Questions on guys' behaviours on dating apps

Kara__El · 2019-08-20T12:27:51+00:00

You have to message people first. I get so tired of reading the advice not to do so, because that's the point of online dating and so many men are ignored for their opening messages so often, that many of them stop sending them. I mean, Bumble is popular and requires you to send the first message. Get to talking and get to meeting.

It's a shame Tinder is all you've got, not because of it's reputation, but because of the limited information it requires, so you'll have to find these things out the old fashioned way: by asking.

If you're afraid of being used for sex, don't put yourself in a situation where you can have sex. Don't go to his. Don't invite him to yours. Do things in public and vet well. You seem to have a strong start and good for you for trying! The woman who doesn't try is single at 30.

wymone · 2019-08-20T14:19:38+00:00

I think you may be underestimating the number of men who indiscriminately swipe right, or those who just aren’t serious about meeting people. No bio is an indicator of low effort. A bit of a red flag.

Be a little more liberal with your right swipes and send a few messages. You can always stop swiping once you have a couple conversations going.

sonder_one · 2019-08-20T23:15:54+00:00

This thread reeks of women who don't understand the other side of the aisle, minus a few posts at the bottom that deserve more upvotes.

Studies have repeatedly shown that men's profiles are meaningless as to the level of engagement they get online, and that a variety of things that women say they hate are rewarded online. I can't find the link now, but there was a big study once that found that asking a woman something she wrote in her profile was less likely to get engagement, and another that showed that brief messages ("hey") work just as well as anything longer.

TLDR, what people say they do and what they actually do are different.

Men with experience aren't going to waste their time with profiles or personalized messages, not because they're thoughtless or lazy, but because they value their time. Unfortunately, the online dating promise of saving a bunch of time is a lie - you have to actually spend time meeting people to vet them.

SilentCantaloupe · 2019-08-20T15:23:22+00:00

I see some guys have hidden their age or location, which means they have Tinder Plus...

I see nothing wrong with paying for the bonuses, but I'd be wary of anyone hiding his age/location.

I'm terribly picky with my right swipes...

Good! It can get overwhelming when you have too many conversations going. And it's good that you have standards. You can send a message first, but if the guy doesn't help carry the conversation I would drop it (either ignore or unmatch, whichever you prefer).

A huge number of guys has no bio, or just their height and/or a few emojis which are supposed to be their hobbies...

What do you think of guys who do have a bio, but it's not really about them but more a quote or a useless sentence or something stupid?

These guys are an instant left swipe from me. Your life is literally the easiest thing to write about. If he can't be bothered to type up a sentence or 2 about himself, he's not putting much effort in to finding a (serious) date and is most likely looking for a hookup.

Also, I've seen that some apps like Bumble and Once are starting to develop also here. What are your experiences with those apps?

Once has very few profiles in my area. Bumble is OK but my recent success has been on Hinge! It's a good balance between the longer profiles of OKC/POF/etc and the liking system of Tinder. There's fewer profiles but definitely quality over quantity.

Do you think that guys are honest when they state "what they are looking for" in the dedicated field in Bumble?

The thing is, you can't possibly know if someone is being honest from one line of a profile. His true intentions will appear over time. You can vet for certain behaviors, but again that all takes time. If you're afraid of being taken advantage of, let these guys know that you aren't interested in sex until you're in a relationship (or whatever your boundary may be). The ones who respect that will stick around, and the ones who don't will weed themselves out.

Kaboomboomboomboom · 2019-08-20T17:53:20+00:00

I met my boyfriend on Tinder. My tips:

Do not swipe right on people without a bio. If they didn’t put in the effort to think about a bio, they will not put in any effort in dating.

If you dislike a bio for whatever reason, don’t swipe right. Guys tend to be honest with certain preferences, so believe them and don’t match.

Do not message anyone first, ever. There is no reason to do so. I used Tinder twice with practically the same pictures and goals and bio. First time, I messaged some guys. Nothing came out of it. Second time, I didn’t message anybody first. I was messaged a lot more and had more date invitations. Like much more.

If you are seriously looking for a boyfriend that will turn into more, don’t meet up with guys who suggest meeting near where they live, house dates, or even simple coffee dates. A one hour date over coffee is low effort. If they were interested based on your photos and your conversation, they would think of something better. The good dates (where I saw potential) were the ones where the guy actually planned and activity, though a restaurant would be fine, too. Just because you met online doesn’t mean you need to accept low effort dates.

If the conversation turns sexual before you have been sexual, either stop seeing them at all or make very clear that you don’t want this to happen before you get closer physically. The pace you set is important.

If you are on a date and kiss a guy and there is no spark, don’t keep dating him. There will be sparks with the right guy.

Feel free to message me :)

imanewwoman · 2019-08-21T13:20:47+00:00

My advice is: Look for social patterns for yourself that apply to your context, and ignore common online advice, because it’s probably written by americans, ESPECIALLY stuff about crafting and reading bios.

