How to break up with your LTR?

throwawaydegar · 2019-10-02T12:38:36+00:00

I have copied the text from a post I wrote on this topic a few years ago. Find the original thread in my history. There was a lot of discussion in the comments.

How do you know you should end it? If you are here reading this hoping it contains any answers then you might already know. If you read the posts here and think you would really like to be out in the world doing this stuff and having your own field report worthy exploits then that is reason enough. That is why I ended it. My relationship was good but I felt I had lots of self improvement stuff I wanted to do and fun I wanted to have and for some reason I just didn’t think I was able to do that in a relationship. There are only so many hours in the day and I wanted to focus on work, get into lifting, learn a language, travel more, have a lot of sex with strangers and I just didn’t see how that was possible being in a good relationship as that also takes time as well. So I ended it and pursued these things. That is all the reason you need. That sounds selfish and not enough but really, wanting to end it is all you need. You do not have to put evidence before a committee and have anyone approve it. You are free to end a relationship just because you want to try not being in it.
What if you regret it? You won’t. You just won’t. It’s a natural fear to have but you can only make the call at the time based on how you feel and what you know at the time. I will say this, make sure you have a plan. Have stuff you want to do instead of being in the relationship. That will make it easier to not even think you might regret it. Focus on the new stuff and enjoy your new life and all the extra time.
Worried about not being good with women? So, you want to leave and fuck a lot but what if you find it hard and girls don’t want you? Again, I don’t think you will find this. You are here so you know that being yourself and just be nice doesn’t cut it. You are already ahead of the dating field. The two most important things I’ve found are be as attractive as you can be (lift, dress right, hygiene etc) and make sure you understand frame. Really. Internalise your understanding of frame. See it in everything. Know it like you know how to smell or hear. I can’t explain that but thankfully people way smarter and more articulate than me already have in the sidebar. Please please grasp this concept. You will find dating easy if you do. It’s almost like cheating it makes such a difference. Also, do the shit in the first post. Or whatever your variations on it are. Have a plan.
Practical things. Living together? Someone has to move. It’s a hassle. Its shit. But it ends and eventually you will be living somewhere else. Everything ends. Getting a tooth pulled is shit but you are not in that chair forever. It ends. Sooner you start the sooner it ends, just get on with it. This is not a reason to stay. Once you live on your own with all the things you want to do and a whole bunch of plates spinning you won’t think about the annoying 4 week transition. It’s a price worth paying. It’s a cheap price for what you get.
Practical things. Shared friends? You are going to lose some of them. It happens. You will keep some and so will she. Just be as decent a human as you can and be cool with everyone. You won’t miss them once you get started on all the stuff that you feel you can’t do just now.
Will it be horrible when I find out she is fucking someone else? I mean, if you want it to be. But really it makes no difference. Of course she is out banging dudes. As she should. Good for her. She’s had thoughts about some guys the whole time you have been together just like you have with some girls. She should go for it! She likely will quickly. Unfollow on social media (better yet, don’t have it but that’s a whole other debate I don’t want).
The conversation. Set a time in your head and stick to it. Don’t bitch out of it. You will be anxious as fuck and want to. This makes it worse. Stick to it. Leading up to it you will feel horrible and nervous. The second you start you will begin feeling gradually better. This is strange as your feeling gradually better will coincide with her feeling gradually more awful. That is a strange place to be in but again, it ends. That tooth will be out soon. Be blunt but not cold. Be nice. Care. But care about you more. Set out real clear that it’s over. There is no negotiation or debate. There is nothing to argue. “I am telling you something as opposed to asking you something and I am sorry that it is obviously horrible news for you but I won’t justify it anymore than I have. I am leaving this relationship because I don’t want to be in it anymore.” Sounds fucking horrible right but trust me, it’s a good script to stick to. You might need to say it a few times. Tell your friends in advance. Have somewhere lined up to go. A friend to meet for beer in two hours. You shouldn’t be in that conversation longer than 2 hours.
Immediate Aftermath. As little contact as possible. Be caring. Be compassionate. But also suggest that she would be better talking to her friends as it’s not for you to fix.
General aftermath. You are going to want male friends. Single male friends. You will have a lot of fun with these guys. If you have a list of things to achieve, you are being as attractive as you can and have an understanding of frame you will have a great time with these guys and you will feel like you have done more improvement in 2 months than the previous x years. If you don’t have single male friends, you will end up with some. An acquaintance and you will likely become closer due to your new status. Your couples friends won’t hold the same appeal. It’s ok. It’s normal.
I got to 9 and feel I should have 10 but I am not sure I do. Eh…….don’t worry about it! It likely feels really fucking stressful to you and like it’s going to a be a huge deal EVERYONE will care about but honestly most people won’t give a fuck. I dreaded telling people as I thought it would lead to big chats and they would make me second guess myself, 99% of the people I told said, “Ah really? You ok? Yeah. Good. So what is happening for Friday we thinking 8pm or you want later?” They did not give a fuck. It isn’t THAT important and we are all dying anyway so who cares?

There we go. I wrote it down. It may only appeal to someone in the exact scenario. But if one person likes it and it helps then fuck it, worth writing it I suppose. I would’ve liked someone to have said these things to me when I was stressing out thinking I was an awful person for wanting to end a good relationship and feeling that way for like 5 months. Skip it. Just get on with it.

