How do you dads do it?

Reddit View
January 12, 2020
177 upvotes

My son wasn't feeling too well so today instead of picking him up, I decided to spend time with him at my ex wife's place.

She had tried to destroy my life when I walked out of our marriage. Made up assault charges, went after my family and used my son against me. It was hard I made peace.

Spending time with my son was a joy but when it became time to rest, he wanted me to stay. I left. I left to a crying 3 year old that misses his father and the contempt of my ex wife.

I know that it shouldn't rattle me but it does. She blames me for her actions and he's the collateral of it all.

Big picture is that it's necessary. It sucks but there's nothing that can be done, but right now I'm fuming. I want to hold her accountable for the actions she did. I want my son to not be crying because I'll never leave. I want to share this to someone that understands. I can't do anything about it. I didn't cry or fight and like a machine, I just walked out.

I know these things don't matter to the vast majority of the readers here but for those that can relate, tell me what you did to help you through this.


Post Information
Title How do you dads do it?
Author 319Skew
Upvotes 177
Comments 70
Date 12 January 2020 10:13 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/305264
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/enufin/how_do_you_dads_do_it/
Similar Posts
Comments

[–][deleted] 193 points194 points  (11 children) | Copy

You can't hold a woman accountable. Instead, lead by example.

My mother alienated me from my father. Until mid-teens, I resented him, thought he was the source of a huge part of our misery. Late-teens, I found out more and more that he was a total badass. Self-made and all that shit. And in turn, what my mother said about him meant jackshit.

Actions spoke louder than words. Own your shit and STFU.

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (1 child) | Copy

As others have said, she won't accept responsibility, even if you spell out evidence that any court of law would accept.

How they are perceived socially means everything to a woman, she will lie and make her to be good and you to be bad, no matter what you do. In my divorce I know some of the shit I got from my ex-wife was because I put the kids first and acted with decency, she would have hated saying that when her friends would ask how I've been during the separation (which they will). She WANTED me to be the bad guy and hated me because I wasn't. She probably would have probably sucked my dick if I was.

Keep going bud, I always say make decisions that you'll look back on in 5 years time and be proud of yourself. Sometimes this means short term pain or ego hits, but they'll be worth it

[–]beardestbird18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not a father but I like this response. Your son likes you because of how you act. If he continually sees you act in upright true manner he’ll respect you and love you forever. A boy will always love his mom too but he can lose respect for her.

Keep doing you.

[–]pnceng2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Actions spoke louder than words. Own your shit and STFU

CORRECT !!...my sons are 20/22 and the mother STILL tries to alienate me from them - unfortunately she has a mental illness that she needs to continue to do this . Own your shit lead by example in 18 years - .....yes 18 years from now there MIGHT be change - lead by example.....that's all you can do.

[–]ElegantCyclist1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I left to a crying 3 year old that misses his father and the contempt of my ex wife.

Three year olds also cry all the time. Be there as much as you can, but a toddler's emotions are labile.

[–]Diche_Bach2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

I can offer the counterpoint to this experience. My father was a sub-human, alcoholic, degenerate creature. Incredibly intelligent, physically powerful, charismatic, successful and competent; a seemingly all-too-common product of his era and echelon in society. But also a self-indulgent, undisciplined beast. My mother remained remarkably neutral but cautionary about him, but did not protest when I insisted I wanted to spend time with him and his family. It was a natural thing for a boy to want, to be with and know his father. All I can say is: I'm glad he died alone, obese, miserable and pathetic and I feel nothing but a vacant low-intensity loathing for his memory. He died alone and that is what he deserved. Don't be that guy.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]Diche_Bach0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Abusive, racist, misogynistic, drunken, filthy, duplicitous, barbarian.

[–]TFWnoLTR2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Okay, but what did he do to you?

[–]aDrunkenWhaler1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Abusive, racist, misogynistic, drunken, filthy, duplicitous, barbarian.

Sorry to break ot to you but if you are here, by default you are misogynistic, and probably also abusive, racist, duplicitous and barbarian by society's standards.

