Thanks for the wake up call

JCX_Pulse · 2019-12-04T21:19:17+00:00

Alright, seems like everyone is obsessing over your weight, so I’ll skip that aspect of it.

As a guy in a remarkably similar situation to you I can give you some suggestions that you can either take or leave. Doesn’t matter to me.

Work on your self confidence and self esteem first. If you don’t think your worth anything no one else will either. This event was a tremendous ego hit and your first post demonstrates that. Try and work away from comparing yourself to anyone else.

Snip you’re validation seeking in the bud. Don’t equate your value to women or lifts or anything else.

Heal fully the way you need to. Therapy, bjj, whatever your method is, work through it, not around it. Don’t let this be the moment your life stops. Find a way to let this be where you begin anew. Process your pain, your insecurity, your self esteem hit, and move on better for it.

Grow your friend circle and don’t be afraid to be selfish. It’s time for you to take charge of your life.

For the love of god learn how to write coherently. Hopefully you will pick something up with all the reading you will do.

Lastly, don’t give up. You’ll only be giving up on yourself. No one here will miss you. You’ll just be another failure to wash out. Do this for you. Know it will take time to change and enjoy the process.

hack3ge · 2019-12-04T20:10:07+00:00

1 - Wow you are fat....

2 - Do whatever it takes to get her a job it helps you in the long run.

3 - If you work hard in 18-24 months you will be unrecognizable and you can be slaying pussy half her age and twice as tight.

4 - Remember you are a faggot and deserve nothing you don’t earn so it’s all up to you. This should be the most empowering thing you ever realize in your life.

And for fuck sakes put the fork down and pick up something heavy.

OptimusRP · 2019-12-04T21:20:17+00:00

Don't look back. Keep looking forward. Improve yourself and take care of your kids. Better days are ahead.

so_woke_da_wookie · 2019-12-04T21:29:33+00:00

OYS, every week.

You post on Tuesday, no excuses. Be the first to class.

Start developing your MAP now. it doesn't have to be great. It's a vision of the guy you'll be in a year to 24 months, u/hack3ge pointed this out.

Your punctuation and formatting matter. You don't get to piss on this Sub's carpet and then ask us to analyse the patterns. Write like you mean it. It'll still be garbage. But iit'll be garbage that you won't believe you wrote in a year because the guy who wrote it will be long gone.

Go Keto, you'll look in the mirror in a few months and won't recognise who is looking back at you. That is not an exaggeration. This feedback loop will be very positive for you. It is eye opening to see how differently people will treat you.

No games with the ex-wife. Communications are for logistics. No pouting, complaining or displays of butthurt. No leveraging the kids.

Let her go.

jjj2576 · 2019-12-04T21:08:31+00:00

You are going in the right direction, slowly. That’s okay. Swallowing the pill takes time.

What book are you reading after NMMNG? Consider using audiobooks and listen to them when driving/lifting.

NoCoast82 · 2019-12-04T21:11:44+00:00

in relation to her being jobless she also asked if I could print her papers out needed for this job and maybe i should have to help her out being my kids mom but i had to be honest and say I'm sorry I cant do that anymore any extra help im giving you is just making me a doormat.

Her having a job benefits you, you're still messing this up man

Also she got very heated with me when i typed a formal document to have her sign saying she agrees to let me take the kids in so I could have it in writing

You don't have a lawyer yet do you?

helaughsinhidden · 2019-12-04T22:12:07+00:00

Whatever you do for her, do it out of your abundance, not out of obligation or to get something in return. There is nothing that says you HAVE to be a dick because she's sucking on someone else's.

Good move getting it in writing that you and her agree to the arraignment, I've heard of other ex-wives verbally changing the pickups to make it look like the dad is either keeping them too long or trying to take them when not authorized to fuck them in court. That's the truth too. A common tactic is to tell him to show up when she knows the kids aren't going to be there, then call the cops because she's feeling afraid, getting an order for protection, then trying to make you break it to get you tossed in jail. All women are capable of turning into a mega bitch at any moment, but in the future, an email where she replies that she acknowledges your last message is as good as a signed piece of paper these days.

simbarlion · 2019-12-04T23:02:16+00:00

Well done on returning post puke with new resolution - phase 1 complete

Phase 2 - determine your ideal outcome in the short term (1 - 3 years for divorce, frame, physique)

Phase 3 - Decide how to make ideal outcome happen

Phase 4 - DO NOT under any circumstances (within reason of normal human behaviour) , waver from your new mission. No DEER, no excuses, no apologies, no getting back together, no printing job forms.

