Odd change in behaviour

BluepillProfessor · 2016-12-23T15:56:19+00:00

Only you can tell but this is one of two things.

Emotional or physical affair and she is looking for an excuse to do what she is thinking about doing or to justify what she has done. Solution, Key log her accounts.
Wife wants an independent husband who is not a needy boyfriend type. Solution, dread level 4. Get busy! Stop hitting on girls and pursuing active dread. The wife sees it is fake and knows that no other woman would have you.

My money is on 2.

470_2_700_nm · 2016-12-23T13:58:24+00:00

dunno to some of the replies here. They may be over-reacting. On MRP we have strong fantasy lives and often come up with something like "She looked at you funny? she MUST Be gorging on someone else's cock while you are in the shower!"

I had those sort of thoughts, and got replies like that, during my anger phase. It was not helpful.

C'mon, get real. It is possible that you are clingy (are you?) and she needs a break from the kids and you don't have enough of your own friends (do you?) so she is setting you up with hers.

My biggest thought: When she tells you to take the kids to do X, ADD something to it. Instead of ice-skating, take them skiing. Whatever. Just make it YOUR plan.

One thing no one has said is that some women like to put you in the no-win situation for power purposes. Classic example is you ask what's wrong, she says I'M FINE. If you leave her alone you are an uncaring jerk. If you continue to probe then "you didn't listen, she clearly wanted to be left alone!"

The red pill offers some solutions for some of these (you wouldn't ask what's wrong or try to solve problems that are clearly hers, you would OAK if she acts like she needs that) - but not all. I suspect "go out with my hot friends" might be one of those damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't situations.

That's great, because the whole damned thing is totally in her frame. Since you can't win anyway, do what YOU WANT. In your shoes, if she was hot, I'd consider going. Point out "yeah, she's hot" if you'd like and she actually is. If she isn't, consider "Not hot enough. Do you have any hotter friends?" (Only do this if you can pull of AA and AM, which it sounds like you can.)

Regarding the movies. Man. Get your OWN friend who wants to see the movie and go with him. Make it about you - not about her using her friendships to help get you out of the house.

Overall, that advice works: get your own friends, be proactive, plan your own stuff with the kids. If she's cheating, emotionally or actually, you're f--ed anyway and you'll find out soon enough. Go be an awesome dad and a great man and stop worrying about her.

TL;DR - GET OUT OF HER FRAME.

Capisce?

mrpthrowa · 2016-12-23T20:29:39+00:00

Women use subtext. The subtext here is she is likley in some form of romantic relationship (whether physical or not) and thinks it's ok, and wants you to think it's ok by doing something similar.

[deleted] · 2016-12-23T12:04:03+00:00

Is she the independent type? These women, a rare breed, are like cats. They don't want much time and attention. They're fickle in their displays of affection. Make sure you're not being too available to her.

nastynickdr · 2016-12-23T14:21:05+00:00

I´d say she wants to hamster that her cheating is OK if you are too. Most people here are against it, but i would keylog her.

I´ve actually HEARD this from some female intern where i work, basically saying that her cheating on her BF is ok, because if she ever found out that her BF cheated on her she would forgive him, so its all good.

If I were you and didnt have kids, would be walk time.

Kosmoknots · 2016-12-24T10:10:38+00:00

I think you can rule out her having someone on her side by watching her actions. If her phone never leaves her side, or she panics if you use it, then she is hiding something.

More importantly, get out of her frame.

UEMcGill · 2016-12-23T14:17:17+00:00

Brother you've been here a year. Judge a woman by her actions, not her words.

Her suggesting spending time away from her is a red flag. When things get tough my wife craves my proximity. She sleeps better, she's calmer, etc.

Hard no's because you're trying to Fuck her while she gets dinner ready are different then hard no's when the house is empty and kids are at grandma's.

What do her actions say in the context of something like Rollo's killing the puppy?

If you suspect inpropriety you should investigate; trust but verify. Also have there been a ton of comfort tests? Is she generally apathetic?

The two week test applies here; if something is going on for more than 2 weeks you need to be a man of action. I'm not saying this is the case, but women who are apathetic tend to have given up. That could mean she's already made her exit plan or she's just done and doesn't know what to do.

What else is going on?

innominating · 2016-12-23T12:32:43+00:00

Work on yourself and get a keylogger on her phone.

screechhater · 2016-12-23T12:34:06+00:00

She's checked out and the guilt is pushing her to keep this shit up.

Actions- what is her behavior with the phone ?

Keep foot on gas with the dread. Don't give in.

Careful, no oneitis my friend, you have come a long way. Remember that.

She may be ploying you with the other if she is constantly pushing you to the other. Don't take the bait.

[deleted] · 2016-12-23T20:34:03+00:00

I have read this several times now. If the medium is the message:

1.) Hall pass offered, twice

2.) Fix up with married friend

3.) Fix up with divorced friend

4.) Hard no's increased

5.) Sexual enthusiasm decreased

6.) Take kids and leave me in town alone.

My guess is, her message is, she wants to spend time with someone. sorry.

Seldom does a woman want out of a marriage by anything other than covert means.

[deleted] · 2016-12-23T14:45:23+00:00

In all this shit about her you're talking about. In all of it, not once did you mention what you wanted here.

