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I Fucked up should have STFU

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May 20, 2019
16 upvotes

I’ve been posting in OYS. Stats 39 yo 200lbs bench 215 around 15%bf wife 40 married 7 years 2 kids major oneitis beta but making major progress last 3 months.

Sex has been improving drastically but I have huge validation seeking issues.

My smv is high and she knows this. This though makes me doubt that the sex is true attraction sex and she’s just transactionally fucking me to keep me.

My OYS have more detail.

The issue at hand is I am away this weekend across the country from her. We had a good week but she put up various resistance that annoyed me during the week. We had sex but she said no to dressing up and was generally just not as submissive to me as I wanted her to be. So I’m out here and I send her a pic of me in the morning... I’ve been making major fitness gains and I look good. She liked the pic a lot so I told her to send me one of her body later... surprise me. She said “OK, I will! “. She never does.

Now this wouldn’t be a big deal but I sperg out and tell her that she’s lazy and takes me for granted and doesn’t really desire me and we have a huge fight over the phone. I was doing good for a long time but I was so angry in my head for whatever reason that she wasn’t complying. I’ve made a bunch of requests lately and she doesn’t comply or says yes and then never does it. On the other hand sex has been frequent and quality has been improving.

I fucked up huge by communicating over the phone that I was annoyed with her non compliance. I have no clue how to proceed when I get home tomorrow. What is the best way to salvage this misstep?


Post Information
Title I Fucked up should have STFU
Author frozenpond
Upvotes 16
Comments 36
Date 20 May 2019 04:23 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/238988
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bqqsmz/i_fucked_up_should_have_stfu/
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Comments

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret29 points30 points  (14 children) | Copy

Reset every day. That shit was yesterday. You have a new chance to do it better.

If she tries to bring any of it up, just brush it off. "Yeah, that was pretty fucked up of me, right? LOL."

If she continues to badger you on it, use my favorite: "Meow."

Stick to your reading, and start doing OYS if you haven't already.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

This.

Throw down a new nice card every morning.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

When I first started out I kept fucking up and wondering how to fix it. This is our blue pill thinking still at work. You don't need to fix or placate. Women forget about what you say as long as you can fix their Feelz and carry them from one emotion to another.

OP as long as she Feelz something else the next day you are good to go. Carry on and don't DEER.

[–]redwall925 points6 points  (9 children) | Copy

If she continues to badger you on it, use my favorite: "Meow."

The 'meow' you keep throwing around is finally making sense for me, man. I've been on this forum ~2 years. Blown both my feet off by stepping on my own damn landmines many times. The 'meow' could have prevented those. I swear ... my wife was going on about something a few days ago, and the 'meow' almost came out of my mouth. It's going to happen soon of its own accord, and I think that's a good thing.

If the 'meow' isn't a congruent answer for me I believe that I'm not playing reset card in its truest sense. It's a barometer showing me I've got work to do in my own mental space when I'm not playing the reset card right.

[–]Tjommas4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy

Explain this to a retard; if she keeps nagging about something you jokingly say meow to her implying she’s acting like a kitten? If so that’s hilarious!

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret9 points10 points  (7 children) | Copy

No, the point is that it's completely silly and meaningless. It doesn't imply anything except that you're not even listening. You're just being a completely aloof, totally ridiculous joker; something only a man of high value can pull off.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Her: blah blah blah blah

You: Sorry, what was that? I get distracted when your mouth is open.

Her: blah blah blah immature

You: Do you smell pickles?

Her: blah blah blah take thing seriously

You: I'm seriously distracted by your mouth again.

Her: I'm not giving you a blowjob.

You: No shit, my pants are on. Unless you are a magician. Are you a magician?

Her: Jesus you're an ass.

You: I wonder if we have any of those here or if I have to go out and get some?

Her: Blowjobs?

You: No thanks, I have a hankering for pickles right now. Maybe later if I'm up for it. -- Ass slap, end scene.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

This type of shit is my favorite. It's absolutely fun and enjoyable as fuck when you can pull it off. At times I try but she is in such an awful mood she just gets pissed at me. It's still fun to ignore mouth noises and have fun being a complete ass hat.

The other day she said a bunch of stuff and really wasn't listening. So I replied "Can you start over? Your lips are distracting. I was thinking about you blowing me while you were talking." I really wasn't thinking that, but it's fun to say. She gets pissed and actually starts over. I didn't listen the second time on purpose and then said I was super busy and took off. She 100% got pissed but probably blew me later anyway.

I like your line about pickels. Perfect.

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

When she interrupts me I often pretend drop down dead. I wake up when she is done an carry on my conversation. It's way more fun than sounding butthurt over her interrupting me. I'm also experimenting with accepting apologies that she hasn't given... "I'm sorry I have already accepted your apology (grinning)" drives her bat shit

[–]InChargeManRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol, respond "Apology accepted" randomly just for fun.

