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LTR being corrupted by TED talk

Reddit View
January 8, 2020
158 upvotes

Last night my LTR watched a TED talk on relationships and is now telling me she's paranoid because she thinks she is "supposed to" dump me, but she says doesn't personally want to. The woman in the video discusses "red flags" and how women become "blinded" to them by love. My LTR is worried that I might have some of these "red flags" though she didn't point to any in particular when I asked, other than that I'm too critical of her (this occurs when I pass her shit tests, sometimes with pressure flips).

So I told her, OK, I think you should explore a little and date some other guys so you can get a better sense of what "red flags" I might have. (It's her first relationship and mine too.) She said "no, I want to keep going, I don't want the relationship to end, wah." I offered to set her up with my friend, in exchange for her setting me up with her HB8 friend, so that we could both "explore a little" (I kind of want to fuck her friend) and she said "but that would be like giving up." She nevertheless said she wasn't sure where to go from here. I told her last night: OK, take some time to do research tomorrow and figure out whether you feel you really are "supposed to" be in this relationship. She'll get back to me later tonight, probably 11 or 12.

What the fuck is going on here? What am I doing wrong? Must I now dump her to save my pride/emotions and beat her to the punch? I do not want to but I have no idea what the fuck is going on in her head. Is this a deal breaker and she be demoted to plate?

Also the woman in the video basically bashes "toxic men" the whole time and is married to another chick. The comment section is full of CC'ers talking about how glad they were that they dumped their "toxic" boyfriends.


Post Information
Title LTR being corrupted by TED talk
Author orbitstabilizerthm
Upvotes 158
Comments 84
Date 08 January 2020 12:57 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/305989
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/elkz69/ltr_being_corrupted_by_ted_talk/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipplateshit test
Comments

[–][deleted]  (7 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]botet_fotet56 points57 points  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely, I immediately related how OP responded to what Patrice always advised in these situations. And what did your girl do in response? ‘No that’d be like giving up.’

[–]Popeman7928 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agree, except I wouldn't call OP "kid". He passed those shit tests like a man.

[–]mickenrorty6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Perfect answer 👌

[–]rebuildingMyself7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

Calling that bluff in a relationship has never failed me, personally. The girls in question typically try to flip it back on me with shit like "Oh, so you'd throw away the relationship just like that?" as if she wasn't the one throwing it on the table like a poker chip two mintues ago with a cunty tone.

[–]Aeiexgjhyoun_III1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Oh, so you'd throw away the relationship just like that?"

How do you respond to that?

[–]rebuildingMyself10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Remember, abundance mentality. Her threatening the relationship is her trying to display that she has more leverage than you. Remind her otherwise.

"No, you're the one threatening it to get your way like a child. If that's the kind of person you are, there's the door." No yelling, no tantrums. Calm and stoic, always. You don't give a shit what she does.

If she was bluffing, you raised the stakes and flipped it back on her. She'll fold as it was just a shit-test that you clearly passed. Go for the makeup sex.

If she wasn't bluffing, she was already out the door and needed a cunty excuse to blame you for it, but at least you go out with some dignity. Win/win.

[–]Abeham101 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

How does one initiate make up sex after putting her in her place?

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil329 points330 points  (12 children) | Copy

Tell her the TED talk was right and that she should dump you. If she can be manipulated into this bullshit she can be manipulated into making your son a transgender or filing bogus domestic abuse rape charges, because her friends/television told her to.

The most dangerous person in your life is a woman controlled by the establishment. This is a timebomb.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy

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[–]rustyspurs8732 points33 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good call dude. Good call.

[–]janaheyiloveyou15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude i just want to say that youre solid as fuck.. As others said.. You handled it well.

[–]2030isCloserThan200334 points35 points  (1 child) | Copy

You’re doing really well man, I can definitely tell that you’ve taken the RP a long time ago. Solid frame

[–]24_7_AMOGGER6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

She wasn’t manipulated. She already had a craving for strange dick and the TED talk simply validated her feelings.

