708,624 posts

Help me decipher this test before I fuck it up

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February 22, 2018
7 upvotes

BG: 5’11” 175 pounds 16% BF Navy method still skinny fat without abs showing but improving size and definition elsewhere. 5x5 plan Bench 190 OP 120 row 175 squat 200 deadlift 220 (hurt my back Monday and am going to have to deload now-shit)

Married 18 years 4 kids MRP 3 months dread level 3 learning and failing but getting better. Have read sidebar. Reading NMMNG again now.

On to question. Found NMMNG a year before finding MRP, tried it and fucked it up and went back to beta. Found MRP in October last year.

Just before finding MRP I was going back to NMMNG and mentioned the book to my wife (know in retrospect it was a fuckup but Glover recommended it in the book)

Anyway fastforward to this week, doing well, passing shit tests with AM and AA humor instead of anger for first time in a while. Held frame and refused to apologize for taking a stand with her on Sunday. sex has been more frequent and energetic.

Yesterday she called me at work to complain about the neighborhood car pool.(woman passive aggressive drama with neighbor lady) I offered a few solutions and once I realized she just wanted to talk feels I said: “I’m at work which means I am in problem solving mode. I need to take care of business now. So let me know when you have an idea what you want to do and I’ll help you execute”. Then ended the call.

She acted pissed for a few seconds and then moved in to sweet and apologized. Was nice and demure all evening.

She was out last night until late with her recently divorced friend down the street, they stayed at her friendshouse as far as I know as didn’t go out.

Kids were in bed and I took a muscle relaxer and went to bed on time to fix my hurt back.

No idea when she came home. Pill knocked me out.

First thing she asks me this morning is if I ever finished that book I mentioned, NMMNG? I just played STFU and was noncommittal even though I am rereading now.

I read it as an ebook and it isn’t anywhere she would see it and be reminded of it. Weird question out of left field.

Then she texts me this video.

https://youtu.be/dMZ2aNnJdx8

Now despite the fact that she appears to finally be getting the fact that I am not mirroring her mood anymore I don’t want to fall into a trap... which now has me in her frame.

I have not responded yet and trying to figure the best way or just not engage and STFU.

Shit test? Comfort test? Nothing?

Thanks in advance.


Post Information
Title Help me decipher this test before I fuck it up
Author alphasixfour
Upvotes 7
Comments 61
Date 22 February 2018 06:43 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204787
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7zh7pe/help_me_decipher_this_test_before_i_fuck_it_up/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
mirroringbetadread gameframedramashit testcomfort testNMMNG
Comments

[–]2ndalRed Beret5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'd respond with "Wow the Fresh Prince looks old as fuck these days."

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Best (only) actual suggested reply so far. Will use it if I reply at all.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You know he's going to be the live action Genie for Aladdin...

[–]alphasixfour[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

grandparentsjustdontunderstand

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret6 points7 points  (8 children) | Copy

My wife started hanging out with her divorced friends.

She is now becoming my ex wife.

Look into that shit.

Not to mateguard, just don’t become a cuck and stick your manhood into a poisoned well.

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Has been a concern of mine for sure. Doing my best to NGAF and not mateguard while staying vigilant as well. Some of my concern about this new development (question and video) is due to the fact they hung out last night. That’s why I included it in my post.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

What did she leave the house wearing when she went to go hang out?

What was the muscle relaxer you took? Type and mg?

Careful, dont BS...

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hoodie and jeans. Did not doll up, not even to the level she does going out with her married friends. She kept the hoodie on and slept in it last night after she got home.

Flexeril 10mg (Cyclobenzaprine)

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Instead of ngaf, try giving a single fuck.

Divorced women are a cancer. There's a reason they used to stop property values when they arrived.

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I THINK i get what you are saying but not sure how to implement this. I am giving my wife dick on a more regular basis than ever these days.

As for the friend, we were friends with this girl before the divorce and my wife has remained friends with her since. Shoulder to cry on after said friend nexted her beta husband and then slept with a married man.

Dangerous as fuck friendship for my wife I know, but not sure how to control it without drying her up by beta pussy mate guarding.

My philosophy so far has just been to be the prize and work on myself without appearing to give a shit about what she does.