"Hey honey, I'm making ravioli tonight."

"Sounds good, apology accepted"

"What, I wasn't apologizing?"

"Too late, already accepted, can't take it back"

[–]Tjommas1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ah alright that’s even better! I’ve done it sometimes subconsciously and hence broken frame eventually and said something alonh the lines of "oh comeon don’t be so boring/pissed off all the time"

I’ll definitely push her boundries more, it’s very entertaining to me, cheers!

[–]Maximus_Valerius0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Ahhh...I get it now. You gave me the “meow” advice about a year ago. And I thought you were just giving me a hard time...for being a pussy.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It never goes out of style.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Meow always works for me, also.

[–]NMMNG_10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I started using the "meow" and holy shit! The cheesier and unapologetic you make it sound the better!

For minor shit testing I defuse with "I got ya Boo, I got ya..." with a silly fake empathetic voice... almost making fun of her girlfriends. It works like a charm.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

She liked the pic a lot so I told her to send me one of her body later... surprise me. She said “OK, I will! “. She never does. .... I sperg out

This is a textbook covert contract.

[–]SepeanRed Beret9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't salvage missteps. You just move on. You can't go "this thing I said yesterday honey, what I really meant was was that I'm not a pussy it was actually really manly because blah blah".

Instead of getting mad, when she doesn't comply, withdraw affection and increase dread. And of course, all the usual stuff - stronger frame, smoother game, better looks.

[–]CrazyLegs786 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Jesus. She is at home taking care of two children, and then you are trying to make her take care of your needy, child-like, bitch ass on the phone from across the country! You need validation? You are at a hotel right? Dress the fuck up, go out, and get your validation! You don't have to cheat, but go build some fucking confidence man! Quit fucking nagging her, you sound like the harpy bitches we always talk shit about around here. Re-read your post. Do you see that? When you get home, if she doesn't initiate, maybe you wait a day to do so. Maybe it'll plant a seed about what you did during your trip. When you do fuck her, be sure to take out your phone and snap a pick while joking about finally getting one.

[–]frozenpond[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Very true. Thank you.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

My smv is high and she knows this. This though makes me doubt that the sex is true attraction sex and she’s just transactionally fucking me to keep me.

Sounds like you have some passive dread going. That’s good. If you keep it up, the animal attraction will follow. You’re overthinking it.

What is the best way to salvage this misstep?

FAgetAbout it. Don’t bring it up and use AM if she does, then change the subject.

My wife wears whatever I tell her. You are only a few month in. Have patience and quit overtit. Trust the principles and process.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same its like the bitch cant dress herself without my approval. Never understood this.

[–]helaughsinhidden4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pretend your butt hurt moment never happened.

If she brings it up to you DARE, but avoid STFU as it looks like your still resentful. I like the other suggestion, but I've literally done the exact same thing as you and each time she'd press me I just smiled, shook my head in bewilderment, and said "I don't recall that conversation at all?!" and laughed. She pressed again and I doubled down "that does not sound like anything I would say....sorry, got me confused with some body else..". She showed me my ranting text and I told her she must have cloned my phone or is practicing witchcraft, that wasn't me. All very playful and in moments the mood becomes playful and all is good in the kingdom again. Women live "in the moment" unless they are hamstering, men are often accused of "gaslighting" because it is relatively easy for them to be strongly "feelzing" one way and be quickly turned around to questioning themselves if their narrative doesn't match your feelz. Strong enough frame and pretty much anything works. Stay clear of tit-for-tat, blame shifting, excusing, explaining, rationalizing, and for sure do not defend yourself at all.

I travel for work to tradeshows where drinking is basically a requirement.

My wife gets funny before these things too. It is dread kicking in her hamster brain knowing that IF you wanted sex with some strange or wanted to meet up with a mistress, this is a perfect opportunity. Sometimes she gets horny before I leave, sometimes she is anxious and distant. Sometimes she sends nudes and videos, sometimes she invents drama. When I come home she could play the "I missed you a lot / initiate hot sex card" and she could be bitchy that I had a bunch of fun partying. A perfect MRP executed life doesn't mean you are free from the things under the AWALT banner. If you played a video game where the character could never die, take damage, go off course, or fail in any way it would be the most boring game no matter how beautiful the graphics, so embrace the struggle.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’ve been making major fitness gains and I look good.

6 months of lifting and this is where you are at..

205 lbs bench is my 1 rep max, 225lbs squat 1 rep max

No mention of a deadlift either.

Regardless of that, having a high SMV has a lot more to it than looks and physique. From your OYS, you mentioned your needy, clingy & validation seeking behaviours, DEERing, not knowing when to STFU. You also don't appear to have any game.

You might look good compared to what you used to look like, but with those lifts, you don't look half as good as you think you do. You might think that your SMV is higher than your wife's but with the multitude of unnatractive bahaviours and traits you have, it's nowhere near as high as you like to think it is.

