a bandaid for every little boo-boo.

Translation: don’t be a little bitch and post every 72 hours about what SHE did, and what should YOU do next.

What you do next is keep reading and fix your shit.

Reach out if you have a legitimate fucking question about something you’ve actually read, or (mis)applied.

Welcome to MRP.

Now..

GET TO FUCKING WORK!

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

you’re saying, like other have, the side bar/books/lifting is really key to any marriage?

The sidebar books and readings balance the Beta Husband who wants to be more Alpha very well but is less helpful for the IDGAF Alpha (or Sperg) especially if he already has a girlfriend in addition to a wife. For that you need "Bitch Control and management" from the TRP sidebar and usually a not always healthy dose of psychopathy/lack of empathy.

Lifting and staying fit is definitely one of the keys to any marriage life.

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Also, I was pretty harsh etc during those fights. I wouldn’t call it beta, more too aggressive with my words

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you read NMMNG?

Being aggressive with your words during a fight IS beta!!

Being the biggest, loudest asshole in the room during an argument doesn’t make you Alpha.

It just makes you a BIG pussy full of shit.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

you were likely passive / aggressive

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

No I am an aggressive guy. For example on the trip I mentioned I told her to get the fuck out of the hotel. Went off to a bar and when I was back she was gone

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I told her to get the fuck out of the hotel.

what was her infraction for this? my point being . . . why are you letting it get this far

have you got the memo that we do not argue with women

[–]Captain_pants41 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

You said a few things that gave me the impression that the underlying issue is the fact that she can’t rely on you emotionally to weather he storms. Shit happens in life and your woman will not be able to handle it nearly as well as you do, and she doesn’t want to. Just be a calm emotional rock. If she’s still disrespectful then cut her loose. On a side note, most women will be on their best behavior until she has a baby in her belly. Everyone is right...divorce would be as painless as it can possibly be at this point

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I totally agree. I haven’t owned my shit and been the Captain from a support standpoint. Probably was too vocal in the past about my issues and that bled into our relationship. Yes, divorce would be painless right now but I’m not in the position to make that call until I get myself in a “the best I can be” position.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I haven’t owned my shit and been the Captain from a support standpoint.

You not only haven't owned your shit, you haven't done shit about being a poor support person. You want to break the impasse? It may be as simple as starting right there. Probably not, but maybe.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sidebar.

Dread.

It ALWAYS works..

For YOU!

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

The stay plan = the go plan. Work on yourself, she'll epithet come along for the ride and seek to please you, or you'll be a better man and better positioned to find a woman (or many women) who will sell to please you. Either way, your life will be better. Lift. Read. This shit works!!

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That’s what I’m thinking is the best way through all of this. I made a huge mistake during our marriage and gave her access to my brokerage account, currently working on buying her part out. What a fucking massive mistake

[–]wildnight98MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Not massive. It’s fixable and will be over and done, unlike child support, alimony, etc. don’t beat yourself up

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

True thanks man

[–]plein_old0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Being unhappy doesn't benefit anyone. How do you know you were more selfish before marriage? And why is the go plan is different from the stay plan?

Some men think that being miserable sitting around holding their angry wife's hand all the time is doing a tremendous favor to the wife. But what if it isn't?

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think before the marriage I cared less about what she wanted and more about what I want. Is the go plan and the stay plan different? I thought it was essentially the same. I agree, my patience has its limits and that’s one of many reasons I am here looking to change and for wisdom

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

On the fence about what ?

Wholly shit grow a set and decide what you want

How long are you going to let another person be the tail and wag you emotionally ? Or, manipulate you ? Why on earth would you sign over a brokerage account you started before the relationship ?

You did not start RP, you may have had a mission, but you are so afraid of her, and her emotions, you have definitely lost your way

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, I really appreciate it. I owe you one. Forward progress no matter what. I’ll update you in a month

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

"... my only issues respect, no sex, and not important to her at all." What an understatement... What other issues are more important?

The house is no reason to stick around at all.... Just sell it or have her buy out your equity. Make sure alimony is not an issue.

Honestly it doesn't sound like you really applied many MRP steps to bettering yourself and by default her. What dread level are you on?

[–]sockaccountant97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just starting now, so level 1. Lots of work to do

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I want to make it work because of our vows

but i say unto thee, swear not at all

how the fuck can past you make decisions for future you when future you has more information to work from

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

You're not the kind of man to make this decision

Instead of kicking the can down the road, deal with your shut, then let THAT NEW HIGH VALUE Man decide.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

deal with your shut slut

That’s how I first read it... works the same.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Shit. New phone, they still fuck me around with autocorrecting the cussin'

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Really that speech should be added to the wiki or sidebar.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Which is nice, but it's just dread in a narrative format and a bit of levity added.

Not nearly as valuable as the muster method stuff

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

had anyone else experienced anything like this?

Yes. Your woman is not unique.

Lack of sex ✔

Lack of respect ✔

Puts others before you✔

Welcome home, faggot. Now get to work.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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