[–]marcus8crassus24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

A woman controlled by the state is a ticking time bomb indeed. Well said.

[–]Truedemocracy65 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Many women in this day and age are highly impressionable. If a fucking Ted talk is causing this reaction then what happens if her church friends talk about the evil of sex, her liberal friends talk about how she’s a victim and slave to the patriarchy, her slut friends say she can do better or ‘it isn’t cheating’, a scammer gets her to believe in a bullshit investment with your money, etc

Someone who is this willing to fall for anything WILL be used by others in their life.

[–]KillaJewels2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

A red flag in of itself. The irony.

[–]UrBallsAreShowing5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Brilliant

[–]panic1190 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well said

[–]Domebeers0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

honestly this comment should be added to the sidebar, well said.

[–]monky-loves-you127 points128 points  (2 children) | Copy

I offered to set her up with my friend, in exchange for her setting me up with her HB8 friend, so that we could both "explore a little" (I kind of want to fuck her friend)

truly dgaf, I love it

What the fuck is going on here? What am I doing wrong? Must I now dump her to save my pride/emotions and beat her to the punch? I do not want to but I have no idea what the fuck is going on in her head. Is this a deal breaker and she be demoted to plate?

You're doing everything right so far. If you lose her, you win, if you don't, you win. Either way you win.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

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[–]Warren_Bateman68 points69 points  (0 children) | Copy

It was a nuclear shit test. You offered a proportionate response

[–]RedSkeller60 points61 points  (13 children) | Copy

"You cannot negotiate desire"

You needed to shut that shit down immediately. If a little TED talk throws her into a frenzy and you didn't laugh it off then she's going to run with it, and when you 'let her make a decision' about YOUR relationship where you are the leader you are setting yourself up to be real single real soon. Not to mention, if a TED talk starts this, she was having thoughts about it already. If anything, you should've told her to call you when she's done with the nonsense.

Any time power relations skew, your only real move is to dread. It's way to gain back control, by showing your willingness to walk away. Don't pick up the phone when she calls you and let her wonder if she fucked up.

[–][deleted]  (11 children) | Copy

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[–]Nofapislit40 points41 points  (2 children) | Copy

she's trying so hard to make you fall into her frame, if you fall in it's over. Do not feed into this.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

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[–]Ill_mumble_that7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Bring your hb8 friend over next time and lets drink."

Then go for the 3sum

[–]PhaedrusHunt22 points23 points  (2 children) | Copy

In this particular scenario I think ignoring her phone call tonight would surely end it.

You sound scared of this. Why?

I do agree I have to apply dread to gain respect for myself back.

You have confidence issues my man. Self respect and self love have to come first.

So I am afraid of dreading too much, because for her, paranoia about her state in the relationship seems to turn her off.

I've been guilty of this. My wife has told me many times, "You always have one foot out the door and it drives me crazy, I can never feel comfortable." Dread is like tuning a guitar, you have to have the correct amount of tension. Overdo it, snap. Underdo it, everything is sloppy and loose.

That said, a couple times I've felt like things might end, but she once confided in me it's never been that she wanted to end things but was worried that I would.

So back to YOU. If she's talking like this, soft next/soft demote temporarily. Tell her you're not interested in being in something with a woman that is not all in. If she makes a strong plea at that point, keep her-- IF you feel like it.

Y'all are young, so this WILL end. Not probably, it's gonna. Get your practice in.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

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[–]PhaedrusHunt23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's natural to give a shit. Be easier on yourself, Emotions are real, learn to navigate them.

[–]Jacked2TheTits6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Balance Dread with plans into the future (preferably low investment for you). Like, "lets do xxx or go to xxx when spring comes around"... or... "do you think I should reserve a restaurant for valentine's day or is it too early". It tells her logical mind that you have "plans" together, but her emotional mind is spinning with the dread.