Even though as evidenced by this post I DO in fact give a single fuck

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Next time invite the single exwife over. Plan ahead with plenty of wine. Fuck em both to ensure your Alpha.

Thats what I would do.

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Shoulder to cry on after said friend nexted her beta husband and then slept with a married man.

This woman is the most virulent of cancers. Watch her carefully.

There are different schools of thought on this, but I side with exercising your duty as a good captain if this damaged woman's bad behavior ratchets up in attempting include your wife in her debauchery... you need to be prepared to shut that shit down if it comes to this.

That woman is broken and will drag your entire family down into the hell she's created for herself. This is not mate guarding, this is preventing a disease from entering the body of the family.

A man must have stated boundaries for the behavior of his wife... "My wife does not go out, dressed provocatively to invite other men's attention, with a woman who has demonstrated zero respect for marriage. If you do this, there will be consequences."

Do not attempt this if you are not prepared to back it up with real consequences. Otherwise, you will look even weaker than you are perceived now.

[–]alphasixfour[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for your perspective on this. I agree.

[–]youcantdenythat1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Nothing wrong with that video, good perspective. You can lead a woman in a way she will be happy, but she has to choose to follow that lead. Nothing profound there.

If my gf sent me that I would send her a thumbs up emoji or something similar and stfu.

Amused mastery, fogging, etc if she wants to go into it.

Overall you sound like you're still way to invested in how she is feeling. You DEER too much and need to work on outcome independence.

When she was going on and on about the carpool or whatever, you should have simply said something like "that sucks. let's talk about it later, gotta go"

Random shit she sends you or talks about doesn't need much more than an acknowledgement. Like that video says, live your life man, be happy, don't be all sucked into what she's doing and saying.

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Appreciate it.

I do still care too much about her feels. Working on this and as soon as I catch myself I disengage.

Was more worried that this was a shit test trap that would cause me to lose frame.

Yes I know worring about losing frame causes me to lose frame by default.

[–]youcantdenythat0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Unless you're sure something is a test just ignore it.

Rule #1 stay in your frame. You can pass a shit test by ignoring it. You won't ace it but you can pass it.

Read up on amused mastery.

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Very helpful thank you.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I read your whole fucking post and then watched that video.

I forget what you wrote.

I loved that video.

Thanks for posting it

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

your responses to enquiry look all fair enough to me, you acknowledged where you fucked up and you're aware of the divorcee pitfalls (if this morphs into slut attire GNO's you're going to have problem to deal with)

my answer is it's maybe a shit test; but mostly nothing. the message of that video (which is pretty solid btw) is a reflection of what you told her that day (you're not responsible for her feelings). she's essentially agreeing with you; and appears to have done her research on NMMNG.

best answer now is nothing, although https://www.reddit.com/user/2ndal response is great if it appears like you just got the text.

to me the larger issue you should consider is how deep are in your wife's frame that this would even cause you to question yourself . . . one step at a time though i guess

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Fully admit that I started 20000 feet deep in her frame. I’ve swam toward the daylight, come up for air a handful of times but am still learning how to time the waves that push my head under occasionally.

This one threw me since I was already on guard and admittedly far too insecure about the divorcee friendship and then confused by her outright overt communication asking about NMMNG and sending this video.

Also, seeing how this girl’s life is a train wreck post divorce and wife is more grateful to have me after talking to her I’m reasonably sure it won’t morph into slut dressed GNO.

That said, if it does I do need to be prepared to respond correctly without coming off as a mate guarding beta while simultaneously asserting boundaries.

[–]crimson_chris0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

The video is good. For V-day I made a card for my wife with a similar message. We are choosing to take this journey together.

Wondering if OP is "feeling some type of way" because his wife beat him to the punch on this overt message? If my wife sent me this message my response would be "Good girl. You've been paying attention (insert sexual innuendo)."

I don't know how deep you are in her frame, but you are still in it. Personally I think that is okay. You cannot buck hers unless yours is fucking solid. It takes time. Saying that you two "choose" to be together can be upsetting - especially if your frame is not solid (yet). You wife flexes her frame by sending you that video. You proved that you are still elbow deep in her ass by asking us about it. But, that's part of the process.

