Stuck in my head?

MotorsportEnthusiast · 2019-09-02T16:07:52+00:00

This is fairly common. We like to live life in our comfort zones, it’s what we are familiar with.

I know it’s easier said than done, but true fulfilment and a sense of accomplishment that follows on getting out of that complacency is worth risking the embarrassment for. Next time you are in this situation, don’t give your brain any time to rationalise and come up with excuses. Just fucking do it. You got this my dude!

Madhatter747 · 2019-09-02T17:17:26+00:00

Not to get too Petersonian, but, you want to have one foot in order and the other in chaos. Thats where learning happens. Voluntarily expose yourself to the things outside your comfort zone, eventually you will go out there instead of staying in head.

intl_plyrs_clb · 2019-09-02T17:19:20+00:00

... but what happened instead was I stood in my house with a 6 pack I bought specifically for this reason and looked out windows and my porch for an hour straight...

hahahahahahahaha

Okay now that's out of the way. Just do it.

Next time you're faced with something you want to do: JUST DO IT.

Here is your new phone / computer wallpaper: https://imgur.com/BW86Njx

Don't give yourself time to think, just do.

The worst outcome from you taking an action is that something stupid comes out of your mouth, and guess what? There is no consequence for that. Sure someone may think you're weird, but guess what, as soon as you're out of their sight they forget about you. No one cares about you and will forget you immediately as soon as time passes.

If you had gone up to that party and said "you guys didn't invite me?" Worst case is you may have said it in a dumb way, they would have gotten awkward and you would be right back to what you did anyway. Standing in the dark with your beer in hand watching the party from a distance (lol)

But the upside is if you had taken the risk you could have gone to a party, met some people and have a good time.

Fortune favors the bold.

To get the life you want you have to put your neck out there, live a little, learn from your mistakes, re calibrate and keep putting your neck out there.

deadstick_it · 2019-09-02T19:21:42+00:00

Hey dude, I’m you and you’re me. You know what I did last Saturday night? I was out with my boys at the bars and I picked the hottest girl in there with no guy around, walked up and stuck my hand out and said “Hey, I’m deadstick_it. What’s your name?” Then guess what happened? Words and things started flowing out and before long I decided to move in to the next girl. Did that all night.

Did I get a girl to the house? Nope. However, I got out of my comfort zone and started chipping away at approach anxiety. Inviting yourself over to that pool party is almost bordering expert level. Just go do the shit I did. It took reading about doing that a million times before I tried it and it turns out that girls will respond positively when you do that. Now that I know that part I can turn it up a notch and ease into the next level of unfamiliar territory.

Valuevow · 2019-09-02T19:57:24+00:00

Bro, just take those risks, don't give a fuck. One time I was in this party district but the place I wantes to go was closed and I was alone, seeing all the people in groups talking and having fun. I sat there and for some minutes just overthought everything in my mind, but then.. I took action. I saw a club filling up with hot chicks and 2 guys standing infront of it, talking about something. I just randomly got. up, walked to them, said whats up, where are you guys from, are you down to party. Then they invited me into the club, 5 other guys came and finally 7 girls. So we were 7 guys and 7 girls and I danced with all of the girls and even made out with one of them. It was one of the best nights I ever had. But it would have never happened if I hadn't just walked up to these two dudes and started saying something to them.

VinterBot · 2019-09-02T19:25:13+00:00

I have the same issue. You know how I fixed it for the most part? I start walking towards that goal. Walking towards the girl, walking towards the company's door, walking towards my heavy bag. Walking towards it whilst in my mind somewhat shitting my pants or hamster spinning has helped tremendously to stop the undesired behavior and just "roll with it". Making progress, one step at a time.

Pdubzilla · 2019-09-02T16:30:03+00:00

Just think of what the worst that could happen is and then accept that it WILL happen. You'll be prepared for it and it usually won't happen. Takes some practice though.

CarelessBowler5 · 2019-09-02T20:16:19+00:00

How's your eye contact?

