Death In The Family - Any Experience Here?

BobbyPeru · 2019-02-07T07:59:28+00:00

Damn, it’s been a month. Give her a little time. It took my wife a few years to fully recover from the death of her mom, but the sex came back quicker

framelessglasses · 2019-02-06T20:57:46+00:00

When someone important dies, it takes a while, sometimes months, to get over it. If you can't oak up that long, exit left.

She might be "wrecked" because she's feeling guilt over distancing herself from now dead dad. Suddenly her mind can't let go of the fact that there is never ever going to be another chance at a reconciliation that a daughter would likely want. For this she will need time, if you don't want to do the time, exit right.

There's an old saying that you get out (of) things what you are willing to put in them. Only you can decide what your limits are and the value you place on her. Making those decisions deliberately over time is your mission, not saving her.

SorcererKing · 2019-02-06T19:04:27+00:00

You have to decide for yourself how long you're willing to wait. You might adjust that as you see her make progress or fail to. Do more of that "living my life as I want" you speak so highly of.

Persaeus · 2019-02-06T20:14:14+00:00

you might find this post https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5613we/repost_and_update_the_death_of_your_sos_father/ , by RZD helpful

ManguZa · 2019-02-06T19:10:15+00:00

Take the challenge.

RedPillCoach · 2019-02-07T02:12:35+00:00

Navigating this part is a challenge, and I’m hoping a level headed TRP man might have some suggestions/insights.

First decide precisely on your destination. You are "navigating" but you give no indication what port your ship is visiting next. What about in 1-year? 5-years?

Grief is simply process and it takes time.

don't know if she will recover fully

She will.

how long it will take

That is the mystery and there is no way to predict.

You need to do a few things. First, don't assume that the fun loving gal is gone. She is still there. Waiting to break through the scars. Second, you need to give her time. How much time? I don't know. Third, you should maintain your own good humor and gently lead your wife to a better place. Give her plenty of time to herself but also get her out of the house. Dinner, movie, dancing a walk down the street or on the beach. It doesn't matter so long as it is a change of scenery.

Don't try to "brighten her mood." Do these things with your wife to brighten YOUR mood. She may even lash out. Let her. I suggest you pull back slightly but keep moving in the direction I suggest until she calls you a selfish asshole. Then you will know you are making progress.

Remember, she doesn't want to have fun. She doesn't want to have multiple orgasms. Not right now because it would be (in her mind) disrespectful to the memory of her father. She has to honor the loss first before she can move forward.

Frosteecat · 2019-02-07T17:04:24+00:00

I have a lot of experience with the death of a family member, unfortunately. Death and grieving can have long effects on people, almost directly correlated to the nature of the relationship. The deeper or more problematic the relationship, the more difficult it will be to properly assimilate and "move on" from the event.

Short term, do what you're doing--be patient, kind and available.

Long term I would recommend she seek some counseling for grief and unresolved issues r.e. her father. I also recommend a book by Elizabeth Kubler Ross called On Death and Dying.

Here is a link to her wiki for more information and books on the subject. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elisabeth_K%C3%BCbler-Ross

Sounds like your lady is worth helping through this. Patience during the natural stages of grief is key. I would caution that a poor assimilation of a close person's death can lead to some very erratic and dangerous behaviors.

hack3ge · 2019-02-06T19:32:02+00:00

My read on this is that she could use a strong oak captain to help lead her away from this place. There's a great Jack10 post that is exactly about this situation or something very similar related to endings/loss. Basically he talks about how the wife wants him to open up and express emotion / feelz and that an easy way to do this without being a whiny bitch is using generic statements to regurgitate her own feelz. I'll see if I can find it when I get back to a PC later but its definitely in the list of best of jack10 posts.

InChargeMan · 2019-02-07T14:35:07+00:00

This can take a very long time. You will have to be patient if you decide it is worth it. One thing to remember is that most women crave a father figure in their life, which is why they want the Alpha man to begin with. The best thing you can do is fully embrace that role.

Redpillbrigade17 · 2019-02-08T14:21:00+00:00

A “level-headed TRP man” as you say would not promise monogamy to a woman, even if she checks all the boxes. Invest time and resources with her, be intimate with her, support her emotionally and physically, prioritize her above all fuck buddies, but that doesn’t meet she has a lock on your sexual satisfaction. That’s very dangerous to your long term happiness and health.

There is a way to be suave and have a meaningful, loving long term relationship, while maintaining options and playing the field as needed, and without cheating. It’s all about how you manage expectations - and ideally from the very beginning.

Aechzen · 2019-02-09T09:31:32+00:00

She is pretty wrecked by it, and I’m leading by being a rock while not telling her how to feel; I believe everyone grieves their own way.

Part of being a rock is that your emotions are stable. Your old self would propose fun shit to do, and ask her if she wants to come along. Do that. She probably wants a distraction. If she comes, great, if not, invite somebody else or go by yourself.

My worry is that I miss that fun loving gal, and don’t know if she will recover fully, or if she does, how long will that take.

Me neither, but treat her like a child, and propose fun shit, and see if it resets her emotions. Maybe it will, maybe it won't.

I am not wanting to spin plates while she works through this, but I have to look out for my own needs. Navigating this part is a challenge, and I’m hoping a level headed TRP man might have some suggestions/insights.

You gotta do what you gotta do. Your dick's not going to suck itself. I'm married and I have a regular side woman. Maybe your turn with this woman is over; a year of porn star sex is pretty good, but that might be all she is capable of. It's absolutely valid to prioritize getting laid. I'm here to report that there is more than one quality woman wherever the hell you live, because quality women are everywhere I've looked. I literally don't have enough time. Take stock of where you're spending your time.

NMMNG_1 · 2019-02-07T15:03:05+00:00

Some things are up to us and some are not up to us. Our opinions are up to us, and our impulses, desires,

aversions – in short, whatever is our own doing. Our bodies are not up to us, nor are our possessions,

our reputations, or our public offices, or, that is, whatever is not our own doing. The things that are up to

us are by nature free, unhindered, and unimpeded; the things that are not up to us are weak, enslaved,

hindered, not our own.

-Epictetus.

coachdad8 · 2019-02-06T20:01:23+00:00

Walk away now and tell her she has changed and it doesn't work for you. Or stay and tell her that she needs to change and that there is a time frame. But either way, be assertive. It obviously bothers you enough you made a post so now's the time to take action.

Bottom line, you cant live your life for someone else.

Title	Death In The Family - Any Experience Here?
Author	Big_Stomper
Upvotes	11
Comments	25
Date	February 6, 2019 6:54 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/anu2cv/death_in_the_family_any_experience_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/death-in-the-family-any-experience-here.217552 https://theredarchive.com/post/217552

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