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Possibly good point I’ll have to examine my feelings about that. At first glance I don’t feel beaten to the punch. More that I worried that this was some sort of trap due to the odd question about no more Mr. nice guy this morning and her hanging out with her divorced friend last night. Which we’ve already established that I am insecure about

I have trust issues with women probably due to my mom being a total bitch married to a beta fag dad until she cheated on him.

So when this popped up I immediately considered that it could be some kind of trap or a shit test.

I ended up STFU and not acknowledging it all day

When I came in the door tonight one of the first thing she asked me was did I see the video? I said yes followed by he’s right you know. Good find, where did you get it?

A member of her book club sent it to the group. She has a fairly red pilled or alpha husband so I guess she gets it.

Then we moved on to other conversations about logistics as she is headed to work tonight. I made her laugh with some cocky funny banter, told her I had a present for her then gave her a size small T-shirt from my work like it was a diamond necklace.

Told her it would make her tits look fantastic.

She laughed and said she would wear it to bed tonight and I told her I expected her to wear it to church on Sunday. We had a good laugh and I initiated sex that couldn’t happen since she was late and kino teased her all the way out the door.

Might be a fun night. Might not, but I am happy with how it turned out.

[–]crimson_chris0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

OI. The banks don't lend money to people who need it.

Also, remember the one who cares less drives the relationship. If she wins, you both lose.

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OI for sure.

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.00 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

My wife does the same thing to an extent. She is all into the Law of Attraction shit and it makes me want to puke. She sends me videos all the time about this and that which usually has to do with relationship things. I watch them for a couple reasons. One, I am open minded regardless and am always willing to learn or see someone elses side. Two, I am still interested in knowing what my wife is into even if I dont participate, care or otherwise GAF. Third, I like to see what she sends me or says and then watch her actions. 99% of the time she doesnt act on any of it. Watch what she does not what she says.

I am willing to bet her friend went on a feels spree about what she wants in her next man and how her beta husband was codependent and looked to her for happiness and smothered her. Were you like this before or still? Did you look to her for your happiness?

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think that is a fair assumption. Bought into the happy wife happy life bullshit and was frustrated that no matter what I did there was always more.

Now I know AWALT and can’t appreciate due to evolutionary makeup.

I mirrored her moods too much and was a shitty drunk captain.

No I am trying to lead more, be fun funny, ignore her moods and watch her actions, pass shit tests etc.

I took over all finances after 17+ years of her owning all the money, and am actively looking for opportunities to lead.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Man, the video, my wife doesn't understand the concept. You're lucky yours does.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

out last night until late with her recently divorced friend

Major red flag but the video is not bad at all. Very Red Pill. You cannot make others happy. I think she is telling you that she feels you are still to clingy but it is your wife, not mine so you would know much more.

Sounds to me like you are on Dread level 2 and need to move to level 3 (Get Busy and build an active social life apart from your wife) and that your wife knows exactly what is needed.

Do you even lift?

The video reminded me of some Arab poetry:

The Prophet on Marriage by Khalil Gibran

Then Almitra spoke again and said... "And what of Marriage, master?" And he answered saying:

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together. For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lift -check OP. Hurting right now but still lifting.

Dread level 3 as I can possibly be with schedule and 4 kids right now. Monthly D&D/poker night, monthly guys nights out with friends, looking at employing the kids in dread by getting at least one of them into Jiu Jitsu with me on a weekly basis. (I would be starting too.).

Good stuff. Thank you.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

took a muscle relaxer

that's how you amerikkans call benzos now?

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

That’s what my doc described them as when he prescribed them for my hurt neck and back.

I don’t take them recreationally so while I know they are benzos I didn’t describe them as such to avoid confusion.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

You are a fucking junkie unable to get an erection fucking fat piece of shit

When you lift or exercise you don’t need such shit

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You’re cute when you’re retarded.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Look at your calm response. Doing benzos again.

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

😂

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (20 children) | Copy

For new guys learning. Let's tear this down.

Yesterday she called me at work to complain about the neighborhood car pool.(woman passive aggressive drama with neighbor lady)

Fuck Up #1 You answered the phone

I offered a few solutions

Fuck up #2

I took a muscle relaxer and went to bed on time to fix my hurt back

Fuck Up #3. Showed weakness.

she asks me this morning is if I ever finished that book I

Fuck Up #4 Talked about Fight Club

As for the video....your girl is pretty fucking cool

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (16 children) | Copy

Was going to DEER on this and explain my actions but not going to explain myself. I have my reasons for 1 and 3 and won’t apologize.

