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I'm that rare career beta that has arrived at the red pill...

Reddit View
October 30, 2015

I feel like a castaway that just washed ashore after being. I'm 35, married, in a dead bedroom, stagnant career, have been beta ALL my life and digging out of a big fucking hole. I know I have a shit ton of reading/studying ahead and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to turn my life around.


My only question at this time is this. Are there any Morpheus' in the forum that would be willing to work with me? I'm critically low on male friends (surprised?) and desperately need help immediately to fix myself. Any help is appreciated.

Post Information
Title I'm that rare career beta that has arrived at the red pill...
Author Quarter_Century_Club
Upvotes 11
Comments 58
Date 30 October 2015 01:26 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
betathe red pill

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is going to be a hard road. And part of the journey is you getting things going in your real life outside the home (and Internet) making friends. First, you need to join a gym...tomorrow. Next, you interested in martial arts or any rec leagues sports around town? Activities like these will help you make real life guy friends.

As far as guidance, you have an entire fleet of guys here who will help. Do the work and ask questions. They will practically break their keyboards answering your questions if they can tell you're trying.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (8 children) | Copy

Hey, welcome! Glad to see you posting on here for a change :) I've been following your posts on dead bedrooms and nofap, and had been wondering whether you were just trolling them or if you were genuinely lost at sea. Now I know it is the latter.

As the others have said, this is a journey that only you can walk. Nobody will hold your hand, or give you a blow by blow plan to fix your shit, but everyone will recognise parts of their former selves in your situation, and the advice that you will get in here will be 99% consistent regardless of who gives it. Rather than a "morpheus", this is more like a hive mind. Give it a few weeks and you'll notice that reading another guys victim puke will resonate with you and you'll realise that you can help him out by telling him the same things we are telling you now...

First, slow down. You've already come to many of the conclusions you needed to on your own. You said in DB that you thought you were "too beta" and "not alpha enough". In here, and on other TRP related subs, you'll learn what that means in a practical sense.

The standard new guy advice is:

Start lifting weights on a proper programme of progressive resistance. No "fuckarounditis". Clean up your diet and get lean, while packing on some meat. Alpha males are physically strong, and training for physical strength also toughens you mentally.

Read the sidebar material. Both the one over there - - - > and the one on /r/marriedredpill. /r/TheRedPill also has some good sidebar material. Read all the top threads on all those subs, and start integrating a picture of who "we" are, and find your place in the community. Lurk, comment whatever. But, make sure that you are putting things into practice in your life. We are not just a circle jerk like dead bedrooms. We WILL call you out on your shit if you are not owning it.

STFU. Yes, shut the fuck up. Stop engaging in emotionally driven conversations with your wife. Stop sharing your feelings with her. Stop acting butt hurt about your situation. You are supposed to be the Captain of your household. Not some drunken dictator who throws a hissy fit if he doesn't get what he wants. STFU works for a while, and will give you space to identify and fix all your fucked up weak sauce behaviours.

That new guy advice is essential. Honestly, if you just start with those three things, you'll be well on the road. That advice is battle hardened for new guys. I have never seen a post from someone which contradicts it. No exceptions: lift, read and STFU.

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

I've been genuinely lost at sea and none of my posts were trolling. My journey started by discovering I have extremely low testosterone (related to bring a career beta?), which led to examining my porn addiction, which led to NoFap, which opened up my world to a number of related subs.


One of the positives in my life is that I've been working hard at my diet and fitness. Earlier this year I dropped 40lbs and have been bulking and lifting since. I have a basement gym and recentky picked up a power cage/free weights and started Stronglifts 5x5. I'm busting my ass to add muscle as quickly as possible.


I'm definitely guilty of victim pukes, acting butt hurt and too much emotional conversation with my wife. I've got the lifting and reading started and as of this morning, I have STFU and resisted the urge to engage her. She's been dominating the relationship from day 1 and we're together 9 YEARS. I realize this is going to very difficult to reverse.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I realize this is going to very difficult to reverse.

