Need help dumping GF - most painless way?

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May 7, 2019
122 upvotes

This is probably one of the most retarded things you'd have read. But here goes.

Current gf was my best friend. We eventually started dating each other and our social groups have merged. As said she was my best friend and that feeling of best friend is what is making this hard. She has lately ignored me and avoids contact with me - unless I approach and talk to her, she usually replies but keeps the convo short.

If this was some random girl or something I wouldn't care. But it's because she was my best friend before. And it is truly painful. I'm dumping her because this is bad for me. I'm dumping her because the relationship is dying. The boat is sinking and I want out.

But it feels too painful at the same time. She was my best friend and I felt like she truly cared for me. And now here I am.

I am planning to ghost her and just cut all contact all of a sudden. I am not sure why she is acting so cold to me now, I feel like having a word with her would bring some closure to both of us. But I must do what is right.

This is one-itis, this is terrible honestly. This is killing both a friend and a girlfriend - the friend component is what is hurting the most.

Thank you for reading!

Edit:- Thank you for all the helpful replies. When my holiday starts, I'm going to shoot her a text saying the relationship is dead and that as a result I think parting is the best. Then I'm ghosting her. I thought she was my friend, but she isn't. The light-switch effect is a fucking harsh phenomenon. Iron Law #7. For anyone doubting redpill, just look at what happened here. If you want anymore proof, experience it yourself. This has been a learning experience and I'm glad that everyday I'm waking up more and more. Again thank you!

Edit2:- This experience feels like an actual redpill. I haven't felt pain like this in a while, but jesus have I learnt more about women. I don't regret this, but I do at the same time. But the pain is temporary. Again, thanks you guys are an amazing community!


Post Information
Title Need help dumping GF - most painless way?
Author MajesticPitch
Upvotes 122
Comments 84
Date 07 May 2019 04:40 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/237483
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/blsx58/need_help_dumping_gf_most_painless_way/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
ghostinglight-switch effectthe red pill
Comments

[–][deleted] 220 points221 points  (29 children) | Copy

Just remember this: you aren’t ending it. It’s already over. She is just making YOU be the one to kill the puppy. So it doesn’t matter how, you don’t owe her anything. Remember that you’re only performing the act that she is too cowardly to do on her own.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed114 points115 points  (13 children) | Copy

She wants you to "kill the puppy".

So kill it, gut it, and wear it as a ceremonial headpiece as you walk away.

It's already over. She's NOT your friend. Women can "light-switch" their emotions far better than we, look up "war brides" to read an explanation.

She shut off, leaving you to deal with the mess. You owe her no concessions.

Cut it off clean.

And stop talking about "closure". What the fuck does that word even mean to you? It's a feminine strategy to have a last crack at feeding her hamster so she can rewrite the narrative in her own head. Absolutely no upside for you in any case.

Move on. The sooner you pull off the bandaid the sooner your hair starts growing back.

[–]MajesticPitch[S] 33 points34 points  (2 children) | Copy

100%. I should have saw the signs earlier too. Last week she started being a bit more cold to me, then stopped replying to my texts as fast. I eventually got the vibe.

I have read about the light switch effect. Women have no loyalty. Their loyalty is only present temporarily.

I tried to next her a few days ago, but she just replied to one of my posts on snapchat. I'm off on holiday for 4 weeks, so I believe this is the best time to do so. Thank you very much!

[–]hibloodstevia24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

When a woman acts like this she has already cheated.

[–]AceMav2113 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

They have no loyalty when they're not liable or responsible for bearing children. I guarantee if you rewind to pre birth control women have different behavioral precedents. Loyalty to a man and bondage would be advantageous to her and not entertainment or a sociosexual "supplement to her life". Fucking cunts. Yeah anger phase brah.

[–]danakdakdnakdn8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

hahaha wish I read this exact comment when the same thing that happened for OP did for me, very wise words.

[–]Opioidus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus Christ people, stop talking about killing puppies.

[–]Cods_gift_to_reddit0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Heya so a while back I wasn't aware of this and how women like to 'change stories' because the real world doesn't really mean much to them.

I dumped a girl and allowed her to switch it back on me over a period of 3 months so that she was the one leaving me.

I still 'feel' like that's the story even though I know it isn't reality. When I look back on our relationship this painful and confusing switcheroo is what I see and what dominates the memory.

Any advice?

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just shut it all down and close the door.

No sense looking back, learn from it and move on.

Everything you do makes you who you are.

Only you get to choose which pieces of the pie are most important.

