Wife has found my frame weakness

rocknrollchuck · 2017-12-29T03:27:56+00:00

Whoa, slow down there Rambo. Take a deep breath and read this.

Give your wife some time to adjust here. She has no friends or family around after the birth, which is a huge deal for most women.

Then read this to help you get your mindset right so you can get your emotions under control.

ellifino · 2017-12-29T03:14:51+00:00

I’m generally new here, but I know enough of the ropes. You care too much about what your wife thinks. She doesn’t respect you in the least, but do you deserve to be respected?

I checked your post history and it looks like you’ve had weight problems in the past. Are you someone that’s worked on yourself enough to deserve respect? Have you worked your way from 400 down to 200 pounds, and jacked now? What kind of lifting are you doing? Do you turn heads for the right reasons or because you’re a size XXXXXL?

You haven’t mentioned what kind of reading you’ve been doing. You’re in some deep shit and going to need the help from some experts that understand and have written about the shit you’re dealing with.

You’ve got a kid. That makes this a million times worse. Your wife is unhappy? Who gives a shit? She’s got all sorts of hormones she’s getting rid of since the kid came out. She’s in a new location away from her family and has no friends. What exciting things have you gotten involved in with the new location? How are you leading her in a way to enjoy the changes? How have you encouraged her socially?

This is where DNGAF really applies. She’s shitting all over you to her family. DNGAF. She hates it there. DNGAF. STFU. Work on yourself. Lose weight, gain muscle, read, meet people, make friends, have fun with her. You can lead her, but you must be a leader. Be a worthy man that leads, not a drunk captain, that you’ve probably been.

The same shit thinking that got you into this mess is not going to get you out of it. Become a man with such a high value that she wants nothing else to stay with you in your new location. STFU with the divorce talk. You’re butthurt she’s bad mouthing you. DNGAF about that. Be a man, improve yourself with every book, every meal, every workout. Good luck, you’re gonna need it.

BobbyPeru · 2017-12-29T05:10:33+00:00

I've just gone broken record and told her it's not happening and it's not good for our son. Shes got one more time to threaten to leave before I get papers,

Right technique (broken record) wrong subject. You’re DEERing.

You’re broken record should be, “If you want out, the door is right there.”

BTW, I knew you were fat before I even read it in the comments. Lift, and get in the gym ... that will remove some of the fear. You’re scared to death of her and what she thinks.

cholomite · 2017-12-29T13:44:28+00:00

I don't have kids, so I don't know what it's like to have a new baby, but I do know what it's like to move with your girl to a new place where you don't know anyone and her social circle has shrunk to just one person (you).

I'm sure it's difficult taking care of a new baby, and when women experience difficulty, they rely on their social network for help, and for validation that she is doing a good job. What is your social circle like in your new town? Does she have friends she can go out with? Do you have friends you can go out with and take her along, that will accept her and make her feel like she is a part of your group? A man alone in the woods can survive, a woman alone in the woods won't last long.

Check out this post by /u/archwinger on the importance of being socially active and cultivating a good social circle.

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3uuxzp/be_a_social_dynamo_so_she_doesnt_have_to_be/

Whenever a new opportunity or a big change occurs, women always seem to imagine the best possible outcome, or expect you to be able to achieve that outcome. When I moved away with my girlfriend (prior to discovering the redpill), I could tell she had this fantasy that I would show up, conquer this new town and be getting invited out every weekend by my new group of cool friends that I suddenly became the defacto leader of. Needless to say that didn't happen, and it was mostly just her and I eating pizza and watching Netflix on weekends and she was miserable. It wasn't until I actually got out there and made friends that she could consider "in" with that she began to enjoy our new home.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2017-12-29T03:03:34+00:00

Read WISNIFG and start setting boundaries. Take a look at your post and you tell us what boundary needs to be set first.

And STOP TRYING TO LOGICALLY EXPLAIN THINGS TO YOUR WIFE!

BostonBrakeJob · 2017-12-29T03:23:00+00:00

The best use I've found for logic is to figure out whether my wife and I are having a conversation, or if she's speaking in her native, womanese tongue. When air-tight logic fails, it's not a conversation. And any attempt to look at it as such is a step further into her frame.

So, what do you suppose she's really saying when "I want to move back" comes outta her mouth?

And, is "if she brings it up 1 more time I'm divorcing her ass" really the best position to be in as the Captain of the ship that is now anchored 1,000 miles away from everything familiar to you both?