Not necessarily. Well, yes and no. As you progress through the required reading material, you'll start to develop a more masculine frame of mind. It does take time to internalise and put into practice things like being more assertive, and not making covert contracts, and obviously body recomposition does not happen over night, but that doesn't mean it's "difficult".

[–]Trekneck0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Pukes will happen, just be prepared to own them. If you come in puking, expect to get some kickback. I don't know about DB or how any of the other subs handle it, but you will get nothing but straight talk here, and it might hurt a bit. Own your weaknesses, don't let them define you.

It may not be nearly as difficult as you'd expect. It all depends on you. Keep in mind that you'll hear consistently, minimum 1 month for every year you've been married to start seeing changes.

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That's the kind of feedback I need at this point. The harsher and more blunt the better.

[–]Trekneck1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's what I needed to, but instead what I came looking for (without realizing it) was validation from others. And believe me, I got exactly the kick in the ass I needed.

[–]The-Fast-Yeti0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dudes around here are great motivators for sure.

[–]its-iceman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're on the right path dude! I'm new around here but it seems like your mindset is really holding you back. I think the gym and martial art suggestions will really help.

[–]The-Fast-Yeti0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

These guys are right. Listen to them, even tho it's hard at first. Real life isn't always pretty. Read my previous posts and see that I was lost at sea not long ago, but I see the shoreline clearly now. Just know after awhile, this shit becomes fun as fuck. I look forward to shit tests now, and even get disappointed when she doesn't throw them at me.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

The emphasis here is on taking personal responsibility for your own self-improvement. At risk of sounding like a broken record, read the prerequisites and wiki from the marriedredpill sidebar. There is a guide for career betas in there.
Lurk in MRP. Ask your questions in askmrp. There are plenty of career betas who have turned things around. It starts with the dead bedroom and extends to the rest of your life. The rabbit hole goes pretty deep.

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've taken the red pill in other areas of my life (food system, politics, etc) and am familiar with rabbit holes. I have always had a thirst for knowledge and my desire to fix my beta life is stronger than anything I've researched previously. I HAVE to fix this.

[–]RocketManV0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hmmm, indeed it does.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Morpheus is only the conduit. Neo swallows the pill. This board is full of guys who could be that conduit, but it starts with you. Lurk, read, and start lifting.

It starts with accepting the hard truth, "I alone am responsible for my behavior, I'm no victim."

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's overwhelming at first but don't let it get to you. Clear your mind of negative thoughts and make improving yourself your #1 priority. Set small goals for yourself each day or week and achieve them. This will help boost your confidence and make it easier to deal with your wife and hold frame. This shit takes discipline and it's a lot of hard work, but it is absolutely worth it. Don't worry about all the time you spent as a beta, there are tons of guys who never figure this stuff out and never get to truly enjoy all the things life has to offer to a high value man. Unfortunately career betas aren't rare. I think realizing the truth and taking steps to regain control of your life is more rare.

Seriously though, join a gym and start lifting ASAP. Read the stuff on the sidebar here and the high quality posts and sidebar stuff over on the main sub. Good luck brother.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

I feel like a castaway that just washed ashore


I'm 35, married, in a dead bedroom, stagnant career, have been beta ALL my life and digging out of a big fucking hole. I know I have a shit ton of reading/studying ahead and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to turn my life around.

Cool, so you can "talk the talk" but can you "walk the walk"?

My only question at this time is this. Are there any Morpheus' in the forum that would be willing to work with me? I'm critically low on male friends (surprised?) and desperately need help immediately to fix myself. Any help is appreciated.

