Don't you guys every get legit angry at your spouse?

cholomite · 2017-08-03T18:04:22+00:00

"She will make me"

She doesn't make you do shit bruh, she just prompts you and you fall for it every time. That shit is on you. Repeat yourself once, then tease her 9 times, I bet you'll get less angry.

drty_pr · 2017-08-03T18:20:01+00:00

Went to the park, a 4 year old called me a poopy head. I tried to tell her it was a tan, and not poop. she laughed at me and called it to me again.

I fucking lost it.

Now, if she hit my dog, I'll drop kick her 4 year old ass into next week. Kids generally don't kick dogs though, so it's never come up.

[deleted] · 2017-08-03T18:43:51+00:00

how the fuck do you get mad at HER for your lack of leadership and your shitty ability to pick a spouse?

[deleted] · 2017-08-03T17:54:30+00:00

Your definition of legit is pretty low.

You let yourself get annoyed or angry and show it over this petty crap and it's a major reflection on your non-ability to control yourself.

What, specifically, did you have to repeat 10 times and was there no other solution than to rely on her for said thing?

Or she will play detective and ask 100 questions about a specific topic I don't want to discuss. If I say I don't want to discuss that. It's 100 more questions to the point I want to agree and amplify the length of her neck.

What the hell is she grilling you over? Can you not physically leave if she is not taking the a&a for a non-answer?

[EDIT] also another takeaway on control: if you weed out your reactionary impulses and get chill... the moments when righteous anger (in METERED and always PROPORTIONAL) is EVER (the .0001% of the time...) called for stick out like a sore thumb. So work on GLF (giving a lot less of them) and O.I. for the time you have a bug in your ear that can't stop buggin'.

rocknrollchuck · 2017-08-03T18:49:14+00:00

Walking on Eggshells

BobbyPeru · 2017-08-03T21:54:41+00:00

Frame is a process, not an event. It takes work and time.

chachaChad · 2017-08-03T18:01:08+00:00

I totally get it. It funny how the one person you love most in life can piss you off so easily. I've been in similar position. Here are my comments.

She doesn't make you get angry. You make you get angry. As dumb as that sounds, it's true. You need to learn how to control you emotions. It doesn't matter what she does, you need to keep calm and remain at an emotional 2 of 10. Whatever she says, whatever she does, you're OK. Let her yell. So what? You're a rock. You're a oak. Plant your feet on the ground and let the winds rage. Stop losing your cool. Start keeping your cool. Do not get loud. Keep calm and speak calmly.

Hit the side bar and continue your reading. Read No More Mr. Nice Guy and then When I say No, I Feel Guilty. The second book is going to give you techniques to handle her questions and how to stand up for yourself.

I know you're joking about violence but don't even go there. You're totally above that.

Some of those questions may be either shit tests or comfort tests. Read up on them and learn how to identify and pass them. This took me a long time to figure out. First, I started being able to identify them but couldn't really pass them but at least I was able to start to see them.

Get to therapy if you have to. Good luck!

2ndal · 2017-08-03T18:12:44+00:00

This community is here to help you, but not spoon feed you. Don't overdo it with the questions—especially for situations where answers will come easier over time with experience. Spend your time reading instead. Apply what you learn in the situations you face and note the reactions. Learn from it. Iterate.

Downhere_Seeds · 2017-08-03T20:37:10+00:00

If you feel yourself getting to upset, you can walk away. Walking away can be a powerful way to end an argument without getting angry and still proving your point.

TonkaXcranK · 2017-08-03T21:25:35+00:00

Best quote I've come across while in my own journey of self betterment, "we cause 100% of the problems we face."

Keep OYS! At first the thought of her being the most responsible teenage was down right rude and biased. Well, my eyes have been opened now, just by the actions of the past few days. (Married for 4 years so far). Learn from my Naïveté.

screechhater · 2017-08-03T21:50:03+00:00

Past it.

Indifferent now

Over60Loser pointed out I was tripping on my dick with anger spewithing over the rim

Eventually, your work here will propell you into indifferent, this, is exactly when you set the calendar and decide, is this fuck tonight a palcate ? to get me off of her for a few days ? Or, "shrug" take it or leave it, I'm not falling into the anger trap anymore.

Indifferent is when you can laugh shit off and see it for what it is

Why in the fuck is you repeating yourself Do you not know understand a shit test ? Read the Sidebar >>>>>

sempernullus · 2017-08-03T23:03:19+00:00

Here's what I've found over the past 12 months. My frame almost entirely dependent on lifting. If I'm consistent in the gym, my frame is consistent. If I end up with a 80 hour work week 4 weeks in a row & never hit the weights my frame literally goes to shit.

Tldr; LIFT

donedreadpirate · 2017-08-03T23:05:28+00:00

Sounds like you didn't read one of the first books in the sidebar. She makes you repeat something 10 times? You give her time to ask 100 questions about something you're uninterested in?

BluepillProfessor · 2017-08-04T15:45:08+00:00

TLDR wife knows how to push my buttons but it is up to me how I react to those buttons (and as soon as I figure that out I won't have any more questions like this).

Who is your master? Anyone who has control over things upon which you’ve set your heart, or over things which you seek to avoid

Of things that exist, some are in our power and some are not in our power. Those that are in our power are conception, choice, desire, aversion, and in a word, those things that are our own doing. Those that are not under our control are the body, property or possessions, reputation, positions of authority, and in a word, such things that are not our own doing."

It isn’t the events themselves that disturb people, but only their judgements about them.

Epictetus

slappysq · 2017-08-07T18:24:11+00:00

A general never gets angry at a buck private for being late and hungover for formation. He will make sure that the private is disciplined, but never gets mad.

If she does something I don't like, then that is on ME for failing to set expectations, enforce boundaries, and lead.

If you get angry ever with your wife, you need to sidebar and stop posting.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2017-08-03T19:42:12+00:00

Thanks for providing examples. You showed conclusively that you've got zero frame. You are angry at yourself for being a beta pussy. Back to the sidebar and lifting for you.

Title	Don't you guys every get legit angry at your spouse?
Author	starky000001
Upvotes	2
Comments	59
Date	August 3, 2017 5:37 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6rdyyk/dont_you_guys_every_get_legit_angry_at_your_spouse/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/dont-you-guys-every-get-legit-angry-at-your-spouse.205757 https://theredarchive.com/post/205757

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