[FR] First relationship since TRP, slight case of oneitis RP theory confirmed.

ModernSinatra · 2015-03-05T19:50:06+00:00

Alright man, this is going to sound harsh but I can tell from your post you're trying to improve so I will offer some advice that I hope will help.

Hey brothers,

I met a girl at the beginning of the semester and held frame and did amazingly well during our first few get togethers. She was really in to me and told me she respected me and saw me as a man. I took these as great compliments.

However, she lived an hour away and we both are in school so I had doubts it would work out in the long run, but I wanted to vet her for a LTR. She came to visit me a couple times and we had a good time, great sex, but the more I got to know about her the more her promiscuity seemed to come through.

You had doubts but then decided you wanted to vet her for a LTR. You should never have any doubts before you start vetting a girl, if you do she isn't right for a LTR.

There were many signs including how she behaved when she was drunk to how she spoke about past relationships. But at this point I was falling under the stupid spell. I let things slide for a little while, then I went to visit her.

How she speaks about past LTRs is how she will and probably does speak about you.

We're in the bar, I'm talking to some guys at our table and her and her friend start to get hit on by some other guys. Whatever, I keep it cool and just let things play out. After a while she and this guy go out for a smoke. Again, I wasn't worried, but she stayed out much longer than it takes to smoke a cigarette. And when she came back in she wouldn't make eye contact.

At this point I was pissed but I kept calm. We proceed to leave the bar and before we go the same guy asks for her phone number, and she goes over and types something in his phone. Claimed it wasn't her real number.

But brothers I fucked up. I should have ended things there, and gone home in the morning, which is what I wanted to do then. But after sleeping it off I decided to let things play out. Stupidly

Yes, you should have.

The rest of the weekend was uneventful and I left to go back home the next day.

Fast forward to this week and we had done nothing but text back and forth for a while, and I was annoyed because I would rather talk to a woman if I'm going to get to know her. We were texting on Saturday night and I told her to call me when she had some time. She said she would on Sunday since she was out with some friends. I got that response at 4:45am on Sunday morning.

By telling her to text you when she had time, you basically said "hey, I'm always free and I know you're busy so I'm here whenever you can fit me in"

I'm getting to the point, which is. She didn't call me Sunday. And I realized my mistake. I was getting too close and breaking the image I had shown her, I was becoming a beta to her. So I decided not to talk to her until she said something to me.

This lasted a few days and when I decided to say something she blew up at me and was angry about me not talking to her for those days. But this was just a diversion, she was using it as an excuse because she had already made up her mind that I was no longer worth the effort. And she couldn't tell me until she had something to blame.

You decided not to talk to her, then she blew up when you said something (first I'm assuming). Dread game, radio silence, ect. Should be used as a shield not a sword. You have to be consistently unreachable for periods of time for it to work. If you just go radio silent because you're upset then all you're being is passive aggressive.

I thought this girl was special and I took it too far. Learn from my mistakes. When I found out why she wanted to end it, these are the responses I got.

AWALT. Never ask reasons. You knew where you went wrong, what did you gain by asking her?

"I realized that you're a great guy and all, but I'm just not ready" AKA I'm a beta and she wants an alpha

"I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met you, I just wanted to have fun" AKA ride the CC some more

"I just haven't been the committed type, I thought about trying with you, but now just isn't the time for me"

These three sound like the exact same thing. You probably could have spun her as a nice occasional plate.

The message was loud and clear men. I am not an alpha. I need to get back to myself and clean up my act, this was a harsh lesson but one I will learn from.

I think you did a good job of seeing some of the spots where you went wrong, and I think you're on the right path. But don't focus on "being alpha", focus on improving yourself for yourself and then those alpha qualities you seek will come naturally. I do have a challenge for you. Your post was hindsight observation and while useful, you will grow more from thinking about how you can use the lesson to have better experiences in the future. Good luck brother!

I'm replying from my phone so please forgive any formatting or autocorect errors

ECoast_Man · 2015-03-05T23:11:28+00:00

Massive red flags. I can't even.

Ok. I've done this before when a plate likely gives another dude a number (sluts gonna slut). Act completely cool, drop her off, and just don't text or call. Wait her out. It either ends and you keep your dignity or she comes crawling back and you keep a plate and your dignity (a non-exclusive plate, but whatever).

If you were even considering LTR, then I hope this is your wake up call.

leodoestheopposite · 2015-03-05T19:50:33+00:00

I don't see her overall behavior as a consequence of you being Alpha/Beta, she's riding the CC, you were just a stop along the way; well, not really you, just your C (or "D").

