Should we care about a man's sexual history?

RubyWooToo · 2019-02-27T04:32:22+00:00

I completely agree with you that you should find a man whose outlook on sex matches yours, and you're allowed to set the criteria for whatever that happens to be.

For me, how a man relates to women and conducted himself in his past sexual relationships is more important than a specific number of people he's slept with. Was he diligent with condom use? Did he ever get anyone pregnant? Did he ever cheat on anyone? Does he speak ill of his previous partners (if he even speaks of them at all)? Is he a thoughtful and generous lover, or is he primarily concerned with his own gratification?

My experience with low n-count men matches /u/girlwithabike's. Most portrayed themselves as great romantics in search of their true love, but in reality, they were just as thirsty as any other guy, just with less to show for it. My husband had no shortage of ladies during his bachelor years, so its not like he needed to get married just to keep a steady supply of sex on tap.

Eel-InSnakesClothing · 2019-02-26T23:54:55+00:00

I don’t think it’s unreasonable if that’s a value that matters to you. There are men who hold those same values and will really appreciate that yours align with theirs.

I personally don’t care too much about the number itself, but I do care if the amount of sexual partners he’s had will affect my health or affect the way he treats a woman. That said, the more partners anyone has, the more likely they are to have diseases or treat their partners callously. So for me the vetting process involves observing how he treats me on dates and eventually asking about his STD history. Not very sexy, haha, but I wouldn’t want to be with a man who gets nervous or weird about questions like that.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-02-27T10:21:40+00:00

Men with a wide sexual history are more likely to give your cervical cancer. I think that's reason enough alone to care.

lapinnoirxo · 2019-02-27T01:44:32+00:00

I've always cared in the sense that he let me know about his STD status, and that he practices being sexually responsible.

girlwithabike · 2019-02-26T23:21:42+00:00

You should find a man whose values align with your own.

I did not want a man with a low n-count. I had had one of those with my ex and he was incapable of turning down any woman who batted her eyes at him. My husband's numbers blow your estimates out of the water. However with him I knew that I was his choice, rather than simply available.

Every man who has a lower n-count will not cheat and every man with a lower n-count will not put pussy on a pedestal. However, having experienced those things, I was specifically vetting against it. Also because I had had those experiences, I did not weigh sex in as high of a regard as others might. It was fun and thrilling rather than some sacred bond to be shared only in marriage. In that way, my husband and I were compatible.

If you don't want to be with a man who has been promiscuous there is nothing saying you have to be. Beyond compatibility though, I'm not sure it gives you any more definitive information about a man than it does about a woman.

Maybelowsmv · 2019-02-27T03:09:38+00:00

I think it's weird to put a strict numerical limit.

What's most important is that they are capable of commitment and being trustworthy. A large number of sexual partners with very few LTR's (talking 1-2+ years) is a red flag in my book. Lots of hook ups and 6 month relationships is a red flag.

Women have always had far more risk when it comes to sex, so, no, I don't think it is unreasonable at all to want a partner that is non-promiscuous, especially if you are looking for something long term.

Vellore992 · 2019-02-26T23:37:14+00:00

If it bothers you, then yes you should care about it.

Promiscuity has never bothered me, and my partners have all had a similar opinion. Like girlwithabike said in the other thread, similar histories tend to be sexually compatible in the long run. There are a million things I'd look to before n count when vetting a man, but that's just me.

Asmaraniya · 2019-02-27T14:42:20+00:00

My husband was a virgin no problems then again he was not raised in the West ..

Men cheat whether or not they have slept with half a village . What matters is that the guy you are seeing does not have strange sexual habbits like porn , mastrubating(makes no sense when you have a willing partner) .

Low N-count men with the above issues I would avoid at all costs .

i_love_puppies12 · 2019-02-27T04:17:15+00:00

I think it should be. I think that anyone's n-count provides some insight into their views of sex. My boyfriend and I were both at 0 partners when we met and it was the best thing that could've happened to us. There were no worries about sexual history, STDs, etc. Neither of us is into casual sex which is important to both of us. It's not unreasonable at all.

est-la-lune · 2019-02-27T21:31:38+00:00

Concurrent sexual relationships, inconsistent condom use, and disgusting fetishes (anything that involves human waste or can cause serious injury) are the only things in a man's sexual history that concern me.

