How easy or hard is it for you to get committent when you want it?

haikufun · 2016-12-23T01:06:48+00:00

female, heterosexual, southern USA, middle class, averagely attractive, 28.

it might be harder now than when i was younger, for varying reasons, but i don't think it would be terribly hard.

cuittler · 2016-12-23T01:07:46+00:00

It's been awhile since I've dated, been in a LTR for 8yrs. I guess not so hard then lol. He asked me to be exclusive.

F/Bi/west coast (best coast)/UMC growing up, MC now/7ish/26

haikufun · 2016-12-23T01:04:57+00:00

How easy or hard is it for you to get committent when you want it?

Pretty easy to get it initially. The difficult bit is keeping it in the long term once the girl works out how fucked in the head I am and shit. It's hard to keep that stuff from an LTR even if you don't explicitly talk about it. Spend enough time with someone and you clock on. This is why all my proper relationships are with the crazy girls.

(1) gender

Male.

(2) sexuality

Straight.

(3) geographical area

UK.

(4) economic class

Middle class economically I guess, but not socially.

(5) how attractive you think you are

Average.

(6) age.

Early 20's.

haikufun · 2016-12-23T00:38:42+00:00

(1) male

(2) hetero

(3) Germany

(4) middle-class

(5) I have no idea. Not ugly, but not attractive in a way that women seem to notice me. (With some brief exceptions in my life where I was looking better for different reasons). Always had to make up for my looks with personality and shit.

(6) 36

I'd say it was always hard, but compared to getting casual sex it was not so hard after I found pua and got a haircut. (I was attractive at that point in my life). I was unsuccessful with women before. First gf at age 22. Lasted 3 years. Spent the rest of my 20s in LTR but it was never "easy". I always had to show that, as a complete package, yeah, I'd qualify for an LTR but nothing more.

At age 30 it changed a bit because lots of girls I hadn't seen in years reconnected with me looking for a BB. Still wouldn't call it "easy". They expected the courtship they had missed from their alpha exs from me and played hard to get. So even if I had been interested it wouldn't have been easy. (Until I rejected them...then it was easy mode).

In short: Dating always meant struggling to me.

philomexa · 2016-12-23T01:24:51+00:00

Female, straight, upper middle class roots downgraded to middle class, Chicago IL, the internet rated me a 9 in my 20's but I've probably downgraded to an 8/8.5 amongst my peers on account of motherhood (fit body, lack of obesity, multicultural aesthetics du jour skew that rating), 32 years old.

From the age of 14 till now I've never been single for longer than 2 weeks. In high school boys we're lining up to date me despite honor induced chastity, then I got married at 20 to my alpha fucks.

Needless to say, I've never had any problem getting commitment when I wanted it.

haikufun · 2016-12-23T00:37:12+00:00

35 / f / hetero / middle class / rather not name city but liberal city with lots of singles 20s to 40s / I'd give myself a 7.5 - 8 and had that confirmed by some of the opposite sex.

I would say commitment is pretty easy. I don't prize commitment like many women do because I don't want kids, have my own resources and need a lot of independence and solitude.

I have been in a relationship for two years; he asked me for exclusivity.

[deleted] · 2016-12-23T01:25:45+00:00

Male Straight Midwest Upper middle class I've been told I'm a "pretty boy" but I'm only 5'9" 37

Commitment seems extremely easy to get if I want it. Every women within 10 years of my age is obcessed with it.

wuboo · 2016-12-23T03:46:07+00:00

Middling difficulty for commitment. Not everyone wants to commit and not everyone is a good person to commit to.

Female
Gay
US, metro area
Upper middle
Above average

azngirl7689 · 2016-12-23T04:03:08+00:00

Female, NE USA, middle class, bisexual, 23, I guess what you would call "exotic" attractive

It's fairly easy but I also don't go on dates with people unless we had some kind of flirty lead up where the commitment was sniffed out (I.e. Wouldn't go on a date with a fuckboy)

TW_CountryMusic · 2016-12-23T06:08:02+00:00

Female, straight, TX, lower middle class, moderately attractive (5 or 6/10), 28.

I've always had a bit of trouble getting relationships. I've had three boyfriends - one I dated from 18-20 (lost my virginity to him), one I dated briefly at 22, and my current SO who I've been with for four years and plan to marry next summer (I guess that makes him a fiance but we're not doing an official engagement.)