You got played. We all do at some point. Learn so it doesn't happen again, but leave the details in the past, they're irrelevant.

[–]Cods_gift_to_reddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Cheers thanks a lot for this

[–]MajesticPitch[S] 12 points13 points  (12 children) | Copy

Upvoted. That sounds like something she'd do.

Do I ghost or do I breakup over text - I can't see her face to face as she lives an hour away via bus.

[–]Endorsed ContributorUEMcGill25 points26 points  (8 children) | Copy

Redpill is amoral. On the one hand, you can do it whatever way suits your fancy.

If your reputation is at stake, because you have a close circle of friends be quick and discreet. Tell her, in person, "Hey your a cool person, but it's time we moved on. Thanks"

Her feelings are hers to manage, not yours. Don't make excuses don't defend why, just end it.

[–]MajesticPitch[S] 8 points9 points  (6 children) | Copy

Planning to text her at the beginning of my holidays "You're a cool friend, but this relationship isn't working out."

[–]FirstLastMan28 points29 points  (1 child) | Copy

You could do that.

But as a guy who has been through this a few times, you're going to feel better about yourself if you nut up and do it in person. Not for her sake... Look at it as practice keeping frame and handling things like a man-- one on one.

[–]VigilantSmartbomb11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

He said she lives an hour away, sorry but fuck that lol

[–]VigilantSmartbomb6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

What just call her now.

[–]MajesticPitch[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Doing it on Saturday. I have to see her in school during the next few days. I'm not dealing with bs drama

[–]VigilantSmartbomb8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

What drama, this reply should probably be it’s done lol - if she makes a scene at school that’s only clout points for you. Maintain frame.

[–]syf3r3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

geez, just go cold turkey and move on. life's an ocean and you're having a hard time moving on from a puddle.

[–]2319Skew46 points47 points  (2 children) | Copy

Send a raven

[–]MajesticPitch[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank's for the constructive answer.

[–]TheRealMewt18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

You got that answer because it doesn't matter how you end it with her. Just that you end it with her.

[–]escapethesolarsystem6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

The absolute truth right here. To the OP: She's not your "best friend" anymore. She wants to be nothing to you, so be nothing to her.

That being said, "ghosting" is dumb. Personally, I've always seen it is as "cowardly brave". Doing the right thing but trying to run away from the consequences (every action has negative consequences, even the right actions, you have to take the good with the bad). Own everything you do. Tell her what's up, to her face and break up with her. It's like ripping off a bandaid.

[–]SeasonedRP37 points38 points  (3 children) | Copy

You've said 4 or 5 times that your girlfriend is your best friend and was before you dated. A girl shouldn't be your best friend. You probably treated her in a goofy, sappy manner, like a buddy, instead of doing things to generate attraction. It thus isn't surprising that she can't stand you and avoids contact. You didn't treat her how girls want to be treated. Constantly saying she is your best friend is a key sign of this.

Breaking it off will bother you a lot more than her. She'll be glad to be rid of you. Ghosting and cutting contact is fine. If you told her in person, you'd see her eyes light up with glee.

[–]MajesticPitch[S] 16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah 100% agreed. She was the one who suggested we dated in the first place. At that point I felt like I fucked up because she took the man's role.

But anyways. Ghosting and cutting contact it is. Thank you

[–]Andrew5432110 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you resisted she’d still be trying to be good enough for you.

[–]dukes19982 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is total BS. By best friend he means someone you do fun things with and have a close personal relationship with. You can do that without her being your "buddy"

[–][deleted] 45 points46 points  (12 children) | Copy

Hard next and no contact. Be prepared if she wants to contact you again in a few days, weeks or months. You can demote her to a plate if she wants to come back to you but never re-initiate a relationship. In the mean time, improve on yourself and have fun. Sounds like you have been investing a lot of time on her so there's definitely things you can improve in your life such as (Work on your muscle gains, try a new hairstyle, improve fashion sense, socialize with new people while maintaining frame, meditatation and daily stretches). I know that feeling of breaking up with a close girl, its going to hurt but when you exit out the other side, you become a new MAN if you've been striving to be the best you can be. There's an alpha in every man, you just have to spark the fire inside you. That's the beauty of the red piill. Be the desirable man many bitches fantasize about.

[–]MajesticPitch[S] 13 points14 points  (8 children) | Copy

It's going to be tough to hard next. Her friends and my friends are shared. Although my original friends like me better of course.

It truly is hard. This girl still looks beautiful in my eyes, other women don't look as nice. And that's the toughest part. It's the one-itis.

