666,886 posts

I thing dread is working. Part FR, part question.

by SmoovMove | November 09, 2019 | askMRP

46 upvotes

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First off - yes I'm the guy that could not get my wife to fuck me for nearly 11 months this year.

I was going to post this in OYS on the main sub, but didnt want to get hit with a rule 9 violation so I figured I would post this here.

Been working RP about 15 weeks now. Now down to 206 from 260. Been slowly starting to game the wife. Her bitchiness is on the decline and I'm on a roll with swatting down shit tests with STFU and Fogging / A&A. Still zero sex and not any initiating from myself or the wife.

So far I havent initiated any active dread. I know I should get on that, but she doesnt seem like she is in a position where it would work out for me....or so I thought.

These past couple of weeks have been super busy for me. A friend of mine who owns a performance shop in town was preparing a couple of builds for the SEMA show and was running behind. He called me up and asked to help so I got busy doing some fab work for him. This has been resulting in some pretty late nights for me the last 2 weeks. Wife hasn't really given me any shit about it and has been stopping by the shop to bring me dinner and hang out a bit a few nights a week.

As the last build got wrapped up, my buddy invites me to the SEMA show. Of course I jump at the opportunity even though I can only go for a couple of days and head out to California. Wife has work obligations and cant go....not that I really wanted her to.

I dont know if anyone here has been to SEMA, but it is chock fucking full of 8s,9s, and 10s. Its insanity. I'm taking fucking pictures of everything....people, cars, presentations. Hot fucking women keep coming by our booth and taking pics with our builds, and my buddy is posting all sorts of shit to his Instagram. My wife keeps texting me and seeing how things are going and asking for pics. I tell her to check out the shops Instagram for all the pics and videos. I dont have time to send and upload all that shit. Later I look at the shops Instagram and I panic a little...buried in the posts are pictures of me, me with the shop owner, and me with gorgeous women standing with me or in the background. Strangely the panic quickly subsides and I realize BP me would either make a fool of myself in begging the shop owner to pull down the pics, or I would proactively try to manage my wife's incoming shit storm. I say nothing and do nothing.

The texts from wife ramp up in frequency. I decide to enact 2/3 and start lengthening the time I take to text her back. At one point I wait a good 3 hours to respond and completely ignore a couple of shitty texts about "how busy I must be." Goddamm right I'm busy.

I fly home last night. When I get off the plane I text the wife to let her know I landed and I'll be home in an hour. She texts back "ok. I'm tired and going to bed. See you when you get home." When I get home I go to the bedroom. The lights are on dim and shes laying in bed wearing lingerie. I almost didnt know what to do, but I say nothing and get in bed with her. We fucked twice. Pretty good quality sex too.

This morning I get up to take a shower to head to the office for a bit. At one point I looked through the glass to see her standing naked staring at me. Without a word she comes into the shower and sucks my dick like a cock famished porn star. I let her go at it for a few then pull her up by her hair and pin her against the wall and fuck her again.

Guys...I cant remember the last time we had sex 3 times in 2 days, let alone 3 times in a year. From what I can tell, I believe I somewhat unintentionally established some level of dread while I was in California. Of course now I'm prepared for the eventual backslide into nothingness and I want to avoid that.

I dont want her to feel like she can just give me a bit of pussy and then fucking go back to being a bitchy asexual wife. Any tips on keeping the dread level up without going Rambo and being obvious? Anyone here ever work their way out of a dead bedroom and have an idea of shit I should be on the lookout for? Any input is appreciated.


Post Information
Title I thing dread is working. Part FR, part question.
Author SmoovMove
Upvotes 46
Comments 53
Date 09 November 2019 03:47 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/294589
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/dtxl4u/i_thing_dread_is_working_part_fr_part_question/
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Comments

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red31 points32 points  (22 children) | Copy

Be aware of hysterical bonding.

There's a period of the wife noticing a "disturbance in the force" and reacting by ramping up the sex just to ensure the pussy still has the power.

It's NOT submission or dread working (well, as a secondary response but it's not what you think it is), or a newfound respect for you, you manly man.

It's a tactic to try put you back in your place. And way too many guys fall for it because it's an ego stroke.

"Hey guys! I acted almost like a man after years of wifey keeping my balls in a glass shadowbox on the mantle and man did she fuck me good. I'm a man again! I showed her."

Nope, you didn't. You still don't have your balls or captain's hat.

