Q4WOMEN: If coy games, flirting, and the expectation that every man wants sex were not part of your casual social interactions, how would you interact with men?

hyperrreal · 2017-02-04T16:37:34+00:00

Can you add some content to this post? These title only discussions are never that fruitful.

DrunkGirl69 · 2017-02-04T16:39:16+00:00

honestly I'd probably be a lot nicer to male strangers... I'm a naturally cheerful, bubbly person. I never want to be too nice as it is because I don't want them to take it the wrong way.

sublimemongrel · 2017-02-04T16:06:51+00:00

Same way I interact with them now that I'm married: as men I'm not interested in dating.

I also think you're painting too broad a brush. I don't think every casual social interaction with men even amongst single men and women involves all those things.

Skratt · 2017-02-04T18:06:37+00:00

Title got so much salt my blood pressure went up from reading it xD

Electra_Cute · 2017-02-04T16:16:15+00:00

The same way I do now. I may not be as cautious.

[deleted] · 2017-02-04T16:50:12+00:00

So, basically if I could safely assume a man wasn't talking to me just for sex? I would probably talk more openly and freely, because apparently talking to a man who's indicated interest in me at all is leading him on.

shogunofsarcasm · 2017-02-04T17:45:40+00:00

I treat guys I don't flirt with pretty normally... I talk to them, joke with them, become friends with them, etc.

I am confused by what you are trying to ask.

hakosua · 2017-02-04T17:57:10+00:00

While I don't expect that every man wants sex from me, experience has taught me to be sensitive to the fact that a number of men do. This has more to do with supply and demand in the heterosexual dating scene and less to do with me personally, my looks, or personality.

Were the probability that someone wants to fuck me not a consideration, I'd most likely talk about sex a lot more often. It's one of my favorite topics but, as a (somewhat!) sexually desirable female, I worry that discussing sex with straight male acquaintances can send mixed messages.

I'd also probably be quicker to say when I found another guy sexy. As it stands, I don't tend to volunteer that information to straight male acquaintances because I worry that it'll leave them feeling insecure.

Were I not concerned about men wanting to fuck me, it would also be much simpler to accept compliments from men whom I don't want to fuck. Over the past 15 years, I like to think I've perfected this firm but gracious thanks-but-now-lets-move-on response. I vary the firmness and the graciousness depending on my certitude as to whether the compliment is leading up to a proposition. The aim is to stay gracious and honor compliments while, at the same time, redirecting men in order to protect them from the pain of outright rejection (and, perhaps more importantly, to protecting myself from the discomfort of having to outright reject them). Anyway, the point is, it would be a shit ton easier if I hadn't evolved this weird, reflexive mental calculation which kicks in every time a stranger says something nice.

With regard specifically to flirting:

I don't flirt much or play coy with men unless I'm single and find them attractive. Unfortunately, I do have trouble not flirting back when women flirt with me. Like, I haven't yet overcome the sense that women's sexual attention is special and somehow deserves reciprocation. So, if flirting was not part of my casual social interaction, I'd be a lot less awkward around the female Facebook friends who send me pictures of themselves in their new sexy boots, corsets, latex kimonos, etc.

[deleted] · 2017-02-05T00:26:05+00:00

Are you a man? The way you asked this question makes me think you are. Women don't go into every interaction with men thinking about their fuckability the way men do. An exceptionally attractive man, maybe but even then it's not like we start gaming him immediately.

That's why the answer to your question is no difference.

[deleted] · 2017-02-04T20:26:58+00:00

I would probably hug them more. Other than that probably about the same.

PurpleBanner · 2017-02-04T21:34:55+00:00

Need more clarification. Are the men acting differently or are we speaking to them with the knowledge that sex and attraction aren't a factor?

SpaceWhiskey · 2017-02-04T21:43:59+00:00

None of that stuff is part of my casual social interactions, so probably exactly the same. I think it's super arrogant to assume every man I speak to for whatever reason wants to have sex with me. Even if it happens to be true in some cases, I'm not going to treat a clerk that way or my boss that way or the person in front of me in line that way. That's such a weird way to interact with the world. I do my best to treat everyone the same in neutral situations.

[deleted] · 2017-02-05T04:20:00+00:00

This is a weird question. I interact with males that I would never flirt with all the time, especially at work. It isn't a hypothetical.

Does the average person not interact with the other gender at work?

edit: I'm not into the whole beta orbiter thing and I rarely use facebook so it's not like I'm looking for males to give me attention. Is that what this question is referring to?

damaskrose · 2017-02-05T04:59:34+00:00

I'd be a more open and friendly, hug them like I do with my female friends. I'd be able to ask them to hang out, without feeling like I have to get a whole group together (to make sure they realize it's not a date).

As it is, I feel like I have to keep myself at a distance from male acquaintances and friends. Like I have to treat them with a level of unnatural 'professionalism' normally reserved for coworkers. If I treat them like how I treat my female friends, they seem to think I have a crush on them.

lollygagyo · 2017-02-05T06:01:03+00:00

Who interacts with every man they meet as if sex is part of the equation?

It's not, generally speaking.. I would keep interacting with men as I do now, because ''the expectation that every man wants sex'' is not on my mind.

Srsly. Who legit thinks every dude they encounter wants to fuck them and lets this inform their actions? Weird.

I may be less cautious in situations involving strangers approaching me in public.

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monkees4va · 2017-02-05T01:31:42+00:00

I'd speak to men like I do the majority of my friends. I'm not constantly assessing men for sex and I don't have casual sex. The only major thing that would change is the potential for sexual assault when they start coming on to me and I reject them instantly. That has happened before and means that I lose both a friend and my confidence. Plus no more worrying about the friendzone, except for the increased likelihood that I crush on a guy who has no interest in me.

wombatinaburrow · 2017-02-05T05:10:24+00:00

Same as I do now. Polite and friendly.

[deleted] · 2017-02-06T12:11:22+00:00

I think one of the main problems with interactions between men and women is that women DON'T usually take it for granted that guys want sex.

That's why the so-called "friendzone" even exists. I'm personally super nice to 95% guys I meet, because I'm a nice person in general. I don't seriously flirt with them, though, untill they make it clear they are interested in me in a romantic way. I just don't. And I can imagine guys meeting girls like me, thinking "oh, she is nice, she must be into me", but not doing anything suggesting sexual attraction, and then being treated like a friend and complaining about being friendzoned or going to TRP and crying how girls don't take any notice of "decent guys" because they prefer machos and whatnot.

EliteSpartanRanger · 2017-02-06T16:33:35+00:00

They're not part of my casual social interactions. At all. So I guess the answer to that question is, the same way I currently do?

[deleted] · 2017-02-06T22:46:43+00:00

The same as I act now. I'm a lesbian.

ClarityofDisaster · 2017-02-09T15:18:24+00:00

This question assumes that the female answer giver is coy, knows how to flirt, and seemingly believes every man wants to have sex with her.

I guess this is true for some women, but all my friends and 90% of my coworkers are men. I just treat them like normal human beings aka how I'd like to be treated.

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