I’m (38 y/o) about 2.5 months into MRP and starting to realize I’m a total noob at this game.
Wife and I have been married for 4 years and common law for almost 15. We have no kids nor do we intend to.
When we got together we were pretty close to even with our incomes. I was in the trades and she in marketing. I had pretty much zero debt and she had a lot with student loans a etc. Over the years we both advanced pretty well evenly in our careers until about 3 years ago when she decided she wanted to quit her job as an Art Director and teach yoga full time as well as pursue starting her own yoga studio. This cut her income in half although she has this last year paid off her student loans. Now I make 100k a year and she sits at about 35k. Up until that point we were splitting all the bills evenly. I started paying more of the bills and running some of her expenses through my business (small stuff like phone bill and dinners out) to allow her some financial support to start her business. We were living in a condo she had previously owned up until last fall when I bought a house and we started renting the condo, which was my choice as I couldn’t stand the condo any more.
So as of now I make about 3x what she does and our combined bills are more than she can afford if were to split them 50/50. She still teaches yoga but the business never materialized.
I was ok to pay more than her with the idea that it would rebalance when her business was running but I’m not comfortable with that being the way forward with no real business progress. I’d be willing if we had kids but not the way we are now. Our expenses are easy for me to afford half or even all but for her it’s not possible to carry half. We’ve had some fights/discussions about it in the past and I’m ready to get shit back on track. She has been half assedly looking for a better paying job in the marketing field for a couple months but I don’t think she has put out any applications. She has expressed the desire to make more and carry her weight but no real progress.
My question is this. I’m working on MRP and I know I have a ways to go and I understand STFU. Should I lay down a deadline for her to get a job that pays a decent wage and start paying the bills or should I just keep working my MAP and wait?
Ultimately I’m really getting uncomfortable with the financial situation continuing but don’t want to fuck up the progress we’ve made so far with my on growth/her response by throwing down an ultimatum. I’m willing to to end the relationship now over this if there is no hope of it changing but I’m seeing some changes in other areas... ultimately I would rather fix the shit I have than burn it down and start over. Should I bring this to a head now or wait till I’m further along with my own shit?