Fucking hell this is going to be long, and going to be hard to write, and it's probably going to sound too ridiculous to be real, but I just have to get this shit out. It happened last week and I made this throwaway specifically for this, I have just been waiting until I can post something without it being deleted. It's a perfect example of RP truths, I just hate that it's my life as an example.

Anyway, just found out my dad isn't my real dad. Mom finally let the cat out of the bag, and the guy I've known as dad my whole life actually is just the boyfriend after my real dad that she married and had my sister with. I have his last name, and I've always known him as dad even though he and mom split up when I was like 6 years old.

Growing up my sister and I looked nothing alike. She had blonde hair, mine is black, but as we got older hers darkened up and the resemblance became much stronger. She's female so I didn't think it was a big deal, just figured guys and girls don't look alike anyway. When I was a kid I would wonder sometimes why we didn't look alike like some other brothers and sister do, but I didn't think too much about it.

Anyway, the conversation came up with my mom last week while we were visiting relatives. They were looking through pictures from 20 years ago and a picture of me, guy I thought was dad, mom and sis, and I said sarcastically:

"Man, I look like I'm adopted in that picture!"

Mom instantly starts crying. I am kind of confused for a second, and the other two relatives there just got silent. They must have known what my mom was crying about since I used the word "adopted." I thought maybe she was crying because my sister and I are now in our mid 20's and she is home without any kids (in her third marriage) since she is constantly saying she wishes we were both kids again. So after a few minutes of everyone being quiet and not saying anything I just keep asking why she's crying, and she looks at me dead in the eyes and says:

"You are adopted. I'm your real mom, but your dad's not your real dad. Your real dad's name is X (same first name as me)."

I almost felt like I was having an out of body experience when she said that. I went from having a nice time with my relatives who I hadn't seen in a while to having the biggest bomb ever, dropped on my head. It was like a fucking bad dream that you wake up from and you have that sickness in your stomach for a few seconds before you realize it wasn't real, except that sickness has been there a week now. I got dizzy and almost fell over. Mom goes on to explain that my real dad and her got together when she was young, they had me, then my mom met the guy I thought was my dad when I was like 8 months old and wanted to adopt me. Mom said real dad was happy to sign the papers. Guy I thought was my dad fell in love with me right away and wanted me as his son (How mother fucking awesome is that? Want to give my old man a bear hug right now for that shit). That's why I have his last name and his name is on the birth certificate, he legally adopted me. It's why he paid child support when I was younger, and all that shit. She said she didn't want to tell me because she didn't want me to be upset when I was a little kid, but she knew I deserved to know, and she has been dreading this day for years, but it has been eating at her lately.

We go on to talk about it a little bit, I call the guy I thought was my real dad and when he answers I say, "I know" as soon as he answers the phone. He said "know what?" I was quiet for a few seconds then he knew what I was talking about. We talked for a few and he could tell I was shaken up. He just continued to tell me all the shit I needed to hear (He's alpha af, so his calm ass demeanor helped a lot). He was nothing but a physically abusive (to my mom, never laid a finger on me or sis) drunk when I was growing up, but the fact that he chose me like that made me respect him so much more than I ever had before.

But that's not it. Shit gets fucked up from here.

I left the house to go for a drive and clear my head. I wanted to find out more about my real dad, so I went back to my apartment and started looking for information on him online. Googled my real dads name and found a few vague details online like his age, what town he lives in (one not far from me), etc. It was so weird seeing his name, age, and family members like that. I got on facebook and tried to find him, but I couldn't, so then I searched his son's name (I think it was Intellus or someplace like that through Google that showed his name, his wife's name, and his son's name.) and found several guys with that same name. The first two weren't him, they were from other states and the ages didn't match up, either too young or too old to be his kid. Then I click on one in the same state as me. The picture looked like a younger guy right out of high school so I thought that may be him. I click on his pictures and right there, the second one, I saw my biological father (mom explained what he looked like and it fit, and I texted mom a picture of it and she confirmed). I’m not gonna lie, I shed a tear. I don't know why, it just kind of freaked me out to see him.

