Taste in men changing. Has anyone experienced this? Before I liked bad boys, because I confused my instincts telling me something was off, for butterflies and excitement. I knew these men were no good for me. Now I am more attracted to men, I before would deem "boring".

MelatoninNightmares · 2020-09-20T20:44:11+00:00

It's maturity and probably a lot of healthy self-love, improvements in self-esteem, and overall leveling up. It happened to me, too, and it's great.

For a little while, especially at the beginning, relationships with "stable" men seem a little bit boring when you're used to whirlwind relationships and constant drama. But you'll quickly realize that, while the highs maybe aren't so high, the lows definitely aren't nearly as low. And you actually feel good about yourself. And you're making progress towards your goals together. And you realize that he actually brings out the best in you, not the worst. (It's kind of surprising to discover that men can do that!)

And I think that's a feature of a HVM vs a LVM that isn't discussed enough. A LVM brings out and amplifies your worst features - your insecurity, your temper, your anxiety, your laziness, your unhealthy coping mechanisms. A HVM brings out and amplifies your best features - your confidence, your kindness, your discipline, your wit.

So yeah, "boring" stable men >>>>> party guys and all the drama they bring with them.

Karthasis11 · 2020-09-20T20:46:39+00:00

I was always attracted to nerds and "nice" guys, bc they seemed to be the safe option, because they would be happy that a woman would appreciate their character...nope, they just crave attention from every women, because of their insecurities.

Nowadays I go for the more confident and beautiful men, because they are not overwhelmed and develop a huge ego, whn a woman is interested in them.

AnniaT · 2020-09-20T21:59:21+00:00

I used to love the surfer traveller good vibes free spirit guy (lol) and fall for them... now it's a no for me in terms of finding a partner for a long lasting relationship. I don't feel that attraction anymore.

randomgirl34861 · 2020-09-20T22:27:45+00:00

I’m also dating with the intent of finding someone who I can spend my life with and start a family with. As my intentions changed (looking for a husband not a boyfriend) I’ve found my taste in men to be changing too. I wouldn’t say I lowered my standards... but I’ve revised some of my looks-based requirements. I’ve gotten more inclusive in terms of body type. I used to only like very muscular guys who competed in bodybuilding events like I do. But now I’ve expanded this to include most athletic guys (so I’m now considering guys who are runners or do cross-fit or something like that). As long as my future husband is in good shape and committed to a healthy life style, I’m happy with that. I’ve also lowered my height requirement. I used to only go for guys who are 6’0, but decided that I could be happy with a guy who’s at least 5’8, provided he is comfortable and confident with himself and his height.

A guy who’s 5’9 has been taking me on some really lovely and thoughtful dates lately, I’m 5’6 so I wore heels partially because I like them, and partially to see what he’d do. When I met up with him at the restaurant, he told me my outfit looked great. He made a comment about how I can’t go wrong in terms of shoe choice. He likes my flats because he’s taller and he likes high shoes because he feels like he’s dating a model.

I don’t think it’s a bad thing to change standards over time. I would never compromise on any of the personality or life situation requirements I want in a partner. However, there’s some superficial things I’m willing to be flexible on and I’m more willing to give guys who I’d previously deem boring a chance.

I used to not date guys with “lame hobbies”. The guy I’ve been dating recently really enjoys golf, which I think is so boring. But recently he showed me a full set of new high-quality woman’s clubs because he wants whoever he dates to be able to play with him if they’d like. I found that to be really thoughtful.

I’m starting to see that many HVM won’t be super exciting to you when you date them. I’ve only been on 6 dates with this new guy, and even though his dates are very well planned out, I wouldn’t call him “exciting” and I think that’s because he doesn’t leave me guessing. He’s mentioned from the start that he’s hoping for something serious. In the past, I’ve been on dates with guys thinking if could change them into relationship people when they’re weren’t, it would be really special 🥴 When this new guy says he call, he calls. When he says he’ll be there, he’s there. In the past, I’d have plans set up with LVM and I’d be like “omg is he gonna be there?” Then when they’d show up I’d be way more excited about it than when this guy shows up. I felt that way because there was a strong possibility they won’t show up, so when they do it’s a surprise. When I plan things with this man, I’m certain that he’ll be there so that surprise factor isn’t there. HVM don’t provide the same kind of “high” that bad boys do because of the stability the offer, and that’s just something we have to get used to when we date HVM

Partypuppers · 2020-09-21T00:05:29+00:00

I used to be really into avoidant guys. I have a bit of an anxious attachment style and wanted to chase and prove my love to the men I was attracted to. It felt amazing coasting on the high of infatuation and the creative outpouring that came after (I paint and write poetry).