The obvious thing would be: if you see a picture of a guy drinking at a party, that’s probably what you are going to get... a guy who likes drinking and partying. If he’s with two women side by side he wants you to think he’s got lots of chicks. Simply look for guys who seem nice and well adapted.

I live in a place where online dating is very similar to what you describe. Tinder is very popular but mostly low quality options and foreigners. Bumble is starting to take off but mostly foreigners, so that might be fun to chat and have dinner or something but most likely won’t lead to a relationship. I wouldn’t discard that option completely: I know a quality woman who married a foreigner through Tinder.

On top of it, because is uncommon, i’s almost taboo to say you’re using apps because some people might interpret it it like you’re desperate or want to have sex with anyone.

Some thing I’ve learned:

About knowing what they are looking for...if they say the look for casual, it’s true. If they state in their bio that they’re not sure, you’d have to date in order to vet.
Nobody does bios: only foreigners, especially american. Also the uglier guys who may be trying to make an extra effort (it’s my theory).

Other particular silly things I do that might be totally useless for most people, but I will still share:

I choose guys within photo quality similar that mine. I look for crisp, good quality pictures (this will sound horrible) because I know which kind of phones guys within my social class will have. I want to be clear that social and educational differences here are abysmal, and it’s very hard to mingle or switch classes for lots of reasons that go deeper than regular superficialities.
I only keep my profile up for one or two days every couple of months and change all the pictures because because I don’t want to give people fuel for gossiping about me and my motivations.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-08-20T16:38:59+00:00

A huge number of guys has no bio, or just their height and/or a few emojis which are supposed to be their hobbies. I've looked for this phenomenon on Google and it seems they think that a bio is useless, as most girls don't read it and just choose based on attractiveness

It IS useless. A) Women tend not to read them, B) what women want is rarely what they SAY they want, and C) it all goes out the window once you meet in person anyways. There's very little reason to put out the effort. Alpha men are brief because it matters, and beta men are verbose which usually turns OFF women, so...

EDIT:

I'm afraid of guys who pretend wanting a relationship just to get you in bed.

Don't be afraid of this. Just be aware of this. Never let fear rule you.

12xthrowaway · 2019-08-20T14:53:15+00:00

Men learn quickly that putting in any direct effort towards dating is a terrible investment (i.e. there's nothing you can say that changes your looks+status, so don't bother), so the low-effort bios don't indicate anything. Men date by throwing a giant net into the ocean and separating the fish from the garbage later. As compared to the female strategy of hunting a single deer through the forest for days.
"What they are looking for" means nothing at all. We want casual sex, it's a matter of if we can get it or not

janeaustenfan99 · 2019-08-20T15:19:11+00:00

Matching doesn't mean much, since a lot of guys tend to swipe right first then decide who to message or respond to based on pics/bios of their matches. If a match doesn't message in 24 hours, I unmatch. If you want to message first, then 24 hours is enough time to wait for a reply.

If no age, location, or interests are listed, I ask them.

On Bumble, I automatically delete any match who puts "something casual." But just because it says "relationship" doesn't mean it's true or that he'll want that from you.

AnarchoNAP · 2019-08-20T22:41:50+00:00

My recommendation against Tinder is based on the fact that people use it for hooking up and not dating. If you are in an area where people actually use it as a dating site then this doesn't apply. Also the fact that it doesn't let you write an actual profile is unfortunate, but if that's all there is and its being used "properly" then that's all there is.

I see some guys have hidden their age or location, which means they have Tinder Plus. This gives them, in addition, unlimited right swipes, 5 superlikes per day, 1 boost per month, and the possibility to fake their location. Would you see them as motivated to get a date and hopefully a relationship, or motivated just to fuck around?

I think that guys show their motivation by paying for upgraded memberships. What they're motivated TO is a separate matter. If they have their age or location hidden then move along. Otherwise I don't see this as a flag.

3) As far as my experiences I haven't come across this because I always had access that had enough room for a bio. In THAT case, if there is no bio, move along. How much space do they actually get? If they aren't using the space they have to say anything important, then move along. If there just isn't enough space and so they don't try then I consider this more of a flaw of the site than the guys. People who think that a bio is actually useless are looking for hookups.

4) If the only space they have is enough for a sentence or two then this doesn't strike me as concerning.

Those apps were after my time, but on OKC I found that guys were basically honest about what they were looking for. Some guys said they were looking for casual sex. I assume that is true. Some guys said they were looking for a serious relationship and though that's not where I found my husband that seemed to be true and we weren't compatible for other reasons. But these were guys who would ask me relevant info, not just sending explicit messages or trying to book a hotel room. Then there were the guys who listed multiple categories- these guys are looking for casual sex.

Title	Questions on guys' behaviours on dating apps
Author	E-Likes-Avocados
Upvotes	6
Comments	31
Date	August 20, 2019 8:21 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/csuvp4/questions_on_guys_behaviours_on_dating_apps/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/questions-on-guys-behaviours-on-dating-apps.249615 https://theredarchive.com/post/249615

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