[–]fretty55539 points40 points  (0 children) | Copy

Focus on the actual problem. Your son is the one who needs you. Forget about your wife, and give your son what he needs, which is a father.

[–]jenovajunkie21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women use children to hurt their ex-husbands or husbands. I know of a couple who had marriage problems, and the wife took off with the kids and threatened the husband to throw the kids in the river and then herself; it was fucked up.

That hurts any man, unless you're a fucking sociopath. Lead by example is good advice though, you can't control what she says. Your best bet is being there for the child when you can, but you need to find yourself another partner to balance the stress that your ex is handing you.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

I want to hold her accountable for the actions she did

Noone holds women accountable. Not society and not themselves.

[–]youcantdenythat13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

You say he wasn't feeling well, but why not pick him up anyway? Can't you take care of him as good as she can? If not, you may want to work on that.

Another idea would be to leave after he was asleep.

Don't try to hold her accountable, she will never feel like she is wrong about anything. It's like teaching rocket science to a monkey. You will wear yourself out trying and you will annoy the monkey.

Lastly, yeah, take all that anger and negative energy and use it to make yourself better. If nothing else, go directly to the gym and take that shit out on the iron.

[–]svenfromaccounting51 points52 points  (1 child) | Copy

Look man, you got raped by feminist north america. They enable these shenanigans. Its not you. I've seen tons of men go through this shit. If you let it break you, you lose. By 50 years old you will be back on your feet with your own home and a hotter younger wife.

By 50 she'll likely be broke and a bitter old cunt.

You'll win.

[–]TheGillos24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't forget as long as he can do his best as a father to be in his son's life hopefully when his son is older he will choose to spend time with his father. Make up for (the stolen) time.

[–]cat_magnet17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

It should absolutely rattle you. What a terrible situation for your son. It is the reason why men need to practice extreme vetting before procreating. I have a daughter and I can not imagine not seeing her everyday.

[–]ThinSpiritual8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Back in my HS days, my dad would wake up early to wake me up (essentially giving me daily morning calls), so that I didn't have to worry about oversleeping on my alarms. He'll also prep breakfast first, usually a ham & egg sandwich, before waking me up. After that, he'll drive me to school, and we'll chat or just sit silently to listen to the AM radio together.

He did that daily for years, and it felt only normal to me. I never really stopped to appreciate him for these "normal things" because he did it silently. He never brought it up during any arguments too (ie. he never complained even when he lectured me on wrongdoings; on the contrary, my mom would often bitch about wasting time and effort on me when she's upset -- I still love her though).

So why am I talking about this now that I'm a 30+ grown-ass man? Because it wasn't until my RP awakening in recent years, I was able to connect the dots and internalized the role of men and father by thinking about my father. He was stoic and consistent. The love he gave, and is still giving, me helped me understand men's love vs. women's love.

Not sure if this is useful for you at all, but don't need to get mad or try to control your ex's actions. You're only accountable for yourself. Just continue to do whatever you think is best for your son, he'll come to age one day and connect all these dots for himself, too.

[–]PhaedrusHunt15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

🙋 Same boat brother

[–]hoopingblob20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

I never saw my father again after he tried to kill my family. I am telling you this because I am the one on the other side and it may give you some insight.

I wished my father would at least care so much and visit me but he never wanted to. That's what made me hurt alot. It's good you're seeing your son and I bet he is looking forward to see you again soon. It's also important for him to see that in Life nothing is eternal and even our loved ones will pass.

You're doing great. Forget and forgive your wife and especially forgive and accept yourself and your role in his life. You can't change it sadly but at least you can see him and when he gets older he will come to you.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (8 children) | Copy

Dude I have two sons, I can’t imagine. Do you not have 50/50 custody?

[–]mr4kino10 points11 points  (7 children) | Copy

Where do you live mate? In the west no way you get 50/50 before the kids are 8/9 yo. As t 3 it's impossible even with an alcoholic mum. Laws are made like this to destroy the nuclear family but that's another subject.

