Trust.

ReddJive · 2018-03-05T10:50:11+00:00

Trust is a weapon.

I've never liked the trust but verify mantra. Not in relationships. It smacks too much of me wasting my time to verify what is being told to me. I would then live in someone else's frame until I can verify what they are telling me. It's also a slippery slope of how much do I verify? Do I get a PI? GPS trackers? What? Furthermore, I have come to see trust as a weapon. Think about it. Someone says they don't trust you anymore and that you need to work towards earring that trust back. But are you ever given a check list? A set of tasks to perform to earn that trust? No.

I came to this conclusion during my journey as I would watch my shrew of a wife constantly tell me she doesn't trust me. It goes back from nearly the day we were married. I got up for work one day and she just blurts it out. The next 17 years I was and am held to a standard I never understood nor was given the rules for. When someone says they don't trust you what you get is a bevy of servant tasks and behavior controls that just keep you in your place. Yet what it's really nothing more than the other party maintaining control on you.

What's more is that you will never earn the trust back you once had or what you perceived you had. This is because trust is never really earned. It can't be. It's given. We give trust and we do it all the time. We trust strangers to do things for us without harming us. Baristas to serve coffee without pissing in it. Restaurants to serve food that isn't poisoned. This is why when trust is violated at a public level it is so horrific.
There are millions of ways we trust in small doses each day to people we've rarely met or interacted with. Just think of any number of things we do on a daily basis that rely on someone doing their job correctly. Yet in our relationships we have high standards for this trust and suddenly the script is flipped and you must earn that trust. No. Trust is given and you keep giving it until you come to the point where you can no longer. Then the relationship is dead.

Trust can also be about control. By keeping someone hungry for your trust you can make them do a lot of things. Until the day they decide they don't want your trust. Think about that. No one ever considers that part. What if I doin't want your trust?

Briffault's Law is what established the hierarchy of love. Man, Woman, Child. It's also what established the idea she is never yours, just your turn. With this concept in mind consider that acts of loyalty need to be daily. We already know what she is willing to do and her priorities. Sure one can see the dynamic as she working for your trust and keeping her on a short leash…seems to appeal right? Yet consider who works harder? The one who is earning trust or the one who has to keep verifying that trust? We already know exactly what her priorities are. Therefore, we already know exactly how far we can trust her.

Compared to loyalty. Some will say women are not loyal. They are, just not in the same way men are, remember women suck at overt communication. They are loyal...if you are Alpha enough and can demand that loyalty. Where loyalty differs from trust is that loyalty is an act. A woman can demonstrate loyalty to you by her actions. A fantastic article about Managing your bitch details this to some degree. Some will tell you to trust your women to go on a GNO after all you can go out with your friends. Why can't she? If she breaks that trust next her. Yet what does this mean? There's no boundary here or if there are you have to list them out to her. Ugh…like a father and his 16 year old daughter you have to sit her down and go over all the rules. Really? Ok yeah I get it we like the whole treat them like girls idea, but for fuck's sake who has the time to do that? Create a list of rules. Spend the time with her going over them and already establishing some level of mate guarding. Just like her dad did right? Remember the girl that used to sneak around when her parents slept? Yeah…keep going that way and see what happens.

Without the loyalty component, she can be trusted to go right to the line with another guy. Invite the validation and play around with it like a cat does a mouse....but you trust her to come home to you. You trust her to fuck you. So what where she gets her motor running. Right? Yeah. Thing is this is an act of disloyalty.

They can't completely stop a beta or even another Alpha from coming up to them. It's just a fact as Alphas our women are going to attract other guys. Yet women know exactly how to turn off orbiters and know exactly how to stop unwwanted attention. I've seen it play out this way many times. It's a simple "nope not interested". RP talks all the time about being shut down by women, so clearly the are capable of it. If she is repeatedly seeking validation from other guys it's a sign and it's an act of disloyalty. If she mentions it to you (OMG I need to tell you…) she may have found it amusing and thinks you might as well, there is a difference between her dreading you and her entertaining you….but never forget it's a shit test. Your response confirms your Alpha status. Yet there is a deeper meaning here.

Only you know where this stands on the acts of loyalty as it stakes up across the relationship. Acts of loyalty are accumulative but it only takes one act of disloyalty to remove it all. If this is systemic. She's disloyal and you know what to do.

Compare it to business. Men are in a constant state of earning profit. We want to end our fiscal year in the black. Some of us have multiple gigs/businesses going. Of course these prices will vary based on market value but go with it...

