Awalt situations

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March 23, 2018

I'm 33yo 5'8 210# married 6 years together 11. young kids involved... gym 4times a week for last 3 months, BP170 Row190 DL150

Lurking a couple months, but realize I'm doing the monkey dance, Read TMAP and Reading NMMNG, MMSLP, book of pook. Re visiting sidebar for better direction on process and best material/course of action for myself.

Finances are a wreck, recent investment/venture went sour leaving me broke and in debt. Income has always been low so fell behind on bills. Wife has now started working since maybe year after we met. Liquidating venture soon will also grant me catchup resources as well as allow partnering with my sister in her profitable business. I think I'll be stable and saving within a year again.

Mentally it's been hard to even admit to myself my insecurities, I have cheated in the past due to it, but my self esteem seems to be rising. I accept the realization of being a career beta and what seems like a mix of drunk captain.

Acknowledging the above faults I am better understanding my wife's hypergamy and AWALT behavior. She has already provided me the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" talk. We been trying to work though it. Although I'll be candid it's not been easy to deal with, even worse accept as my doing.

A recent event however has me over thinking, losing track of it all and creating my first post. Her hypergamy reached full effect after her acquaintance flirted with her few weeks ago. She admitted to me she wouldn't want to cheat but liked it and developed quite an interest in him. Last week it developed into what sounds like the light switch affect I read about here.

Then tonight she goes out with her friend (female) but invites the guy to tag along without my knowledge.. They have a few drinks and apparently she admits to the guy her interest, he shoots her down as he's in a ltr.

I just told her it was over, packed my shit left the house for the night. I know I can't abandon my home so I'll be back. Also I would rather be in my kids life every day rather then even 50-50. I'm also not going to sugar coat it, I'm still struggling with oneitis, or maybe because she's been honest about it all from the start, in an odd way it makes me question if I should value her clear communication.

I would be open to continue to rebuild this home I have helped wreck, however at the moment I am not even sure how to begin to communicate.

Tl;dr fat career beta's wife has gone awalt and expressed/acted on feelings towards another person. Didn't physically cheat but still broke an obvious boundary.

I don't expect comfort in the locker room. Just asking for hindsight from those longer unplugged and further on their journey.

Post Information
Title Awalt situations
Author lifeweliveormake
Upvotes 7
Comments 42
Date 23 March 2018 05:05 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betaAWALTcheatinghypergamylong term relationshipNMMNG

[–]drty_prRed Beret14 points15 points  (4 children) | Copy

When Chad actually decides he wants to fuck her, and he will, she is gonna be all over that. Doesn't matter what she says.

NEXT her man and I've never told anyone to do this. No way she'll respect you again after this if you take her back. Her telling you about how hot Chad is, leaving out that he is joining them for drinks, then telling him she wants his cock is so much disrespect. You'll never trust her again either.

Maybe she just wants you to kill the puppy?

[–]lifeweliveormake0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Maybe she just wants you to kill the puppy?

I agree, I remember during a conversation her mentioning the weight of a failed marriage, the context seemed general but maybe she was expressing feeling of responsibility.

To update Chad must have mentioned the event to his Ltr since both himself and his partner have removed her from their social media. This did make be smirk, seems like she was seeking greener grass but only found cow shit this time.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

More likely the wife found out they were fucking, and he’s trying to save his marriage

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think this is it. She did this consciously, wilfully and with extreme malice trying to maneuver you into leaving her.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Downgrade to plate. It's worse that she's so flippant about it. At least if she feared loosing you she'd have hamstered it. When someone wants to cheat its so easy for no one to find out.

Do you think she even cared what you thought?

[–]Reach180Red Beret15 points16 points  (12 children) | Copy

Row190 DL150

How can a person row a bar with more weight on it than they can pick up off the ground?

[–]Senor_Martillo4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Probably on a cable machine, which usually have a 2:1 pulley, so he's actually only rowing 85lbs

[–]lifeweliveormake0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dam. And to think I started at 140-150 3 months ago. The routine I found is for beginners and specified seated row for building strength, after I reach my body weight in BP and a few other milestones, I'm suppose to change routine for muscle/mass building.

