Do some posters here, including myself, get too obsessed with their past?

Salty-Bastard · 2019-02-04T01:36:01+00:00

The past is prologue

-William Shakespeare

Young_Oryx · 2019-02-04T02:16:36+00:00

Jealousy is pointless. Naval-gazing and playing the what-if game about the past is pointless. If you keep looking backwards, you will accomplish nothing, and your future will look exactly the same as today.

I don't know about you, but I am always trying for a better future. I care about what I can do today, right now, to build the best possible future for myself and my loved ones.

Sure, sometimes feelings about the past come up: things that hurt you, things you regret. I wouldn't spend more than a couple moments lingering over those feelings, though. It'll hold you back. No one can live in the past.

reluctantly_red · 2019-02-04T03:16:23+00:00

Guilty, however, its really fucking hard to move on when you know your family is living in another guy's house.

Even though I was madly in love with my first wife I was a really shitty husband to her. And an only so so father to my two oldest children. Not surprisingly the marriage didn't end well. Surprisingly it did last 17 years.

Five years later I fell even more madly in love with my second wife. I resolved to mend my wicked ways -- and I was successful -- I was a totally faithful, dutiful, and loyal husband -- and a good father to my two new daughters. Things still went to shit after eight years. Even more spectacularly this time. Regardless the first five years were the happiest of my life -- which made the betrayal all the worse.

I'm definitely not the same person I was. I'm a much darker soul.

CreightonWAbrams · 2019-02-04T01:58:00+00:00

I hardly ever think about my past in that sense. I will think about good memories, but I never remonstrate with myself about what I should have done differently. What’s the point? Onward and upward.

I also have no patience for historical counterfactuals, much to the dismay of Mr. Abrams, who tries to get me to speculate on things like what would have happened if Japan had never bombed Pearl Harbor.

321PK · 2019-02-04T02:02:43+00:00

We think those thoughts over and over again. We think them so much that we do not think about the present, about the now.

Nope. No point.

blackedoutfast · 2019-02-04T04:13:51+00:00

the past is the past. you can't do anything to change it, you can only learn from your mistakes

ireadredpillonce · 2019-02-04T02:14:36+00:00

Yes, which is why most of the people drawn to the pillosphere/manosphere should pursue extensive therapy concurrent with or prior to the red pill.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-02-04T02:41:02+00:00

Because you are all mentally ill neurotics who need to spend 5 years working 12 hours A-day in a coal mine

Uncommon_Sensed_1234 · 2019-02-04T01:40:05+00:00

Yes. I think about all the wasted years as a secretary when I should have gone to college during my 20s. Not going to college to have a career is my biggest regret in life.

despisedlove2 · 2019-02-04T02:43:42+00:00

Who has time for constantly rethinking like that? Life happens. You either learn your lessons and move on, or you don't learn your lessons and move on.

Gravel_Roads · 2019-02-04T09:39:15+00:00

Yeah, but if it helps, just about everyone does this at different times in their lives. It isn't confined to only people going through failure -- even famous people deal with doubt and depression and personal disappointments.

Jealousy of those who were able to carve out a good life for themselves (partly justified when those posters who do have a successful play dumb about why their life is going well

Honestly, I think the issue is that there is no single algorithm of behavior that will produce the same results every time.

ie - I am very happy in my life at this moment. I'm in an LTR with someone I've known for 20+ years, I'm in a job I find rewarding, I have time and energy for extracurricular hobbies, I'm healthy and exercise, I live in a beautiful, ideal environment that meets my individual needs...

But I honestly can't explain how I ended up here... beyond "I worked really hard and I didn't stop until I got here". But I would say that for the 30-ish years of my life leading up to this moment, I've actually been a highly dissatisfied person. If anything, the very fact that I was not satisfied with my current situation (and, more important, I was dedicated to improving things and seeking satisfaction) is the reason I am where I am today.

I'm poor, queer, trans. I'm from a broken home, child of divorce, history of homelessness amongst family members, moved around a lot, went to like... at least 12 different schools. I used to get in a lot of fights.

