664,807 posts

Half my life wasted.

by discipleofthered | January 22, 2017 | askMRP

23 upvotes

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New account for my journey.

Fuck... I'm 33 years old, I'm just discovering this now? Fuck you, society. Fuck you, Hollywood. Fuck you, women!

I know what you're going to say, sidebar, lift, etc. I promise you I'm on it. I made a shitty post on an image site about how my wife and kids disrespect me and how miserable and trapped I felt. Typical Vinnie the victim shit. Some guy messaged me and pointed at this sub. This was during the Christmas holiday so I had some time to check it out. My mind was blown, my entire marriage is a complete clusterfuck and IT'S MY FAULT! She doesn't love me, I'm just her best option right now. Since then, I've read every post going back weeks on here,/r/marriedredpill and /r/theredpill. I've read NMMNG, I've started WISNIFG, I've started SL5x5, I've changed my haircut and I've tidied up my pubes. In short I am unplugging.

In the mean time, I'm fucking pissed off. I did everything that 'good men' do. All it got me was a disrespectful, undermining wife, no sex and kids that I don't like. I've lived like this for 33 years. I could have fucked all those gorgeous women 15 years ago! Instead I fucked fat girls and psychos thinking that was all I could get. The stupid thing is, I can look back and see the random times when I did unknowingly act alpha and got what I wanted. The time I was in a bad mood and was over the top sarcastic, passing shit tests. The time I was preoccupied with a problem and left the marital bed after having sex refused. I was genuinely confused as to why she came downstairs naked and begged me to come back. AAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH. Why do we tell men to suppress their masculinity? What's wrong with men being men? WHY THE FUCK ARE WE DOING THIS TO MEN AND BOYS?

Since I've started taking responsibility for my problems I have discovered: Our finances are fucking disgraceful, we're in debt up to our eyeballs, have no savings and are one month away from missing rent. From now on, these are my finances and I will correct them. Our house is falling apart, the garden is a shithole, there is black mold everywhere, door handles broken, paint peeling, windows rusted shut. From now on, this is my house and I will repair it. My body is disgusting. I'm at least 8 stone overweight and weak as a kitten. From now on, my body will be put on the pedestal in place of my wife. I will give it what it needs. My career is stagnant, I'm a massive pussy at work and get walked all over. I'm so eager to please that I tolerate bullshit from men that are less intelligent than me. From now on, I will look my colleagues in the eye and tell them that my engineering expertise is what needs to be applied. Not their ego driven intuition. I will lead myself first, then I will lead my family.

Here's the worst part. My step daughter has gotten herself hooked up with a controlling, no prospects pussy of a boyfriend. That's what I've been for years and it's what she expects in a relationship. Why? Because she is replicating the relationship I have with my wife. However, this is a problem that should rectify itself when she goes to uni, by which time she will see what the head of the family should look like.

I know that I am the problem. I know that I need to fix myself. I know that I must become the man that I would admire not by hoping, and praying or talking about it but by doing it. I must start believing that I am the man that leads himself and others. I have already started, I will use this sub to make sure I do not stop.

No more Billy Beta, no more Vinnie Victim. Lads, My journey has started. I've started recognising shit and comfort tests. I have a dry sense of humour and a predisposition to sarcasm so that seems to help. I've gotten laid 6 times over the last two weeks and now that she is on shark week, I've had a few BJs instead. I don't even need to initiate half the time. It's like she wants to blow me. I can also fuck without cumming in 30 seconds. I used to be so worried about making sure she got off (so she'd fuck me more often) that the tension got too much and I'd just nut.

Here's the kicker, Now I couldn't care less if she fucks me or not, I don't care if she cums even though she does. I just don't fancy her anymore. I fuck her because it's better than a wank. When I think about it, her pussy feels exactly the same as those other pussies I've put my dick in before. I'm angry with her. I know it's not her fault, you don't get pissed off at a shark for biting off your arm but that doesn't stop the pain, it just makes you not want to go swimming again.

To the guy who messaged me. Thank you, you've saved my life. To the rest of you, sorry for victim puking. I know I should channel the anger but I needed to quantify it on paper first. That is what this is. Gentlemen, the future is bright, the future is red and delivered in pill form.

Hit me with your best shots.


Post Information
Title Half my life wasted.
Author discipleofthered
Upvotes 23
Comments 58
Date 22 January 2017 04:44 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206617
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5phxzl/half_my_life_wasted/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Everyone gets one, don't sweat it.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you don't like your kids, that's your fault. No theirs. Clean that shit up.

[–]discipleofthered[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I accept that. I should rephrase 'don't' to 'didn't' like them because they showed no respect considering how I brought in the income and ran them around. However, I realise this is a covert contract and beta behaviour, toward children, that makes it even worse. I realise I have not shown them a leader worthy of respect, so why should they? This WILL change.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

Ah yes, the Anger Phase. May it fuel your lifts and spur you to act. Take it slow, Rambo.