But anyways. Ghosting does seem like a good option. And yeah this is fucking painful. I'm just so shocked by how a woman can just turn on a man like that. But I should've known better - this is redpill theory in it's true nature. And it's fucking bitter

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (6 children) | Copy

No matter how beautiful or sexy you think a woman is, "If she doesn't comply, she gets the good bye". Replace her ass tomorrow with another hot chick that will add value to your life. Kill the one-itis in you. I wish you luck

[–]MajesticPitch[S] 8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you very much. I'm going to just cut contact with her. She tries to avoid me irl and I heard her saying "I just want to get away from him."

It hurt. But fuck it. I'm just going to ghost this bitch, it's the only way. I'm not giving her the drama she craves. And she wants me to get away anyways.

[–]Aethetico8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Cut all contact dude, what the fuck are you doing still in a relationship with her

[–]aaveshdagar3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Trying to save a sinking Titanic 🙂

[–]BigMeta 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

What does oneitis mean? I see that word all the time as a lurk in this sub but have no idea what it means

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Often confused with love, this is the feeling that a particular woman is actually special. This is just an illusion; she is the same as the other three or so billion. "Go fuck ten other women" is the most commonly prescribed treatment for this "disease" (hence the "itis"), as it tends to show quite quickly how very alike people are.

[–]LethalShade5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Going through the same thing right now brotha, just broke up with LTR of 10 months. Isn't it crazy how one day you're her man, her rock, she can't live without you, she's so attracted to you and the next you're kind of annoying and she wants out but doesn't have the balls to tell you herself?

It's hard but in the end we win for having it harder, easy things bring nothing in this life.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah OP needs to be prepared to deal with her promising practically anything to get him to take her back. So that she has time to line up a monkey branch and then several days or weeks later she can be the one that dumps him.

No arguments, no explanations, no going back. Take your feelings out in the gym. Keep moving forward and make the next one better.

[–]Original_Dankster3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hard next and no contact

Disagree completely. You share a social circle with her. An amicable break is best, she could cause serious damage to your friend network and reputation.

[–]RichHomieCole0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You still ignore her at the very least. Looking like a needy bitch and reaching out to her will do more damage to your social status than nexting. It makes one look pathetic, whereas nexting at least shows you have some self respect.

[–]notdoreen15 points16 points  (4 children) | Copy

She has lately ignored me and avoids contact with me - unless I approach and talk to her, she usually replies but keeps the convo short.

My guy are you sure she's not the one dumping you?

[–]MajesticPitch[S] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

She's not said anything official. But de-facto we've parted.

[–]notdoreen9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

The Medium is the message. You don't need help dumping her. She already did.

[–]MajesticPitch[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's a hit to my ego. And I accept it. She has dumped me, I have to now just end it.

[–]eaazzy_130 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No, you don’t. She already did end it. That’s what he’s trying to say. You don’t have to do anything, just don’t interact with her like she’s your woman anymore. It’s that easy.

You guys don’t have some magical bond that can only be shattered by looking each other dead in the eyes and uttering the exact words “we are breaking up”.

Is she acting like your girlfriend anymore? It doesn’t sound like it. So she’s not your girlfriend anymore, done deal.

[–]Intentional695 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Say you don't feel the same and it's best you go your separate ways. Quick and clean. Oh it's gonna hurt you good nice and deep like, the point is a few have said already is that it's over, and that's okay. This is one of the hardest parts but you have to step back and look at it as a lesson learned and move on with your life.

[–]thetotalpackage73 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

"I know you'll agree ....we've grown apart and we were better friends than BF/GF...see ya around, peace out"

[–]MajesticPitch[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's an excellent line. I might use it! Thanks!

[–]0io-3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

You don't really have to do anything because she's already gone.

I would tell her you don't have any time to be in a relationship right now because you're too busy but you still think she's sexy and if she wants to hook up once in a while that's fine with you. It leaves the door open for her to be your booty call, which is always nice. And ironically, if she takes you up on it, she'll start liking you a lot better because you've become the self-centered uncaring non-needy alpha jerk that girls love.

A lot of times girls who are bored in relationships are happier to be plates or hook-ups. You're more mysterious and uncontrollable and they don't feel like they own you or have you on a string. Let somebody else be her friend or take her out on dates. You're happy to use her for sex / have her use you for sex.