Pull back, look at the bigger picture, figure out what she's really saying, and address that the way a Capt. would to his FO.

IndependentKirk · 2017-12-29T14:29:22+00:00

A woman 3 months pregnant versus 12 weeks post-birth can be WORLDS apart in their mentality. Her entire support system has been removed and now she is stuck at home with a new baby every day. Does she have any friends? Do you attend a church? Does she have any social structure or support system at all? If not, then it can be incredibly daunting especially if the baby is anything but the perfect angel. Difficulty with breast feeding, sleep deprivation, feeling trapped, postpartum depression. All these things could be at play here.

If you're going to stay put, I would recommend start putting down some roots. Get some friends. Go to a local church. Something! This can be a difficult time for a woman. All those happy pregnancy hormones and post-delivery oxytocin are crashing and she's feeling terrible.

SeamusAwl · 2017-12-29T05:18:57+00:00

It is not a fucking shit test you fat fuck. A shit test is something that a woman does to a man she finds vaguely attractive. No one finds your fat ass attractive. How about you lose 50lbs then revisit the issues.

darkscout59 · 2017-12-29T03:38:40+00:00

Married or divorced. The court won't let her move away. She can get her shit together and be a 1st officer or live in a row boat on her own near by. She can't go home unless she leaves the kid behind.

hystericalbonding · 2017-12-29T04:25:14+00:00

I've tried logically explaining how it a not feasible to move back as there are no jobs in my field that pay enough

Framed yourself as a victim. She'll see it as a tragedy instead of an opportunity.

not to mention I have zero desire to ever come back

The reason that matters.

Cre4tiveUserN4me · 2017-12-29T16:40:20+00:00

How often are you taking her out? Exploring the new town, finding social groups? Get her into a mother's group. Craft group, yoga, whatever.

Are you being awesome and giving her a reason to want to stay?

She needs bulk comfort and your giving her bulk dread.

red-sfpplus · 2017-12-29T15:01:49+00:00

Sounds like she needs to get a job.

screechhater · 2017-12-29T15:03:56+00:00

and ?

So, am I supposed to feel sorry for you since you are such a victim in this shitty life you live ?

plein_old · 2017-12-29T15:54:36+00:00

Have you tried being happy and joyful in spite of whatever your wife says?

Maybe she is feeding off your irritation, and expressing it as irrational complaints? Maybe she is picking up on your willingness to divorce her as a solution? Maybe the new child is making her feel anxious in ways she's not used to?

When people say "idgaf" what they mean is being happy and relaxed. You can listen to a loved one's irrational complaints, even daily for a few minutes, but you don't have to get butthurt about them unless you want to and think it will provide value to you and your family.

P.S. Do you have a man cave or a hobby or male friendships that you can take refuge in for a couple hours each week?

[deleted] · 2017-12-29T18:12:07+00:00

She was all about it and encouraged me to jump on the offer and bragged to her family and coworkers how she would get to live the dream and be a kept woman.

Did you take the job offer because YOU wanted it and YOU thought it was best for YOU and your family? Or because she wanted it?

We move, life happens, she starts complaining about being so far away from her mom after her and my families both failed to get their shit together enough to be there for the birth or even to visit.

This is a comfort test.

Shes got one more time to threaten to leave before I get papers, I guess.

Has she actually threatened to leave? Has she actually threatened to get a divorce? That is not a test. That is not a shit test or a comfort test. That is a statement that if x happens or does not happen, I will take y action. That isn't a test. That's a statement of intent.

bogeyd6 · 2017-12-30T04:22:50+00:00

Show weakness where you are strong, show strength where you are weak.

zurgenfloggin · 2017-12-29T03:14:54+00:00

Listen, sometimes you figure out you chose poorly. I’d tell her clearly (perhaps you have), “I’m not ok with your behavior and if you are honest I think it’s because you are not happy. Perhaps we should just call it and split. You can find another guy. There are plenty of women for me. Listen, I’d like to make this work, but I have too much respect for myself to continue hearing the bullshit you keep saying. You’ve burned through my patience now.

If you want to make this work then I’m in. If I hear one more time xxxxxxxxx then you’ll get divorce papers. I’ll give you one day to answer me or I’ll make my decision without your input.”

Title	Wife has found my frame weakness
Author	fatguytough
Upvotes	8
Comments	34
Date	29 December 2017 02:52 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	askMRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/205015
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7mrimt/wife_has_found_my_frame_weakness/