Casual sex is more freeing than relationships because you don't fear embarrassment

unicornsong19 · 2019-07-03T20:59:59+00:00

I understand this, but at the same time, I would argue that good relationships would be even more freeing because you can be your most embarrassing self without judgment because your partner loves and supports you anyway.

Any relationship damaged by something like that is not a strong relationship to begin with. The best ones are the ones where you can exist wholly as yourself, warts, idiosyncrasies, embarrassments and all, and still be fully loved by your partner. And vice versa.

Is that easy to find? HELL no. But I think it’s worth looking for.

whichbladeN · 2019-07-03T20:57:30+00:00

Do people really not feel shame in casual sex?

That surprises me. I'd think you'd be embarrassed to get shit or piss on someone or tell them to call you mommy.

The only distinction is that even if you do embarrass yourself, you aren't attached to the person so you can literally just never see them again.

But relationships grow to a point where you care for someone's well being more than your disgust. I mean some couples shit with the door open. So it kind of balances out.

Maybe my perspective of 'shame about sex' is more geared towards accidents instead of fetishes. Guess I'm pretty vanilla because I don't do roleplays.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-07-03T21:28:32+00:00

That may be true for some. I disagree for myself. There are intimate acts I've engaged in with a long term partner that I would never engage in with a rando - light bondage, for example. For one, you build trust when you are with someone long term, and it's difficult for me to be that kind of vulnerable with a stranger. For two, I'm wary about diseases.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2019-07-03T20:58:49+00:00

Just like vacation is freeing since no one knows you there and you can be whoever you truly are

I think a lot of people conceal their wants around a serious partner because they don't want to be perceived as weird

It is something your partner can pull everytime they're pissed off to embarrass you

As a result some guys in long-term relationships get less not out of malice, but because their woman is scared of your judgement. It's the same reason they hide their n count

Disagree. I could never talk about how much of a butt chungus my cat is with a casual partner. With my SO, we talk about cuddling the chungus and it's great. I have no shame. I embrace the weird and roll with it. My SO also definitely has no shame. She is the weirdest person I've ever met and it's delightful.

LTRs are where I feel at home. I don't need to hide anything because I trust my partner to be good to me and vice versa.

Edit: Think of it this way, my SO and I communicate in random Pokemon noises, because we are nerds like that. Can't say I'd ever do that with someone I knew casually. I turn my weird up to 11 in a relationship and it landed me a great life partner.

Obviously, my post is more about general behavior, but being in a healthy relationship means we can also effectively communicate our desires to each other without judgment. In my case, both our needs are quite vanilla, so it's dead easy anyway. The weirdness is all outside the bedroom.

pnadlerlaw · 2019-07-03T21:05:54+00:00

Respectfully, I think you’re projecting.

I’m 100% fine communicating exactly what I want sexually from my female partner. I got that out of the way BEFORE marriage. I wasn’t about to strap a bomb on me with someone who has a problem with what I’m into.

A committed relationship is what’s freeing. I’m not afraid of my wife telling other people what I’m into. I can trust her to keep certain things private. I can’t have that with casual sex.

Plus, I’m just not comfortable with casual sex. I need the sense of closeness and connection BEFORE the sex. Not during, not after, but BEFORE. It’s a necessary pre-requisite, like pre-cal is to calculus.

Plus, there are a lot of issues with self identity and casual sex. I never really subscribed to the male subculture of, “The more women you fuck, the more of a man you are, bro.” Quite the opposite. My father cheated on my mother with strippers, his employees, etc. Just a disgusting person. And I never wanted to be like that, chasing sex. Till this day, my mother doesn’t know, and it’s not my place to tell her. They’re still married. In a way, cheating saved their relationship, because they were sexually incompatible (but stuck together, for the kids).

You don’t have to be in a “committed” or “serious” relationship to have a great time. I was a bit of a serial monogamist when I was younger. Some of the best sex I’ve had was second date sex. You’re both into each other, the chemistry is there, neither one of you is trying to be a tease, but you just want to feel a bit more comfortable and connected first. But when you finally do, that powerful flame and passion is at its peak, and hasn’t really fizzled out over 30+ days.

Dude, I could crack coconuts 🥥 open with those erections. It was a deadly weapon - blunt force object.

But yeah, that’s not casual sex. That’s two people who just started dating, having sex, but still going out and in a relationship and exclusive to one another. Casual sex is like, I met you, I’ll fuck you in the bar’s bathroom, or we’ll just fuck when we get together, and we go our own ways (nothing there but sex). I could never do they. Not judging. Envy guys who can be comfortable with that. But that’s just not for me.

sublimemongrel · 2019-07-03T21:25:03+00:00

I mean typically the more you get to know someone the more they reveal about themselves, intentionally and unintentionally. I guess there are people who hide a bunch of stuff from there SO but I’m guessing maybe they are outliers. After a certain amount of time with someone you get pretty comfortable.

lefactorybebe · 2019-07-03T22:15:28+00:00

I get why some people might be that way, but I am nooooooot. I will fear embarrassment and be nervous and self conscious no matter who I am with. I did not feel freer with the guy I hooked up with than any of my LTRs. I am self conscious and very aware and concerned of what others might think of me all the damn time.

