Mindset: What does TRP have to say to guys who are late to the party and missed out on all the fun growing up?

itsmehobnob · 2014-12-15T20:45:30+00:00

You know the answer you just don't want to admit it.

That's for another discussion

Nope, that is this discussion. You can't change your past. Change your present.

RunawayGrain · 2014-12-15T21:01:21+00:00

If you wanna feel better about yourself,read up on TRP and put it into action for yourself.

Take it from an older guy. Most of the high school / college kids that were banging everything in sight are going to be stuck in low rent jobs wistfully looking back at their past exploits, and realizing that they have already peaked. Meanwhile, you have nowhere to go but up.

When I went to high school in the 80's, I wasn't Incel, but I was definitely on the low end of the social scale. Me and my cousin had one girl that went out of her way to get on us because we both pooled money and gotten a fastback toyota. It was definitely a POS, but it was what we worked and bought with money we earned. Meanwhile this girls dad had given her a new Trans Am. She would make it a point to ride by and call us losers when we had engine problems with it in the school parking lot.

I treated myself to a new Lexus this year. When I went home for a family wedding this year, I picked up my cousin and we rode through the coffee bistro where said girl works. We were in the Lexus. As she handed the change out we both said in unison, "Thanks, Loser!" She almost cried on the spot.

So my point is, of all the people in the past very few will wind up having meaning in your life. You, however, have much meaning in your life, and you should strive to improve yourself. Once you get to a meaningful point in your life, you will be in a much better position than the kids that wasted that time during their lives. So the healing really starts when you meet up with some of those folks, and realize what a shambles they are, vs. where you are in life. That helps you feel better about yourself immensely.

Edit: Spelling.

Forever_Unbroken · 2014-12-15T20:39:42+00:00

How he can stop being hurt by his lonely incel past

You don't.

The older than 20 virgin who due to some unfavorable circumstances in life did not have the sex, intimacy, and relationships in his younger years.

Ouch. It stings doesn't it? You feel that pain? Good. Internalize it and use it to propel you into the best decade of your life which starts tomorrow.

Welcome to the anger stage. The sidebar is to the right.

himan235 · 2014-12-15T23:53:28+00:00

Its not just intimacy or whatever the issue is its the mind fucking that leads to the negativity. I used to get into that same mindset when I start mind fucking myself to the point of insanity then I realized how much time wasted on unhealthy addictions. Start living your own life and Stop living and worrying about societies hollywood image of what life should be. Learn that no one gives a fuck about you but yourself and its all in your head. Then there's tons of men and women saving themselves for whoever or whatever piled on with many more views. They dont give a fuck but on themselves. Why waste so much time on beating yourself up? If you have the luck to wake up in this world tomorrow, realize its a new day and your the only one who gives a single fuck about anything in your mind. Everything is all in your head. There is no master plan in life but the choices you make for yourself and then realize again no one gives a fuck about you except what you can do for them

IllimitableMan · 2014-12-15T21:08:11+00:00

It's the world's fault for making you what you are, it's your fault for staying that way.

1independentmale · 2014-12-15T22:12:29+00:00

Okay, I'll bite. I knocked up my high school sweetheart at 18. Married her at 19. Spent the entirety of my twenties working my ass off to feed my family and keep a roof over our heads while my buddies partied and fucked random hotties. My wife barely fucked me at all during this time. It sucked hard.

I completely missed out on all of the fun my friends had in their twenties. How do I cope? Simple, I have money and a rock solid career while most of these guys don't. All that working I did is now paying dividends in the form of a six figure salary and all of the perks that come with it. Luxury car, big house on the hill, lots of disposable cash. Not partying my ass off in my twenties has been good to me.

You want to overcome your trauma and depression? Go do something with your life. Find something you're passionate about and fucking do it. Improve yourself. Lift, read, learn a new language or skill, go kick ass at your job and advance in your career, start a business, travel the world... it doesn't really matter what you do, just that you find satisfaction in doing it.

red_gerb · 2014-12-15T21:39:27+00:00

Take your past, wrap it in a package, and never look at it again. I see no reason for it anymore, unless the pain can be harnessed as a driver.

