Q4BP: Is it fair for a housewife to expect a man to provide but won't do cooking/cleaning/housewife duties?

LeaneGenova · 2017-02-01T19:36:37+00:00

This has been removed. If you clean this up, I will reapprove. Presently, you do not have text sufficient to explain the link. The rest of the language is not only not in good faith, but gets into circlejerking/rant territory.

sublimemongrel · 2017-02-01T18:28:32+00:00

Did you not see the levels of control and the violence discussed in the article? Expecting your house to be cleaned and for a homemade meal is a far cry from telling her she must get permission every time she leaves the house, the house must always be immaculate, having complete financial control over your spouse to the point they can't even have a cell phone, demanding they run every errand you want at that moment, allegedly "treating them like a servant", and draining the air out of their tires to prevent them from leaving.

Reasonable "wifely duties" appears to be the tip of the iceberg here.

buartha · 2017-02-01T18:24:26+00:00

Given that they have a currently living 18 month baby and he's at work all day it's clear she's doing something.

However, assuming she was actually as lazy and/or incompetent as he implies, much of the problem is not what he's asking for, it's the way he's asking.

I do all the cooking and cleaning in our house and I'm (generally) fine with that, but if my partner started making snide comments like 'me breadwinner you housewife' (not strictly relevant as I am a man and have a job, but you get the picture,) implying less than pleasant things about my appearance by discussing my potato carrying abilities and saying I needed partner lessons you can bet I'd develop a problem with whatever the hell he was asking me to do pretty fucking quickly. Nobody wants to make your life easier for you if you're an arsehole with no redeeming qualities.

Also, Dr Phil has a doctorate in psychology. I don't like the guy, but his qualifications are, if anything, even more relevant to his show than a medical degree would be.

VermiciousKnidzz · 2017-02-01T18:28:30+00:00

not able to find the comment section, but it seems that the dude is in fact a controlling asshole who wants a beautiful servant more than a wife. the fact that he makes her check in with him before leaving the house and tells her how specifically to clean windows is telling of his controlling behavior.

of course no one should mooch off on anyone with no effort in return. that doesnt seem to be the case here. she makes food and takes care of the house, just not to the ridiculous standards he seems to be demanding.

shoup88 · 2017-02-01T18:33:52+00:00

This guy sounds like a total asshole. She can't leave the house without checking in with him? He took the air out of her tires to prevent her from leaving? That does sound like abuse to me. Is has been "acceptable" for decades that even if a woman doesn't work, she is still her own person in control of her own life.

It sounds like she is doing her "duties", just not up to his standards (which sound impossible). She's already cooking, cleaning, shopping and caring for their child.

Obviously because this is a Daily Mail article about a fucking Dr Phil episode, it shouldn't be taken seriously. But even with that in perspective, this is such a weird choice to base your post on. The guy is totally unsympathetic. Either you're completely oblivious to how this comes across, or you're just here to be a shit disturber. Neither makes for good debate.

[deleted] · 2017-02-01T18:40:08+00:00

things that are wrong:

he calls her a housekeeper, which is what you call a paid employee who cleans your home, not someone you're engaged to and have children with
"I wanted Rebecca to have my babies because she is a very healthy gal. I wanted my daughter to look and be built by Rebecca."
Speaking to his wife at their home, he told her firmly: 'The house has got to be clean. It's got to be deep cleaned and it's got to be cleaned by you.'
Among his list of demands is that she keeps a grocery list, makes sure the house is immaculate and counts 'me time' as a trip to the grocery store.
She must check in with him if she leaves the house, she claims, isn't allowed to have a cash allowance and must pay for her own cell phone.

i mean, i can just quote the article from pretty much here forward and it becomes clear:

"Josh makes me feel bad about myself because I don’t do things his way. Josh thinks I should have a cooking schedule, he tells me how to clean. 'He requires me to check in with him before leaving. I feel like a prisoner in my own home.' Her boyfriend said he believes he is 'helping' and isn't controlling. 'I don't set the boundaries, I suggest the boundaries.' She claims to have been domestically abused by him and says he does not allow her to visit her mother. He once took the air out of the tires in their truck to stop her from leaving."

this is really sad, and dangerous. i hope that she and her children are able to escape someday, sooner than later.

in a normal situation, i think it's fair for the non-working spouse to take care of the housework, since they aren't working. the situation laid out in the article is not normal at all though.

in the spirit of discussion, please explain why you believe that the man's behavior in the article is appropriate, and why he is deserving of having his demands met.

bluepy67 · 2017-02-01T18:39:10+00:00

Yes, a stay at home partner should do the bulk of the homemaking. However, the guy in this article is a controlling, narcissistic freak. They should not get married, but not for the reasons he thinks.

[deleted] · 2017-02-01T18:42:48+00:00

This guy is an asshole. Are you seriously saying that how he acts should be the norm?

siaynoq11 · 2017-02-01T18:48:57+00:00

"He once took the air out of the tires in their truck to stop her from leaving. "

Um, holy shit.

Justapasserby557 · 2017-02-01T18:40:19+00:00

Your example is problematic, because that guy actually IS abusive and controlling. Wanting your wife to take care of the home because she doesn't work? That's fine, and should be the expectation, because if she's not working her job is to take care of the home. It's not abuse as long as you have calm, loving discussions about what you both want a "taken care of home" to look like. I happily do chores around the house when boyfriend asks and I also work full time.

But wanting the home to be taken care of to very specific standards that set your wife up to fail, or controlling her financially and physically to the point where she can't even leave the house without your permission is not fine.

rulenumber303 · 2017-02-01T18:51:17+00:00

What is wrong with his perspective?

I wanted Rebecca to have my babies because she is a very healthy gal. I wanted my daughter to look and be built by Rebecca. Physically Rebecca is the perfect woman. Mentally, she is not.

I want you to think about that. He has chosen to produce two(2!) tiny innocent helpless children with a woman he thinks is mentally incompetent to run a household... with no plan to deal with this other than being as big a shitbag as possible, creating as much tension and fuss and discord in the home those children live in as possible, denying his family one of the cornerstones of family stability, in the hopes that it will magically inspire competence in a woman he thinks is mentally incompetent.

He's a rather unpleasant and self centred moron. She's probably not great either. Those poor kids.

wtknight · 2017-02-01T18:59:56+00:00

Both parties in the relationship should be splitting the work, whether that's housework, yard work or paid labor outside the house.

goatismycopilot · 2017-02-01T19:42:37+00:00

He comes across as a giant asshole. I don't understand why she had the first child with him and remained with him and is now pregnant again. She is paying a pretty big price for being a SAHM I think she should make an exit plan.

AutoModerator · 2017-02-01T18:13:38+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair, just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

sexydude01 · 2017-02-01T18:19:52+00:00

The strong will do what they can, the weak will suffer what they must. As often exclaimed on PPD; fair doesn't mean shit. If a man tolerates his wife doing fuck all then that's what he gets. If he didn't want that he would say stop your shit or I'm leaving. And if she persisted he'd leave. People get what they deserve.

[deleted] · 2017-02-01T19:04:27+00:00

There's no such thing as fair. People are free to choose the terms of them coming together in a personal and bespoke way (at least that's how it should be.)

Title	Q4BP: Is it fair for a housewife to expect a man to provide but won't do cooking/cleaning/housewife duties?
Author	sexydude01
Upvotes	5
Comments	37
Date	February 1, 2017 6:13 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5rh3vi/q4bp_is_it_fair_for_a_housewife_to_expect_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4bp-is-it-fair-for-a-housewife-to-expect-a-man-to.270293 https://theredarchive.com/post/270293

Comments