HottentotGenius · 2019-07-03T21:48:47+00:00

Relationship sex is THE best sex. The combination of the deeper intimacy and comfort along with knowing each other's bodies and turn ons makes for explosive lovemaking.

Plus you can actually finish inside a girl you're dating without freaking out. Just that moment is almost better than the orgasm itself

goatismycopilot · 2019-07-03T22:40:49+00:00

This makes zero sense.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-07-03T21:45:50+00:00

Lol, no

wtknight · 2019-07-03T22:05:38+00:00

I don't trust every woman enough to want to do strange stuff with a completely unknown one. Women probably shouldn't trust strange men enough to do strange stuff with them. The best thing to do is to find a partner who you trust who shares your kinks.

philomexa · 2019-07-03T21:53:31+00:00

I've never had casual sex, but I can't imagine doing anything more than boring missionary. It takes trust and ingenuity to get to the freaky shit, and I'm not about to reveal the freaky shit to some mediocre rando that I relented to because I was drunk and he was there. (this is how I imagine most ONS/casual sex happens)

It is something your partner can pull everytime they're pissed off to embarrass you

what? why would I be with someone who would even think of doing that? Character is what prevents people from stooping low, and its a non-negotiable when it comes to LTRs. So if I'm gonna get freaky, its gonna be in an LTR with a dude that has character.

Gravel_Roads · 2019-07-04T08:04:38+00:00

Honestly, LTR's are the best setting for sex if you're shy and easily embarrassed, when you can be with a partner that you know and trust and knows how to treat you gently.

Casual sex is more useful for folks who don't wanna have to answer to anyone or commit to anything long term. It only benefits people who embarrass easily by giving them the hope they might "never have to see the person again" -- which 1.) does nothing to spare you from being embarrassed during sex 2.) stops being a relief if you DO end up having to see them again, so you'd have to frequently be changing bars and hang-out spots to avoid people.

flamingoinghome · 2019-07-04T09:44:06+00:00

Casual sex is WAY scarier re: judgement than relationships! Why would I be more trusting of a stranger than of someone I know loves me?

Also...."weird shit like fetishes" REALLY ought only to be practiced with people you know and trust. Although on here I can never be sure what y'all mean by weird or fetish.

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[deleted] · 2019-07-03T23:35:41+00:00

Not my experience at all. When I wasn't celibate, it took my FWB like 3 months for me to even suck his dick. Casual sex doesn't compare at all to relationship sex. I already hated having casual sex because I couldn't get horny during it. If I can actually enjoy having sex with someone, no way in hell do I want it to just be casual.

wtffellification · 2019-07-04T06:19:06+00:00

embarrassment is not exclusive to certain situations. if you are immune to feeling shame in front of strangers, just because they’re strangers, you’re probably psychopathic

kurwajebanamac · 2019-07-04T07:21:49+00:00

The exact opposite, buddy, the exact opposite

Dash_of_islam · 2019-07-04T18:45:24+00:00

If casual sex is more freeing your relationships are garbage and you should see a therapist before entering into one again.

MDMCrab · 2019-07-07T20:08:17+00:00

I'd expect greater inhibition from a hookup than from a partner in a relationship, honestly.

NOTSM · 2019-07-03T21:01:12+00:00

Ladies, don’t use this lie if you get busted doing this with the man your dating, he’s not gonna buy it.

realrentner · 2019-07-03T21:56:08+00:00

Even though your reasoning is a bit incoherent, I agree with the statement: Casual sex is better if you are sexually adventurous ...unless you happen to find an equally adventurous partner as well which is unlikely ...but even then one party will lose their desire for that kind of stuff quicker than the other.

Assuming long term relationship = lifelong exciting sex and you can try everything with your long term partner (“just talk about your wife of 20 years that you want to have a threesome with a midget, bro, she’ll LOVE that”) is a myth that people cling to with all their might, which doesn’t make it any more true..

diffdedbed · 2019-07-03T23:01:23+00:00

Going to depend on the woman.

Took me years to get my wife to 69 another woman while I did her doggie.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Title	Casual sex is more freeing than relationships because you don't fear embarrassment
Author	Dash_of_islam
Upvotes	0
Comments	49
Date	July 3, 2019 8:50 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/c8tgdj/casual_sex_is_more_freeing_than_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/casual-sex-is-more-freeing-than-relationships.255092 https://theredarchive.com/post/255092

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