What's going to happen is the sex is going to drop off again. You've given her justification and proof that her pussy is still in charge of you.

Don't get suckered. Keep on your plan. This isn't towrope tightening, this is your first mate noticing you're not drunk in your cabin anymore.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret7 points8 points  (10 children) | Copy

This u/SmoovMove

The best "response" to new/different/any sex for you is no response at all. You need to decouple sex from basically everything else emotionally. Otherwise, you will be another noob declaring "this shit really works", not really understanding the concept of frame and outcome independence. What else do you want out of life? What do you desire in a relationship? A shitty relationship with occasional duty sex may be an improvement for you, but it should not be a goal. What are your goals? It had better not have the words she or her in it.

[–]SmoovMove5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

I realize now this is an effort on her part to try and bust my ass back in line. I was all ready to declare at least a bit of victory but I need to treat this how it is...a manipulation tactic on her part.

Goals? To be the best version of me....a high value man. To reclaim my social status amd have options. I'm a far way from it.

If she wants to come along for the ride or not is up to her.

[–]jdogworld5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

She might not be intentionally manupilating you. She got feelz and AWALT. Just stay the course. Stay busy with your friends.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes and no. She probably doesn’t realize it herself. It’s just in her nature to use sex to control the man even if she isn’t consciously doing it. Pretend it was nothing big. Compliment her on something though, you want to reward good behavior, but most importantly you stay the course.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The "why" of what she does really doesn't matter. She is responsible for her, you for you. Intentional manipulation, feelings of dread, doesn't matter.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This way of explaining it by ‘decoupling’ is excellent.

I was thinking this morning that i am waking up with anger, even hate. But i used to be waking up with anxiety.

This is energy shift from defensive to offensive. I am reminding myself to STFU and decouple the feelings from my actions. To channel the energy into lifting and OYSing.

I have so much more energy available to me. I can also feel the hamster become more active throughout the day. It used to be more active nocturnally, when i was out or away.

[–]JCX_Pulse0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

From personal experience I can say this is 100% true.

[–]SmoovMove4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm not under any illusions that things are magically better or that I've even had any effect on her. Just hoping to keep her from thinking that she can snag the wheel back from me by just tossing some pussy my way.

Improving myself is still the focus.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Read InChargeMan's reply. You still are in her frame, reacting to her actions.

Even your reply above... all about "her". Doesn't matter what "her" does, ESPECIALLY in the beginning stages. Stay in your own frame.

Captain Rambo

[–]SmoovMove3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Understood. This is far from the tiny bit of victory that I initially thought

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Now you get it.

Baby steps.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

U/FereallyRed is 100% correct.

What I think needs to be added is the short term nature of this type of circumstantial dread. She knows those 8+ chicks aren't a real option, but it is a reminder to pull the power moves (pussy) as a reminder. And that's why it's a short term response.

Frame etc gives you long term high value that will get you where you want (and with who you want)

[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck yeah, that is a great way to put it: power moves=game=pussy.

Frame (includes game)= power = mission & pussy

Edit: i’ve been doing the power moves from time to time, but becoming increasing uncomfortable with it. It feels necessary at times but limited. This has helped me put words and dynamics to what i am sensing.

[–]z2a1-90 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

perfect response

[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great, i have been looking for away to understand the back and forth dynamic. I’m hitting mini-mains and feeling traction. But the Captain hat isn’t on my head. Nor should it be. But I’m using it for Cosplay and Role play.

I have been noticing i am upping my OYSing IRL when i write up OYS here weekly. I don’t even have to be massively detailed but i have to post one to keep the momentum up.

So, there is an increase of balls between my legs and less balls in the shadow box.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah honestly, I don’t know how much of the sex I have with my wife is dread induced and how much is attraction... probably a combination. I’m sure there are times she doesn’t want to and does anyway... for example during PMS sometimes. I don’t really care though. All I know is she is pretty much DTF whenever I want.

But, you bring up a good point for new guys and hysterical bonding. I just remember when I first noticed dread was working.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What really opened my eyes is that the first 8 steps of dread are simply the baseline behaviors of a man.

Nothing manipulative,nothing ridiculous, just being a standard guy.

2/3'rds of the "manipulation" of BPP's rules, 8 fucking months of your work, is just getting back to being a baseline dude.

That's really telling regarding the depths to which men sink for pussy.