Well that's not it. So I start looking more through the pictures and what not, and it's just normal shit. Kid (I think he’s 20) likes cars, video games, etc, and I keep thinking he looks familiar. So I go to his about section to see where he lives. He lives in the next town over from me AND WE WORK AT THE SAME FUCKING PLACE, I SWEAR TO GOD AS MY WITNESS! I go numb again just like I did when mom told me that my dad wasn't my real dad. I remember seeing this dude at work a few times. He was hired like 6 months ago, and we go through people so much at work I never thought twice about it. Just some guy who will probably quit in 2 weeks because the job is so shitty. And I swear he has given me funny looks before. I don't know if he knows, but I always wondered if this dude had a problem with me or was gay or something because he would walk by my work station and just gawk at me for a few seconds while walking by.

So I go to my uncle's house after that (mom's brother who I have always been close to) and tell him I know. He is fucking awesome about it. Said he knew this day would come and he has been waiting for me to knock on the door about it, and always was pissed at my mom for not telling me all along. He even has a picture of the two of them together when my mom was pregnant with me. So I start questioning him on how my mom and him met, what's he like, etc. He tells me he was a pretty nice guy except for "the incident." I ask him, "what incident?"

"You mean your mom didn't tell you?"

"No, tell me what?"

"Your real dad was dating one of her friends, that's how they met. She said she wanted him because her friend was dating him (swear to God I thought of this sub as soon as he said that). He and two of his friends ended up robbing a store in the next town over and shot and killed the clerk. He didn't shoot the guy, he was the getaway driver, and that's what saved him from doing 20 years in prison like the other guys, but he went to prison for 3 years, and your mom wrote and visited him the whole time he was in there. Within 2 months of his release you were conceived. I'm very sorry you have to hear it like this."

Fucking numb again. Good fucking lord I am sick at my stomach at this point. The guy I thought was my real dad did a year in prison for killing someone in a drunk driving accident when I was a kid, and now this.

I am so fucking enraged at this point I want to go off on my mom for being such an idiot. Not only did she marry my drunk dad (Who has changed, by the way. He is not the abusive drunk he used to be. He still drinks, but he's mellow and works every day now. He apologized to my mom for the shit he did to her when they were married, and me and him are close. He’s close with my sister, too.), but I was conceived from a guy who was charges with accessory to murder, and you visited, wrote, and waited for him to get out of jail? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!

I wanted to go and bitch her out, ask her what is wrong with her, and all that shit but I didn't. I know she can't help it. I know she had daddy issues. I know the ultimate asshole alphas are what her hamster craves and needs. I just let it go.

I went home and bought a membership to the online archives of the local paper, typed in my real dad's name and there it was from 1983, articles over several months talking about 3 youths holding up a convenience store, robbing and killing the clerk. Made me so sick to my stomach I couldn't eat or sleep for the next few days.

This all happened a week ago today. I've seen my brother (So weird to say that. Always wanted a brother growing up.) at work a couple times, but never said anything. Don't know if I ever will, but I've also never felt so awkward next to anyone in my life. I just walk by and say hi to him like I would anyone else, but fuck if it isn't the most uncomfortable thing I've ever done in my life.

Anyway, RP truths hold true. True as fuck. Women with daddy issues love the asshole alpha. They love them so much they will disregard any other human being involved to satisfy that need for what they deem masculine.

I hope to someday go introduce myself to my real dad, but I don't want to offend my dad in the process. I hope to just have a conversation with him someday and see what he has to say. Mom said he signed the papers right away for my dad to adopt me, but if I know my mom it was her pushing it because she was head over heels for my dad who got into bar fights, drove a motorcycle, and built houses as his day job.

I don't think anything has ever hit me so hard in my life in the truths of western society, the female psyche, RP truths, and the utter lack of concern women have for other people when they need an alpha. It is more important to them than anything.

Fuck, who needs a drink?

tl;dr - Found out my real dad wasn't my real dad. Real dad was a convict who helped rob and murder a guy and mom pursued him while he was in jail. Guy I thought was my real dad also did time for manslaughter. Had a brother I didn't know about who works for the same company I do. Also, mom has hamster the size of Vermont.