Long time lurker. Married a decade, together for a half more. Three kids, 10, 7 2. Found MRP shortly after MMSL rebranded to MAP. Need to get back to lifting, but when I was actively doing it six months ago, I had exceeded personal records from high school and weighed in at the most I ever have. Insanely low BF and tall by genetics; lifting moved me from the 'underweight' BMI bracket into 'normal'. After birth of 2yo, wife deployed a nuclear ultimatum. I had been "mapping" softly due to pregnancy, and continued this for the lactating year that followed, trying to not rock the boat too much for the hormonal shifts. The nuclear bomb fizzed since I had already started an exit plan, but simply didn't plan on this timing. To clean up the bomb, did two years of the marriage couneling thing with a sex therapist of my choice. Big covert contract that there would something resembling sex afterwards instead of just intercourse, but wife had different plans. Therapy ended last month with a "completion" star sticker, and sexually we now have a handjob option during shark week in addition to the usual missionary that dominated married life. Therapy wasn't a total loss--I now know how much investment she is willing to put in, and it was very helpful for my anger phase. We're somewhere around dread level two or three, and sex is almost never refused. Have read MMSL, NMMNG, WISNIFG over the last year, working on Dalrock and Pook. Listened to every Black and Beige Phillip.

So that's my background in a nutshell. I'm not here for that, but do tell what insights you may have here. I could go on for days about her, but simply won't. On to the subject of the post.

Saturday we had an appointment at a local photo studio for the 2yo's pictures. We usually do a few family shots there as well, so that was in the plans, and we agreed earlier I'd cancel No Shave November for the photos. I get out of the shower and was shaving, I tease her that she missed the opportunity for shower sex, and she tells me to shave the small hairs on my cheekbones. It's nothing that would show up on a photo, and I happen to like the look. This has been a minor bee in her bonnet for a while, and I told her what I always do--I had trimmed them and was not going to shave them. She wanted to talk about it, I said there was nothing to say and talking wouldn't change the decision. She deployed a mini-nuke: "I don't want you in the pictures then". A&A: "Great!. I wish you had told me this half an hour ago, then I could still do no-shave november." Grooming is done so I leave. About 20 minutes later, she comes out and asks me to help her corral the kids at the studio. I say she made it clear I wasn't to be there, and asked if that changed. She leaves. This holding pattern repeats two more times and then she asks why I won't talk about it. "I'm here, let's talk.". A comfort test about family follows, then some minor DEER about my facial hair choices, and ask If I'm still banished or not. She says part of her doesn't want me there, and part of her does. I said she needs to reconcile those two parts and decide which of her parts will be going to the studio. She says she wants me there more and offers a hug... as we close together she scratches her face with her middle finger, and I joke the part that's not going is in this finger... we need to cut it off.

Saturday and Sunday continue without incident. Looking back, Friday night and Saturday morning she turned me down for sex, but neither factored into our shaving discussion. It's been about a week, which is long for us. Sunday she mentions sex at the end of the day, but I felt perplexed that I didn't want any. Now that it's Monday, I've realized from journaling the reason my desire for sexual connection fell of the cliff was likely her excluding me from the pictures.

Today I'm generally grumpy and rough, but really trying to keep my chin up and head on straight. Every month has at least one bad day, and unfortunately that is today. I'm going back to the weight bench today.