When you bought that six pack, did you look the cashier in the eye? Did you maintain eye contact until they looked away first?

Start with eye contact in all your day-to-day activities.

Don't look away to think of something to say. Maintain eye contact and say whatever's on your mind.

This is the alpha confidence of a three-year-old boy (I have one. I see it every day.).

You are a three-year-old in the confidence department. Start there and grow up.

leocorleo · 2019-09-02T19:23:36+00:00

There was this technique someone shared about avoiding things. You just count to 3 and then do it. "I will get out of the car in 1...2...3..." opens car door and you just keep going. Life passes by, as Pook preached: "regret is worse than rejection (or failure)".

_iisu · 2019-09-02T21:02:30+00:00

I had the same problems and I found out it's not worth the effort. I just pushed myself to the point where I could easily extrapolate and tell that I can do it and that was enough for me. I lost interest in the matter entirely. Plus when you push yourself, it shows and is creepy.

I'm currently busy with hobbies, lifting, meditating and I'm growing a lot in these areas. I focused on a different problem of mine which is procrastination.

I also recently got into tai chi / qigong and I highly recommend it, also because much of it is done in pairs and (at least in my class) you even get to rub each other's backs. This can help you get comfortable with interacting with people and especially touch, in a controlled environment, on top of all the benefits of tai chi.

robbiedigital001 · 2019-09-02T19:54:46+00:00

54321 let's go

nsfyou2 · 2019-09-02T23:20:24+00:00

In another thread someone commented that whenever this happens to them, they just repeat to themselves "I'm excited, I'm excited, I'm excited" on and on. Didn't understand, until i tried it myself.

What i felt was that it just ramps up positive energy outta nowhere, and even puts a genuine smile on my face.

Try it. Or something like that "3, 2, 1" countdown.

Mr_Badass · 2019-09-02T18:59:24+00:00

You might have a high degree of neuroticism and probably need to work on it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroticism

Elprez91 · 2019-09-02T15:35:16+00:00

Balea2019 · 2019-09-02T20:32:43+00:00

Build discipline in other parts of your life, for example waking early to work out, goals in your job, good grades if that is your goal, stop drinking, stop smoking, stop masturbating to porn or in general, stop junk food. Once you master that which will significally make your life better, other things will com easier.

Also read about stoicism, remember these two phrases "memento mori"= remember you will die and "amor fati"=love destiny or love of one's fate. Repeat this in your head everyday everytime you can

DAOcomment2 · 2019-09-03T02:15:22+00:00

"Last night some neighbor girls were throwing a party in the back yard. I wanted to go up and say "you guys didn't invite me?" With confidence, but what happened instead was I stood in my house with a 6 pack I bought specifically for this reason and looked out windows and my porch for an hour straight while my mind went through a rationalization masterclass. Even called my mom and dad for encouragement, like it would help. Eventually it died down and everyone went to bed."

Broooskiii. Haha. Happens to all of us my man :) Out of curiosity, was the six pack going to be some kind of offering for when you said your cheeky line, or was the entire six pack liquid courage to say your line?

Hey, man. Just because you got paralyzed doesn't mean you didn't make progress. You tried to move what seemed like a doable weight and failed. You got realistic feedback on what your capabilities are and how much work you still have to do. Being social is just like lifting or a martial art. There are levels and it takes years of practice to get great at it. That cool kid in high school started being social as a small child and might have 5-10 years more experience than the average nerd.

In lifting you will see your fastest gains the first year or two, but still have gains to realize for years after that before maxxing your potential. Think of social skills a similarly long term project where transformation is seen on the scale of months and years. So be patient and accept that you may still be awkward a year from now but with consistent weekly socializing you will get smoother.