[–]youcantdenythat5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

It's possible. I did it but it cost me alot of money and directly telling my lawyer I would settle for nothing less. I ended up having to pay her lawyer too but I got 50/50. Pretty sure her lawyer turned on her and advised her to settle because it was the only way he would get paid.

[–]agree-with-you1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I agree, this does seem possible.

[–]iwviw0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I agree but like the guy above you said, it takes a good money, aka money to hire said lawyer

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]iwviw0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I meant 50/50 no placement for either party

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Missouri. Most of the men I know whose wives work and wanted 50/50 custody got it. Even with toddlers. The more women that work the less sense it makes to give them more custody so that’s slowly starting to come back to bite them.

[–]nordicpolarbear0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, my wife wanted to quit her job and she was already being a less than stellar wife. I told her no that’s not ok. She filed for divorce last week and I’m getting 50/50 custody(fingers crossed). No man should marry a wife who doesn’t work these days. Problem is if she makes more than you she will resent you, but if she makes less she will screw you in court. Marriage sure sounds like a good deal for men doesn’t it?

[–]imav8n4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

How? By using those emotions and that pain to harden your resolve into investing in every minute. For me, that’s what I do with my daughter. She is a teenager now and I have 50:50, but even when she was younger and her mom was filling her head with b.s., I decided that I was not going to be a Disneyland dad and that I WAS going to have a great relationship with her...and I do. Be the dad you want to be despite of what anyone else thinks, not because of it...and forget your bitch ex, she is someone else’s problem now.

[–]JRSBOOM138 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Hey brother my heart goes out to you. I had a similar experience years ago with my son and his crazy mother and he’s 25 now. It caused me pain I still have today when I read this. I’ll never forgive her for the shit she did. In fact I hope she dies before me so I can shit on her grave.

[–]eboyster5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

My mom cheated on my dad growing up. It started when I was around 11 and she decided to have a mental breakdown and destroy the family with her selfishness. My dad quit his job and didn’t leave the house for 15 years. He recently just got a job again, but I’ve never forgiven my mom for her actions and how selfish she was to put herself before her own family. She turned me against all my relatives with her toxic behavior and even my dad growing up. Your son will understand. This life situation was the biggest red pill I could take and I learned at a young age the female nature. Women have no use for men anymore. Your son will understand.

[–]JRSBOOM131 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I will add to this and say you are right his son will understand. My son knew his mom was cookoo and the lies about me and my family weren’t true. Be true to yourself and you’ll never fail, people and especially kids see the truth.

[–]SalesAficionado2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm sorry you're going through that shit man. Keep your head up.

[–]agjrpsl3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, what your ex did to you is what happens in divorces. Usually their lawyer tells them to try to get you riled up enough where the cops are called. Parental alienation is a terrible terrible thing. Read up about it. But, you got this mate. You need to be the best dad you can be in your son's life. Do not let your ex get you flustered. Always remain cool and composed. Work out a parenting plan with your ex and stay involved in his life. Make sure you let her know you would like to be informed of every aspect of your son's life. You call your son every day and tell him you love him. I know it's hard seeing him cry when you leave. But, you assure him you will always be there for him and you will see him soon. Never bad mouth your ex, and do the best coparenting job you can. You got this mate.

[–]GayLemon90002 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know how you feel, because I felt and sometimes still feel the same, but you need to let go. Be the best man you can be when with your son, and let go when without him. Your son will come to understand why you couldn't stay when he was young, and he'll grow stronger for it. It's really the only way with the fucked up systems we got in place. You're his best hope at a good life, so no matter what you need to stay in the picture, because without you he probably won't make it. So keep walking out like a machine, but make sure you let your son know you love him and that even if you're not there, you're always on call for him if he needs you. Good luck man.

[–]lemonhead1112 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hey dude, I don’t have any real advice, but as a fellow father that’s been in similar situations, I know how you feel. Your love for your kid is something that bleeds through what you wrote, and he obviously loves his dad too. Shit sucks, I know. It’s tough. Keep grinding; be the bigger person always, and imagine that the kid will copy every move that you make from this point forward. The kid will understand when he’s older.