Fair question, for a new guy, I suppose. The simple answer is no. The more complicated answer is that you need to be your own Morpheus. Every dude on here who has unplugged or is unplugging is his own Morpheus. It's good that you are prepared to do whatever it takes, because it's gonna take the rest of your life. The journey is more important than the destination, so really there is no rush. Lift, read/lurk and STFU. Three solid starting points. Aquire and read the prerequisite books. Join a gym and start a beginners program (eg stronglifts or starting strength). Stop victim puking. You are a victim of your own behaviour. Over time, you will develop a world view and frame of mind that puts you as the master and commander of your own destiny. On NoFap, I saw you asking guys who were deep into it whether they had any new found superpowers. Not sure if you got any useful answers but if you read some of the good field reports on here and on /r/marriedredpill, and understand that those guys were in exactly your same situation, I think you'll agree that you have a lot to learn in here. Any sufficiently advanced technology will appear to be magic, any sufficiently advanced human behaviour will appear as a super power, to those who don't have it.

You said you were too beta. That's not just an abstract thing with no real meaning. We say "AF/BB". Alpha fucks, Beta bux. Women want to fuck the bad guys, and settle down with the nice provider. Once they've got their provider on lock down, they don't need to fuck him anymore, and in fact, his supplication and beta behaviour is a massive sexual turn off for her. Men are attracted to physical beauty in women, whereas women are much more interested in "beautiful behaviour". Looks won't hurt, of course, but when you start to learn what women really want, it's bitter sweet. You'll be happy to finally understand the rules of the game, but you'll be angry when you see that what they really want, and what they say they want, are not the same. Watch what they do, not what they say.

Start owning your shit. Take stock of your weak beta bitch behaviour and eliminate that shit from your life. Replace it with intense masculine presence. Own your present moment, from now until you die. It is always NOW. You already have your super power, you just need to learn how to use it.

Women are born complete. Men need to transition through the "boy" phase to become Men. Western society paints different picture.

Here is a good post for you:

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I started a compilation of Alpha and beta behaviors and am going through each to eliminate my beta tendencies (there are a lot). As for the Alpha fucks/Beta bux, I now realize after all these years that most of my wife's previous boyfriends/FWBs that she's discussed with me were alphas and she settled down with me (a beta). Talk about a fucking enlightening...

[–]mrpCamper0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Me too. The only difference is that I discovered all of this 6 months ago and have been improving ever since. It looks a lot better on this side but you have to do the work to get here. Both physical and mental.

[–]The-Fast-Yeti0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. I came here not long ago begging for a morpheus myself in a disgusting victim puke. It's amazing when you realize EVERY MAN HAS A MORPHEUS INSIDE HIM. It's your job to find him and wake his ass up.

[–]strategos_autokratorRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Did you check out the guide for beginners?

Parf of becoming a Man is that you stop seeking validation in others, and learn to trust yourself. We see you as a Man with capital M, even if you don't believe it yet. We will treat you as such because it is what is best for you.

We won't hold back, and tell you when you are lying to yourself to stay BP. We expect you to be a Man, and Own Your Shit, as that is the crucial way to stop being insecure and trusting your vision. It is ok to make mistakes, but as long as you OWY, you will keep improving, and that is what alpha does.

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I'm digesting the rest of the beginners guide today and will move on to some other required reading. I'm trying to take this in quickly and take swift action.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm digesting the rest of the beginners guide today and will move on to some other required reading. I'm trying to take this in quickly and take swift action.

Do not rush. Red the recent top posts about new guys and rushing in. One of the most common mistakes. You were in a DB for a long long time. You were beta before that in your own mind.

This takes time , revisiting things you thought you knew, re reading material you think is already memorized, and more importantly understanding that while there is a recommended pace, and a recommended order to things ( read 12 Levels of Dread) and then read the further posts by BluePillProfessor and others regarding further clarifications.

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Understood. I tend to rush in and go balls to wall so I'll be sure to slow myself down with this. Right now I'm just lifting, reading and S'ing TFU.

[–]strategos_autokratorRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Read carefully. internalize. read again. ask questions. There are no quick solutions, only steady work to change your mindset.