[–]EmbracedBiology0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly what happened to me.

Had great, wet, touching, moaning sex with the wife after months, and BAM I was back, begging for sex days later.

I can only imagine what gone through her head at this point, "This motherfucker is stupidly easy to control."

Be aware of the pussy-spell AT ALL TIMES.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, not active dread: PASSIVE. Read BPP’s words on this, pay attention to the timelines at each level. Given where you are at, need to take it slow and play the long game

[–]EasyDaysHardNights9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're doing the work. The tow rope is tightening. Keep at it.

Outcome Independence.

[–]SmoovMove1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Roger that. I'll just keep doing the work.

[–]RedPillGlasses4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

The 1000 foot rope pulled tight, and now she’s in your frame, vying for your sexual attention against the imagined threats of these women.

Pat yourself on the back, and then keep your foot steady on the gas.

As far as what to do differently? The answer is nothing. You do you, and she’ll come along for the ride.

[–]hystericalbonding4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is just another example of you allowing her pussy to control you. You're just reacting. It's her frame.

Outcome independence isn't just for when she rejects you.

an idea of shit I should be on the lookout for?

Giving too many fucks about the whims of a woman.

How many of these hot women did you approach? Any IOI? Real progress happens when you have real options. Right now you don't, and your wife knows it.

I'm not saying to turn her down or anything, just stop being such a thirsty beta. "Married man has sex with wife" is not news. It's just a regular day. Reset and move on.

[–]SmoovMove4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Well for me its news but I get your point.

[–]hystericalbonding5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

What's the story with alcohol and you two? Any drugs? Other addictions?

Saw body weight, but I must have missed your body fat percentage.

What's happening with grooming and style?

What's the cheating history for each of you during the marriage?

I always laugh when a guy comes in saying his 40-year-old wife is an 8. Her behavior is influenced by her unconscious perception of your SMV relative to hers. Your behavior is influenced by your perception. You have her on a pedestal. This nonsense about being in it only to avoid divorce rape is bullshit.

Don’t answer here - all thoughts for your next OYS post.

[–]lololasaurus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This so much.

I cringe so much at how I thought this way (like OP I mean) 18 months ago. But we have to learn at our own pace.

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

I dont want her to feel like she can just give me a bit of pussy and then fucking go back to being a bitchy asexual wife. Any tips on keeping the dread level up without going Rambo and being obvious?

You know the answer to this. You just cant see it. Your wife saw a man having fun and other women were responding to it. Be social, be aloof, be your authentic self. Above all do it for yourself.

Anyone here ever work their way out of a dead bedroom and have an idea of shit I should be on the lookout for?

A doubling in shit tests, shitty comfort tests and a keen awareness of your actions going forward to gauge if these changes are real or just passing.

[–]SmoovMove1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks. You're right...the answer is right in front of my face. I was invited to a Ferrari event in California while at SEMA.. Think I'll be going to that next month. It's a single invite so I will be going alone

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You said in your OP that she didn't go to SEMA, not that you wanted her to. If you don't want her to go, don't invite her, and don't feel guilty about it (I seem to remember a book about not feeling guilty about such things). It's absolutely fine for you to do things without your wife. It's absolutely necessary for you to do things without your wife.

[–]SmoovMove1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She invited herself, but then couldn't get out of work. Instead of going along with it, I should have told her the invite didn't include her.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Great FR. Guy starts getting his shit together, goes away to do some epic shit, slightly withdraws attention, wife sees it and dusts off her old unused pussy for him.

Keep doing cool shit, keep 2/3 text ratio at all times.

My biggest takeaway is that you said neither of you initiate sex - make sure she knows your a man that plans to fuck a lot (I'm assuming you do since you're here posting like a 15 year old that got some for the first time). Not initiating it's cowardly. Not initiating gives her all the power over sex. Not initiating is incongruent with who you know you are as a man. Not initiating makes her think you don't want her. Initiate!!! And often!!!

[–]SmoovMove1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Good point. She does have all the power over sex. Something to address in my OYS

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Keep doing cool shit and keep spending time around other women. If you initiate and she doesn't go for it, it's no big deal, you'll just spend more and more of your time doing awesome shit instead of hanging out with her hoping tonight could be the night you get your dick wet. Her vagina isn't special, they all feel more or less the same. Don't give her any power over sex. She withholds sex, you withhold time and attention. Work the levels of dread!