Just don't get clingy and one-itisy again!

edit: I think it's good practice to hook-up down the road with girls you used to have oneitis for because it reinforces the idea that relationships are temporary and women will come and go. After it happens enough you will genuinely stop caring when some formerly great girlfriend flakes out on you. Maybe she comes back around maybe she doesn't, you've got plenty of other options. And you don't have to hide anything or be dishonest because when you're just hooking up with your ex there's no expectation that you're "being faithful" to her or anything else. And when you hook up with someone else you don't have to break up with anyone because you weren't "with anyone".

[–]MajesticPitch[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hahaha never again. But I'm avoiding this girl at all costs. Not going to risk this shit ever again!

[–]Original_Dankster7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

There's a few angst ridden teenagers or incels larping as TRP poon-slayers here who are telling you to hard next / ghost her. Bad idea, since you say:

"our social groups have merged"

...That tells me you want an amicable split, or you'll damage your social circle and reputation.

A text breakup is the bare minimum. A short conversation in a public place (so there's witnesses and you can walk away - never break up at your own home!) would be better, but you could probably get away with a phone call or a text.

Never badmouth her to any of your shared friends. Always be vague when describing why you ended things. "Just didn't work out" or "We weren't the one for each other" that sort of shit.

Never go back for ex-sex. That should go without saying.

[–]RichHomieCole0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No no no no no. Ignore her. Text break up? Come on. That’s never an option for so many reasons. OP is in high school. If he just ignores her, she’ll eventually ask him why and then he can say it’s over.

Ex-sex probably isn’t an option for him in this case because of his oneitis, but for certain exes it’s not off the table.

I do agree with you on not badmouthing her or saying too much.

[–]zxcvb78091 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Life is interesting in that we, as manifestations of the moment, think some of what we experience is our own. A word from the wise, it is never ours it is only our turn. To walk, to breath to feel her warm embrace, it is all the same. You enjoy this pleasure only in this moment. Even if you could feel the same pleasure again I can almost promise you it wouldn't be the same the second time around.

[–]LilLoserFreny1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dump her with no remorse man

[–]LLL3peat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Avoids huh? Just hard next until she reaches out. Only make plans to have her come over and have fun. That's it. She's going to have to chase you to keep you. Might be a power play

[–]throwitdownman1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just ghost. Don’t think of it as something bad, everybody has done it before. Hell, she’s doing it to you right now.

Eventually, when you ghost a girl, she’ll ask you what’s up. At this point, you can play dumb (which is what she is probably doing to you) or be direct and say it’s over. Whichever you choose, the other party will eventually ‘get it’, feel ‘disappointed’ and move on. You’ll feel like an asshole for a minute, but you’ll get over it. She will to. Your social circle will as well. Time heals all.

[–]nananaNate81 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Just out of curiosity, and you get to self reflect a bit... Do you feel like you did anything beta or blue pill that led to this situation?

[–]MajesticPitch[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yes 100%.

Let me explain:-

Ages ago she seemed interested, I didn't ask her out on a date firstly (I didn't strike while the iron was hot) Ok so we both talked and we made a mutual agreement we should date -> fair enough. I see her at school, I do some kino and we are about to kiss (I held back, I didn't want people to think we were a thing). So I already fucked up again, I just screwed my chances up Third thing. While we were still friends I had made her once cry, I felt very guilty for it and apologised. From there on my frame had become weaker majorly. She saw a more emotional side.

The takeaways:-

  1. Be sexually aggressive. Being passive and non-dominant disgusts a woman. While I had her in my frame I was very dominant and wouldn't give a shit. When she cried it broke me down inside, that has never happened to me in my life.

  2. Strike while the iron is hot. Take your shot, you lead the relationship. I let her progress. I was in her frame! Fucking embarassing

  3. Never give commitment so early. I think in this case it may have still been fine as we were friends + she's still a virgin.

I did do some good things. But it went downhill. And now I just need to leave this relationship. I'm a fucking idiot I know. Please don't repeat my mistakes

[–]TheImperialRight7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

How the FUCK do you have GF but not kiss them or fuck them. Are you like 14?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OP is in high school. Its not uncommon for a high schooler to be a virgin.

And some people are virgins cuz of religion.

[–]nananaNate82 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's really good insight for someone in highschool, now you get a chance to at least spin some plates

[–]Mensphysique121 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Easiest way to do it is to be driving somewhere with her in the car, when you pull up to wherever you are dropping her off just say “hey this really isn’t working out and I wanted to do it in person, I don’t have any desire to discuss it and I have to go”. She leaves and boom, you’re done.

It’s already over given what you’ve said, as other posters have mentioned she just wants you do to the deed.

Remember she isn’t your friend, never was. Just a lover you had your turn with.