I always seem to end up in the "little sister zone" (I think /u/drunkgirl69 coined this term.) Guys wanted to be friends with me, they joked around with me, they were protective of me but they didn't want to date me. At best a guy would text and flirt with me for a while but when I pushed for something more or expressed that I liked him I would get ghosted. I always felt like the girl a guy would keep on the hook in case the other girl he was pursuing didn't work out. I was never anybody's first choice.

That said, my boyfriend and I ended up together after a couple years of flirty friendship and once we started dating he was all-in. And he's pretty perfect, so I can't complain too much.

[deleted] · 2016-12-23T00:28:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

haikufun · 2016-12-23T00:13:50+00:00

Male, Straight, Southern USA, middle, 28

Its easy as hell, they come to me especially after I proposed. If I told my SO who's come to me since then she'd have a few less friends.

I don't say anything though because I don't think they're bad people or bad friends just because they would betray her, its something women can't really control. If they see someone of decent stock that has displayed loyalty and commitment they will find him very attractive. And they have very little impulse control because they're not used to being the hunter, being the hunted for so long (with all its abundance mentality)

This is why my RP contribution is to tell men not to avoid LTRs early on and in fact build a sort of resume with your starter LTRs and make sure you've displayed loyalty and grace when you do call it off. It will increase your attractiveness towards any girls who've seen you commit before and do it well.

wub1234 · 2016-12-23T00:14:54+00:00

(1) Male.

(2) Straight.

(3) UK.

(4) I suppose middle-class.

(5) I don't know how attractive I am, some women like me, many do not, I would be pushing it to say I'm better than 6. But then I look at the average guy of my age and I wonder if I am significantly above average just by virtue of being in good shape and not fat.

(6) I'm not going to give my age.

It is not easy to get commitment at all.

prodigy2throw · 2016-12-23T00:31:31+00:00

Male, mid 20s, straight, Ontario, lower middle class but on a career path to being upper middle in the next 3 years.

Probably a 6 if I'm being real. Although not for a lack of trying.

I suppose if I were to put aside my hard requirements for an LTR I would be able to pick one up pretty quick. The women I've dated have often pushed for the LTR real fast.

DaThrowaway808 · 2016-12-23T00:55:37+00:00

Male
Straight
Hawaii
Middle
Average
3X

It has always been easy because I vet for commitment early.

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ProbablyBelievesIt · 2016-12-23T02:48:48+00:00

I usually need to choose between offers, at first. And those making the offers can be aggressive...

Keeping a commitment? The romance can only last so long, before we all need to be realistic again.

Male.
Straight.
PA
Poor
Average, on a good day. But apparently, I look a decade or so younger than I am, so for those who care about such things...
41.

nemma88 · 2016-12-23T08:08:22+00:00

1)Female

2) Hetrosexual

3) UK

4) New Affluent worker*,

5) Upper side of average? - Face is pretty symmetrical, skin is smooth - occasional lonely spots, under eyes have some shadowing I put down to genetics, wear hair long & mousy blonde. 5'3, 114LB's UK Size 8, some skinny fat on stomach but doesn't hang too bad (You know when your on your hands and knees and are all 'Stay in Mr Stomach D=) most of the time, I cycle and play badminton. Other than little parts never felt bad about how I looked at all, though I never felt I was objectively pretty until RP/PPD made me look around and actually judge myself and others.

6) 28

I never considered 'getting commitment' as a thing before RP/PPD - In my mind people dated and either split up because reasons or got married & had kids. There have been people who didn't like me when I expressed interest, and people I have not liked when they expressed interest but when there is mutual interest commitment has been a default state. In short; I've never had a problem getting commitment from who I've wanted it from, maybe I take it for granted. In fact the only instance of difficulty has been the other way around, the only time I have had one of those 'would have sex but no relationship please'- the guy didn't want to unless I committed to him, which he mentioned after initiating sex. We went our separate ways but It always makes me smile when I read about the female not following through without commitment blurb on TRP.

'*' According to BBCs Great British class calculator.

New Affluent Workers: This class has medium levels of economic capital and higher levels of cultural and social capital. They are a young and active group.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2016-12-23T11:07:08+00:00

Female, heterosexual, northeast us, UMC, I view myself with an above average face and an average body, 25

At my age probably still rather easily but just more difficult than when I was in college. But still pretty easy. Ive only been in two LTR, with my current one being my longest. I think the thing that would make it easiest to commit to me is that I know how to make men happy. But I know what I find attractive. The question is not, could I get a man to commit. That's easy. It's finding the right man that would be harder IMO.