[–]SmoovMove1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you man. I have more cool shit coming up over the next few weeks.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

What's the lesson? What have you learned about your wife and her responses?

You did interesting things around interesting people. You were independent and unbeholden to your wife's whims. Oh you're not as fat.

What are you doing that's working and what can be done better to make those habits stick?

[–]lololasaurus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was thinking about you today and remembered a part of NMMNG that might be super interesting for you to try.

I think you probably about making decisions that will risk your wife's sexual availability.

Do you know how to tell? Go on a sex moratorium for a time. Do it like Dr Glover says. Observe how you make decisions differently when you're not trying to preserve your wife's sexual availability via the covert contract of your decision making. Instead choose what you believe is right. My hunch is that if you do this, you'll be surprised at:

1) how available she becomes when you aren't chasing her 2) how you make so many of your decisions hoping to not make her mad for later 3) how you actually don't know what you think is right because you've spent so long in her frame doing what SHE thinks is right.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

First off, dread is not working, evidenced by this :

Still zero sex and not any initiating from myself or the wife.

Secondly, don’t try active dread. It will bite you - she will see right through it.

Become attractive. Follow the levels of dread , one at a time.

Levels of dread

Quit the mental mastrubation, and get to work faggot. This post is 90% mental mastrubation.

[–]askmeanything22 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think read is working

[–]lololasaurus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What is your mission?

Is this a lesson learned in pursuing your mission?

If not, spending a bunch of time in your head about it is pointless.

If it is, that still may be pointless, but at least it's about your mission.

But it's not, at least I hope so, because if your mission is to get your wife to have sex with you, your mission sucks and is boring like you. A mission is something that you won't complete in this lifetime and virtually everyone manages to achieve sex with their wife sooner than that; though I'm tempted to use the opportunity to give you a hard time here.

And here's the thing, friend. Your wife will pursue her own mission unless she finds a better one to follow and help with. Might be a crappy mission she has, might not make her happy - probably won't - but she certainly isn't going to pursue your not-mission. The mindset you've described is like you're a not-person. A blue pill NPC, if you will. You're stuck in the script, in the patterns, that aren't working for you and probably rarely if ever have. You are enslaved by toxic shame that you're a sexual being and you're unable to take responsibility for getting your needs met. But you are the only one on this Earth responsible for getting your needs met.

So do you have a mission? Or do you want her to go through the boring motions of a miserable life with a miserable man who doesn't have a purpose in life, no identity of his own that does what he thinks is right no matter what, and instead thinks about asking his shop owner to take down Instagram pictures of SEMA girls to protect himself from the toxic shame he's associated with being a sexual being?

Do you suppose Chad has issues feeling shame about caveman sex with your wife, assuming she's attractive? BTW, what was she doing for sex those 11 months? Do you suppose Chad cares if she sees him with hot girls that will never have sex with him in the background ignoring him?

Truly, you need to redo NMMNG but this time, actually do the work. If you need a NMMNG safe person, I'll help. But it's crystal clear you haven't done the work. The good news is, if you do, something will change. It may not be what you hope for of course.

Do you think that you are validated by the trickle of semi decent sex your wife just gave you to make sure you remember who has it unavailable for you?

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Any tips on keeping the dread level up without going Rambo and being obvious?

The moment you start trying to enact dread

It becomes overt you faggot shithead.

She will see right through it, guarantee.

Become a high value man and set your cock free.

You were actually busy dont you see?

Not playing mindgames for a cobwebbed pussy.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

That was kind of you to assume SHE hasn't had sex in years.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. With 11 months of no sex, then she fucks like a pornstar?

[–]SmoovMove4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's what I'm concerned about. Being overt about dread....she'll rip a hole in my paper bag frame and see right through it. I'll just stay busy and see what happens.

[–]Hugenstein410 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds like steady as she goes then.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jack Whites old band?

[–]z2a1-90 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

good shit congrats on the work so far, keep it up have a mission!

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Boy faggot gets busy on himself and realizes there is a life beyond wife’s gold mind.

He starts living it

Ya no shit. It’s called having a life. Duck the backslide and get busy living

[–]themerovingian010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If my STBXW didn't fuck me for 11 days I probably would have left her.

[–]mrpthrowa-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

At one point I wait a good 3 hour

Look at this warrior! a whole 3 fucking hours. The balls on this guy!



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