When users come here trying to find a quick solution, invariable, they get frustrated and more angry, and make things worse. Their wives end up respecting them even less.

This self improvement is for life.

[–]itstartstoday1231 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is no technical mentor program here. It's a place to get feed back when your stuck and look for practical examples to the principals in the books. Clarification on terms or advice sought for areas your genuinely stuck on is where this comes in handy.

The most valuable skills you will learn through this process, in addition to the insight of the authors from the side bar, Will be a masculine motivation to own your shit(taking responsibility for progress) and the invaluable skill of self analysis/critic.

Get started on the books and get going to the gym and then look for the own your shit weekly post and keep track of your areas you know you need to focus on immediately. You will get feed back and analysis from the regular contributors to help you develop your M.A.P.(man action plan) and grow.

Welcome and start owning your shit today.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Just read this comment in your DB thread.

I do every fucking thing in this house to take care of the family. You name it and I do it. I grind away at my 9-5 for them and grind away here as well. No, she has very little free time and sure we both make sacrifices but that doesn't give her the right to essentially forget I exist and not reciprocate the love I show for her. I'm busting my ass just as much, I'm just as tired, just as frustrated etc. as she is but I go out of my way to remind her how much I love her and she shows me nothing.

Give yourself a little time and then reread this comment. Your current frame is that of a victim. Stop seeing yourself as a victim and just get on with owning your shit

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you. I learned about victim pukes and will correct that behavior immediately.

[–]mrpCamper0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Man, that post could have come from me 6 months ago. Sounds frighteningly familiar. It's the mind set that has to change first. Married Mans' sex life primer will explain the WHY you are in this position and WHY it doesn't make sense and point you in the direction of how to change it.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I go out of my way to remind her how much I love her and she shows me nothing.

You know the definition of insanity, right?

[–]BucketOfSunshins1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

If you literally want someone to advise you, the author of MMSL, Athol Kay, does coaching sessions. You probably don't need him, yet, though. You need to read all the stuff that everyone else has told you to read. Once you've done your homework, if you STILL need someone to guide you, try him.

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Thanks for the recommendation. I'll keep that in mind.

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

See man....they're coming out of the wood work to get you started. Head up. Get going and it will get better.

Wait until you hit the anger stage...that's a trip...

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Me getting angry or the wife (or both)?

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


Much later (if you do the work) when you truly develop Outcome Independence (OI), your wife will put you through something we call The Main Event.

Just start reading. You're attempting to sip from a firehose right now. Take a breather. Relax. No more puking your feelings on your wife. Get to work. This can all be changed by the work you do on you. Now that you're here and working, your wife is no longer a factor in the outcome of your success. She will mirror your improvement and respond to it in time. But she will test you along the way to make sure you're becoming the real deal.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Me getting angry or the wife (or both)?

Ooooh boy. Let me guess your momma taught you when you got stressed out to just keep pushing that pain in that little room tighter and tighter.


Most guys become inconsolably angry when they discover that everything you describe in your DB posts about giving her your love and effort and treasure and getting nothing in return was COMPLETELY ass backwards. Wait, she told me....facepalm!

[–]Realworld521 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

No. The sidebar of reading is meant for you. I do mean this kindly, but the fact that you decide to ask for help rather than read and do it yourself is one of the largest Beta signs in the world. Take action, Take responsibility, do the reading or continue being a Beta. Those are your choices.

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Got it.

[–]alpha_n3rd1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

PM me whenever dude

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, man. I appreciate it. I'll be in touch early next week after I get through some of the required reading.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Getting male friends is truly great advice. But everything in MRP must be personalized to who YOU are. My point is, that I am a lifelong LONER. The principals of behavior in TRP/MRP still apply, and are beneficial even without the mentor you seek. It is really all on you, mentor optional.

To you tag line: Being a career beta is neither rare or special in this sub; so get over it and get to work...bro.

