New account for my journey.
Fuck... I'm 33 years old, I'm just discovering this now? Fuck you, society. Fuck you, Hollywood. Fuck you, women!
I know what you're going to say, sidebar, lift, etc. I promise you I'm on it. I made a shitty post on an image site about how my wife and kids disrespect me and how miserable and trapped I felt. Typical Vinnie the victim shit. Some guy messaged me and pointed at this sub. This was during the Christmas holiday so I had some time to check it out. My mind was blown, my entire marriage is a complete clusterfuck and IT'S MY FAULT! She doesn't love me, I'm just her best option right now. Since then, I've read every post going back weeks on here,/r/marriedredpill and /r/theredpill. I've read NMMNG, I've started WISNIFG, I've started SL5x5, I've changed my haircut and I've tidied up my pubes. In short I am unplugging.
In the mean time, I'm fucking pissed off. I did everything that 'good men' do. All it got me was a disrespectful, undermining wife, no sex and kids that I don't like. I've lived like this for 33 years. I could have fucked all those gorgeous women 15 years ago! Instead I fucked fat girls and psychos thinking that was all I could get. The stupid thing is, I can look back and see the random times when I did unknowingly act alpha and got what I wanted. The time I was in a bad mood and was over the top sarcastic, passing shit tests. The time I was preoccupied with a problem and left the marital bed after having sex refused. I was genuinely confused as to why she came downstairs naked and begged me to come back. AAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH. Why do we tell men to suppress their masculinity? What's wrong with men being men? WHY THE FUCK ARE WE DOING THIS TO MEN AND BOYS?
Since I've started taking responsibility for my problems I have discovered: Our finances are fucking disgraceful, we're in debt up to our eyeballs, have no savings and are one month away from missing rent. From now on, these are my finances and I will correct them. Our house is falling apart, the garden is a shithole, there is black mold everywhere, door handles broken, paint peeling, windows rusted shut. From now on, this is my house and I will repair it. My body is disgusting. I'm at least 8 stone overweight and weak as a kitten. From now on, my body will be put on the pedestal in place of my wife. I will give it what it needs. My career is stagnant, I'm a massive pussy at work and get walked all over. I'm so eager to please that I tolerate bullshit from men that are less intelligent than me. From now on, I will look my colleagues in the eye and tell them that my engineering expertise is what needs to be applied. Not their ego driven intuition. I will lead myself first, then I will lead my family.
Here's the worst part. My step daughter has gotten herself hooked up with a controlling, no prospects pussy of a boyfriend. That's what I've been for years and it's what she expects in a relationship. Why? Because she is replicating the relationship I have with my wife. However, this is a problem that should rectify itself when she goes to uni, by which time she will see what the head of the family should look like.
I know that I am the problem. I know that I need to fix myself. I know that I must become the man that I would admire not by hoping, and praying or talking about it but by doing it. I must start believing that I am the man that leads himself and others. I have already started, I will use this sub to make sure I do not stop.
No more Billy Beta, no more Vinnie Victim. Lads, My journey has started. I've started recognising shit and comfort tests. I have a dry sense of humour and a predisposition to sarcasm so that seems to help. I've gotten laid 6 times over the last two weeks and now that she is on shark week, I've had a few BJs instead. I don't even need to initiate half the time. It's like she wants to blow me. I can also fuck without cumming in 30 seconds. I used to be so worried about making sure she got off (so she'd fuck me more often) that the tension got too much and I'd just nut.
Here's the kicker, Now I couldn't care less if she fucks me or not, I don't care if she cums even though she does. I just don't fancy her anymore. I fuck her because it's better than a wank. When I think about it, her pussy feels exactly the same as those other pussies I've put my dick in before. I'm angry with her. I know it's not her fault, you don't get pissed off at a shark for biting off your arm but that doesn't stop the pain, it just makes you not want to go swimming again.
To the guy who messaged me. Thank you, you've saved my life. To the rest of you, sorry for victim puking. I know I should channel the anger but I needed to quantify it on paper first. That is what this is. Gentlemen, the future is bright, the future is red and delivered in pill form.
Hit me with your best shots.