After re-reading Practical Female Psychology, I've become more and more convinced my wife falls under the "HD/LSE" (high sex drive/low self esteem) category the authors talk and warn about. In particular, she can take it personally if I say no to compliance tests or pass shit tests, and will escalate to fighting. STFU/ignore/leave room is ineffective... she'll follow me around screaming, swearing, threatening, waking me up at night to keep fighting, etc... This type of response is erratic. Usually passing a test works, but on rare occasion it's met with this extreme behavior. She meets many of the LSE criteria (awful father/childhood, history of DV in many other relationships, etc...). I could elaborate on specific events in comments, but the events themselves aren't really significant. What matters is that she takes a "No" to a compliance test as an attack on her self-worth/self-image (validates LSE belief of poor self worth) and responds with defensiveness/aggression. It's gotten worse recently as my OI, confidence, and DNGAF attitude has increased. My SMV right now is at least a 1-3 pts higher than hers.
Regardless... Has anyone dealt with this before, or have any tips? Will staying the course cause improvement in this scenario, or do I need to tweak how I respond to shit tests (compliance tests in particular)? It may be fundamentally incompatible, but is there a way to add comfort while passing a compliance or shit test? My gut instinct says no, but figured I'd ask if anyone has pointers.