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I've primarily been a loner but know that there's a void in my life because I lack friends, male companionship and a support network. One of many areas I need to improve on.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. You recognize what you want, what you need, what you need to do get there. Just keep doing more of the same.

[–]pullypants0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, not rare at all. In fact since unplugging you spot so many men around you making the same mistakes that you simply didn't recognise before. It's hard not to cringe sometimes.

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

One question for you guys. I forgot to mention that we have a child (2 years old) together. Does that affect any of the steps, process, thinking, etc or do I proceed as instructed?

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My "profile" is very similar to yours. I have 2 kids under 3. As a father, you are the most important male role model in your kids early life, so I guess you have to consider that when deciding what kind of Man you are becoming.

There are no separate guidelines for fathers though.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Nothing changes. If anything your kids are a great practice ground for your wife. I have a 3 yo son and a 1 yo daughter, and they both test me - especially my girl. But they haven't learned how to be a feminist bitch about it yet, its just natural. So its quite easy to swat their little tests away and be the fun dad. I've pulled my wife out of many a pouting session using my mastery over my kids.

Visit r/redpillfatherhood when you get a chance. Its not too big yet, but I'm wanting to make it a place for good RP parenting strategies to be discussed.

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. I subscribed and will check it out

[–]nantucketghost0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. I do need new hobbies/activities, which in turn will help with the lack of quality friends.

[–]Stonesaint0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I joined the Masons

Something that I had my eye on for some time. Was joining the Freemasons beneficial to you?

I mean real solid growth - whether spiritual or mental?

[–]nantucketghost0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]Stonesaint0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you

[–]downvotesanimals0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

My one comment would be to avoid heavily doing RP actions before you're really comfortable with yourself. Acting alpha before you're ready is 100% see through-able.

Ease it in slowly. Slowly start recognizing when she gives you shit, holding your frame, and amplifying shit tests as a response or laughing them off. Slowly become the cool guy she wants to be fucking.

The hardest part for me was the abundance mentality. You have to realize that you're the prize and that you have options if you're in an unsatisfying marriage. Until you actually believe that... it will be difficult.

Good luck!

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you. Where can I read more about shit tests and comfort tests? I must have missed it the sidebar, resources and required reading.

[–]downvotesanimals1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Try this:

The hardest part is recognizing them... when they're just stupid questions that don't deserve answering. They're always questions that have an easy answer that you have to avoid.

Once you answer a few correctly you'll get into the habit... but like I said, for now concentrate on noticing them... responding too aggressively may come off as a far too dramatic change. Ease it in.

[–]Quarter_Century_Club[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's perfect. I'll add it to my curriculum.

[–]triclops410 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You sound just like me. I'm only a few months ahead of you on this journey. You will feel a lot of rage at times. Take it with you to the gym. It will get worse short term sometimes before it gets better. Be prepared to feel overwhelmed. Just keep going. The advice here is all good. I'll add that being a father makes everything all the more urgent. Do you want your son/daughter to learn to be red or blue pill?
Honestly, for me, that is even bigger than the dead bedroom. I'd rather burn in hell than set him on a path to go through this shit.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Are there any Morpheus' in the forum that would be willing to work with me?

That is our function on MRP- fucking Morpheus. So...welcome to the real world. Your eyes hurt because you have never used them before. Sorry about unplugging you so late in life but it was the best we could do.

As for friends...

First, spend some time mapping your future. Decide what AWESOME thing you are going to do. Get a black belt in karate? Learn Mixed Martial Arts. Join a glider club? Start playing baseball again? Decide what it is you want to do with your life. Of course this is in addition to lifting weights. Join a gym today.

Second, reconnect with old buddies on Facebook or social media. Get into a poker/golf/bowling group. Join a team. Volunteer to coach a sport. Take a second job on the 2nd shift doing a different job. Read How to Win Friends and Influence People.

It gets better and besides, there is no going back. The steak will never really taste the way it did.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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