[–]discipleofthered[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you, I'm not thinking of her yet, I owe myself a little attention first. I will do the bare minimum with her as regards shit tests etc until I've established want I want right now and form a roadmap towards it.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

NMMNG and a general STFU position regarding initial disagreement. Texting for beginners is for logistics only. Do not direct life's resentment towards children, even though immediately immersed in RP rage. Unplugged is not a friendly position initially.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I found Book of Pook to be great for getting out of the initial anger phase. Great way to change ones outlook to having fun with your SO. Once you stop taking yourself and her so seriously, it's a lot easier to get over the rage.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ah. The warmth of a nice, roaring fire.

[–]Chinchilla_the_Hun0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Reminds me of that scene in The Shawshank Redemption where the new, cocky, Elvis-looking inmate starts giving the old-timers guff; Red says something along the lines of, "we all took an instant liking to him."

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

you get one victim puke. Plus, you have your stuff together better tha 90% of the victim pukes here.

Heck, you are already making visible forward progress. Good for you. Call us when you get stuck.

[–]discipleofthered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for the encouragement, I'm positive that one day I'll be able to give as much as I will take from this place.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're 110 pounds overweight. Are you planning to deal with that? I don't see it in your post.

[–]discipleofthered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, IF and learning to cook for myself. I should have mentioned that.

[–]HerukaRising4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy

Two comments: 1) Finances: Try YNAB. I've found it very useful. 2) Work: Don't go Red Pill Rambo at work. You don't want to get in trouble with people who hold financial power over you. Be patient, work on yourself and make your move when the time is right and you know what you are doing.

[–]discipleofthered[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

1) Finances: Try YNAB. I've found it very useful.

Thank you, I'll check it out.

2) Work: Don't go Red Pill Rambo at work.

Good advice, my boss is generally decent. However, my peers have no right over-riding me. I'll start slow and gradually ramp up the assertiveness.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

/very/ slow. Maybe we should do a frame for work post ...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"The 48 Laws of Power" has a lot to say about the workplace.

[–]Mecha750 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

YNAB? What is this?

[–]HerukaRising1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's a software for budgeting, tracking expenses and setting financial goals. And it is based on a certain philosophy or principles. I have struggled with my finances myself and found it helpful. To me, it's not unlike the program I follow when lifting, only in this case it's about finances. It may not be for everyone, but Google it if you're interested.

[–]Mecha750 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. I might need that.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I second YNAB. Check out financier. io tho for a cheaper less fucked up version of web based YNAB. YNAB 4 is waaay superior to the web version.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Nobody gives a shit that you're angry or that you wasted half your life. We'll start giving a shit when you start proving.

[–]discipleofthered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good, I'll look forward to sharing my progress.

[–]GreetingsFromErf0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

A victim doesn't take responsibility for cleaning up the mess. You can acknowledge having been fed a shit sandwich without becoming a victim.

I wish I would have woke up at 33. I was 46 when I finally started figuring it out. You'll be fine. Lot's of life left after 36. Hell, you are just reaching peak SMV.

[–]discipleofthered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the encouragement. It's reassuring to know that it's never too late to start.

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I found this place at 45. In the midst of a decaying second marriage. Everything will be ok brother. Stop being weak. Channel this anger. Sounds like you are.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Own Your Shit and move forward

God Speed

[–]gizmozed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was 42 when I figured this stuff out and there was no "red pill" then.

Yes, it is hard but better late than never. You have plenty of time to right the ship and after all, most men NEVER figure it out.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

From now on, I will look my colleagues in the eye and tell them that my engineering expertise is what needs to be applied. Not their ego driven intuition.

Careful their rambengineer with your career. Listen to your operators, mechanics, and designers. Their rationale behind their observation is mostly wrong, but their observation and often proposed solution is very often very correct. Never wave your title/diploma around. Your ideas stand alone, just like every other man.

[–]discipleofthered[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Of course, you're right. The people working with the equipment have a good sense of what works for them and what doesn't. I realise that all men have an end objective and finding the right compromise between those objectives is the key. However, there have been expensive production failures that could have been avoided if I'd asserted myself more in a prior meeting.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Always assert yourself, and don't back down unless someone convinces you are wrong. Several times in my career I have pissed off these guys so bad that I could tell physical assault was a possibility; and was once picked up by the collar in a conference room (lol).

That being said, you have show respect to the experience and win the battle on the merits. You're on the right track. How to win friends and influence people is an excellent book in this regard.

Why do you never argue with an engineer? He enjoys it!