Given this time scale, it's OK for you to be awkward today. Of course you're awkward, you're socially out of shape. But you're in the social gym improving your conditioning. Meanwhile, if you need to do something socially scary, try building your social momentum earlier in the day to get out of your head. Warm up by talking to people all day so that by the time you need to approach the girls next door, you're already in a warmed up social state.

nobody_thinks · 2019-09-02T19:57:19+00:00

Last night some neighbor girls were throwing a party in the back yard. I wanted to go up and say "you guys didn't invite me?" With confidence, but what happened instead was I stood in my house with a 6 pack I bought specifically for this reason and looked out windows and my porch for an hour straight while my mind went through a rationalization masterclass.

really funny imagery.

whatever bro just laugh about it

L3onard3 · 2019-09-02T23:42:04+00:00

Next party, lock yourself and your phone out of your house. Then you’ll have no other way except to go over and ask to use a phone or some shit...

[deleted] · 2019-09-02T17:35:23+00:00

You just do it

LeEbinConchShell · 2019-09-02T21:38:53+00:00

just gotta do it dude. its never as bad as it seems in your head. its kind of exhilarating lol esepcially where you're at. i was there too, just gotta fuckin do it even if you crash and burn. you'll never be "ready"

skuttt · 2019-09-02T23:46:15+00:00

Take it from those of us who got over that: you can, but only if you want to. You want to: you will. Build value. Grow your confidence. One day you’ll naturally roll with it the next time it happens.

ac714 · 2019-09-03T01:01:08+00:00

I think the best thing to deal with this is considering the most likely, average, and common result. Most of your anxiety and pre-occupation is spent on one end of the spectrum rather than what is reality.

People can tell you “don’t think about it”, “just have fun bro”, “it works for me so do it too”, etc. but none of those things address the root of the problem which is that you overthink and worry about things and it is silly to recommend not doing something that is subconscious, reflexive, and almost involuntarily to do.

Go for a swim and drink from the ocean until your lungs fill up then you can swim forever. Won’t know it won’t work until you try like I did. Stop worrying so much. Sounds dumb right? That’s why a lot of the advice in this thread won’t work or even be attempted.

Getting back on positive avenue. Think, what’s the most likely thing to happen if I go over? You’ll probably go over, be super self-conscious, not impress anyone and go home alone like every night.

Who cares? At least you didn’t spend the night talking to your parents on the phone about what a sad puppy you are and need someone to take you out for a walk because you’re sadly drinking a six pack by yourself.

Development takes a loooong time, especially when you’re socially or otherwise behind the curve like you are. Literally NOT going next door is the only way you lose. You’d be f’n shocked how much people put on the kid gloves if you just make an attempt to smile, make eye contact, and share that you are shy and normally don’t go out. That’s what ‘being yourself’ truly is. It’s meeting people halfway. Act like you care just a little and maybe then you can actually expect others to do similarly.

Until then, sitting alone is entirely on you to suffer and there’s no sense spending your life asking the internet questions like this if you’re not willing to try.

smartfunction30 · 2019-09-03T01:04:16+00:00

So they invited you to the party or not i'm confused why did you buy beer?

spongemarble · 2019-09-03T01:17:56+00:00

It will be awkward at first. Social skills are like any other skill they take practice. The easiest way to start is to accept that you will be awkward at first, but you're working on it

Rifleshoot · 2019-09-03T02:30:20+00:00

Silence that inner voice that spreads doubt and just act. Even as the words leave your mouth, you’ll feel like a fool, but push through and pretend that what you are saying is the most natural thing in the world to say. While you may be twisted up inside over it, you don’t let it show on the outside. That’s faking frame. Do this a few times and the discomfort goes away. Eventually, you aren’t pretending anymore, it really IS the most natural thing for you to do. Doing this, putting yourself in new situations is essentially redefining your personal reality. In RP terms, you are building a new frame.

BurnoTaurus · 2019-09-03T03:45:13+00:00

You're still too outcome oriented. Its keeping you in your head. Youre focusing on all the things you're doing right, but in contrast you dont have the practise yet required to get all the results.

Lifting makes you look great, more in tune with your body, potential for wild sex increases. This is an essential foundation and then upon that foundation is built further social skills.

