I don’t know how to link back to my previous post. But I broke up with my BF.

I told him that I was not happy, kept the message short and mainly focused on me, so it would not turn into a discussion for him. I even said how insecure I’ve felt lately. He was shocked... told me that he would help me if he would’ve known.

Looking back, i’ve communicated that in different ways. So for him to be shocked was... very strange.

He kept telling me that it is too sudden and that I don’t communicate and did not give him a chance. He was really happy in the relationship.

Even when going on a trip, and me crying about my grandmother having a stroke, the only thing he did was sort of hug me and tell me that’s it’s important to go see her. (She lives in another country). The following day he did not even ask anything about her, even worse he was once again humping my leg in bed. When I told him multiple times that I would need foreplay. WTF. And what was his response? He took his underwear off and started masturbating. I at first did not have a clue, when I looked I was truly shocked and disgusted, I think at that time I was mentally over him. And I still had sex a couple of minutes later, mainly to shut him up.

Anywho.. he reacted very calm when I broke up. I was scared he would blow up like he’d usually do. Whenever we would fight he would cry insanely or agressively shutting doors or hitting walls. And I was shocked when I said goodbye that he was calm. But then I walked out.. closed the door behind me. Closed the door of his yard. And then I heard him screaming extremely loud, I started running to my car and drove off to my sister. I was so fucking afraid,how he’d react so he caught me off guard when he first acted so calm.

He gave me the feeling that I did not try hard enough, that I’m shit at communicating, but when i communicate my feelings, they get brushed away by his overbearing emotions. I told him that I would always get sushed by him and his response was that I should’ve communicated THAT. HOW would I have done that, when I just told you that I get silenced by your manipulative emotions.

He now has his whatsapp status set to: ‘i have failed’. As if the guilt and hurt was not enough for me, as if I’m so fucking happy to end things. I keep switching from being mad to extremely sad, to having regrets. Ive been so focused on men since I was 18. I had one relationship of 5 years and then immediately a relationship with him of 2 years. Its like i’ve always catered to somebody and I hate that.

Lastly I just wanted to thank all of you that responded to my previous post. I think when I posted that I was already mentally preparing to break up, but I needed some backup before even bringing this up with my friends and sisters. But everybody has been very supportive.

*EDIT: I just wanted to say you women are QUEENS. The support feels so so sooo good. I just found out via another person that he is already visiting a soccer game with his friend while I’m numb. Haha so I’m having a drink or three while venting to my friends. Selfcare starts now :).