Q2women: have you ever developed attraction for someone you were not attracted at first?

Littleknownfacts · 2017-02-28T03:06:38+00:00

Yes. On my first date with my SO I wasn't too excited by him, he wasn't off-putting but nothing really special either. I wasn't planning on giving him a second date but before we parted ways he asked for a kiss. I was like "nah", but he insisted. At that point I felt a 'spark' and accepted a second date with him. And let's just say, by the end of that date I was very very attracted to him.

LSTW1234 · 2017-02-28T02:40:00+00:00

Not ugly, no. My scale is basically "no, maybe, yes." Immediate yeses are very rare. No one has ever gone from no to yes, but people have gone from yes to no. Anyone in the maybe category is fair game depending on personality/vibe. And it is entirely possible for me to develop the same level of attraction to a man in the maybe category as the yes category - that's usually what happens.

shoup88 · 2017-02-28T04:53:53+00:00

Yes, but it's never been with someone I've actively thought was ugly. It's more like someone I was indifferent to or didn't really notice until something changed.

sublimemongrel · 2017-02-28T04:02:08+00:00

Yes and lost attraction too.

Electra_Cute · 2017-02-28T02:29:38+00:00

You are going to have to give your definition of "attraction". Sexual attraction or just general attraction?

i_have_a_semicolon · 2017-02-28T02:46:44+00:00

Yes, absolutely. My ex boyfriend, I.e. the first man I fell in love with. He was scrawny with a huge jew fro and acne scars, dull, patchy skin...but I noticed two things about him. Eyes and jawline. Those gave him a very striking look. I realized he wasnt ugly from the get go, just clearly didn't care about how he dressed or presented himself. He was a total math guy, and didn't consider himself very highly looks wise. But I don't know, there was no sexual attraction initially but he grew on me significantly. As we got closer and I realized his eyes, and very handsome face, more than made up for the other parts. I saw something in him others did not. He cut his hair at some point and it was weird at first but it made him more handsome. Over time I absolutely thought more and more highly of him sexually. He started looking less scrawny to me and more defined, less nerdy and more smart, less young and naive and more old and mature. I think I also wanted to find him attractive, so that made a big difference.

Since then, I have found a man who I felt was attractive from the get go. I don't feel right talking about how I grew to find my ex attractive when I think about him compared to my current bf who I was attracted to from the start. "He's cute!" Was the third thing I noticed after likes Pink Floyd (hoodie) and short (plus in my book). Anyway, I'm deeply in love with my man and I hope that undos any bad vibes I get from having to think about my attraction to an ex. Thanks OP!

(Edit: unironically enough, my bf has some similar facial features - blue eyes and a distinctive jawline - but he has a much more handsome face. I got lucky!)

wombatinaburrow · 2017-02-28T03:05:06+00:00

My husband. He was way too pretty for my taste (I prefer rugged), but he grew on me as wr got to know each other.

lurfly · 2017-02-28T04:31:35+00:00

Yup, with every guy I've ever been in a relationship with :p

Which is 3.5 (the fourth guy was kind of an iffy relationship, not sure if it really counts as one).

prodigy2throw · 2017-02-28T10:07:35+00:00

I had asked this a while ago. Answer was kind of mixed iirc. But the consensus kind of slanted towards "nah. If you ugly you ugly unless specific circumstances come up"

[deleted] · 2017-02-28T03:13:34+00:00

For most of my crushes it is only after having spent significant time with them that I actually begin to develop a crush on them.

For guys who at first I think are ugly or average that I have liked, their features start to grow on me and I find them cute.

On the other hand someone who I find attractive at first glance, they start to lose their magic after more time spent together.

eliasbagley · 2017-02-28T06:08:34+00:00

Yes.

I took a class in college where the professor taught 2 sections. One was in the early morning, but I took one in the later afternoon. We had an assignment, and I wanted to ask her question before mine was due. So I looked up the time and place of the morning section, a much smaller section. 1/3rd the size and I was in a small classroom. Probably had 15 people in it.

I remember laying eyes when I first walked in on one of the ugliest people I had ever seen. I remember thinking it too, such an odd thought for me. I went to a school full of ugly foreign people, but I made note of this one. If you could quiz me on the spot, I thought he looked like shrek. I sat next to him, simply because I liked the spot in the room. I showed up really early, and so halfway during my arrival the weight of the class, I asked him if he knew the answer to my question.

The rest is kind of history. I'd fuck him right now, I'd marry him right now, etc. He had one of the most beautiful personalities in the world and it made me wet for him. I literally thought this dude was the ugliest person I'd ever met, but he doesn't know that.

lollygagyo · 2017-02-28T06:50:47+00:00

Yes. I have been intensely physically attracted to 1 or 2 ugly mofos in the past. Charisma & dynamic can make up for everything.

I am mostly super shallow and obsessed with beauty, but yeah, it happens & it's not AF/BB.

[deleted] · 2017-02-28T07:15:30+00:00

This is true for all of my relationships. I don't mean that they weren't attractive but that I was quite indifferent after the first date, yet completely smitten later on.

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Battle-Scars · 2017-02-28T03:29:13+00:00

Propinquity plays a huge role in attraction.

Lyanina · 2017-02-28T08:34:36+00:00

When I meet someone they're either unattractive to me, indifferent (the overwhelming majority), or attractive. The ones I find unattractive are pretty much going to be stuck there, but for the other two, they can easily move to another category, for example attractive to unattractive, or indifferent to attractive, or attractive to even more attractive. So yeah, I've experienced that, and it's surprising to me that some people can say "it would never be possible."

the first thing that comes to my mind is the AF/BB paradigm.

And yet... That's not necessarily related. You can be madly attracted to someone and yet not have sex on the first date, you can have a committed LTR with someone you're hella attracted to (yes, yes, even if he's Beta), you can have ONS with people you're not that attracted to, and yes, attraction can develop as you get to know someone.

virginwidow · 2017-03-05T03:16:48+00:00

I have 2 answers on that:

IRL, f2f ?? "NO WAY" happens on sight, ditto "Curious". If Curious is mutual, 10 min. it's either Maybe-Later or back to "No Way".... The maybe later period is -- maybe LATER, The insides take longer to examine. First impression can be jump on that, but more often than not the "INsides" is flat-line vanilla, fake, needy, manipulative... nope.

oToH, I have met men on IRC, chat rooms, etc, email a while, phone calls a few weeks, Xchange photos -- If they got "THAT" kinda mind and I'm real curious, only 1 time has the photo been a deal breaker. One guy (got his face broken in a motorcycle wreck) refused to send his pic -- we played cat & mouse a few weeks -- that one had "Off the CHAIN Brains" I finally said Okay, no hard feelings if it aint happening? --------- hell we carried on like terrorists 2 -3 years...

The Bottom line, Personality/Mind/Brain/Kinks 90% time always results in a "Jump That" package. Only 30-50% does a IRL "oo la la" really got what it takes

Title	Q2women: have you ever developed attraction for someone you were not attracted at first?
Author	ifelsedowhile
Upvotes	9
Comments	65
Date	February 28, 2017 2:27 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5wlas9/q2women_have_you_ever_developed_attraction_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q2women-have-you-ever-developed-attraction-for.269797 https://theredarchive.com/post/269797

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