You lifted a few weights, put on a bit of muscle and now you're wondering why your wife won't send you dirty pics and respond to you the way you want to.

When you actually put in the work and put in the time - and by that I don't just mean lifting a few baby weights and buying some new clothes - you might start to see the results you want. But you might not see them from her. If you're not OK with that, then you gotta ask yourself who are you doing this for? You should be steering your ship with your eyes ahead, focusing on where you are going instead of constantly looking back to see if the rope is still tugging her along.

[–]frozenpond[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for this perspective.

[–]ManguZa2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't have these conversation by phone

Don't complain, at most tell her from a stoic place that you would have like that she did X

Don't complain, but don't chase her when she's lazy

Don't make request, tell her what you like and if she don't make effort for you stop giving your time and attention to her.

[–]0io-Tsundere1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Things are moving in the right direction, and the fitter and more attractive you get, the less likely the sex is to be "transactional" just to keep you around.

As for dressing up, I would lay the outfit out on the bed for her to put on. "Wear these shoes and that dress" or whatever it is.

She can still say no but it's more effort to reject you when you're in the same room and it gets rid of the "ok I will do what you want next time (which never happens)" trap.

Getting pissed off and expressing annoyance isn't ideal but it's not the end of the world either. It's better that you want what you want and are clear about it, as opposed to kowtowing to her. Just make sure you're in a good mood 95% of the time.

For pictures, I would take the pictures myself and tell her how to pose rather than asking her to surprise me. She sounds a little passive or shy for that right now.

[–]frozenpond[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks for the input. Will definitely take your advice. Part of the issue she has now is “look I’m having sex with you all the time and you’re still not happy”. And then she starts saying I’m crazy.

I am a little worried that I pushed it too far, was actually crazy, and did real damage to the relationship. All of my blue pill tendencies are rising. Logically I tell myself there is no way she would do anything drastic, but I feel like I may have gone too far.

I plan on trying to hold frame tomorrow and act like it wasn’t a big deal.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Mine said the same shit. Don't listen to what she says watch what she does. Keep improving and stop listening to her mouth noises. Be attractive and none of that will matter.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Had the same exact thoughts last week just STFU carried on, reset each day and she became cheerful and took my lead. Don't go back to being a nice guy to overcompensate because you made her feel bad.. etc. Not your problem.

[–]HerukaArisen1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do not overcomplicate things. You have made some n00b gains but do not let this fool you into thinking that you have your shit together. It is quite clear that you have many covert contracts going on. You also have a long road into realizing your wife may end up giving absolutely no fucks about you in the end. You need to build yourself into an extremely high value man and be ultimately willing to burn the whole marriage down. At that point, you will know if your wife is even worth it. In this respect, a minor fuck-up like the one you described has almost no significance at all.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

When will you fucking read the sidebar, huh ?

This is all about you becoming more attractive and valuable. Think and I mean think would a “needy bitch” say, text or demand this ?

Re set daily. It didn’t happen. Fog it if it comes up.

Lift. Sidebar. Kill the neediness

[–]frozenpond[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve read the sidebar... I’m just a fucking idiot sometimes and fuck it up.

You’re right, I will filter my possible actions through the “would a needy bitch do this” thought process. It will stop me from doing some of the dumb shit I do.

I will post an OYS and update this post but long story short I followed the advice in This thread and it worked out really well.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't even bring it up at all.

[–]dreamsynth0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

" tell her that she’s lazy and takes me for granted and doesn’t really desire me"

Why not just not say that instead say "I know you desire me". Even if you don't believe it it'll work out better for you.

What she hears in her head is "I don't really desire him, do I or don't I?" when you say that.

[–]NMMNG_10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So I’m out here and I send her a pic of me in the morning... I’ve been making major fitness gains and I look good. She liked the pic a lot so I told her to send me one of her body later... surprise me. She said “OK, I will! “. She never does.

So, you're working out. So what? What do you want, a medal?

Stop seeking validation. Keep owning your shit, STFU, and get back to work.

I fucked up huge by communicating over the phone that I was annoyed with her non compliance. I have no clue how to proceed when I get home tomorrow.

Do you even sidebar, bro? Did you fuck up? Yes. Was is huge? Nah... women are like the weather, she'll forget. Chances are she doesn't even know why you're so upset. Why are you worried about how to proceed tomorrow? You are your own judge. You have that right. (Sidebar, again)

Look bro, I'm a n00b too so I don't mean to sound like I know shit 'cause I don't, but the answer to your situation is pretty clearly spelled out on the sidebar. Read, NMMNG, WISNIFG, RM, TWOTSM, etc...

Cheers!

[–]themerovingian010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm noticing a trend of men with older women having all the issues here. I rarely see a man with a 5 or so year younger wife post.



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