Wave your magic faggot wand, what happens? (not talking about what you want her to do either, it only controls what you want)

What you do next really depends on what you want to do here. And the real answer, not that bullshit answer that seems palatable. You know, the one you're going to say, so you don't have to say the real one.

[deleted] · 2016-12-26T23:58:02+00:00

Whatever the result will be (cheating, seeing through you, etc)...the reason behind her behavior is that she views you as a lost cause. She may feel some obligation "help" you as the last dregs of some lingering attachment, or she may be trying to massage her guilty conscience, but end of the day she doesn't respect you.

You said you are at Dread level 5. The dread levels certainly will help build you as a man with other shit on his hands than a shitty wife...but you still need to engage, game her, flirt with her, to bring her around to wanting to follow you. Are you engaging her? Are you leading her WRT finances, nights out, what's for dinner, her responsibilities around the house? Does she respect your wishes when it comes to these things?

470_2_700_nm · 2016-12-23T15:17:38+00:00

I want to say put a PI on her, but what does that accomplish in the end? It will give you a reason to leave her. But right now she IS giving you a reason to leave her. And the ultimate problem at hand is she doesn't see you as the man she needs. She see's other men that way. Let that sink in for a second. Say it out loud to yourself, because that is what is going on man.

Now this is significantly complicated with the kids involved. If I were you I'd want to make sure I covered all the bases to try to keep this relationship going before blowing this thing up. And I also believe that the 12 steps of dread is the best formulae out there.

Your best course of action is to follow BBP's 12 steps. Make sure you are hitting them properly, and if you are not accomplishing dread, ask yourself, why not? You say you are at level 5, but how about posting in askMRP your accomplishments in each stage. Let the brains here critique, perhaps you have skipped over something vital, or are missing something critical.

There is alot of fucking horsepower here to help you, I suggest you take advantage of it.

In the meantime, keep being a good dad, keep on taking care of shit, and for fuck sakes start flirting with woman out there if you are not it will go along way.

Countpudyoola · 2016-12-23T15:10:42+00:00

u/mrpthrowa 's hunch was the same as my own.

And / or she could just be hoping you take it up first THEN she'll feel ok doing it on her on. So it could be now, or she could want the option later.

Also a nice way to get you to do something actionable.

I'd tell her sure, I need that in writing. I, however, still hold you to the binds of our marriage agreement.

In other words: I can fuck around ? Fine. Make it non-actionable. You, however? No. And if it's not really about me it's about you (of course it is...we all know this by now here)... then I'm taking the teeth out.

Then watch. See how she reacts then you'll have a better indication of where this is coming from as well.

Or could be a good start for next season's sister-wives. You guys LDS?

PurpleVeteran · 2016-12-23T16:07:40+00:00

Ways back, my wife suggested twice I should get someone else for sex [...] out of the blue she starts making the sugestion me and her friend go to the movies. [...] Lately sex has become less enthusiastic. Hard no's are plenty.

You say that she's started a new job, so there's certainly an opportunity there for extracurricular activities (or at least the thought of some). You even posted about Chad and Snowflake a few days ago, so this is clearly on your mind.

The other explanation is that the dread game is working too well, and she's trapped in the anxiety that you're looking to cheat/leave. Rather than come right out and confront you, she's floating a balloon and gauging your reaction. Here's JackTen on Dread and Hamster Mazes

You are the best person to judge whether she's pulling back because (a) she wants to move on or (b) she thinks you want to move on. If it's the latter, then it's time to bring on the comfort and support. If not, then yeah, it's time to start covering your bases.

drty_pr · 2016-12-23T17:24:25+00:00

Man, bitches are sneaky! Would you put it by your wife that she would set up her friend to take a stab at you? That way she has you by the short and curlies. She can use it as leverage to get her compliant little beta back or the divorce on her terms?

Be honest with yourself, do you find her friend hot? Do you hit on her? Is there something there? Is she in the wank bank? Even more of a possibility then.

My wife has a good friend who "tells" my wife how hot I am all the time. Wife tells me if we ever split, then she would definitely be down for a throw. Picking the kids up from school the other day and chick stops to talk to me and says "you're looking really good drty". The only thing that I could think is that the 2 of them are testing me in some way? I'd watch out for this bro.

Most importantly, in a situation like this, you can't let the hamster run. It'll eat you alive. You need to be very mentally stable. You need to cross your T's, dot your I's and make sure whatever happens your game is on point and your emotions never make any of your decisions.

Also, is her friends hubby is your friend?

SexistFlyingPig · 2016-12-24T00:07:42+00:00

Dread level 5.

What does this mean to you?

Griever114 · 2016-12-23T17:19:05+00:00

Congrats, she is either fucking someone else or is getting ready to do so. Listen to her actions and not her words (although her words are fucking terrible right now). She wants you to screw someone else, flip the table and divorce rape you. You mentioned "on leave." Can you say "give me your pension for life?"

Get a lawyer now.

Up your game and stop giving her attention. Document everything with your kids. If she doesnt care after a month, follow up with the lawyer and drop the nuke.

Title	Odd change in behaviour
Author	The_Litz
Upvotes	3
Comments	31
Date	December 23, 2016 11:44 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5jwpwz/odd_change_in_behaviour/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/odd-change-in-behaviour.206736 https://theredarchive.com/post/206736