As always, happy to chat in comments provided it’s fun, I don’t feel any desire to argue points or defend them as this was just what I did and thought. There is no right or wrong really.

Many blessings to you all.

EDIT1: This is NOT a post for if you are married, have kids or are in some family unit. Never done any of those things so I wouldn't dare to comment on how you remove yourself from that situation or if you even should.

TLDR: Breaking up with a girl for no reason is fine. Wanting to do it is all the reason you need.

BusterVadge · 2019-10-02T12:36:51+00:00

Tell her you're gay, because you are.

prettyprincess91 · 2019-10-02T12:22:39+00:00

Tell her it’s no longer working for you and you are moving on. Keep it a short, simple conversation and then cut contact.

MattyAnon · 2019-10-02T16:00:31+00:00

Meet in a public place with secluded areas (quiet coffee shop). Women are unpredictable when their ego is hurt.

First tell her it's over between you.

Then tell her roughly why: tell her it's not working for you, it's not what you want.

DO NOT BE DRAWN ON DETAILS, say things like "I've made up my mind".

DO NOT ALLOW ROOM FOR NEGOTIATION... first she'll press for exact details, then tell you how she'll change in this area, and therefore you don't need to dump her. Don't go down this road, don't give details, don't negotiate.

Enthusiastically agree to remain best of friends, but of course don't do this because male-female friendship is one way and will drain you.

Quick hug, "best of luck" and then get on with your life.

Remember this: YOU OWE HER NOTHING. Drum that in to your head before you see her. Most likely you've done far more for her than the reverse, she isn't somehow entitled to your continued help and support. You don't owe her a relationship, don't let her make you think you do.

After that she'll likely try to maintain a high level of contact... you should gradually increase the time before responses in order to create healthy distance.

I've written this up in more detail here: https://www.trp.red/p/mattyanon/1034

SesameStreetPimp · 2019-10-02T12:38:49+00:00

"Babe I'm going to the store and get some cigarettes" And never come back.

Dilduo · 2019-10-02T13:04:25+00:00

Buy a Suit of Armour, put it on and Tell her you want to go for a drive

When she asks why your wearing it tell her don't worry about it and tell her to drive

When you get to what looks like a good road, while the car is in motion say

"It's not really working out, I'm leaving you, Good Luck". Then open the door and roll out.

Works every time.

MotiMorphosys · 2019-10-02T13:25:22+00:00

Flip the question and ask what's the WRONG way to break up with my GF? Is there really a good answer for that?

The right way is however you want to. There's no right or wrong way. if she loves you, she's going to make you feel like you're doing it the wrong way of course.

FrozenTreeStump · 2019-10-02T14:03:59+00:00

Do it, sucks in the moments but if you’re unhappy in the relationship it’ll be a monkey off your sack

Red_Pill_Brotherhood · 2019-10-02T17:28:47+00:00

"This isn't working for me anymore. We're done. Best of luck."

Kn31 · 2019-10-02T16:39:59+00:00

Tell her you're moving to Yemen

Truedemocracy5 · 2019-10-02T15:49:40+00:00

Jokes aside you see a lot of unhappy relationships and even marriages because one party didn’t have the balls to break up the relationship and it just went on until the logic of “if I break up now I threw 3 years away” comes in

I have several friends that are in situations like this.

Breaking up is tough but it’s part of being an adult

CreditCardBruh · 2019-10-02T22:08:17+00:00

Evelyn I'm uh sorry I just uh- You're not terribly important to me.

MultiMidsets · 2019-10-02T13:23:34+00:00

KSS (keep shit simple)

BeeBopJoe · 2019-10-02T12:56:50+00:00

You tell her, "hey look over there!" when she turns back to look at you, you catch her with a brutal RKO!!!

Intentional69 · 2019-10-02T15:35:21+00:00

Just say "I don't feel the same way about us anymore, I think it's best we go our separate ways". Oh yea and get ready for the water works.

SonOfMammon · 2019-10-02T16:15:07+00:00

Fuck a twink in front of her and tell her you're into guys now

redroxi · 2019-10-02T11:47:11+00:00

Jabbermouth · 2019-10-02T12:09:50+00:00

Ghost

Balls_Wellington_ · 2019-10-02T14:39:38+00:00

"Boyfriendn't"

FatGirlsInPartyHats · 2019-10-02T15:33:58+00:00

Don't give a reason, don't give an excuse. Just say you don't want to be together anymore and then immediately leave and block her from contacting you. Do this in a public place.

If she attempts to contact you through channels you cannot control then don't engage, tell her it's inappropriate and ask her to politely leave.

Record everything so there is no false allegations against you if this is legal in your state.

Edit: If you live with her you should take a day off work while she's away from the house and already be moved out by the time you have this conversation.

FuccboiChad · 2019-10-02T17:11:58+00:00

Tbh just ghost her

Title	How to break up with your LTR?
Author	RedZeusNH
Upvotes	46
Comments	37
Date	October 2, 2019 11:34 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/dc8xuu/how_to_break_up_with_your_ltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-break-up-with-your-ltr.288233 https://theredarchive.com/post/288233

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