Hello dear RP ladies. I am here for your genuine advice and opinion - I do not want no sugar coating nor I am here to play victim. I just want opinions of like-minded women. I am 28 years old ( just turned today), I am beautiful, take care of my mental and physical health, have a successful career, I am financially independent from my parents for over 8 years, I am in general independent - I've always wanted a partner in life, not just an ATM. I've always been low drama and internalize my problems. So far I've had two LTRs - those are the only two men I've kissed and had sex with. I've been living the RP without realising it. I've never wanted to just screw around or mess with guys that I do not see as LTR material. I've had a 10 year relationship with a man who is RP by nature and maybe upbringing . We were high school sweethearts. However we grew apart and decided to mutually end it. It was a no drama break up. After that I decided I did not want another relationship or just ONS and focused on being happy on my own - I went nun mode.

In September last year I started a LTR and a long distance one with another RP man (37 years). He got the pill only after reading Rollo's book a couple of weeks before we met. Two years ago he was unhappily married, had a child, everything in his life was falling apart. One night he hooked up with an old friend and started an affair. The affair went on for three months and he eventually decided to leave his wife. He moved to his mistress' apartment to live with her. She was 33 and had Borderline Personality Disorder ( a classic example), narcissistic, always she was the victim, was very dramatic, was nagging him, blaming him, degrading him but she was also his oneitis and the sex was great. After 3 months of living with him she decided to dump him and go back to her ex. He had to move back to his mom's place for the weekends. He works now in another country for now. His mother treats him much the same way as his mistress - he's raised only by her. He has no father - didn't want him. He also went bankrupt, in a lot of dept and sued at the same time this was happening.

When we met he was honest on his first date about his past. I was fascinated by the way he treated me so kindly, by his looks, by his strength to go through this and by his sexual energy that I decided to for it. The only thing that bothered me was that he was sounding like a victim. Our relationship to him was unlike any other he had before - we were growing together, there was very little drama, when there was a problem we discussed it, set boundaries and moved forward. He seemed to be getting his life together. I was loving, supporting, caring for him just as if I was his wife. He was also very supportive and caring for me. He was taking care of himself a lot too which I deeply respect and aim for in a partner. He put a lot of effort to come back every weekend and spend quality time with me. He introduced me to all of his friends, family and I was starting to build a relationship with his little daughter. I became more feminine that ever with him and he was more masculine than ever with me. Also the sex was really great - we tried kinky stuff together, he introduced me to BDSM and I loved it. He always told me he wants a LTR and a new family. He's told me numerous times he wants to marry me and have kids with me. But we weren't rushing it.

A year into the relationship he still have not returned all of his debt, his divorce is not finished, he still does not have his own place and lived at my space, he makes good money but is not saving any for now, he was struggling to find his purpose and next business. He stopped going to therapy three months ago. He's quite entreprenerial in spirit - has four businesses behind him - three failed and he was kicked out of one from BP betas. In the past month he was distant but I thought he only needed his manly space. And I gave it to him - no drama involved. Right after Christmas he told me he needed time out. He realised he still got issues and damage from the BPD woman. He knows such women are no good but he caught himself that he was still feeling attracted to such women. He was honest that he did not know how much time it would take and did not want to keep me on stand by. He also said he is not rejecting me - that I am a good, beautiful woman and I deserve the best and He's not that best right now. He didn't want me to wait for him as he did not know what time it would take and he did not know what he'll want afterwards. Which is actually pretty honest and true. He said that this was a new era for us and he does not want to cut me out of his life. It felt as if I was overqualified for the job.

So now I go through a heartbreak because it ended suddenly and unexpectedly for me. I really wanted a family with him and devoted most of my time and energy to him. I still love him and miss him a lot, especially today on my birthday. I have not gone down the rabbit hole of playing his victim, blaming him and staying still in depression and in tears. I see and chat with my therapist, I still go to lift weights anyway, still put my make up and try to stay beautiful, I talk to friends a lot.

Now the questions I have for you are:

How to be independent of a man in terms that you can handle it in a good way if he breaks up with you, you don't go suicidal?

What is the value and purpose in life for a woman?

I've been told by both my exes that I am a good woman and I deserve better - and they're both quality men. I do not want to devalue myself so that I can have a better chance of meeting a man. I feel like my time is running out ( I am 28 after all) but I do not want to be desperate or make fast moves because this is repulsing for people and especially RP men. How do you handle such thoughts?

Also, if the RP man reaches out - should I reconcile with him? Right now I feel he's my one even though he has issues. Am I undervaluing myself ?

Thank all of you who answer me in advance - I appreciate it highly and deeply.