[–]lifeweliveormake4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Greenhorn lifting, this was for seated cable row.. Didn't know about the standing bar row until just googled it. I'll give it a shot and update sure it'll be 100-120. I did skip leg day almost once a week for the first month so I'm definitely behind on SQ and DL.

[–]Reach180Red Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Winner Winner /u/Senor_Martillo

[–]defnow6815 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the most worrying thing about his life right now.

[–]Helrade2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I was wondering the same thing. Bad form maybe.

[–]Reach180Red Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's impossible. Like being able to run a 5 minute mile but unable to run a 2:30 half mile.

[–]LBEB802 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

If right, maaasssbe back and shoulder issues? I've never seen row being more than bench.

[–]WesternhagenWinner1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Also weird that his bench is more than his DL.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

lower back injury. I can buy that one.

[–]SeamusAwl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

3 months in to lifting. I know early i was similar. My back was just stronger than my chest. not anymore mind you. I dont waste time trying for PRs. But my working set weights are BP195, Row 165, DL 245, OHP 120. (60 dumbbells).

[–]SeamusAwl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Skips leg day perhaps.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Brother, there may be more red flags lurking that you are not aware of.

My biggest concern is that you are making excuses for her shitty behavior.

maybe because she's been honest about it all from the start, in an odd way it makes me question if I should value her clear communication.

She has actually fucking told you to fuck off and you are now looking forward to the trip. After all that she has told you:

  • I love you, but I am not in love with you.

  • I like Chad and want to get it on with him

  • Goes out with Chad

  • Fucked Chad. You say she didn't, the fact that she ACTIVELY, lied, deceived and tried her best to get laid, counts as cheating. He didn't actually put his dick in her if he wore a condom, amirite?

  • You want all the nice things for your kids, it never bothered her to fuck around and raise your kids as a single mother.

What will it take for you to open your eyes?

Going forward, your in a bad space. Divorcing her ass right now is not going to help you, you will fuck up your next relationship even faster than this one, guaranteed.

Right now she is a plate. Get your shit together and move on, without her.

[–]lifeweliveormake0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Going forward, your in a bad space. Divorcing her ass right now is not going to help you, you will fuck up your next relationship even faster than this one, guaranteed.

Right now she is a plate. Get your shit together and move on, without her

Yeah I'm not in any position to divorce right now.. I'm thinking down grading to plate may be good for me. I could use the practice, best case I swallow the pill end up a better me to properly vet and handle a future LTR, worse case I go Rambo and she finally goes nuclear.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

What the fuck.

So much to unpack here. IN your case I would just leave. Drop everything and go. No court is going to remove your kids from you unless you fail to fight for them or you really are some sort of criminal.

Otherwise move out of the house if you want to. Fuck it. Leave her with the mortgage payments if she wants. I am not giving legal advice I am giving Frame advice. There are going to be MRA dudes that are going to tell me that fight for the house damn it. It’s your property.

Yeah? Well if you are all in on leaving, removing your presence, leaving the house is a sure fire way to do it. AND based on your financial situation as you state it having a millstone like a house isn’t really the best option.

Right now she’s building a new life off of you. Leave. Fully. Some marriages can recover from the ILUBNILWU speech but I don’t get that sense from you. Things have been spiraling down I suspect. Even stil.. bail now.

As for kids. Break it down man. OF COURSE DADS want to be in their kids lives. For fucks sake. But you can’t be there everyday, no dad nor working mom is. 8-10 hours a day you are in the office working. There’s then kid events that you may not be at like practice, or going over to friends houses....then even still if it’s quiet week day you may only get 4-5 hours of time with them. This assumes you don’t have house projects to work or family obligations to deal with.

In the grand scheme of things you get the same amount of time workin off a 50-50 schedule in a divorce. What we loose, is physical presence in the house, BUT that’s been removed already. Your beta attitude is fucking that up as it is. So really you have less time with your kids. YOu spend it in your head sulking wondienrg why no one loves you. Lookin for the same validation you looked to your wife for but now getting it from your kids.

Doing it for the kids. No you are doing it for yourself. Plenty of divorced single fathers are hitting home runs out there because they are putting in the work. Whether it’s their time or not.

At the end of the day it’s all about your Frame. It’s the key cornerstone of life. Stop ducking around navel gazing and decide when you are going to take that first step.

