TL;DR: Author resents that men are having sex with women without offering commitment even though men are being upfront an honest about it. Resents that women have no power over them. Tells women they need to tell men "commit or get out".

An interesting piece I thought was worth sharing here. The author describes a growing number of her female clients describing similar situations: being in a "relationship" with a guy who made it clear from the get-go that it wasn't in fact a "relationship", or not promising that it would be exclusive.

As some of you can imagine, women aren't taking it very well. The author basically interprets it as a relationship where women have no control or power over the man, which is unacceptable to her as you can tell by the tone of her commentary:

Here’s how the Non-Relationship Relationship (NRR) works: You’re in a relationship with a man. You see him several times a week. Maybe you’ve even met his parents. The sex is good. He texts you every day. He introduces you to all his friends. He takes you to his office Christmas party. You’re planning a vacation together. All good, right? Except for one thing: He refuses to call your relationship a relationship. And, perhaps more importantly, he won’t agree to exclusivity. In other words, he won’t commit to being faithful.

Is this the beginning of guys really catching on the realities of the SMP and are adjusting their strategy accordingly by not offering commitment to women while still seeking to get what they want (sex) from them? Makes sense to me. It used to be that guys would typically have to offer exclusivity to women if they wanted to get some poon, it's still like that today but to a lesser degree and mostly among guys who are low-SMV and don't have much of any other way of getting poon other than offering commitment.

But then he goes to a bachelor party in Vegas or flies off to a company meeting and now his reluctance to call your relationship a relationship starts to take on meaning. And the hard truth of the NRR is he can do whatever his little heart (or whatever) desires when he’s away from you. Guilt-free.

Damn right. That's the whole point. A guy doesn't want to be tied down, why should he? why should he have to tie himself down and make himself vulnerable when the SMP is one that not only allows but encourages women to be hypergamous, to opt out, branch swing, upgrade, etc? The way I see it guys are starting to catch on that commitment from the get-go is a strategy for suckers and if they want to get as much poon as they can they have to essentially become just as aloof and detached as women are with men.

Now, the twist to the NRR is he’s been honest with you from the get-go. So, when he comes home and admits he hooked up with an ex-girlfriend at his class reunion, what’re you going to say?

Exactly. But don't we hear a lot of BPers say on this forum that honesty is always the best way to go? Well, guys are being honest, but apparently these women didn't fully comprehend what that would mean. It means women lose their power and control once men truly embrace the open SMP.

Gaslighting is a popular component of the NRR.

Gaslighting? really? A guy who puts himself first and is in fact honest about things is now considered gaslighting because in women's mind this is a relationship? The hamster is strong in this one.

In the NRR, what you know to be true is that you really are in a relationship with this guy.

lol the hamster is really strong in this one.

But because he doesn’t want to name it as a relationship, because he wants to leave the door open a crack, because he thinks he’s being truthful,

But he is being truthful! that's what's baffling me. What are guys doing wrong here? Again I think these women are just upset that they technically can't control their guy.

In addition to feeling confused, you pile on worry and jealousy. Because, without a real commitment, you can never establish trust. And, without trust, you’re a chaotic mess every time he goes out with his friends or has dinner with a female coworker. Because, why shouldn’t you be? You’re in a relationship with a guy who claims you’re not.

Why are women the ones who get to decide what's a real relationship or not? even when a guy is being upfront and honest about where he stands women still rationalize it in their heads that this is or at least should be an exclusive relationship. I think it's bullshit and another example of female favoritism in society.

Why are so many guys adopting the NRR? Simple answer: sex. Remember, my sample is mostly from younger women dating their male cohorts. And these guys in their twenties and thirties don’t want to close off the possibility of hooking up with other women. They’re happy with the NRR because they get to have all the benefits of a relationship with you (companionship, friendship, intimacy) without having to walk away from the opportunity of sex with someone else.

Sorry, babe. That's sexual strategy. Women have been conducting their own sexual strategy and now guys are catching on. Guys would be selling themselves short by giving the benefit of the doubt and putting their faith in one woman by committing to her early on.

If you’re in a NRR, do you see he’s having his cake and eating it, too? That he’s taking all of the good from you but exploiting it by infusing your day-to-day with insecurity and self-loathing?

You mean like the way women have their cake and eat it too by hooking up with Chads in their youth for fun, casual and kinky sex complete with anal, even if Chad wasn't all that nice to you; then later finding a more beta guy to LTR you so that you can enjoy the commitment and emotional comfort he provides, and as a reward throw a bone to him with quarterly starfish sex? Why is it okay for women to have their cake and eat it too but not men? What happened to equality?

If you’re in a Non-Relationship Relationship, know that you’re choosing it. No one is forcing you to tolerate this painful mind game.

It's not a mind game if he's being honest.

Act like a goddess and be treated like one. Act like a punching bag and brace yourself for the blows. If you want to find out what you really mean to him, put an end to the NRR. If he doesn’t value your relationship (as you already suspect), you may be saying a permanent, healthy goodbye. If he’s willing to abandon his NRR policies to hold on to what you have, he may be a keeper. In both scenarios, you end up with something invaluable — your dignity and self-respect.

"Shame on you men for doing this to women. Shame on you for not offering your balls up on a silver platter from day one. Shame on you for not allowing women to put on a leash on you. Shame on you for not allowing us to control you by not treating our vag like precious gold."

That's how I interpreted this piece. Your thoughts?