Imagine your body is like an augmentation. If you are wearing the ring of jacked bros, then it adds +5 to your charisma, social charm, attraction value etc. This can make up for you not being the best speaker etc. but it can only do so much. Say you meet a level 20 speech check, and your base is only 10, but you're jacked enough to add +5

On the contrary, you actually want to get used to being in your head. Im gonna pull a biopsych explanation out of my ass here. What benefit does a heightened state of introspection present to a socially delayed/underdeveloped mammal? You are more receptive to the specifics of your behaviours, more tuned in to the the individual trees and not seeing the forest. Simply because you cant yet see the forest. You havent determined what pieces need to be ignored and what is important to focus on. So basically you gotta go out and make attempts at socializing, be awkward (not intentionally) and gradually make corrections as you figure out what works and what doesnt.

So in short, the way to not be in your head anymore, is to repeatedly embrace these situations that make you want to shell up like that, and eventually your comfort zone will expand to encompass broader social interaction. At which point you wont feel so "in your head" anymore.

goathunter05 · 2019-09-03T04:18:05+00:00

"According to the rp protocol you're doing everything right"? And then you go ahead and do the exact opposite of rp protocol? What

goathunter05 · 2019-09-03T04:20:08+00:00

"According to the rp protocol you're doing everything right"? And then you go ahead and do the exact opposite of rp protocol? What

Jovan1000 · 2019-09-03T04:44:46+00:00

Imagine you actually took action, it’s better to know what happens if you do then to think about what could happen. If people reject you so what? Even the best of men and woman get rejected its normal. I believe you will start taking action. If you watch porn don’t want it any longer and let your mind get clarity. You got it in you.

Banjaiel · 2019-09-03T05:16:22+00:00

Depending on the situation.. 30 second rule.. aka party.. 30 seconds.. and then you move. You could even open with well damn! Seems like this is where the fun's at! Who's birthday is it!? And then have a line either way. Though I would of course make sure there's both guys and gals.. if it's all gals.. it could be wierd. AKA they're having a girls day. Also.. just remind your self.. THere's always some failure before you strike gold. What's those stories of millionairs loosing everything before finally getting rich?

[deleted] · 2019-09-03T05:51:53+00:00

Live life thinking Yolo and idgaf

send_it_for_the_boys · 2019-09-03T06:44:33+00:00

I struggle with this some, this past weekend went to the bars with my bros twice. The first night I got lost from them and instead of being weird and standing around calling them I said this is a perfect time to practice, so I went around the bar met some guys they were cool bought me a drink had some laughs and left, then I saw 2 girls sitting at a table and walked up and introduced myself and we literally sat and talked about the dumbest shit and I got one of there numbers and moved on. It’s really as simple as “Hi, I’m (name)” and a handshake, or just walk around smiling and saying hey what’s up and high 5 random people, people will dig the positive energy you’re giving off some get weirded out but we’re all weird bro fuck it.

throaway69404 · 2019-09-03T07:08:33+00:00

Stuck in the same situation. Used to suck at school socially, and want to improve in college, and spend alot of my time thinking about it but when it comes to interacting with people I fuck it up.

famitslit · 2019-09-03T08:27:31+00:00

Visualization becomes handy in these types of situations. Imagine yourself going in there with confidence. Feel the feelings of it all working out and everybody wanting you there. Play the scenario and feel the feelings.

Keep those feelings of success and walk up there like you’ve already won. Don’t try to play out the script that you had in your head though. Go with the flow and keep your confidence high. If your mind tries to bring you down on your way there, just breathe deeply and fully. Replace your thoughts with positive ones.

Thinkingard · 2019-09-03T13:25:26+00:00

Are you on nofap too? You gotta let your body help recruit motivation. Starve it of easy sexual satisfaction. You also remind of how some guys need to warm up before talking to a girl. Meaning you say hi to a bunch of people and talk to more and more people that are no risk until you feel fully geared up and chatty.

Title	Stuck in my head?
Author	SouthernProcess
Upvotes	154
Comments	53
Date	September 2, 2019 3:33 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/cyqhfw/stuck_in_my_head/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/stuck-in-my-head.251629 https://theredarchive.com/post/251629

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