Focus on the now, the future, and steps of action.

kick6 · 2014-12-15T21:53:25+00:00

This is really simple:

Life and happiness aren't all sex. You're still putting the pussy on a pedestal. Stop that, and realize, despite the upbringing that made sex and women difficult, you still have other cool stuff going on.

And if you don't have other cool stuff going on...................for the love of god, start doing cool stuff!

leftajar · 2014-12-15T22:18:46+00:00

Sucks.
Better late than never.

brotherjustincrowe · 2014-12-16T01:59:29+00:00

I logged in just to post this; I don't care who sees me on this subreddit anymore.

TLDR - My parents are strict religious hypocrites that want to keep me blue pill and I need a way out.

I'm in high school and I'm going through this right now. I know exactly what it takes to improve myself and have an amazing high school experience (thank you redpill and sidebar). The thing is, my parents are the very strict and religious kind (well, they are strict but they are major hypocrites, like they say hateful things all the time but if I say "fuck" then they will tell me how Jesus is disappointed and threaten to take away my privileges). I don't even think they care about the religion at this point; they are using it as one of their excuses to keep me blue pill (that and "because I have authoritah!")

I want to improve my diet and go to the gym. I can't, I don't have the freedom. I have to eat what my mother decides to cook that night and they think that the gym is a waste of time. I would pay for it myself but they won't even let me get a job. Their logic is that I should go to THEM when I want to buy something (no way I'm asking them to buy condoms because they would monitor me more) and they can't see why I would want to learn to be independent and earn money on my own to buy the things I want. This is the point where I would disobey and apply for a job anyway but I've heard that they would have to sign a permission form because I'm a minor and I also wouldn't have a way to get to that job (my parents refuse to drive me and the closest store to my house is an hour and a half away if I walk).

I want to sharpen my social skills, but when I'm not at school, studying, or doing homework, I'm at home or doing something with the family. My parents think that I'm going to bond with them more by hanging out with them and they just can't stand the idea that maybe we have different world views and I value different things than them and that we aren't really compatible so we should stop hanging out so much because it won't fix a damn thing. They hate the idea of letting me go to a party where the parents aren't there and they have to ask "who's gonna be there?!" every time I go and hang out with my friends.

I'm not allowed to get my driving permit, and getting your license requires you to have your permit for a year. I really want to be able to drive so that I can get away from them and practice RP, but I probably won't be able to do that until I'm eighteen. I can't walk to a place because we live in a giant horse community that takes an hour to walk out of, so I'm stuck. It doesn't help that Florida is so damn hot and the air is so humid you can swim in it, so that when I do walk to a friend's house I look like a sweating piece of shit.

Sorry for my long, bitchy rant but I'm worried that the rest of high school is going to be shit because my parents seem determined to keep me BP. I've told them my intentions (not all of them, just that I want to take better control of my life) and they laughed me off like I was five years old.

Also, just remembered, my parents are really close-minded. Seriously, I try to look better so maybe people will take me more seriously (I can't dress better for school because we have to wear uniforms) and they tell me to stop. For example, I want to grow a beard (no, not a neckbeard) to make my jawline look more masculine, but my father makes me shave every Sunday. His excuse is "only Muslims, terrorists, pedophiles, homeless people, and hippies have beards." Every Sunday that I don't shave, he threatens to take away all connections I have to the outside world (computer, etc.) and put me in a different school. In fact, he threatens to do this every time I disobey him, no matter how stupid and arbitrary the rule is.

NeopolitanAfterglow · 2014-12-16T01:40:14+00:00

Been there. Was home schooled. Got a computer degree in college (95% guys). Virgin til 23.

I didn't miss out on the party. I just saved it for later. When you're balls deep pumping wet, your dry childhood is pretty much the last thing on your mind.

Like someone said, men hit their peak SMV in their late 30s. There's nothing to worry about.

the_red_scimitar · 2014-12-15T22:51:46+00:00

I am that guy. First off, I went to college so young that I missed the entire high-school socializing thing. And of course, nobody in college is dating somebody that young.