Fuck her. She’s already made her choice. Besides this was never about her was it?

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

“Didn't physically cheat but still broke an obvious boundary.”


Wake the fuck up faggot.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oneitis? For a woman who doesn't love you and is dating other men? Yeah she sounds great.

It's over...but you're looking to rebuild the wreck? Get your head out of your ass.

[–]redside_up2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

recent investment/venture went sour leaving me broke and in debt

This probably threw her over the edge. Before you weren't AF, but at least you were BBs. Now that the money is gone, she doesn't see value in you. If it wasn't this bad investment that threw her over the edge, it probably would have been something else.

after her acquaintance flirted with her few weeks ago

He started the flirting? She was just an innocent bystander not participating or inviting it right?

She has asked you to kill the puppy by telling you what happened. Ask yourself, why the fuck would she tell you this?! Most cheaters are sneaky about it. Maybe her hamster ran out of reasons for why this bar night was okay, so she wanted to feed it some new reasons? Like you cheating in the past?

This behavior is blatant disrespect. Up until "she invites the guy to tag along", this all may have been just a really loud cry for you to stop being a pussy. She didn't invite HIM to tag along. The whole point was to see him. If anything, her friend was tagging along so she had a convenient reason.

I just told her it was over, packed my shit left the house for the night.

Good for you for not being a pussy. As others have said, you've drawn the line. The only way to go back is by abandoning MRP and being a full beta cuck for the rest of your marriage. Even if you hamster your way into thinking, "Well we could just work things out if she agrees to never see him again," you will probably always wonder. A month from now let's say your wife gets home an hour late. What will be going on in your head? Will you shrug, or will you wonder if she was with him or someone else?

Congratulations you lucky bastard!

Your shitty branch-swinging wife has just given you a new lease on life! Sure you're broke and kinda fat, but you're only 38 and can fix all that! You don't have to live in the ambiguity of whether this marriage is worth saving or not. Yes, you fucked it up, but you don't have to pay for it for the rest of your life. Be a good dad, get your shit together.

Seriously. This is the frame you need to adopt. "Divorce is so expensive because it's worth it. I know how to unfuck myself and that's exactly what I'm going to do."

Save this post you wrote. Write a calendar reminder for one year from now, then read it again. If you aren't chuckling at how you were "open to continue to rebuild this home" a year from now, then it was a wasted year.

[–]ArticulateSavage1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

In summary, you're fat, weak, unattractive, broke and a cuck. Where do we even begin with you?

Your wife doesn't love you. Oh well. Your wife finds you unattractive; chances are that the majority of women find you unattractive as well. Oh well, your wife is not yours, it WAS only your turn. Your turn is over.

Quietly consult an attorney and begin to implement an exit plan. There is a helpful article somewhere on this sub entitle, "How to Divorce your wife." Look it up.

Sort your fucking finances out.

Get in shape man. You're extremely pathetic right now and you know this.

Summary: Be the best Dad in the world, sort your finances out, get in shape, prepare divorce plan and execute it.

[–]RelativeJellyfish0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It is not up to you to Rebuild Your Home. It is up to you to fix yourself. Pretty clear you are a doormat right now. You may think this/she is better than the alternative... but that alternative is only temporary.

Fix yourself: Lift harder and eat less. Fix your finances (set up separate accounts now). Figure out how to increase your income. Plan your exit.. It is up to you if you want to live in the same house for now... but start figuring out how to exit into another living situation. You are now a single dad with kids. Be clear with your schedule (for the benefit of the kids), but you are on your own the rest of the time. If you play video games, throw the system away... you have things to do.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you play video games, throw the system away...

We don't stress this enough around here. I threw a decade away into mmorpgs. Fucking embarrassing.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I suggest 100 lashes with a leather belt, then turn her over to the mob.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would be open to continue to rebuild this home I have helped wreck

It seems with her being crushingly rejected that you have an opportunity for a reset and setting of clear boundaries. Are you ready to reset the relationship? Do you even want to after your wife attempted to cheat?