As far as she knows I just DNGAF and went to bed. No conversation about my taking my prescribed medication for my hurt back.

Already explained that I know that 2 and 4 were fuckups on my part

And yes despite my failures to lead in the past she is worth keeping around and getting better. Or she would have been nexted by now

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (15 children) | Copy

so what's your plan, high speed?

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy

My plan is strictly about me at this point. Haven’t replied to her text at all yet and don’t know if I will. I text 1 time per 3 of hers to break my overcomminication habit.

Plan for me is to kick ass at work, get my back better so I can squat, row and deadlift again ASAP, stick to my diet, lead, be cocky-funny and STFU keep passing tests.

All while keening it eyes open for new tests like this that will help me in my mission if I can solve them.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

and...be honest.

Why did you post here if you have a plan?

Looking for permission or validation?

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Permission or validation for what exactly?

Figured you might have some useful thoughts as to the nature of this interaction with my wife.

Responded to your questions again thinking that they were headed somewhere useful for me. (Since this is,you know - Ask MRP)

Apparently not.

No worries - I’ve got better shit to do.

[–]johneyapocalypse1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

No need to be smarmy bro.

Redd provided you with "some useful thoughts as to the nature of this interaction with (your) wife."

Perhaps they weren't provided in either a manner that you (1) understand, or (2) agree with, but that doesn't invalidate them nonetheless.

You don't believe his follow-up was "useful" for you. I contend that is because you're not paying attention and simply want to hear the answer you're already looking for.

What's the damn point in that?

Or, maybe you're simply not yet prepared to hear feedback which suggests you might in fact be a pussy. That seems clear, though, considering your responses to the nice, kind, and friendly comments in this post.

It's good to hear that you have "better shit to do" than post here, ask for help, receive help, and ignore said help that is delivered with a tone and tenor you don't like, but I would encourage you to step back, ponder things a bit, and revisit Redd's post and all the others presented in that manner.

There is value in those comments much like there is gold in them thar hills. Chances are if you cannot handle critical feedback from a bunch of anonymous strangers than you are likely much more of a disaster with your wife and everyone than you've already acknowledged; again, to those who give candy and rainbows and treat you so warmly, like a furry little bunny.

I'll admit, the video she posted could be interpreted seven ways 'til Sunday. But video or not do you want to be a man or a furry little bunny? Even your wife doesn't want the damn bunny, so be a man.

p.s. I'd be fucking thrilled if my wife sent me that video.

Edit: Redd gave you a challenge. Be honest.

Why don't you try answering his comment with actual honesty because your first answer is clearly a steaming pile of horse shit.

|

|

|

Ego check needed.

[–]alphasixfour[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You know the written word comes across as a lot harsher than its original intent. Particularly if the reader is expecting a fight.

If I had come in here self deprecating and hat in hand I would have been a pussy. I’m not looking for a fight, but I’m not going to just roll over and offer my belly.

My ego doesn’t have a thing to do with what strangers on the internet think of me. So if you think you are the one to ego check me that’s fine. I’m not living in your frame.

I did get value from his initial questions, but I’ve also read enough here to know that some posters just want to see how far they can push until you roll over. Alpha dominance games on the internet are serious business you know.

Now i don’t know him and I’m not sure that’s where he was going but once I started to get useful feedback from other posters I moved on.

That’s all. Don’t worry so much.

[–]johneyapocalypse0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Look pal, one of us felt compelled to type out a reply and post it - then - think it through some more and follow-up and post again shortly thereafter.

It wasn't me.

I would encourage you to revisit your suggestion that I'm the one who's worried, little bunny.


Maybe I've gone full on retard but my interpretation of the words you use to express your feelings and beliefs is that they sometimes seem defensive and much, much more often, seem scripted. This is a widespread phenomenon at MRP, especially for those in their early days.

Roll in. Guns a 'blazing. Learn it all, fast and furiously. High speed-like. Then preach the proverbial gospel like jesus himself.