There's no one unique thing about me, but there's a lot of features that, in conjunction with my decision-making, have lead to me ending up in a good place, where others from a similar background have not. So I CAN take credit for some of it... but some of it's genuinely just luck. I stuck to my guns, I refused to settle or cave to pressure. I learned to be articulate and get along with multiple types of people, who in tern gave me "in"s into new social circles, which were able to teach me more so that I could be even more articulate and even better at getting along with different types of people. But I also was lucky that people who value the same things I do were able to recognize this in me, and I was able to recognize it in them, resulting in strong, healthy friendships. -- Not everyone has this sort of luck.

Some people are stuck "alone" in the trenches thinking they're crazy for wanting perfectly normal, healthy things. And the only reason they aren't able to find these normal, healthy things is they haven't managed to find a "normal" healthy person to provide it.

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beachredwhine · 2019-02-04T01:43:42+00:00

When I was going through my divorce I did spend a few weeks rethinking every ex girlfriend, every opportunity forgone, even rethinking why didn't I cheat on her with that cute dumb girl married to a marine? I mean why shouldn't I have since my ex wife couldn't keep her knees together?

But too much reminiscing prevents action today. I don't think it's necessarily bad to think through what you could have done in various situations, and hey that's what a lot of our dreams are, but then you need to act to get back into similar situations. You've got to always be moving ahead, so you don't lose your momentum.

Have your thought about taking steps to change your mindset? Daily affirmations are good. Get a white board and write down one goal with a positive affirming statement, read it every morning and achieve that one goal. Think about what negative thoughts are on loop playing through your mind and create a positive replacement thought pattern. And then you have to brute force the change. You have to spend weeks, months, maybe even longer forcing your brain to think the positive story, every time the negative loop plays. You might find you have to do this a hundred times a day.

Years later you may still find the negative story playing through your head again. You might find you get caught up in the loop, again. And you have to brute force your way back to a positive story that allows you to move ahead, into a happy and productive future where you tell yourself the story of you, the winner, the hero who overcame.

It can be done.

OneJealousGod · 2019-02-04T01:50:40+00:00

I think this has a lot to do with our present materialist mindset, where even now, despite the movements toward new age thinking and the like, a lot of it is fueled by a materialistic cycle of consumption, that really is everywhere, and addressing your issue, yes, is a huge issue for those seeking any self help.

I believe Alan Watts has a lecture with a student who sought a master, who always had a lesson, never achieving enlightenment, until he realized he was only ever not enlightened because he was searching for some outwardly manifestation.

Personally speaking, I have a strong tendency to emotionally capture my everyday experiences, especially the love/sex moments and it’s difficult to not define oneself and ones future by past events. Continually challenging and improving on oneself seems the only solution, which is difficult cause we only have so much energy and life demands more and more each day.

If your post was a question (?), then I guess spending less time on social media can help with the tendency to see past failures and dwelling on them, especially given “social media” which really is replacing social interactions. In social interactions, you meet people everyday, you do and don’t say what you feel, depending on what you hope to accomplish, ideally along some philosophy/spiritual practice, and you focus on doing your personal best on a daily basis.

Make and keep a, let’s say, “five foot rule,” where you don’t concern yourself with anything not within five feet, though including responsibilities and obligations. Also hobbies and the like will make a difference in how we either focus on the past or move somehow forward with life. The right people will come into those five feet, and will message your phone before you need to message them, except for emergencies. And in time your might feel more comfortable with 10 or 15 feet.

Also yes, realize that people coming in and out of your life are real, and how you behave will or will not bring them closer, so be reasonable with how you’ve decided to find another SO. If things are lining up, don’t go BP, or RP, or NG, nor even PPD, because you don’t know what to do. Just be human, have healthy boundaries and express what you want (not necessarily how you feel).

[deleted] · 2019-02-04T02:14:41+00:00

I'm one of those people that got so caught up in having fun that I wasn't able to properly calm down when the time came that I found someone I really wanted to settle down with. Huge regret, and then I have counterregrets that I tried to settle down at all and missed out on opportunities since my attempts to settle down ended up being futile because it didn't work out.

It's hard to win this life game. No more settling down for me, I decided.