Sex maybe earns $10.
Certain sexual acts ups the margin. Varies between the man.
Supporting your mission in life maybe $20.
being supportive $35 per action
Doing laundry, cooking, let's say $30 for each time it is done
Nag? Complain, be negative all the time then the account losses money to the bank. At three times the rate it went in. (NOTE there is a difference in her coming to you for support and just plain being negative)

At the end of the quarter, fiscal year the man will take an account. If the account is in the black when he makes this assessment he will make a return on that investment. if not...then he looks for other profit centers. Why would a man continue his investment in a profit center that is losing money or a low earner? If he is putting in the time to fix it, to get it to earn again but the maybe the business has run its course. Maybe it was never really a viable idea to begin with. Maybe he is just a bad business man.

As time goes on you will look at that account and wonder why you only accept having $17 for your time and commitment, when you know someone is willing to make a bigger investment. But the man can only do this once he knows his business acumen is solid and proven.

gettingmymojoback · 2018-03-05T10:50:47+00:00

You trust her actions in the moment and nothing else.

I went through a lot of trust issues early on and went to a professional to deal with them around the same time I first swallowed the pill.

His advice was solid and is what I still follow. If things are good enjoy them for what they are, if something is going on that you don’t know about eventually you will find out, IF that happens then basically it’s her loss not yours. You move on with your life and she loses out on you (you are the prize).

If you’re constantly worrying about what she’s doing when you’re not around then you’re making her the prize.

Stop worrying about shit you can’t control, worry about you and what you are doing to be better today than you were yesterday. It’s the only thing you have control over. Period.

fuckmrp · 2018-03-05T03:27:31+00:00

How do you 'trust' your woman when there is literally no incentive for people to be trustworthy in modern society?

You are the incentive. Beyond that trust is bullshit, probability is all that matters. Past behavior usually begets future action. Most people are about as faithful as their options and everybody fucking lies. So what?

JudgeDoom69 · 2018-03-05T03:59:44+00:00

You can trust her.

You can trust her to trade your ass in the moment you show weakness and she feels she can do better.

Lose your job, you can trust her branch swing to greener pastures.

Get fat and squishy, you can trust her to fuck Chad Thundercock after a few drinks.

Trust her hypergamy. Trust her solipsism.

Stay frosty.

red-sfpplus · 2018-03-05T03:06:16+00:00

I trust myself to be a high value man. One she doesn’t want fuck up loosing by doing something stupid, or being a bitch.

Beyond that, I trust her to handle things she has proven she can in the past.

She is never getting the code to the gun safe thou.

And she would be the second person I would call to bail me out of jail.

Likely because #1 would be there with me.

Catch my drift?

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2018-03-05T04:20:52+00:00

Trust is simple. Give 100% trust to the one you’re with. When they break it, they’re finished. It’s up to them, not you.

SBIII · 2018-03-05T08:33:56+00:00

Trusting a woman is Blue Pull 101. If you could trust your woman, you wouldn't be here.

Trust yourself to become a man that no one would cheat on.

InChargeMan · 2018-03-05T16:16:17+00:00

u/ReddJive just dropped some epic level shit. One comment to add:

Your wife (kids, house, etc) is a reflection of you. If something is amiss, that is ultimately due to your actions or inaction. If your girl is out whoring, it is due to your failure. Many who have been cheated on will disagree, but when you really distill it down it is true, even if the failure was to not NEXT her earlier in the relationship when she exhibited similar behavior.

Alphaphux · 2018-03-05T07:01:16+00:00

Trust no one

weakandsensitive · 2018-03-05T08:39:37+00:00

People generally act exactly how you expect them to act. It's the surprises you want to look out for.

This is easier when you're not deluding yourself into seeing what you want see and are instead seeing what's actually there.

thunderbeyond · 2018-03-05T10:37:11+00:00

You can never control what the other person in a relationship does and says. You can only influence how they act.

That is not to say "be high value so she stays around".

What we are saying is "be high value as that is what a man should be."

The bonus is that you will find not only is your woman less likely to branch-swing (cos hey she's got a good thing going on) but other women will be attracted to you.

Fuck trust. It is a transitory and shifting value.

broneilbro · 2018-03-05T19:31:00+00:00

You can read my posts. I trusted my wife without verifying. I was also BP and other shit. She told me for 3 months nothing was going on etc etc, but looking back her actions were talking another story. She isolated herself, went to bed, face in the phone, etc etc.

I found a "i love you" letter in her wallet which I left and saw her check for the next day. I later confronted her about it and she denied and denied until I asked her point blank about the note. Her whole tune changed.

I told her flatly my trust in her words is fractured and I will decide if it heals. She has been doing better but this was right before I deployed and a deployment is a trust tester. There was other stuff that I could bitch about but it would be pulling me into her frame...

Title	Trust.
Author	nzdrummer
Upvotes	8
Comments	46
Date	March 5, 2018 3:01 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/822vxc/trust/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/trust.204749 https://theredarchive.com/post/204749

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