I'm not personally concerned about N-count, if we're compatible the number tends to be in the right range.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-02-28T19:45:57+00:00

It isn't relevant unless he was prone to risky behavior. By risky, I mean a high n-count for men can mean irresponsibility, being a "player", drug use, potential STDs, sex addiction, or just a jaded attitude towards sex. Or it could mean nothing at all. It's case-by-case.

aussiedollface2 · 2019-02-28T22:25:48+00:00

I personally haven’t asked my husband for a “number” and I don’t think it’s necessary for me to know. I would suggest being more interested in their relationship history. I would consider a man having zero proper relationships by late twenties to be a red flag xo

[deleted] · 2019-02-26T23:24:57+00:00

I think his history of LTR is more important, shows relationship skills. N-count depends on a variety of factors such as social influence, attractiveness/game, geographical location to certain extent, etc and isn’t a reliable indicator

[deleted] · 2019-02-27T14:13:17+00:00

Ten seems like so many. But then again I’m a 29 year old virgin. I don’t think I would feel comfortable with a guy that has hit the two digits.

notanempath · 2019-02-26T23:34:57+00:00

My man sprung this on me a few days ago: he has slept with both men and women in his past undergrad years when he used to party hard. This blew my mind. He’s so poised and composed, you’d never tell.

I don’t really care about his pat - especially not that far back. I love him for who he is now

[deleted] · 2019-02-27T01:40:18+00:00

I know others care about men's n-count, and it can play a big part in the vetting process. For my relationship, I never asked about it because I think it's an invasion of privacy to flat out ask about it. N count did come up in a conversation in the first few months of dating. I volunteered to share my information, even though he didn't ask it, and I didn't feel it was necessary to ask him for a specific number. Men are entitled to have some secrets.

sonder_one · 2019-02-27T23:07:43+00:00

Red Pill is not about what should be. It is about what is.

The Red Pill "is" answer is that men value virginity in women because they're evolutionarily wired to want to reproduce, and they can only meet that requirement if they're sure that the children that pop out of their women are theirs. Women, meanwhile, want men with proven competence, aka "experience," to sire and provide for their young. This is one of many areas where the sexes are opposites.

This and other recent threads on the subject on this subreddit have been disappointing in that they have attempted to rationalize and moralize instead of simply stating red pill answers.

shitposterkatakuri · 2019-02-27T06:34:20+00:00

Up to you and your values but chemistry for pair bonding doesn’t discriminate between sexes. Just saying!

IlluminatedElf · 2019-02-27T13:04:44+00:00

I'm not sexually experienced and given my current dating habits, I'll likely be sexually inexperienced for a while.

That being said, I'm not too fussed about high n-counts.

The men who are obsessed over my non-existent sexual past are not necessarily men whom I'd want to be with.

I prefer guys who are honest about their sexual lives than guys who just agree/pander to my perspective; I find that most guys who pander to my perspective end up being a little... weird about sex and are often very open to poly-stuff, which is not my thing at all.

On the other hand, guys who are honest about their sex life and requirements tend to be people who know themselves and know or trying to know what they're looking for. The extreme version of this is someone who claims to know what all women want and wear their n-count or sexual escapades as a badge of honour; I think that is overall fairly distasteful.

That being said, I do want to get to know someone and wait for a bit before I have sex. I'd like to have sex with someone I can feel comfortable talking to and as a general rule, it takes me a while to get to know someone. If someone is having honest, non-committal/casual sex, I think that's fine.

Title	Should we care about a man's sexual history?
Author	Maybelowsmv
Upvotes	21
Comments	48
Date	February 26, 2019 11:03 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/av5wl9/should_we_care_about_a_mans_sexual_history/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/should-we-care-about-a-mans-sexual-history.220261 https://theredarchive.com/post/220261

Comments