I note that Subclause A to phase 2 - 4 - clearly states lift, read and stfu - become the man you want to be.

lololasaurus · 2019-12-05T03:59:49+00:00

2 years and 7 days ago - Thanksgiving of 2017 - I walked with my brother around town from about 9pm until perhaps 1 in the morning so I could have a private conversation without my wife there. Because I was afraid of her hearing me.

I victim puked to him about how my wife was planning to leave me and how awful she was acting and recounted all the things she was doing.

He reminded me of the existence of the red pill and said she's working hypergamy. I thus found married red pill.

When I started I was fatter than you - I would have to go back to my logs but 245 or 235, I forget which. 5-9". I'd never lifted in my life. Never been in a martial art. Considered gym rats meatheads. My wife wouldn't have sex with me. I slept on a cot in my office frequently all butthurt at her behavior. She had separate finances and I put my money in a joint account, which she cleaned out all the time.

I started lifting. With the barbell. Strong lifts 5x5. I was a weak man. Not good at being a man. Not good at saying no. I couldn't avoid being butthurt. I had zero frame.

She fought back vehemently. Twice filed for divorce and withdrew it. That shifted a few months ago when she realized I'm willing to nuke it now myself (yeah, took me awhile to get through my whole unconditional marriage stuff) and I still remember the day I saw her face change when she tried to suggest she would violate a hard boundary for me and I told her I can't be married to someone who won't respect me and she realized who is more ok walking away.

I literally changed my life between now and then. I'm a different guy. I say no, now. That doesn't mean I have no struggles. We're still married, and I don't know if that will last, honestly. But I am ok with either way. I now weigh 178lb. DL 477, SQ 403, bench 210, ohp 143. I'm well into the 1000lb club. I train jiu jitsu and it turns out I'm actually pretty good at it usually. My children treat me differently now. My wife has gone from refusing to have sex with me to initiating on her own and doing all sorts of stuff that I thought was impossible to get. Only for the unattractive man though. I don't share finances anymore. If I don't want to spend money on something I say no. My marriage isn't where I want it and there are still some bad things, partly because of the many years I sucked at life, and partly because my wife really can be a challenge too.

I still suck at a lot of things. She is slowly becoming more amenable to my leadership but who can blame her; what kind of woman wants to follow a man who let it get that bad?

But I have a real mission now and it's not my wife anymore, and I'll keep on it whether she's in my life adding value or not.

You can do it. One thing I strongly suggest is not jumping back into a relationship or sex. Learn to be alone. Learn to be ok with just you. Your head isn't healthy to end up where you are, and if you catch oneitus you aren't healthy enough to not start validation seeking and changing your mind for a woman again. And then you're right back in the same patterns.

Don't do that. Do the sidebar. Lift. Change your life.

In 2 years when you look back, know how far you've come and smile. I just did. Life is pretty good compared to then.

Chump_No_More · 2019-12-04T22:36:32+00:00

OP, you are letting your ego get in the way of working towards your best interests.

It's in your own best interest that the stbx has a job and the playing field is leveled towards who would be the best caregiver in the eyes of the court. Do whatever it takes to help her get a job.
It's in your best interest to establish a track record of who is providing primary care to your kids. If she moved in with Chad and the kids are home with you, that's enough. You don't have to mend your wounded ego by shaming her into wanting the kids.

Tell her you got the kids, take as much time as she needs to figure things out... and laugh all the way to family court.

Start a journal and document every thing you do for your kids. Every parent-teacher conference, every doctor visit, every meal you cook, every load of clothes you wash, every snotty nose you wipe. You get the picture.

Put your ego aside and make smart decisions that will benefit you in the short and long term.

johneyapocalypse · 2019-12-04T20:44:56+00:00

Your posts sound fake.

InChargeMan · 2019-12-04T20:28:44+00:00

Wait, is this little dick guy?

Title	Thanks for the wake up call
Author	Probles08
Upvotes	19
Comments	70
Date	04 December 2019 08:03 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	askMRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/297808
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/e64x1y/thanks_for_the_wake_up_call/