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Cathartic, isn't it. Now that you feel better get to work. Anger stage is a real thing and it is why we use the whole red pill analogy. Sometimes it fucks up your whole world.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

I suspected troll until I saw "step daughter" and realized this was too perfect for even the losers making shit up.

Go ahead and be angry bro. Anger is exactly what a wronged man should be feeling. Anger is righteous and will fuel your improvement. Anyone who tells you different is shaming you to conform. Fuck em, be angry and make shit better. This is your life and it belongs to nobody else.

Once it is better, you may find as I did, that the anger fades and you kinda miss it. All the pain and lies brought you to freedom and our time is limited so make the most of it and good fucking luck!

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

How exactly has he been wronged? He's 110 pounds overweight and has been completely ignoring his home and finances. He's not even a good beta, much less an alpha. I'm not sure what else he really expects.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy

He was wronged by programming and he he was sold a false narrative that was written to enslave him with invisible handcuffs.

He was unaware that he needed to look good after marrying. Wild stories like:

True love

inner beauty

soul mate nonsense

He also expected to be loved for who he is not what he provides.

You make good points on WHY she disrespects him but you fail to see that he didn't know those reasons matter.

I literally told my middle schooler today that women are fickle and its great when they like you (they love his cocky ass) as it may reflect your hard work. I ALSO said that its a temporary feeling meant to trick you into slowing down and never fully trust that so good- good feeling. Instead, treat women like the playthings they are. Bitches are amusing, adorable and fun but dangerous when taken serious

A good father teaches his boy that women are parasites that cannot survive without a man yet he can thrive with or without women and one that treats him well is always available so expect and demand nothing less.

OP never learned this. In fact, he was told the opposite and it was premeditated disinformation so yea.... He has his own goddamn permission to be pissed and move on.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

so yea.... He has his own goddamn permission to be pissed and move on.

Dwelling on it like a bitch, however, is not an option. No victims at the Captains Table.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Is this a general statement or do you mean the OP who just had the Red pill shoved up his ass 3 weeks ago?

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

In general.

OP still has unplugging PTSD.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I dont even see that. I see a guy who learned a new language and is searching for people to speak it with. This guy couldnt go back if he tried

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Unless Chad's dick or Feelz for an orbiter run amok have a bitch on tilt and the pill is given to a man via suppository, any guy wandering in can try to build a better beta due to faulty mindset.

This guy is actually at an advantage, because he's genuinely repulsed by the big lie, and that he was blind to see it. His focus is immediately on himself, and not "tricking my wife to have more sex with me."

I'm actually hopeful for OP, because his motivation comes from the right place.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well put, I see the same and expect OP to be a good wingman in 2018.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Give me a fucking break. His wife deserves a gold star for sticking with him this long. Hopefully he'll turn things around.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Get over to the main thread and start posting on the weekly Own You Shit sticky.

And welcome Vinnie

[–]discipleofthered[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, it's good to be here, I will be fully engaged for OYS.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Welcome to the club. Use that anger to fuel your visits to the iron temple

Hear the wise words of Tupac Shakur as your preworkout mantra "That's why I fucked your bitch you fat mother fucker". I have no idea how much 8 stone too much is in pounds bit it sounds like a fuck ton.

Fix yourself. Maybe she improves with you, maybe she doesn't. MRP fixes men, not relationships. Good luck. See you in OYS this week.

[–]discipleofthered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, I look forward to journey and what I will grow into, anything else is simply a bonus.

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Very little ego in there man. That's good. Make sure that you actually see all the problems as yours with viable solutions and you're not just using that cliche statement to blanket all your problems back on those around you.

Make sure you chill the fuck out when talking to your wife. If you have the same attitude towards her that you did in the post, you're going to have a bad time. This is why monk mode is recommended so uou don't burn the farm down....yet.

Question: you say kids you don't like. Are they yours?

Half my life wasted

YOU'RE ONLY 33 MOTHER FUCKER! SAME AS ME. HALF MY FUCKIN LIFE ISNT OVER YET! DROP THIS DEFEATIST ATTITUDE.

Best of luck

[–]discipleofthered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ha ha, Noted, thank you. I'm gonna make sure I enjoy the fuck out of my thirties, forties, etc. I've managed to keep the tone level and even with her so far but I think I need to do a better job of channeling it into building my body or my character. Four older ones are my step kids, the youngest is biologically mine.

[–]iloveairplane-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Anger phase?

Just look on the bright side - you didn't find this at 40. There is always a bright side. You can't give any fucks about what you could have done or who you could have done....that is in the past.

All you have to look forward to is your glorious future now! Get out of the anger phase, learn to respect yourself and like who you are.

Be attractive, don't be unattractive.

[–]discipleofthered[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Solid words, thank you. I will be the optimum man I can be thanks to the knowledge in the manosphere.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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