[–]nothestrawberrypatch2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hey buddy, single father of a 6 yo daughter. I let my wife walk after 12 years together. It sucks. Same shit, accusations to rationalize their anger, and contempt. They hide behind these accusations because they don’t have to face the reality; that is what they did to contribute to the failure. I’m amazed at how much forgiveness and understanding I have to give to a women I want nothing to do with anymore. My daughter has a strong father because he’s not going to let that petty woman bullshit control his life.

If you want to talk man, don’t be afraid to DM me. I feel we’re in the same boat.

[–]ultrasuperthrowaway2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Did you marry this woman because you thought she was good in bed or because she is an equal to you mentally?

[–]clitorophagy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

As he grows older he will see his parents by how they behave. If you show him integrity he will notice. And he will see her too. When they're little kids will just love you easy but at some point around adolescence they develop hypocrisy detectors. Be the best man he knows

[–]KidGrizz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have a 7 year old daughter. As long as your child is safe, fed, has clothes, and don’t need anything then he is fine and will be ok for now. Just make sure you stay in his life as he get older. Woman ain’t shit nowadays. They prolly were never shit lol but yea just do what’s best for you and your child. Don’t worry about him crying when you leave. He won’t remember that shit at all. Keep your head high and focus on yourself. Don’t feed into her bull shit. Don’t let her faze you at all! That’s how you win!

[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't get emotional or angry ever - stay calm, get your self straight and keep doing an amazing job,

[–]warrior_up1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same woman brother. Sucks. I share 3 little boys with mine.

just keep doing what you’re doing, being the HERO to your boy, the rest will work itself out. Gotta stay strong and positive for the little guy - nice job on holding the tears back until the drive home

[–]Diche_Bach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cannot relate but I do empathize. You are doing the right thing by being there for your son. NEVER stop doing that, and NEVER give her any ammunition against you. Your strong, be a good Dad. Your son will struggle to make sense of it over the course of his life, I can tell you that from experience. But if you are just 'there' for him, enduring all the shit she tries to put in your way, and avoid being combative or giving her bases to try to fuck with you again, it seems that is about the best you can do.

[–]MajIssuesCaptObvious1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've been exactly where you are. My 3 year old boy was crying because he wanted to spend time with his mom and me at the same time, and she started screaming at him for not making up his mind who he wanted to be with. He wanted both of us! Anyway, I told her he wasn't used to being separated and just needed time to adapt. She backed off, but 16 years later, it still hurts to think of my poor boy getting in trouble for being sad.

[–]jvn05101 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Leave the stuff that’s out of your control alone.

Lead a life and be a man that your son can/will look up to.

[–]MNCPA1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm a divorced dad. All kids need great dads. You could be that great dad for your kid. Be that great dad for your kid.

Keep fighting for your kid. Set the example. Never lose touch with your son.

[–]TFWnoLTR1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have a 3 year old boy too, and his mother is a manipulative cunt.

Don't ever let his mom see you reacting to her bullshit. It's what she wants. Don't ever try to hold her accountable. You'll lose, and she will see it as evidence that you're still in love with her, encouraging her to keep twisting the knife in you. Give up on it. Move on. It gets easier with time.

All you can do is tough it out and be a man, an example for your son. When he is older he will understand. It's especially hard now when hes young and doesn't see why these things are happening and just wants his parents to be with him. It will pass. The future is bright, even if you can't see that yet.

The breakup was almost 3 years ago now, and nothing she does surprises me anymore and it never gets to me. You'll get there too.

[–]Darthmorelock1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Growing up, I was the one in the middle. I have immense respect for my father, and much less for my mother. What was the difference? My father didn't lie to me, and he showed me what it meant to be a man. He didn't baby me, he was a hard ass in all the best ways. My mother did her best to spoil and coddle me, and tried to paint my father like some kinda villain. She spun this massive web of lies that eventually crashed down on her.

Lead by example. Be the man your son will look up to and want to become. Be present, and honest. That's all you can do.