[deleted] · 2016-12-23T13:34:30+00:00

Male

Hetero/straight

Southwestern PA and surrounding tri-state area (Ohio/WV)

Definitely born working class poor. Probably floating somewhere at the low end of middle class financially.

raw attraction? probably around a 6-7 depending on my current dedication to exercise. LOL

46

I have never really struggled to get into LTRs. When I wanted a relationship, I found someone willing in every case. However, my issues involved the lack of ability to maintain those LTRs more than a few years with a satisfactory level of contentment coupled with the right amount of excitement. Put another way: I stopped being "attractive" when I got into a serious relationship.

ppdthrowawai · 2016-12-23T16:07:55+00:00

Straight male, midwest, upper middle class, above average looks, 30. I will answer both questions because I think the difference is interesting.

Casual sex on command is pretty difficult to get. I'd have a particularly hard time going out to a bar or club and reliably bringing a girl home that night. Give me a couple of dates with handful of different girls and I'd eventually find a few that I click with. It requires a lot of upfront work. Getting a little harem of FWBs over time is not too difficult but takes time to develop. It tends to be kind of organic with different girls coming and going.

On the other hand, I find commitment extremely easy to get. All the casual sex partners wanted commitment and stuck around despite me not offering it. If it goes past 2-3 dates, it was always inevitably me turning them down. Good women tend to gravitate to me and I ended up turning a lot down just because I found them too boring or something along those lines. Finding someone who I think is a good match for me is the hard part. That requires efficiently dating a lot of women and turning them down quickly.

[deleted] · 2016-12-23T16:57:14+00:00

Male, hetero, Midwest. Grew up middle class, now upper middle class. Average. Age 48; have 30 years of relationship and marriage experience.

It was pretty easy to get "girlfriends" so long as I offered immediate exclusivity. It got progressively harder in the early 90s as hookup culture took hold and solidified its grip on the US SMP.

[deleted] · 2016-12-24T06:06:21+00:00

female, straight, Colorado, upper-middle class, 8-8.5, 22.

I haven't been single since I was 15 so I'd say it's pretty easy. I've never had to ask for exclusivity. I'm in my 2nd relationship, both have been LTRs of considerable length.

edit: a word

[deleted] · 2016-12-25T01:34:51+00:00

Actually, it's pretty simple - I don't have sex with guys unless they commit. And guess what - they DO commit. If a guy is really into you, he will do almost anything to have sex.

Also, they know I would leave them if they ever cheated, so they don't (or at least they have to be super careful if they do. It's quite likely I would find out sooner or later).

female; heterosexual; East Asia (but originally from Europe); not sure about economic class, I'm an artist and noone in my circle gives a damn; attractive - admittedly, where I come from, guys prefer curvy girls, and I have more of a model-like body type (meaning very skinny). But usually I can't complain; 30

Willow-girl · 2016-12-25T03:53:43+00:00

Female, bi, eastern US, working class, average, 50. I've been married four times, so commitment has not been an issue, LOL. The hardest part was meeting the right guy when I was engaged to someone else and he was also in a LTR. Drat!!! Took us 5 years to figure things out. Been together 4 now, very happily. :-)

dottywine · 2017-01-08T03:52:21+00:00

Female, Hetero, South USA, high middle class, to men: at least above average -- to other women: at least average, late 20s

So in the long run, I have to say that it has been INSANELY EASY for me to get commitment. I say that because there have been times I wanted commitment and the guy said no, so I stopped talking to him or reduced our frequency of seeing each other -- months later he will ask to be in a serious, exclusive relationship with me. Every. single. guy. I've ever "dated" wanted to be exclusive and serious with me. I typically get commitment when I didn't even ask for it.

haikufun · 2016-12-23T00:09:35+00:00

Male.
Something weird, I'm not sure.
Central Canada
Student
22

It's easy. I can just ask a cool girl out and boom commitment!

Title	How easy or hard is it for you to get committent when you want it?
Author	haikufun
Upvotes	4
Comments	92
Date	December 23, 2016 12:07 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5ju022/how_easy_or_hard_is_it_for_you_to_get_committent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-easy-or-hard-is-it-for-you-to-get-committent.271083 https://theredarchive.com/post/271083

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