I fucked up last night and am unsure how to proceed.

Got married in January and wife and I are in the process of buying a home together. Wife dragged her feet changing her name, but is going to do it this week so that we can finalize paperwork with the home.

Last night she tells me that she wants to hyphenate because of her degrees. She has a clinical doctorate with her maiden name on her diplomas and certifications. Although not a physician, she technically has the “Dr.” title. I told her don't really understand how/why changing your name affects that. It's just the name on the piece of paper, her degrees and licenses don't get revoked as a result of her changing her name. She is in year 2 of her career…so it’s not as though she has built a huge reputation in the field with the maiden name.

She still insists on hyphenating.

I then fucked up, got angry, lost frame, and did something petty. I told her if she isn't taking my name and dropping hers, then I am not wearing a wedding band any longer. For context, I was against wearing a wedding band initially. She said it was important to her, so I caved and have been wearing one since the wedding. I don't like jewelry and cannot lift with it on (I take it off every day during workouts). Nonetheless, I wear it for her. During the argument I told her that if she can't do the name change for me, then I am no longer wearing the ring for her. She said "fine, then don't wear it." I took it off immediately which resulted in her storming off to bed in tears 3 hours earlier than usual bedtime.

I understand that my reaction was ridiculous. I used the wedding ring as a petty, tit-for-tat way to hurt her. I didn’t take the ring off for righteous reasons, I did it because I was acting like a passive aggressive petty butt hurt little bitch. I tried using the ring to manipulate her into doing what I wanted, instead of just demanding what I wanted.

Now I don’t know where to go from here. I feel foolish for doing that, but putting the ring back on at this point feels like a bitch move. It upsets me that she doesn’t want to take my name. Just as it upset her that I took off the ring. Taking a man’s name is old tradition that is important to me…just as the man wearing a ring is an old tradition that is important to her. It seems like a fair compromise. But the way that I presented it as an ultimatum makes me feel weak and contradictory to everything that I’ve learned on this sub.

So I haven’t decided if I should put it back on before walking in the door or not. We went to bed and left for work without speaking to each other. She texted me a couple hours later with an ad for a bedroom set she likes for the new house – which is her passive aggressive way of breaking the silence and trying to make peace with me.

My gut tells me that even though this was a bitch move on my part, I have to ride it out and double down at this point. I should NOT put the ring back on, but go home acting like nothing happened, nothing is wrong, and just be my usual happy positive self. If she brings up the ring I will just matter factly say that I thought we discussed this: I will wear the ring once she changes her name. But will make sure to say this in a non-angry, casual way.

What would have been the ideal way to respond initially? And at this point what is the best course of action? Should I attempt the approach above?