[–]nordicpolarbear1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can relate to what you’re feeling as I’ve had to leave to kids crying too. It’s tough. Just try to realize that kids cry all the time and even if you still were with her, the kids would still have ups and downs and melt downs like this. Us men are fixers we can’t fix everything. Your kid just needs you to be there for them and you’re already doing that. You’re still showing up and giving them that support and your presence. They’ll remember that. Completely disregard the ex. Even be friendlier than normal with her if it can benefit the situation with your son. I know that’s easier said than done. Good luck and stick with it I think you’re doing the right thing

[–]2319Skew[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for the support fellas. I went for a walk while listening to Marcus Aurelius' Meditations. For anyone that hasn't done so, it's a great audiobook.

It helps.

You guys are right. I just needed to vent my frustrations and to see that there's such a solidarity among men is humbling. You can't share Red Pill with the vast majority and while you try to remain stoic and resolute, we are not machines. I truly appreciate your empathy and understanding. You guys are amazing.

It's just a surreal experience. I grew up in a single mother home and know how hard it was. I also remembered how lonely I felt because of it. When I got hitched I waited awhile because my biggest fears were creating a broken home and losing my snowflake wife. Turns out that I have her to thank for breaking through those fears. Although, it nearly killed me, I am stronger for it. I know that I did the right thing and continue to be as strong as I can be for my son. It's just when he's getting ready to go to bed and he's excitedly setting up a pillow for me to sleep and another one for my ex to sleep beside him...well, to be honest...even though I'm composed right now it stings the eyes a bit.

It's not that I want her back. She can be someone else's problem. It's that I see him and KNOW that it'll hurt a lot more before it gets better.

He's innocent in this and we live in a society that 'empowers' women to the point where you're in court trying to get something as basic as the right to see your own child, and reduced to negotiating with a person that hamsters her own victim hood to justify her shitty actions. In her eyes, I'm the bastard that just left a sweet, kind, and loving woman. Why? Good question. I must be a monster. There's no comprehension as to why because she's not culpable. She can't be. She's the heart broken woman.

She's (all women really) never see how I was pushed out due to hypergamy. She's not accountable to how she's impacted her life in such extremes and how she's taken my innocent boy on this joy ride of hers.

It's a surreal experience that far too many on this board know.

Someone even mentioned why he's staying with her if she's ill. The reason is simple: costs. It costs a lot to get to see your children. In western society, you are defaulted to the wrong when you have a penis and the child is automatically with the mom. If she wanted to, she could cry foul and I'm stuck in court trying to go over every detail with a fine tooth comb. Even if it turns out that it's nothing. You're still stuck paying for it. The system is there to support women every step of the way on this. Can I take care of a sick child? Yes. Really well actually. Ironically, I'd be the one she'd go for advice on children since I piratically raised my siblings. However, if she went to court, that wouldn't matter. What they'd see is that my son was sick, she begged to keep him in her care and offered to give me time when he's well enough to enjoy it and I brutishly stormed into the house and took him with a crowbar from her medicinal arms.

There is SOME support for men but it's scarce and it's an uphill battle to work for a "compromise" that often makes you feel like you get to choose which jailer gets to fuck you over. Do you take the offer of driving almost an hour to see your own son each time you visit or do you go to court for a few months to see if you can rationalize how it's unreasonable to do so? Will she accept this or will she decide that it messes up her schedule and contest you?

The whole thing is bonkers.

You guys are terrific and reading some of those comments helped me remember that I'm not alone in this. There are others that have gone through this and worse and come out stronger. My son will hurt and that'll pass and he'll be a better man for it. I'll keep working on myself and being there for him and the hell with the rest.

[–]VigilantSmartbomb0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why didnt you take him with you if he wanted to go with you for the night? Mommy and Daddy aren't together 24/7 and no one's are.

[–]SesameStreetPimp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Please tell him cause I need the answer too.

[–]Don_Draper270 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Try posting this on the askmrp sub where you'll get some advice from more men in your situation.

I don't know how old your son is but I would basically explain to him the situation. Not in detail but explain to him why you can't be with him every day.

[–][deleted]  (5 children) | Copy

[removed]

[–]mrpthrowa4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I understand the sentiment. Some women though, are beyond this. Way beyond this.

