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Want to move back to my parents house with my wife, stuck due to mother and wife conflict

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November 27, 2019
9 upvotes

Long story short.

I married 3 years ago and my wife and my mom doesn't go well with each other. They both are manipulative and conspire me against each other. My mother doesn't keep well, so is my father, they are in their 70's. My father is kinda passive and suffered from depression and anxiety (and other age related diseases) since I was a child, so my mother took care of all of us. Just after my marriage, my wife and my mother had lot of struggle, fights, verbal spats and what not, so I decided to move out. I rented a house in the same city, 30 minutes far from them. Since then both my wife and my mother started respecting me, taking care of me, luring me towards them.

Now the thing is that, I am thinking of moving back with my wife to my parents house, because my parents are ill and they need some extra care. But again both my wife and my mother are creating issues, bringing up the past and all, and continuously arguing/fighting with me over the same. I also have one other sibling, a younger brother, he is also suffering from mental illness. He lives with my parents. On the other hand, my wife also have panic & anxiety attacks and she is also suffering from OCD. All in all I am stuck with completely dysfunctional people.

About Me: I am 6 feet, good looking, gymming from past 2 years, I eat clean. I earn decent salary, have a good set of friends, a bit emotional though, still learning more about redpill.


Post Information
Title Want to move back to my parents house with my wife, stuck due to mother and wife conflict
Author ivineet51
Upvotes 9
Comments 39
Date 27 November 2019 05:44 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/297155
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/e2bg4u/want_to_move_back_to_my_parents_house_with_my/
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Comments

[–]RoccoPinkman38 points39 points  (5 children) | Copy

You want to move back to your parents house with your bitchy controlling wife, to be manipulated by your mother, whilst looking after your sick father, while your mentally ill brother hangs around. Man if you can’t see this disaster waiting to happen you deserve all you get.

Find another solution

[–]InChargeManRed Beret10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

What if I told you...the disaster already happened

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

I pictured a Mopheus meme when I read this, and I heard it in his voice

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yep, that was the intention

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I chuckled a bit.

[–]SKRedPill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OP sounds Indian. Those guys are just stuck in not one but 2 women's frames.

Indian moms never let their sons individuate, shit test them in ways they don't use even on the husband when they try, and use them as backup comfort after dad gets middle aged and buys a retirement home at the bottom of beta valley.

And the guys have no experience handling multiple competing women so you see where this goes...

[–]redismyfuture22 points23 points  (2 children) | Copy

On the other hand, my wife also have panic & anxiety attacks

I would too if I was married to a full grown man who's still manipulated by his mother and is thinking about moving his family back in with her.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I had a panic attack reading it.

[–]markpf732 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This guy is brown. It’s a cultural difference. Poor bastard.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy

I also have one other sibling, a younger brother, he is also suffering from mental illness.

So you're both retarded?

[–]RStonePT4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sweet Jesus 🤣🤣🤣

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I envision the movie “Crumb” when I read this. Dude had all kinds of mental issues, manipulated like no tomorrow by his mom, While his brother literally died eating paint while his mom was telling him his father was useless. I don’t advocate running from your problems., but this is an exception. Run, my friend. To a land far far away, and never return. Take the sidebar with you, keep improving and growing, and never look back. You’re growing. You’re also isolated and weak since moving out of the home. Your mother and wife are both competing for your attention and time. Your mom is a bitter old hag who is and has been miserable with a husband who failed to meet his burden of performance decades ago. She is grooming you to be her perfect little boy. This is the sexy sons theory, only after birth. You’re becoming high value. She needs you to be close to her so she can fill the void that has been there for decades of not being around a high value man. Your mom has found a hole in your frame. Now you are moving back in. She wins, your wife panics because she understands AWALT and that your mom is winning in the competition for your attentions and time. Your wife also realizes you are a sad enough fuck that you would be willing to move back in with your mom, and drag her with you. You mind as well tell your wife you quit your job, are joining a nudist colony and are addicted to cocaine, and ask her to join you in your journey. She is about to leave you. Notice when people are twisting your arm for their benefit. Get your shit together. Including a lawyer.

[–]RedPillGlasses1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

But she’s his soulmate.

They’re meant to be together forever, no matter what, even when she slowly feeds his balls fo his m.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

Keep setting yourself on fire to keep others warm as you have and let us know how that works out for you.

[–]JoeBuckYourslf2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

MF is about to move back in and set the whole god damn house on fire and pretend like everything is peachy.