[–]vapel1fe420690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly, I was in your position a few years ago. I needed to move on and the relationship was ending. Screw all these other guys here saying to ghost her over text. You could do that, it would be effective and you don't owe her closure.

But that isn't right. You owe it to yourself and to her to break it off in person like an honest and straightforward man. Doing something like that over text is cowardly. Just meet with her and tell her that you need to end the relationship because its not working out for you. Then you get up and walk out of her life.

[–]No_senses0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can end it now or just ghost, the only issue with ghosting though is that it may just end up being “end it later” since you guys have the same social circle and go to the same school.

[–]jim15640 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm in a VERY similar situation. Stay strong bro, we are worth more than hoes that don't give a fuck to us, keep your self respect and don't humiliate yourself for someone that isn't worth it

[–]3chazthundergut0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Face to face in a public place.

Remember: no arguments, no vindictive barbs, no "talking things over" for closure.

Be polite but keep a flat face.

"I do not want to be in a relationship with you anymore. I have enjoyed our time together and I wish you the best in the future."

And then you get up and leave. Dont answer any questions but if she asks why say "I'm not in love with you anymore" and say no more

[–]GetMeLaidAlot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't be an emotional wreck about it but make it painful. Not for her, but for you. Pain transformed you if you embrace it. You're doing yourself a disservice by just texting her as well; it's easy and an avoidance tactic.

[–]jonadragonslay0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Piss the bed.

[–]flatox0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't wait for the holiday to start, just fucking do it.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And it is truly painful. I'm dumping her because this is bad for me. I'm dumping her because the relationship is dying. The boat is sinking and I want out.

good

This is killing both a friend and a girlfriend - the friend component is what is hurting the most.

your best friend should not be female, and not be someone you are fucking.

Relationships are temporary. With this in mind it's obvious where you've gone wrong, but I know it's painful to fix.

I'm going to shoot her a text saying the relationship is dead and that as a result I think parting is the best

Do it in person, do it in semi-public (eg park, quiet coffee shop).

Salvage what you can of your friend group, but 99% will side with her.

[–]Noctis_Cloud0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Be as respectful about it as possible, but don’t hesitate. Just remember this relationship and this breakup won’t matter in the future. You’ll be doing other things. Just cut the cord and bail.

[–]Captngeorge0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Uou never know what bothers her, unless you sit and talk. At least that way you will do YOU part, and wont drag yourself down the rabbit hole of the unknown.

Besides, it will be much more powerful if you told her how you feel, and then end it. So the power remains on your side. (And it doesn’t sound like you have done anything wrong, though maybe we don’t have the whole picture as well)..

Just a thought.

[–]Senior Endorsedmax_peenor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

By all means, parachute into her frame and die for the reich.

you will do YOU part

You have no part. You are the price. She is supposed to earn you. What bothers her? Who gives a fuck? She's going to say all sorts of shit just to see how you are going to react. Truth doesn't matter to her. Your behavior does. She needs to decide if your genetic material is enticing enough to let it literally inside her body. If your value is manifest reality, such as you are in shape, you are strong and hold your dream, you maintain your prerogatives, then she will make her decision without any unnecessary bullshit--aka her blathering on or you giving her evidence for her future indictment of your attractiveness.

if you told her how you feel

How you feel makes her feel gross. You you make her feel makes her feel sexy. There is nothing to be gained by sharing your feelings and there is everything to be lost. Don't fucking do it.

[–]Flintblood0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It’s already faded and fading away. Just turn the Beta up to 11 and make it so she has to be the one to admit she wants out. That is, if you want to avoid reversal drama and allow her to save face. You’ll still have control (intentional beta behavior for a goal) and she doesn’t have to be the one that is jilted.

[–]MajesticPitch[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah fuck off, I have self respect. No way on earth am I doing that. I'm just going for a breakup and then ghost

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

Dump her face to face maybe and see how she reacts? Sorry can’t think of much currently

[–]Furrealyo-2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy

I don’t dump them face to face any more due to #metoo and the fact that my net worth is pretty high. All she needs to do is say “he hit me” and you’re in for a legal battle.

I call them, tell them it’s not working, and get on with my life.

[–]Hambone_Malone7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Calm down, the dude sounds like he's a 17 year old chump.

[–]MajesticPitch[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm 18 if that helps

[–]Hambone_Malone8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

You won't even be thinking about this broad in two years. Start getting some pussy lined up for the summer. By the time you hit your first semester of college this fall you'll be sorted. Bet!



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