The thing is it's the experience that trumps the learning. I suggest that your smarminess to Redd is a distinct sign that you're just vomiting up what you've read as opposed to practicing what you preach. At the same time, it suggests that you are too damn defensive and argumentative. So many guys stroll in here with their defenses up, their ego driving, and their inability to listen and digest sitting alongside an even more grossly impactful inability to recognize where and how their ego manifests itself.

Like I tell my children… who really, really want to be right… a lot… I am wrong all the god damn time… maybe I'm wrong again.


Back to your words.

You asked for feedback about the video in order to avoid fucking up. In fact, you said:

Help me decipher this test before I fuck it up.

That would strongly suggest that you are unsure how to proceed.

You further said:

Don’t want to fall into a trap... which now has (you) in her frame.

Again, suggesting you are unsure how to proceed and even more disconcerting, worried about falling into her frame.

Then:

I have not responded yet and trying to figure the best way or just not engage and STFU.

Shit test? Comfort test? Nothing?

Yet again, suggestive that you are unsure how to proceed, while larping your real-time activity for a group of anonymous strangers.

Redd then asked about your plan.

You wrote out your "plan" much like a child would recite the newly memorized - not learned - lesson his mommy had taught him. Interestingly, in this reply you even mention your overcommunication habit.

My plan is strictly about me at this point. Haven’t replied to her text at all yet and don’t know if I will. I text 1 time per 3 of hers to break my overcomminication habit.

Plan for me is to kick ass at work, get my back better so I can squat, row and deadlift again ASAP, stick to my diet, lead, be cocky-funny and STFU keep passing tests.

All while keening it eyes open for new tests like this that will help me in my mission if I can solve them.

To that (strangely rote reply), Redd asked a simple question:

If you have a plan, why post in the first place? Looking for permission or validation?

The substance is in that question.

And he asked for honesty.

You defended and dismissed and have done the same with me. The thing is, you wouldn't be so sensitive or defensive if you had actually experienced what you're here learning about.

I don't fault you for learning. Hell, it's a great thing.

But again, check your ego bro. His reply is the key. Why?

Because if you're asking for validation or permission from MRP then you're clearly doing the same with her. And it's at that point that you fail.


When I first rolled in here much more than six months ago, instead of this (oddly rote reply):

My plan is strictly about me at this point. Haven’t replied to her text at all yet and don’t know if I will. I text 1 time per 3 of hers to break my overcomminication habit.

Plan for me is to kick ass at work, get my back better so I can squat, row and deadlift again ASAP, stick to my diet, lead, be cocky-funny and STFU keep passing tests.

All while keening it eyes open for new tests like this that will help me in my mission if I can solve them.


I would have written something more like this:

That's a fascinating point. I see that I didn't really have a plan, or if had convinced myself that I did, I am surely a shitty planner and even shittier leader. After all, I shouldn't need feedback from all these people - and you - to roll with my plan.

In fact, I get your point. I need to be strong and independent and exercising my own free will - and doing what I think is right is actually the leadership I need here - without hers or anyone's approval - including yours Redd. This is my life. My life is not open for consensus approval or democracy and should it be, clearly I'm not the one doing the planning.

Damn, dude, you're right. I didn't have a plan. I had an idea and I wanted to run it by you and get your approval before I turned it into a plan and attempted to execute on it.


Alphasixfour, it has been my very ability to digest and learn from critical feedback - void of ego - that has guided me along this life-changing journey. Perhaps you can learn from my experience.

[–]alphasixfour[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I appreciate it. I do. Looking back at my posts I clearly overcompensated and miscommunicated my intentions. I’m not trying to walk in here like I own the place but I am determined to stand up for myself more than when I was an unaware beta pussy. Again did not want to fall into the trap that I’ve witnessed with a few others who just allow themselves to be baited into a dick measuring contest and rolling over.

I mistook his question as more broad than just my plan for this (non)event. I clearly had no plan for this kind of thing which is why I asked about it.

And yes you are right. My plan is basic, rote even. I am brand new to this stuff and don’t know shit. Most of it is still fake it until you make it. I get excited when it occasionally is real.

So yes my answer is basic because the basics are all I have. At least I have taken the time to read the material and a ton of posts etc. I am a fuckup but I come by it honestly. what I have not done is mastered it or internalized it without having to come back for advice.