[–]ice_walkerHead Negotiator6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

I am thinking of moving back with my wife to my parents house

WFT?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t listen to all these white people OP. There some nationalities that wont flush their families down the toilet.

Italians and Latinas come to mind.

And for us, there are nursing homes.

[–]redwall927 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

There's a cliff ahead. From the optics and the heat waves, I can't tell precisely how far ahead the cliff is located.

You're question ... ... ... Are you asking if you should hit the gas pedal and hope you fly when you go over the edge?

[–]ibelieveican19824 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your handle and your writeup makes me think you are Indian. Not that that matters so much...

But..

Read No more Mr Nice Guy if you have not..

You have to decide what is best for YOU.

I just see you being manipulated by everyone.

Listen - nursing homes do a good job even in India nowadays. Just go for it. I think you are going to feel guilty about it but fuck it man.. life is too short to set yourself on fire over and over again for others.

Live life on your own terms.

PM me if you want to talk more.

[–]RisingUpAgain4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Your mother or your wife. Pick one.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Which one is hotter?

[–]RedPillGlasses1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Omg yes

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'd go with neither

[–]helaughsinhidden4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Diagnosis: They only fight because you take turns operating in each of their frame. If they were operating in YOUR FRAME, you wouldn't be manipulated be EITHER of them instead of them fighting over which one of them is your boss.

Cure: Sidebar, Rational Male, When I say no, I feel guilt, No more Mr Nice Guy

Oh, there's this too...

On the other hand, my wife also have panic & anxiety attacks and she is also suffering from OCD.

Bullshit.
OCD: she's bored and inventing shit to bitch about.
Panic & anxiety attacks: Women will fight for control, but will never feel safe assuming it from a drunk captain. Become a good captain and watch her anxiety and panic disappear. Picture being on a ship in the middle of the ocean and the captain has no idea where north is, doesn't watch the weather, and has no clue where he wants to go. You'd be nervous AF too.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Brother, seems it is a cultural norm to move back home where you are from,right?

Since you are dead set on doing this, at least arm yourself. Read No more mr nice guy and When I say no I feel guilty.

You have to take over the house and lead. Make it clear to everyone you are the captain.

You are going to need a solid frame. Tell your wive to behave, and tell your mom to behave. Don't ask, tell. Fuck them if they get angry.

Stop being afraid of the women in your life.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

“Fuck them if they get angry.”

The mother and the wife? I knew RP was amoral...but...I don’t know if I’m ready for this.

Is this how you get a Red Beret?

[–]mrpmonk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I chuckled

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yes, but you have to keep eye contact with everyone else in the room while doing it.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That makes it manly.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

CALLING CAPTAIN SAV-A-HO! CALLING CAPTAIN SAV-A-HO!

You need to ask yourself why you have this incessant need to fix everyone's problems.

Your parent's problems are their problems. They didn't suddenly manifest themselves into a shitty situation, it took years and years of lack of planning on their part. I get the feeling that English is not your first language, so what are the social services that are available to you in the country you live in?

Your wife is OCD, has panic attacks, and anxiety attacks? Again, why are you trying to save all the puppies at the dog pound?

None of this matters until you get to the base question here, why do you put yourself in these codependent situations? Fix yourself, not them.

[–]Rogue684861 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]khalabrakis1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No offense but you sound clueless about the potential landmines. Hire professionals for this type of thing. You have a conflict of interest and no sense for that type of thing.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Only faggots get stuck

[–]RedPillGlasses1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’m stuck

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well now you know why

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I envision the movie “Crumb” when I read this. Dude had all kinds of mental issues, manipulated like no tomorrow by his mom, While his brother literally died eating paint while his mom was telling him his father was useless. I don’t advocate running from your problems., but this is an exception. Run, my friend. To a land far far away, and never return. Take the sidebar with you, keep improving and growing, and never look back. You’re growing. You’re also isolated and weak since moving out of the home. Your mother and wife are both competing for your attention and time. Your mom is a bitter old hag who is and has been miserable with a husband who failed to meet his burden of performance decades ago. She is grooming you to be her perfect little boy. This is the sexy sons theory, only after birth. You’re becoming high value. She needs you to be close to her so she can fill the void that has been there for decades of not being around a high value man. Your mom has found a hole in your frame. Now you are moving back in. She wins, your wife panics because she understands AWALT and that your mom is winning in the competition for your attentions and time. Your wife also realizes you are a sad enough fuck that you would be willing to move back in with your mom, and drag her with you. You mind as well tell your wife you quit your job, are joining a nudist colony and are addicted to cocaine, and ask her to join you in your journey. She is about to leave you. Notice when people are twisting your arm for their benefit. Get your shit together. Including a lawyer.

[–]ivineet51[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Thank you all for your invaluable response. Hereby, I want to shed more light on me and my situation. Firstly, I am following this sub and other redpill stuff since my marriage, ie. from more than 2 years. I was down and out then, no one was to there is to listen or help me, except this sub, although I haven't posted here, but I kept reading. I started lifting 1.5 years back, got a high paying job in my city, read the sidebar, NMMNG, MLSLP, WISNIFG, currently trying my hands on 48 laws of power. And yes I am from India. I am pretty much changed now, not redpilled though, still learning new things day by day.

So there are only two reasons that I want to move back with them, firstly, I am connected with my father, as it is him, since my childhood, who always supported me in all my endeavors, and I am not able to let go off that guilt of not being able to take care of him, when he need me the most. My mother presents herself as strong willed woman, but as I can see on her face, she's now completely drained off. But she is not letting go the control she has, she is kinda control freak. Her ego has taken over her completely, to an extent that my marriage suffered from it. Secondly, it might sound selfish and lame, I am earning the maximum which I can earn in my city, with the skills I have. To earn more I have to move to other city. Most of my earning goes into house rent. Yes, rents are very high in my city. Living with them, help me save something.

I am really confused!

[–]mrpthrowa1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Listen dude those around you will always want to control you until you tell them off. You put them in their place. That includes your mother [1]. And your mother will be very thankful and respectful once she understands that you're man enough to have a vision that may well include your father and your mom and your wife (or just your wife, or whatever). A vision that works. Right now you don't. You don't have a vision, you don't know what you're doing, and so everyone is trying to pull you and manipulate you to provide for them. It's as simple as that.

So something that could work is to have enough resources to have a compound, perhaps two houses next to each other. Perhaps you need to hire a helper for your parents at the same time. Whatever. You say you earn enough blablabalblabla - NO YOU DON'T. Perhaps you need to have a successful business. People who are able to care for more than one household and keep sanity are rich. Right now you're not. in the absence of these resources, have a vision with what you have. And having everyone live under the same roof does not work.

What you're currently proposing does not work. And there is no use feeling guilty over a situation you cannot control. You can't provide for your father and mother in the same house and keep everyone sane.


[1] So how do you do that, you say? as a valuable man your most important asset is your time and attention. Whoever is giving you trouble, withdraw your time and attention, unless they stop. Don't ask people to respect you. Just act.

So you go visit your mother, and she starts to whine and whine and ask for stuff. You change rooms once. She follows and carries on whining, you leave the house. Don't argue, don't be butt hurt, just leave. Go no contact for a few days. Then visit again (if you have to) without referencing the previous encounter. If she starts again, repeat the same procedure, but this time withdraw attention a few more days. and so on. Eventually your mother (or father, or wife, or whoever) will understand - that pissing you off means they see less of you. Eventually they'll have dinner ready, house clean, bed made, etc... and will clamour for your visit because you made your time valuable and you don't tolerate shit.

Also minimise chat and phone and that shit. I've had an indian visitor come over once for a couple of weeks for work - he should have been enjoying his life, having a blast, visiting places and enjoying his travel, instead he was glued to his phone, trying to appease his wife and mother, talking all the time about how he misses home blablabla by the fifth day I straight told him to shut the fuck up, man up, and stop being a pussy, and i literally forbade him from using the phone at work. Most emasculated man I've ever seen - literally > 5000 miles from his women and yet still chained to them it was unreal. Something about your culture guys that is insane honestly sorry dude.

[–]SKRedPill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have known Indian guys like this. No woman in the universe can betaize 2 men at once like an Indian mom. Yes that includes the husband. I had guys terrified of telling their parents they liked a girl for fear of shame and excommunication. It can get worse than some Orthodox Christians and their sins.

Indian moms just do not let their sons individuate into men and unleash what they're capable of. Often it's mom who picks the girl for her boy and then spends years catfighting with the wife. Usually the dads are way too beta so the moms use their sons for a proxy and additional comfort and shit test them like hell whenever they try to use their own brains even once.

These days the girls pick and choose easily controllable betas well trained by their moms but who can live separately from mommy in her frame. Hell the Indian word for son is literally beta.

OP you're operating in both women's frames, just one was bad enough. You got to stop trying to please the impossible and stand up for what you know is right and take a third option on how you will deal with this. You'll get shit tested to the doorstep of hell before it falls back into your frame, but it's worth it.



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