Right now you need to move back into your home. Don't leave your home in a situation like this! That is 001 level and you screwed up that part badly. Go back to your home.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

he shoots her down as he's in a ltr.

ha ha ha ha! He shot her down because he doesn't fuck fatties. My quesrtion to you, why are you even attempting to put out this garbage fire?

[–]hack3ge0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You are fucked - my wife light switched our relationship and its near impossible to come back from. She had an emotional affair and loved some other dude and that meant what we had wasn't special. Hypergamy is real as fuck. I've been told I never loved you, you never cared about me only yourself, you were never there for me ever in our life, this is completely unfixable, I've been trying for months but nothing works (in the same sentence as her saying she has been checked out and doesn't care), etc.

You should be thankful you found MRP - I am still working my journey and probably now a divorce but at least with a vision and plan to make myself the man I want to be, not for her and not for anyone else. Don't focus on her, focus on doing you and if she comes around so be it - read about the 1000 ft rope, I tried so hard to focus on her and all it did was fuck things worse.

-Bacon & Blowjobs

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

this is completely unfixable, I've been trying for months but nothing work

Stop trying.

[–]hack3ge0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That’s what she said to me - in the same breath she said “I have been trying for months and then I’ve been checked out and don’t care for over a year.”

I’m way past giving a fuck - my life is amazing compared to where it was a few months ago. Right now I’m on the edge - she just had a complete breakdown maybe main event and right before it she agreed to write up a divorce with no lawyers and she doesn’t want anything. It’s almost a deal too good to pass up even if I want to keep her.

[–]WhiteTrashKillerRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Here is what you do! Go find that box of pictures you guys have saved from when you got together. Look through those early pictures. Were you the AMOG or were you a fat fuck? Did she fuck anyone else in your social circle that was better than you? Did you chase her? Did you ask more than once to date her?

If any of these questions are a yes, leave. You will be in no worse shape leaving now as opposed to when you get back on your feet and the sooner you start rebuilding yourself the better. That and don't saddle your sister with your wife, when she takes your shit in a divorce she fucks over your sister too! She will take half of her business, don't fuckover your family!

Furthermore, if you answered yes she settled and no matter how far you grow into the man you wanna be she'll either be pissed off that you are now putting her through this extra work in order to keep you or she'll be resentful it took you this long to turn it around. You're better off with a woman that only knows you as the better you!

I won't attack your numbers cause everyone starts somewhere, but you need to unfuck your diet quick. You're a good 40lbs over weight. Start by switching that oneitis from your harpy wife to yourself.......

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

she'll be resentful it took you this long to turn it around.

I suffer from this. I know it's in my head and I'm just being a winny faggot but it's real. My wife has had a brain transplant and there Is part of me that's pissed she just didn't do it years ago. I know it's because in was a drunk captain and a pussy but the anger is still there. 30 min on a stair master with a good audio book makes it go away.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I love you but I'm not in love with you

Usually translates to she’s fucking someone

she's been honest about it all from the start,

Nope, it’s called trick truth. She was already fucking him - this is more circumstantial evidence.

Your numbers suck. You need to clean up your diet and hit the gym. She’s not attracted to you anymore.

Start ramping your social life, career, hobbies and sidebar. Basically, make the stay plan the same as the go plan.

One more thing - trust but verify. That whole timeline of her suddenly telling you she’s into something some guy and the secretly hanging out with him doesn’t sit right with me.

A) What makes you think it’s the first time they secretly hung out,


B) maybe she meant for you to find out.

This whole thing reeks of please kill the puppy.

[–]pridebrah0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bro. This one isn't even worth trying to repair with how many women are out there. I get that it's complex with the kids involved, but people make it happen. You've got to look at yourself as your #1 project for the next 5 years and upgrade each area of your life. Get the financials straight, keep plugging away in the gym, and get your mind right. This chick is nothing more than a toxic harpy at this point. Lost cause and she's only going to be in the way of the work that needs to be done.

This is not a good woman man. Upgrade yourself, learn from this and create a new future.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Finances are a wreck, recent investment/venture went sour leaving me broke and in debt. Income has always been low so fell behind on bills.

I guess no one's going to point out the obvious.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was in this situation, as I wrote about here:

The good news is that the logical part of your brain completely gets that it's over, even if you aren't yet ready to deal with it emotionally. That will come.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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