Once I do that the only point in being here is to learn by helping new guys.

I meant every question and reply wth honest intent and stand by them. I don’t think I am looking for validation but am willing to dig a little further into my own psyche to find out.

I appreciate the advice and the time you took to show me where I fucked t up.

[–]alphasixfour[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Point out my dishonesty then please.

He asked questions, I answered questions. Anything more would have been DEERing.

I answered his questions assuming that they were leading somewhere that would help me interpret this situation.

Once it became clear to me that it wasn’t going anywhere I moved on to more useful posts.

Yes I am actually pretty thrilled that she sent it, but since I am still learning to recognize shit tests, coupled with the NMMNG question she asked right when we woke up I hoped this would be a chance to learn and maybe progress.

When someone’s behavior pattern changes I look for reasons why.

Again please point out to me where I was dishonest or didn’t answer.

Not looking for hugs. Looking for value.

Edit: I answered my reasons for his number 1 and 3 elsewhere in this thread. Answering a phone call when my child is seriously ill isn’t a fuckup. It’s a reasonable assumption. Once I detected that her reason for the call was bullshit and caught myself problem solving I shut it down.

Taking a muscle relaxer for my back is no different than taking an aspirin. Didn’t show weakness, didn’t complain about my back to her, took it after she left and went to bed. She doesn’t even know or care. So there you go.

[–]johneyapocalypse0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Okay. Fair enough. I will reply in full shortly as I have to boogie.

I imagine someone else will too.

[–]BostonBrakeJob0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

His response to 2ndal is all we need to know why he's here.

Post translation: "I don't want to operate in her frame anymore, but I don't have my own yet. Can I borrow yours?"

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Gotta start somewhere, that’s why I came here to ask. I don’t have a frame that is sufficiently prepared for this left field scenario yet, you are right.

[–]BostonBrakeJob1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Lead with that level of honesty next time. Even if you don't, we'll dig it out of you eventually, so long as you don't [deleted].

I'll tell ya this once, do what you will with this info. What you did was bury your question. Maybe you did it on purpose to avoid outright asking "how do I respond?", maybe it was subconscious ego protection? Don't know, don't care. But I, and several others, did pick up on it and called you.

Responses like the one from u/ReddJive may not outright answer your question, but they'll get to the bottom of why you're even here asking the question in the first place. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't much matter how you respond in this situation right now. So yeah, you'll get the guys that will share their AA/AM responses with you, and that's fine and all. The models are good to follow. But it is their response coming from their frame. The real gold is in the comments like Jive's, you just have to be willing to dig for it.

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Fair enough. Honestly not trying to hold anything back. I am wordy and don’t want to DEER everyone to death. Also as you can see others have pulled the TLDR card.

[–]BostonBrakeJob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm the same way, wordy af. Although I've gotten better at shortening things down at times too. Don't worry what other's think about it though. If you're serious about making a change in yourself then more details will yield better insight while you're getting started. Some will call ya out for DEER'ing, but the vets will see your intentions through all that and help ya all the same.

This is a good place to practice holding off on DEER'ing, but don't forget this is a mens' locker room. I assume you're not trying to fuck any of us so to hell with appearing attractive around here lol

[–]johneyapocalypse0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Jeff Bezos will be selling it with two hour delivery soon enough. :-/

[–]Reject4440 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

"> Fuck Up #1 You answered the phone"

I'm still confused by this; I've seen similar comments in other posts and I'm still new and learning but I just don't understand this one. Why is it so bad to answer the phone if I'm at work and my wife calls? I get it if she calls 70 times a day to complain or something, but if she generally only calls once or twice a day just to touch base and/or coordinate logistics, why is it a "fuck up" to answer the phone?

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

First and foremost new guys lack frame. So it can’t be handled

Second answering the phone from her shows you actually aren’t working that hard and time to deal with whatever emotional issue she has going on. If you have frame and have proven to be a man of value she isn’t just calling to check in. In most cases she’s using it to test and see if you have time to be her emotional tampon

Like most guys disguise calling or texting about some highly important financial issue when really they are trying to discern if she’s in a good mood and receptive to fucking.

Without getting into deep the only answer is that calling texting is logistics only.