But then I'd experience the withdrawal as these men undoubtedly ran away. And I got fed up with it. I got fed up with hurting myself and going through months of 'why doesn't he like me? Why would he do that!?' (rinse and repeat). Honestly, it was beneath me and I knew it was in my control to stop it.

I now I avoid men like that. I avoid the avoiders lol. Give me a slow burning, steady love that is genuine and safe. Give me happiness.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-09-20T21:49:59+00:00

Yes! I was actually wondering if other women experienced this, I take it as a sign that my mass amounts of therapy are paying off, thank god lol

eveninghope · 2020-09-21T00:14:29+00:00

I had a therapist once tell me that relationships are supposed to be "boring." Like if it's stressful-but-exciting the whole time, that's unsustainable.

2020-09-20T22:30:01+00:00

My type in men has changed a lot,mostly due to me working on myself and improving my self esteem. I used to deal with a very severe ED when I was younger,and because of that,I believed that I could never attract the type of man that I truly wanted. Therefore,I settled for unattractive men who manipulated my insecurities and made me feel like I could never do any better. You knew my standards were low when I was having people come up to me and ask me why I was always with ugly men like that. Now I realize I’m treated so much better by the attractive men who are actually on my playing field. Makes me happy that my therapy and self-improvement has been paying off

I also bought into the idea that unattractive,nerdy men would treat me better. They didn’t,and instead I just ended up getting humiliated by someone I didn’t even find attractive.

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-09-21T00:54:34+00:00

Honestly no I've never been into "bad boys".

I've consistently liked dependable men, who were also muscular and intelligent.

It would be nice if they could stop fucking cheating though lol.

hypointellectual · 2020-09-21T02:13:29+00:00

Give me all the boring men. I love men who are responsible, respectful, intellectual, stable, healthy etc. I have never been attracted to bad boys and never will be.

riotous486saturn · 2020-09-21T06:19:47+00:00

I used to be really attracted to those nerdy gamer engineer types. You know the ones. Like, the ugly, chubby, unwashed, unsocialized ones who think they’re the shit, but live off of MNT dew and pizza even though they make six figures? Yeah. Rough times.

But now my eyes have shifted to those nerdy types like Henry Cavil and Markiplier where they have a lot more going on instead of just gaming and their jobs. They’re attractive and hygienic and respectful. If I could find a guy like that, I’d be happy. My main interests haven’t changed, so I’m still into nerdy men, but my standards for how they treat themselves (and consequently, me) has risen.

2020-09-21T04:21:12+00:00

Beware, “boring” men can be secretly crazy and/or unethical, too, and even hide it for years.

I don’t recommend dating someone who is truly boring, as in no hobbies or interests, or someone who is not open to doing activities, etc. I don’t think what you’re thinking of is on the complete other end of the spectrum.

yegerska · 2020-09-21T14:55:44+00:00

I’m still attracted only to same people as me. Creative types, same hobbies, taste in music and movies

idiosyncraticg1 · 2020-09-21T14:57:23+00:00

I stopped liking bad boys and guys who didn’t have their shit together after college. If I was able to have a “real” job at 22, have my own apartment and have a generally stable life without my parents help, I expected the guy to have the same. I still partied etc but I wasn’t interested in guys working full time at a coffee shop or as a bartender unless they were getting their masters degree.

It took some time and trial and error. I kept seeing guys who didn’t have their shit together, they treated me well, I exercised FDS principles, but after months of this I realized I could not be in a long term relationship with someone like that. I got tired. I was unable to hang out at 10am on Monday’s as I was working 60 hour weeks. They could pay for every date and give me all the flowers/gifts in the world but I needed someone who had a clear goal in life.

2020-09-21T19:07:28+00:00

We aren’t told what a good man is. If society is telling women what makes a good man then me and millions of women missed it. We also have shitty fathers for role models. The “boring” nice guy is not someone we relate to until we become adults and are mature enough to understand what a stable adult is. Society is so fucked up, that we see the stable guy as an alien from another planet.

2020-09-20T23:14:30+00:00

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