How the hell do you tell the difference between Anxious Avoidant and someone who just doesn't like you.

goneaway2thewind · 2019-12-26T21:19:45+00:00

If someone makes you feel as though they may be anxious avoidant, you are probably better served finding a different someone

Maybelowsmv · 2019-12-26T21:27:00+00:00

I know a girl who is anxious avoidant. She basically texts the guy she likes that she misses him before blocking him LOL. Find someone who is more securely attached bro

You missed out entirely on the anxious part of anxious avoidant there too. Just assume she is disinterested (she probably is) and find someone more worthy of your time and energy

PennnyLame · 2019-12-26T21:35:09+00:00

I was anxious preoccupied, maybe am still a bit. The only thing for us is finding someone with a secure attachment style. They drag us over to secure after years of putting up with our need for pats. Or try it yourself with years of therapy but I much prefer my method of falling in love with someone who just laughs and hugs me when I get weird.

rus9384 · 2019-12-26T21:29:21+00:00

Anxious Avoidant: Opposite of Peoccupied. Doesn't feel comfortable with intimacy. Wants their own space. Often pulls back when their partner is being needy.

This sounds like dismissive avoidant, not anxious avoidant.

We have sex

Then she very likely is into you. Since she is not even demanding a lot of relationshipy stuff from you.

barbodelli · 2019-12-26T21:31:09+00:00

[deleted]

Orange_Paisley · 2019-12-27T02:34:56+00:00

TIL I might be anxious avoidant.

2019-12-27T08:03:31+00:00

That sort of attachment style is a death sentence for relationships. Like, I know typically these people have baggage, and that they feel worthless about themselves. But not everything is about them. They're either gonna have to work on themselves or watch the relationship disintegrate. Unless you and your gf have a serious talk about her behaviour and your wants and needs, and you can get her to promise she'll work on herself, your relationship will crash and burn.

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wtknight · 2019-12-26T21:40:13+00:00

An anxious avoidant will express displeasure with but will eventually acquiesce to romance because she is into the guy enough that she realizes that's what she needs to do if she wants to keep him. If she does not eventually acquiesce, then she's just not into you.

2019-12-26T22:58:30+00:00

You fix this problem by fixing yourself, not them.

Your problem is you need constant validation from your partner. Until you get out of this mindset you dont even grasp how destructive it is to yourself, your relationship and to some extent, even your partner..... but it is. Highly recommend the book no more mr nice guy.

Basically- right now you are vulnerable, needy and probably clingy. The more you are that way, the more it actually pushes her away. When you are the one creating distance she will be the one chasing you, and you’ll have most of the power. You’ll also be in the right frame of mind to decide whether she is good enough for a relationship with you. If you want a more affectionate woman you can certainly find one, but maybe the one you have right now is good enough and you just dont realize it, and fuck it up with neediness.

Dont make the pua mistake of thinking you can fake being independent and non needy. It will all come crashing down sooner or later. You have to actually be different. Thats going to take work. A journey of self development.

goatismycopilot · 2019-12-26T23:37:49+00:00

I read the whole thread. She isn"t into you.

DXBrigade · 2019-12-27T00:02:11+00:00

You Don't. That's why they are the worst type of partners. Often they end up with their opposite the clingy type. See Sasuke Uchiha and Sakura Haruno.

rizzyraech · 2019-12-27T01:35:24+00:00

Personally I'm just blunt and ask them. Not rudely, but opening a dialog on how you show your affection, and inquiring on how your partner thinks they show affection is a bad idea.

It can be difficult to navigate through conversations like that without soundinf accusing though. Personally, I need a partner to show intimacy, so I wouldn't put up with that behavior long, even if it's just who they are. That's fine if that's the case, but you gotta recognize if you're incompatible in a relationship.

eboy4hire · 2019-12-27T05:50:51+00:00

Find someone close to you.

2019-12-27T07:40:43+00:00

You are long distance orbiter to her. There are no such relationships. You either get constant sex or not

slavicgypsygirl · 2019-12-30T04:41:31+00:00

I am so anxious avoidant that I only like non exclusive dating & am incapable of any type of commitment

People I dislike aren't given any time in my life to begin with

Workaholiconew · 2019-12-26T22:09:57+00:00

I consider that she is probably just disinterested in you.

You showed weakness, and is probably paying the consequences of such foolish act.

You must never show weakness to any woman ever. It is asking to have the relationship cut short or distance between you. I would suggest the best bet is to find another woman and to never show her any weakness. You may try doing it with any woman you are not interested into, she will leave regardless of other factors, including those who most consider would not do so, like family. Women cannot accept seeing a man being weak.

But if you do not believe me, There are some tips to see if she is really avoidant or just disinterested:

Does she show desire to be with you after long periods? (does she want to compensate this period?)
Does she show remorse for not being with you? (does she only do her duties and leave or does she want to persist?)
Is she trully affectionate for you? (low blood pressure, low heart rate)

But that is supposing you know how to identify when women are lying, which to a man is extremely difficult. We lack the social interest/experience, and the more crazy the person the better they are at that.

I reestate my point. Find someone else regardless, you may never know and is just losing precious resources if you cannot guarantee she is interested in you.

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2019-12-27T03:25:51+00:00

Sorry to be curt but long-distance relationships aren’t real.

Kos_-_Omak · 2019-12-28T04:29:06+00:00

mostly long distance

fail

During the trip she was very hot and cold

she's not avoidant, she's fucking somebody else.

Title	How the hell do you tell the difference between Anxious Avoidant and someone who just doesn't like you.
Author	barbodelli
Upvotes	5
Comments	65
Date	December 26, 2019 9:18 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/eg14tt/how_the_hell_do_you_tell_the_difference_between/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-the-hell-do-you-tell-the-difference-between.303119 https://theredarchive.com/post/303119

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