Early Sunday morning I kicked my GF out of 1 year (We don't live together, she was sleeping over) for breaking one of the boundaries I had set with her.
Friday night we were laying down together and she got a text message from her ex saying "hey" - I've made it very clear I will not tolerate communicating with exs and she seems to understand, or so i thought.
She assured me she will/would not respond.
I wake up early Sunday morning because her phone goes off and it's a text from him, saying "Yes" so it was very obvious she responded in some manner.
I took a few moments to collect my thoughts, woke her up and told her that I know she responded to her ex after telling me to my face that she wouldn't. I kept my cool, told her she was a liar and that I was done with her.
The rest of the day I had about 10 missed calls and a bunch of texts apologizing, trying to tell me how they are just friends and barely ever talk and all this shit. I think it's important to note that they dated for 8 years in total, which makes me feel insecure about our relationship and it plays a part in why I want him to be gone from her life for good.
We barely communicated, I responded to one or two texts while drunk but I didn't give her much info - she also said that she "loves me" something we have never exchanged before. I ignored it.
My question for those that take the time to respond, am I being to harsh here? Do any of you allow exs in your partners life if they "promise and plead" that it is platonic? - talking maybe once a month, "checking in on how their family is doing?" Never hanging out? What's the point?
How should I handle ex's in the future? I feel that by trying to tell her who she can and can't speak to, reduces my power over her. I have no complaints otherwise with the relationship. She keeps me happy, we have sex as much as I want, and she helps around the house and cooks for me.