Then, I got married shortly afterwards, and spent the next 30 years in that state. And by "married", I mean the typical RP kind, mostly sexless.

So, how about now? 4 or so years later, I do exclusively non-monogamous relationships, entirely up front about it. I'm generally "seeing" two to six women at any given time (three is common), and all relationships are sexual as well as anything else they might be, but they are sexual rather quickly, or they don't happen.

Agewise: ranges from 23 to 53. I'd say roughly half are in their 40's, about 35% in their 20's, with 15% in their 30's. This year two have been 23, a couple more in later 20's, a couple in 30's (along with one long-term but not primary girlfriend, and one fairly recent early-30's girl who's wonderfully sexual). More were typically early/mid-40's, and a couple have been in their 50's. All have been fit, fun, and attractive.

Okay - so that's the outcome. But, how to heal? I can only answer for myself: I just left it all behind. I made the effort to be the person I knew I had inside, and which external factors made me believe was "bad" or unacceptable - and nothing would have changed, if I'd kept all the same acquaintances and friends, but I didn't. I lost the people I knew would be butthurt, and kept the friends who understood. And I've made a LOT of new friends (not just lovers).

The best defense for a shitty past is the offense of a fantastic present, building toward an even better future. That is not hyperbole. It is the actual truth of it. And there are a lot of ways to get to that, but they mostly involve a little honest introspection, a dose of truth, and making it "the thing you do." Recognize that those past occurrences aren't just things that "happened to you", but that you helped to cause, through the type of people, situations, and attitudes that you held on to.

The past is gone. The past in which you read that prior sentence is gone. Now is what you have to work with, and future "nows" are shaped by the what you do with that succession of present "nows".

Edit: wrote this before looking at other answers. I'm amazed and pleased to see that the general answer is to change life NOW, and live it NOW. Good on all of you.

mty_green_go · 2014-12-16T01:19:33+00:00

What can that guy do to overcome the trauma and depression he has from his sexless past?

Start over. Move to a new city. Build a new life. Learn to go out by yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. Go to the gym. Make new friends.

I have many times...and even into my 30's I still date 21 year olds .. and I expect I will still be able to for years to come

Iupvoteforknowledge · 2014-12-16T03:39:18+00:00

I missed out on A LOT. I was a beta bitch from high school, college, and even several years after. I found the red pill about a year and a half ago. I'm 27 this April. I started lifting, got a body, started bartending, started MMA, started pulling ass. It doesn't matter dude. If anything chicks slow your progress in life. So don't do it for them. Do it for you. Pull some ass, get it out the way, and build something beautiful.

yummyluckycharms · 2014-12-16T04:14:59+00:00

The best advice that I can give you is to never forget. Bury that experience, compact it and push it way down till it becomes a diamond in your chest. Then, whenever you need motivation to keep pushing or if a girl tries to put you down, look back at that diamond, and let the light of your wisdom shine through it.

Or you can bury it, nurture your hatred till it the embers burn bright, and use that for motivation.

I've seen guys use both ends of the spectrum to great success

LeGrandDiableBlanc · 2014-12-16T14:02:21+00:00

When I show up to a normal party where everyone has been steadily drinking for a few hours already, I usually drink as much hard liquor as is necessary in a short amount of time to catch up.

I think if they spend a few months or even years slaying the punnani, they will be able to catch up just fine in all measurable ways.

[deleted] · 2014-12-17T11:32:05+00:00

Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water, after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water.

tallwheel · 2014-12-16T05:22:29+00:00

I was there and I think I've overcome it somewhat.

When you're well into your 30's, have fucked some women, and your sex drive starts to go down, most of the time sex seems pretty overrated. It hurt a lot in my twenties that I was missing out on sex, but now it seems like what I was missing was never really what it was cracked up to be. Of course I can never get the years back, but realizing that I was never missing out on something that great has helped me feel better.

My life philosophy is fairly MGTOW now, in case that wasn't apparent.

cascadecombo · 2014-12-16T06:15:26+00:00

but how he can find happiness on the inside despite having missed out on all of the fun growing up.