Particularly when they thought they could do better but watch as you get better and life shits on them. The anger that comes with that is insurmountable. IT's like all of society, all of feminism, all of ghe you go girl crap she's been fed has all been a lie and it's all because of you.

[–]SeasonedRP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Find a church to go to with a woman who made up assault charges and tried to use his son against him? What kind of advice is this? Churches encourage and reward the kind of bad behavior his ex-wife has exhibited. If he does this, she'll soon have a cheering section at the new church, and he can expect to be branded as an abuser and to face more false allegations and lose whatever custody he has now.

OP, continue being there for your son and setting a good example. When he's older, he'll figure things out and be close with you. And always be aware of the potential for false allegations and protect yourself in your dealings with his mother.

[–]2319Skew[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Faith in what exactly?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Keep doing what you’re doing. My father won me over just by being himself when I was ready to become a man, at about 10 yrs old. I understood inherently where I was supposed to be. Ran away to my dad cuz I wanted a real dad.

[–]His_Hands_Are_Small-2 points-1 points  (5 children) | Copy

She had tried to destroy my life when I walked out of our marriage.

Literally billions of men are able to make marriage work, why are you one of the minority of men who couldn't?

It seems like a lot of this red pill theory has completely failed at being able to repair longer term relationships when they get strained. Instead of acknowledging this weakness, the ideologues almost always seem to hamster in a excuse as to why they could not solve a problem that billions of other men have worked through.

[–]NeedRealityShock1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Around 50% of marriages in western democracies end in divorce. Some of the richest and smartest men lose their resources to their wives in divorce courts. From a distance it seems like some marriages were never meant to work. It may be unfair to put all the responsibility on men though.

About red-pill theory, it seems to be oriented towards personal development and casual relationships more than anything.

[–]His_Hands_Are_Small0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Around 50% of marriages in western democracies end in divorce.

50% of marriages, less than 50% of men. Also, most men are very bluepilled. The majority of men never get into a divorce. The greatest predictor of divorce is whether or not you have been in a divorce before, the second greatest predictor is whether or not your parents have been in a divorce.

This is where is gets hard, and I feel like I have to sugar coat the nuance for this sub... there is a massive middle ground and massive difference between understanding that you are the man, and you are the prize, and making her slave away for you, while you do nothing but fuck her whenever you want. No relationship is going to last if it's 100% her putting energy into it while you focus on yourself all the time and basically neglect her because "it's just your turn".

I would never suggest that the red pill has nothing to offer, because it absolutely has a great bounty of things to offer... but the views here on long term relationships is straight up contradictory to the entire theory.

Some of the richest and smartest men lose their resources to their wives in divorce courts.

Statistically speaking, the poorer you are in the west, the more likely you are to end up in divorce. Yes, there are risks, properly vet your LTRs.

About red-pill theory, it seems to be oriented towards personal development and casual relationships more than anything.

Agreed, and that's fine, I'm not saying anything is wrong with that. My problem is that a lot of the people on this sub seem to have no concept of what a long term relationship even is anymore. If you're only with her "in the moment" and have no long term plans, then it's not a long term relationship, even if you've been with her for over a year.

A lot of people get pissed off at that criticism, but it's a very meaningful distinction and one that is important to internalize if the people on this sub want something that goes beyond just casual.

If casual is your thing, that's fine, and I'm happy for you, but don't think that just because you've been casual for a long time that it's a long term relationship.

[–]NeedRealityShock0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

My problem is that a lot of the people on this sub seem to have no concept of what a long term relationship even is anymore

You don't find a lot about that here no...

How's that relevant to OP's situation though?

Looks like there's no saving his marriage, and seems to be mainly concerned about his son.

[–]His_Hands_Are_Small0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good point, I'm just bitching.

I see people bashing on marriage on this sub, when honestly, I think being in an LTR with the right person helps improve life stability, finances (in the right context) and... eh, now I'm just preaching, lol.

You're right, my comment wasn't constructively adding to the topic of the thread.

[–]Smuggler-Tuek-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

MRP exists. Just FYI.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2021. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter