[FR] Honest About Growth

johneyapocalypse · 2019-02-26T15:20:33+00:00

In all honesty, when I read my old posts I cringe but haven’t deleted them so I can remind myself how miserable I was.

Good man. Pussies delete their old posts.

10% BF

Nice. Not easy. With those lifts, though, you need to bulk up son.

Now the house, bills, and most of all the responsibility is on me.

Aka you're a man, not a boy.

So I tell myself multiple times a day “don’t be a pussy,” and that has been working for me.

Cognitive behavioral therapy works.

Regarding the anger, the imperfection... You'll never feel perfect, you'll never be perfect, strive for abundance. Enjoy and appreciate what you have and what you have done.

Like everyone, I’ve progressed, regressed, side stepped, and shot myself in the foot.

Honesty, self-reflection, and insight. Do you play dungeons and dragons?

You're on the right path. Keep focusing on the Indian, not the arrows.

You're doing just fine.

p.s. Regarding this:

Was on a consistent positive feedback loop where sex was consistent and fulfilling but my displays of frustration have caused sexual withdrawal in my home that I can’t seem to AA or fog my way out of.

What changed? Maybe you just need to get out of the house more. Lift more. Live life more.

By the way, simply choose not to allow any outside forces to fuck with you. Period. Strive to embrace an internal locus of control versus an external locus of control. Cognitive behavioral therapy helps in that regard. I'm convinced, too, that mastering your mood is vital.

These three things together equate to frame.

BobbyPeru · 2019-02-26T16:04:20+00:00

I don’t think I’m stuck in the anger-phase of this

You’re not stuck in the anger phase of women, but you are still in the anger phase of RP. It’s normal.

So I tell myself multiple times a day “don’t be a pussy,” and that has been working for me.

This is a pussy positive affirmation. It may work in the moment, but it’s causing you to internalize your anger, which is weakening your frame. That’s why you find yourself lashing out and gritting your teeth. You need to expand your horizons as I sense some ONEitis and sexual covert contracts. I.E. if I hold frame, she is supposed to have sex with me.

When my girl (or anyone else) enters the scene with negative energy I have two choices:

Nope. Both of you’re choices are in her frame, confirming ONEitis

I think you made some decent progress. Beating yourself up is hurting your frame though. Push forth.

man_in_the_world · 2019-02-26T20:18:19+00:00

In the interest of full disclosure- I am fucking scared to create drama in my house.

You're just a Dancing Monkey MRPer, and your wife has figured out that your "alpha" isn't real, at least not in the ways that matter most.

resolutions316 · 2019-02-26T16:18:57+00:00

Too focused on what you DON'T want.

Don't be a pussy!
Don't be in her frame!
Don't let her get to you!
Don't get upset!

Know why you hit your BF goal?
Because you had a fucking goal that wasn't "don't be fat."

Figure out what you WANT.

Then, act like you have it. Act how you need to create it.

This should be fun.

Make it fun.

Countpudyoola · 2019-02-26T15:25:06+00:00

Low vs. High Vibrations

Well. There's a new one.

Over a long haul and doing everything right on the surface you can still mentally get stuck in a rut. Get stuck in your head. Crystallize even. Then it takes less and less for things to reverberate around and you give more and more shits thus negatively affecting your mood.

I'd wager it's your overline baseline mood.

What most new guys don't realize coming in is that you get a benefit of being a new fucktard who may have been mired in betadom.

The external view of your initial changes are dramatic and cause an emotional rollercoaster.

It may spark new tests, arguments, crazy over clocked O.I. and Rambo. But it's a dynamic set of tingles that get served up.

2 years later, you can become a victim of a long comfortable period followed by a slow erosion of your mindset.

So what do you do? You're not new. You can't come in with the same anger. You can only ride that train so many times before it goes off the rails.

I would never recommend this for any new guys since they have so much to work on, and it comes as a byproduct, but you need to create some sort of dynamics and story and for the love of Antenna Gods become unboring by becoming unbored or constantly mentally mildly-run-down. Even do more things that lift your mood so that when you are at home you are more inspiring emotionally.

Other ways: It could be something as mild as a longer than normal vacation if you have the time and money. It could be a new silly routine thing you do on Saturdays. It could even be injecting "safe-drama-for-which-you-already-have-50-solutions-for" if you can't think of better. Thank Vibromat I've never had to do it but you could start a stupid disagreement and fight... O.I., develop a flaw and then fix it. Also , if your wife knows you in and out and is not longer surprised by anything you say or do... why the hell would you retain any tingles?

You've worked on the physical, you're in a good state to just maintain that. Now inject some emotions other than gray into your life.

rocknrollchuck · 2019-02-26T16:04:03+00:00

I’m not a religious person but have been attending a non-denominational church. I find some of it weird but I cannot deny the positive vibrations coming out of service. It has helped shape my mental model of the elusive frame control.

My working model:

I picture my brain/spirit/soul/whatever as an antenna. And my antenna can connect to the positive or negative frequency. Every moment we are consciously or unconsciously choosing which frequency to connect to.

So my frame is my connection the positive frequency / the most-high / whatever you want to call it and every time I allow someone / a situation (a test) to break my connection to the positive frequency I have lost frame

In short, I have to stop letting outside influences affect my internal vibrations.

Interesting concept. But antennas are receivers, and to affect things around you then you need to be a transmitter - its the difference between being passive and being active.

Are you influencing those around you in a positive way, or are you solely focused inward? My guess is that you have adopted a passive stance.

Reach180 · 2019-02-26T15:23:28+00:00

What's your thing that gets you going each day?

If general "Improving" and MRP are your main drive in life, you never get to real congruence. It's like you've got this Jeep in the garage you're modding, working on all the time, spending money on, admiring how it looks.....but you've got no real intention of ever driving it.

At first, wife might think "Hey cool - daddy's got a new toy, it's going to be fun when we take it out this summer!"....but eventually it's apparent that day isn't coming. That kills the 'feelz' she was getting from anticipating you actually doing something. This is where the withdrawal comes from.

You've got to take that improvement and apply it to something real instead of just accumulating and re-applying it to your merping.

BlindingTwilight · 2019-02-26T22:55:53+00:00

OK I read a little of your past posts but not all. Maybe I will get some things wrong so just tell me the stuff which does not ring true for you and I will reassess. First and foremost I think your problems can be mainly fixed with BOUNDARIES. It seems that your wife has a very low tolerance for your moods. This is on both of you. Provided you are not always a moody fuck and you don’t lose your shit without a good reason, then your wife has no place trying to regulate your emotions. When she tries to regulate you then you put a stop to that shit. No need to go too far, just make it clear that she is not to speak to you in a disrespectful tone. If she does then you use the only method that a man has available in a relationship, you withdraw affection and attention.

You need to condition her like a child (because she is a child) and let her know that if she behaves in a certain way then you will completely withdraw. At first you can be firm, this is not a STFU situation. Tell her very clearly that her tone is out of line and she is not to speak to you like that. Then you HOLD FRAME. Hold frame like you are clinging to a cliff by your fingertips. At no stage will you become emotional, instead your blood will run colder, your heart rate will drop, and your mind will become clear. If you catch her contagion of feelz then you have failed, but if you do feel yourself losing frame then you go for a walk. Do not DEER, establish boundaries then keep them. I am not going to explain further. Just do as I have said for the next few weeks and watch your situation improve.

TRP8myfeels · 2019-02-26T20:07:10+00:00

Do you have kids? How old are they?

Something I have done in my new relationship is go out into the city on my own and find things worth doing with the family. I talk to the shop keepers and approach women and have lunch just for fun somewhere. I did that quite a few times when I first arrived. I haven't done it for awhile, but our lives are very full here at home right now.

Probably should make time to get back out to the batting cages with the kids, or take them swimming, or to a park. It's been cold though. Warming up now.

Anyhow, maybe take them to B&Noble and get everyone a book, but don't make that the real goal, the real goal is to spend time in the mall wandering around for a few hours enjoying time together. Plenty of other little things.

My daughter god bless her soul, wants us to drive 30 minutes every weekend to get her cousin. Then we have to drive her back because her mother is shit with money, time, and everything else.

I was fed up with the taxi service at the time [now I make her do chores for it all week] so I took her and the wife on the public bus system. It took 3 hours and it was comically uncomfortable at times. There was a bum that tried to sell us what looked like a hygiene go bag from some poor traveler's lost things.

There was noise on the bus, odd people. They crowded around me a bit. We were fine and the wife thought it was great. Daughter hated it, looks like dishes are her job for a long time.

EDIT: Crap I didn't finish my original thought. I go out to town to find new places, then I tell the family about it at home and setup for us to go. Usually I only mention one place we will go check out, but there will be 2 or 3 surprises involved.

I found this really awesome little self serve yogurt shop. Down the street there were some shops surrounded by some cool architectural art that the kids could jump around on and some fountains and other jazz. There's another recently remodeled area with these big bronze frogs next to a movie theater. While we were walking through I told the wife we needed to try these restaurants soon. We haven't gone yet. Anyhow I'm kind of rambling. Hopefully you get the idea.

Aechzen · 2019-02-28T15:10:53+00:00

I've been as lean as you are. At my leanest, I was 9.5%. It wasn't easy, and frankly it wasn't sustainable... by which I mean that if you haven't already plateaued with your lifts, you will until you start eating past neutral and start gaining muscle slowly. It's quite difficult to gain muscle without gaining fat along the way.

I'm now at 12.5-13% fat, and about 12 pounds heavier than my leanest. That old guy could run faster, but couldn't lift as much. Decide what you value more.

Your details here about your sex life were scant. If she's not following, I'm one of many men who says you do what you need to do to stay married and be happy. From your description you look a lot like me, and I have a side lady.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2019-02-26T20:27:21+00:00

No indication of your age or if you guys have kids and those are relevant details.

That being said, you sound inexperienced; especially asking a question about how you should view your SO. The answer is simple : Today you view her as a boulder that the twig (you) can’t move; in other words you are in her frame.

Reality is, if you were floating in a river, the boulder would be insignificant. Her frame doesn’t matter.

Also, what are you doing to draw her to you? How excited to see you is she? What are you doing that makes her happy to be in your realm of influence? If you don’t have real answers to these questions, you need to focus on yourself. Nobody rides a bus when the driver has no idea where they are going.

Title	[FR] Honest About Growth
Author	Scubastyles
Upvotes	24
Comments	45
Date	February 26, 2019 2:52 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/av09ok/fr_honest_about_growth/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/fr-honest-about-growth.219948 https://theredarchive.com/post/219948

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