You stop caring about it. You live life from now, it's called not dwelling in the past.

fhghg · 2014-12-16T09:27:53+00:00

Look on the bright side. Herpes ain't that bad but you're still clean.

[deleted] · 2014-12-16T19:49:09+00:00

It's never too fucking late to start changing. Start now. There are total fucking losers who have come out of a divorce with nothing, flat broke, no job, lack of self-worth from being Cupcake's beta-bitch, and hardly anything thing in their name. And they still manage to turn their life completely around. I was one of them, and I guarantee I'm not the only one around here.

You are a fucking man. Some of your greatest strengths are utility and creativity. Start by building and creating your identity into the person you want to be. Once the gears start moving you will be surprised with how quickly your life can turn around if you stick to it.

HeadingRed · 2014-12-16T23:52:14+00:00

"What can that guy do to overcome the trauma and depression he has from his sexless past?"

You will overcome by doing something about your now. You are close to your 30's and that is the time where you will be a hot commodity.

I went to an all-male Catholic school. The girls I dated in highschool ranged from plain to downright frightening. Only one had a brain and a personality that was worthwhile. They went out with me because the guys they wanted were not available and I'm funny as shit at a party.

Looks like you are focusing on your lack of success with women. Here are a few thoughts-

You can't change the past. You will get rid of the pain of the past by making your today and tomorrow better.
You will make a conscious choice to talk to people. The clerk at the store, people next to you in line etc.
You will improve your appearance. You will look in the mirror before you leave the house and like what you see.
You will choose hobbies. It almost does not matter what it is- you have something you are interested in and you will get good at it.
You will start talking to women casually. Get comfortable saying hi. Get better at saying less.
More than likely your place looks like you feel. Get your place in shape. Look at magizines, see what you like and get it. If you live in a decent sized city Craigslist and thrift stores rock.

In short- make yourself and your place what you want to have. As you go through the process of making your external self better your internal self will change. Confidence will grow.

Your biggest danger is this- the first woman you have sex with (or treats you well) you will fall in love with. She might be the one for you to spend the rest of your life with. Odds are very very high she is not. And you will be so afraid of falling back into depression that you will do anything to keep her. And that will mean changing the things that got her into you in the first place. Do not make you first your first epic mistake.

Good luck.

Azothlike · 2014-12-15T21:04:26+00:00

Religious parents? An all boys school?

Really, this is the source of your persistent inner "trauma and depression"?

Get over yourself. If you're an adult, your problems are your fault.

/sincerely, someone with actual childhood problems who got over it.

Darkone06 · 2014-12-15T20:57:20+00:00

Circumstances such as going to an all boys school, being home schooled, going to a school loaded with ugly girls, or very strict religious parents that stopped him from experiencing things such as sex, intimacy, and relationships growing up. All the while you saw teenagers and college kids out on dates getting intimate with each other.

Dude at that point I would have care how "ugly" she was as long as I got with someone.

I think you are labeling those girls as ugly as a coping mechanism for not having the balls to find out if they are interest in you.

FemtoG · 2014-12-15T21:16:31+00:00

Trauma and depression are negligible things when you consider the limited nature of time.

All you have is time.

Elim101 · 2014-12-16T04:15:43+00:00

The same thing we say every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

garlicextract · 2014-12-16T09:52:41+00:00

spend the night in bed with the gorgeous sorority girl in your class.

Can we ban this fucktard? All he does is post sob stories about being unable to get with sorority girls. Third topic in a few days. How is this shit RP it's just BP whining.

Step 0: take the pussy off the pedestal

OP hasn't even gotten to step 0

Title	Mindset: What does TRP have to say to guys who are late to the party and missed out on all the fun growing up?
Author	bustergreenwood
Upvotes	18
Comments	64
Date	December 15, 2014 8:16 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2pe46n/mindset_what_does_trp_have_to_say_to_guys_who_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/mindset-what-does-trp-have-to-say-to-guys-who-are.26425 https://theredarchive.com/post/26425

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