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t get that one either. But don’t want to just sit and DEER. My wife typically ONLY calls me if there is a problem. Text has historically been a different story. In my case our special needs son has pneumonia right now and last time he ended up in the hospital for four days so of course I am going to answer a call.

Once it became clear that this was her emotional problem and not worth talking about I ended the call.

Ive done really well about only responding to texts that are logistics or flirting and it has made a huge difference in the way we communicate. I don’t vent to her about my shit anymore or overtalk meaningless stuff.

Logistics get a thumbs up or thumbs down emoji from me and I make sure to use less words and fewer texts even when flirting. Make her chase me.

Other texts don’t get a reply unless I can be a smart ass or turn it toward sex. I think she is learning what behavior gets rewarded. Text quality from her has gone way up and quantity way down.

Contrast that with feeling like I always had to reply and give her the dopamine hit within 3 seconds of every text.

I only overthought this text due to its nature and the convo this morning about NMMNG.

[–]Alpha_Engineer99-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

Glover also recommends to purposely go without sex for a month - which is retarded too. That books fails on those two suggestions. Stop reading it faggot.

Time to read all the other books on the side bar.

Over there: ===>

Tons of material on here what to do if wife calls you during the day to vent. Don’t talk logic or offer solutions, just boo her villains and cheer her allies. Yep, that Susie is a little cunt, I hear ya, Becky IS a bitch! I can’t believe she did that! Ok babe, got to go, make my favorite meat loaf tonight. I got us the new 50 shades of grey movie from red box for when the kids go to bed tonight..

Ignore the fresh prince text video, he’s talking about love and relationships, basically trying to say that only you can make yourself happy, not anyone else, bla bla bla bla bla fucking bla bla bla bla.

consumer market:

99% = women 1% = beta faggots.

They talk about feelings, love, and relationships.

Stop reading nmmng, look down to see if you still have your balls.

3 months in after 18 years... Are you gaming her, teasing her? What’s going on? Gone through the anger phase?

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Good questions. Am gaming and teasing again for the first time in years. Lots of Kino and not sneaking up from behind like a beta anymore. Initiating when I feel like it and not just at bedtime. Sex is getting better.

Working out (pissed that I hurt my back but that’s what I get for 20 years in an office chair as a skinny fat fuck wth weak hip flexors)

I am one angry son of a bitch by nature. But it was frustrated beta anger and useless. And while I can’t say I am through the anger phase and looking from the other side I have been angry at her and women for years with nothing to show for it.

Recently realized that I am just fucking pissed at myself for waiting until I was 40 to start to figure this shit out. Now I try to turn that anger into better lifts at the gym.

I am going to figure this out and be myself again.

[–]Alpha_Engineer991 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Slow your roll bra.. no where near the end of the anger phase. You’re only 3 months in a 18 month schedule

(1 month for every 1 year you were married- if you even read the sidebar).

I give you 24 months though, because you have a long history of being a fat emotional tampon in her eyes..

Yes, I was close to 40 too when I found this stuff, 10 year deadbedroom, nice guy beta, my anger phase took 1 year. It’s not her fault, it’s yours. You never had the skills or tools. Fuck it. Now you do. Work through the steps, give her time to come along.

For fucks sake, Get the fuck out her frame, you are so deep.. I stopped counting how many times you said “she” and “her” in your post. Fuck her. This is about YOU.

Mrp gives you all the tools to get pussy. You want some pussy? Read the sidebar over there ====>

It also gives you all the tools to unfuck yourself. At one point, at least for me, I realized it wasn’t about the pussy. It’s about me.

I went on a journey of self discovery and ultimately accepting myself, loving myself. I went through all my limiting beliefs. Past fuck ups, past anger, and untangled all that shit like strands of Christmas lights. One by one.

It takes time.

Stfu and get to work.
No short cuts. ====>

By the way, you have 4 kids to show for it. Hopefully, you teach them how not to be a pussy like you were.

[–]alphasixfour[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I’m already seeing a focus shift for me not chasing validation in the bedroom and actually worrying less about sex and more about making a man out of myself.

Sex has followed but only as I care less and less.

I have a long way to go. Looking forward to it.

[–]Alpha_Engineer990 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, the sex comes last.



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