Maybelowsmv · 2019-02-04T02:44:16+00:00

I was about to write that i don't care about the paths that others take, but then I realised that would be a lie. In the back of my mind, I do regret not taking sciences at university to appease my family and have them feel proud of me. But then again, it isn't an active regret. I really enjoy humanities and I feel like trying to gain my family's pride isn't a thing that can be guaranteed

Regardless, I do have aspects of my past in which I regret. These are based upon my own actions. I recognise that I have acted cruel and "crazy" in the past, and I'm working on bettering myself and hoping to be an emotionally stable and good person in the future. The funny part is that those around me, including those I've hurt, see me as a really good person. They just don't see the reality of my mind. I'm obsessed with my past because I want to be a better person for the future, and I also know to prepare myself against people replicating my old actions against me

Sorry for the vagueness

Viralimpulse · 2019-02-04T03:09:06+00:00

probably lol but it's really hard not to. I still remember most of my rejections even though I shouldn't because it makes me think girls will always be nasty.

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2019-02-04T04:22:54+00:00

Who isn't? I haven't met a person alive who isn't.

verticordia · 2019-02-04T06:22:58+00:00

I used to when I first discovered TRP or this side of the internet. I'm somehow a perfectionist that wants One Answer and also the type of person to view everything from every perspective imaginable.

I used to panic over my past sexual history, which really is not that bad at ALL, but my neurotic tendencies combined with my natural Catholic guilt complex and some of the more extremist TRP views about women... I'd go insane trying to figure out how to rectify the past and how to atone for my sin of "riding the cock carousel" (having a handful of sexual partners lmfao).

Then I realized I can literally decide what type of person I want to be. Who's going to know I'm not a well rounded non-slut if I don't carry that baggage around? I don't have any STDs, I don't have a kid. There was no need for me to carry around past guilt, I just let it go. Sure, if I would have had the tool kit back then I would have realized how much leverage being a virgin would have granted me, but that's the past.

passepar2t · 2019-02-04T06:56:05+00:00

What are you talking about? Everyone here makes 6 figures, is at peace with themselves and bangs 10s every weekend.

...Right?

JustForPPD · 2019-02-04T10:48:33+00:00

I keep it present, but I don't obsess over it. In the past I mourned for the live I could have had if I had awaken earlier and if certain things hadn't happened, but there's nothing I can do about it now.

MercedesBenzoAMG · 2019-02-04T11:02:20+00:00

Yes. Obsessing over the past is an exercise in futility and distracts from the only thing you can influence: the present.

We think those thoughts over and over again. We think them so much that we do not think about the present, about the now. We don't think about how we can improve ourselves for the future.

And what a waste that is.

I tried to buy bitcoin back in 2010 but it was difficult back then since there wasn't exactly a billion exchanges like there is now. I tried to mine some but couldn't get it to work and just gave up.

I could obsess over how if I'd got bitcoin in 2010 I'd be a fucking millionaire right now instead of struggling to climb the career ladder.

Or I could realise that even if I had bought bitcoin in 2010 I'd have probably spent it all on Silk Road the moment it hit $1000 and I'd be in the exact position I'm in right now and move the fuck on with my life because I don't own a time machine or a crystal ball.

What's the point of obsessing over the past if you can't change it? Learn any lessons you can from it and move on with your life.

[deleted] · 2019-02-07T18:15:16+00:00

You have to think about the positive results you want and keep breaking them down into smaller and smaller chunks until they are small enough for you to act on, if you think about what you want for the future in the other ways you always have, it will be overwhelming and you will probably not get it. Getting what you want is not as important as the struggle, the emotional meaning behind what you achieve comes out of the struggle, wisdom comes out of the struggle. Some people who win the lottery have their lives messed up by it because they didn't struggle for that money, and they didn't put that money towards a meaningful struggle, but you won't care much about other people when you push yourself towards meaningful nervous breakdowns, which leads to all the best emotions in life.

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2019-02-09T08:36:25+00:00

Holy shit, it's late, I'm tired, need to go to bed, sleep pattern has been off past few days, behind on some school work, but this post sums up what I have been going through for a very long time now.

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2019-02-10T08:15:23+00:00

So yeah wow holy shit this is totally been my problem for a long time. How do I stop?

Title	Do some posters here, including myself, get too obsessed with their past?
Author	Whodunnit88
Upvotes	10
Comments	64
Date	February 4, 2019 1:30 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/amwj5u/do_some_posters_here_including_myself_get_too/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-some-posters-here-including-myself-get-too.257457 https://theredarchive.com/post/257457

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