The truth is that "When you are spinning plates, the plates will spin you too"; it's not for the faint at heart.

GREF_ · 2015-03-05T21:40:27+00:00

We're in the bar, I'm talking to some guys at our table and her and her friend start to get hit on by some other guys. Whatever, I keep it cool and just let things play out. After a while she and this guy go out for a smoke. Again, I wasn't worried, but she stayed out much longer than it takes to smoke a cigarette. And when she came back in she wouldn't make eye contact.

At this point I was pissed but I kept calm. We proceed to leave the bar and before we go the same guy asks for her phone number, and she goes over and types something in his phone. Claimed it wasn't her real number.

How should he have responded to this?

yoyoz69 · 2015-03-05T20:38:59+00:00

Straight from the Rational Male:

I’m sorry to break this to you, but there is no such thing as a long distance relationship. That’s correct, you have no relationship. An LDR simply does not meet the criteria necessary for it to be considered a legitimate relationship. There is no reciprocity of anything more than words passing over a phone line or an IM text. Understand me here – you have no relationship. You have self-assumed accountability, self-assumed liability and internalized responsibilities to be loyal to this person. You are entertaining a commitment to fidelity with an idealization, and ignoring what everyone outside of your LDR will regularly tell you is insanity. LDRs are one of the more insidious forms of ONEitis.

Relentlessmind · 2015-03-05T20:01:42+00:00

Good to see you're learning from mistakes. One thing that stood out to me was the fact that you posted three excuses from her. I am speculating but if that means that after the first indication she wasn't interested you asked why, that was a major mistake. Once a girl shows any indication she's lost interest or throws out some tired cliche' bullshit like "I'm just not ready", immediately disengage and go ghost. There's no reason to follow up, it will get you absolutely nowhere. You should have stuck with the silence. Obviously it messed with her hamster, given a little more time the wheel would have broken and you could have had yourself a decent plate. By showing up again and then asking for reasoning, you lowered yourself even more and she lost any respect she had left, thus the bullshit, dishonesty and hamstering.

Risky_Clicks_NSFW · 2015-03-06T00:44:45+00:00

"Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing."

kick6 · 2015-03-05T19:46:57+00:00

But this was just a diversion, she was using it as an excuse because she had already made up her mind that I was no longer worth the effort. And she couldn't tell me until she had something to blame.

Very true. It has to be your fault.

cmiovino · 2015-03-05T19:25:52+00:00

I like to see you're learning from it. That's always positive. You'll do better in the future and look on the bright side - you had your fun too with her, and that's a good thing.

reel_nikkas_dot_com · 2015-03-05T19:56:52+00:00

only text for logicistical purposes man you should be studying or working out so much you shouldn't have tyme for dat

foomfoomfoom · 2015-03-05T23:46:29+00:00

I wouldn't put it like she saw you as beta but wanted an alpha." Because I am not an alpha by any means, but spin a number of plates since I never do anything beta. If you have a physical connection and you pass some of their thresholds, women treat you as innocent until proven guilty - guilty of seeking their approval instead of making them earn yours. Ways you prove yourself guilty: "just letting things play out," telling her to call you any time, driving to see her, or anything that conveys desperation or lack of activity/mission on your part.

Mysogyny · 2015-03-06T14:22:11+00:00

When she went outside to smoke with that other guy, and came back in, give her a big smile and say, "We're done here." Leave money on the table and walk out. Don't look back.

1NV0K3R · 2015-03-06T14:51:40+00:00

I really don't understand these situations. You already are getting sex. Why do you try for LTR unless she initiates?

sigmayogi · 2015-03-07T02:12:36+00:00

You need abundance. If you had 2-3 other girls in the orbit around you - this would be just another fallen plate.

bananabreadmuffins · 2015-03-06T17:13:20+00:00

Am i the only one that thinks if you truly want LTR you haven't digested enough of TRP?

2015-03-06T03:56:56+00:00

I feel like an asshole, but shouldn't this be removed? This is so bad I have to wonder if he read the side bar.

Here let me help you OP. To your girl cigarette is a euphemism for blowing a stranger at a bar you are at with her.

Does that help? Still need advice?

Title	[FR] First relationship since TRP, slight case of oneitis RP theory confirmed.
Author	hotsalami
Upvotes	41
Comments	42
Date	March 5, 2015 6:45 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2y1rn0/fr_first_relationship_since_trp_slight_case_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/fr-first-relationship-since-trp-slight-case-of.29878 https://theredarchive.com/post/29878

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