[–]Effective-Juggernaut5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You definitely can dread too much. It usually manifests itself in paranoia that you’re already cheating on her. Don’t dread too much, it’s ok to be calmly reassuring to her that you want to be with her. If she thinks you don’t want to be in the LTR at all then you’re probably a little too aloof and should flirt with her more

[–]ReaperX442 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

"if I don't want to be in this relationship, you'll know."

[–]American_Autocrat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Idk if I agree with that, there’s many a guys (myself included), who decided to cast aside that ‘gut feeling’ all for the sake of a girl. Casting aside that gut feeling until it boiled over and we couldn’t stand the girl anymore or the girl just gets bored with you and moves on, is the reason many of us are on this sub today.

[–]nateydanger0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

facts. She didn't just accidently stumble onto a TED talk about toxic relationships and was forced to watch it. Perfect chance to practice holding frame.

[–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez26 points27 points  (3 children) | Copy

For my own curiosity, was this TEDx? Cause they let anyone do those.

What you did is fine. Personally I subscribe to the idea of don't take advice from anyone unless they're someone you want to be like. I'd just ask her, do you want to be a (probably) fat lesbian? If so then yeah you're right, get out of here.

A synonym for not giving a fuck is indifference and when you internalize the fact you can not make other people make good decisions it comes easy.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

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[–]G0rv9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

This one? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jodhovumkHQ

Taking relationship advice from a horrendously looking lesbian is like paying for PT classes from a 650 pound wheelchair strapped cancer patient with diabeetus.

I.e. You should be thinking, does this dude really have any credible mandate or expertise in this practice?

[–]Je_suis_throwy3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Uggo Lesbian larping as a budget Jordan Peterson.

[–]Toowhammy6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bro you know damn well this is just her finding her strength and putting her toe in the water to the start the break up conversation. This has nothing to do with a ted talk. That was a basic ass 3rd grade excuse. This is about Ted.

[–]raoko2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I truly believe this isn’t the case but then again you never know

[–]Nofapislit12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

indifference, is key. If she breaks up with you tomorrow, just move on asap. If i was you, i'd demote to plate and punish. Say you need time to work on yourself since you have red flags. Honestly if it was me i'd break up tonight just to feel better. Main point indifference and keep your frame. This is just a major shit test just remember dare and not deer. In your case i would exit for a week or to do your thing.

[–]1Red_Pill_Brotherhood9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

You handled it fine other than entertaining too much to her. I'd pull back and dont live by her timeline on this. Outcome independence.

[–]Megafayce2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Only thing to do is call her bluff. “Well you’ve obviously made up your mind despite the fact you can’t clarify or know what you’re talking about. Go do your thing if that’s what you want and I’ll do mine”

They always come back. But at least you’ll know if YOU want to at that stage. Better off not imo

[–]HectoSexual2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah you passed the shit test. Good job.

[–]catsdontsmile2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She sounds like an idiot and is questioning your worth and her own choices because of the words of a woman in a video. Dump.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

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[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Definitely a comfort test.

TED gives her discomfort, OP gives her MORE discomfort.

[–]LeChumScrubber6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

what a stupid bitch lol. just ghost her and fuck her friends

[–]PiperBigBell3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

I personally wouldn't tolerate a chick saying any of that to me. Why do you want to be with her? What is she doing for you? What is your relationship based on? How long did you guys talk before getting together? Have you two been fucking frequently? How long did you vet her? Could you replace her with someone new, if not better than her?

Sidenote: She's been thinking of ditching you for quite sometime but couldn't quite put her finger on it. She's torn between new prospects and the security of being with you. That's why she's in a frenzy. Her inner traveler adventurer bitch is coming out. Next thing you know she'll want to do some "soul searching". If a girl has to constantly shit test you, she doesn't fear losing you enough. And she doesn't respect your position and what you're doing for her enough. Does she really need to test to see if you're the man or are you just consistently the man?

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

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[–]Sartek0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If they haven't slept with someone else what's to stop them wondering what it would be like with someone else one day. It could always be on her mind, next minute she's being egged on at a hens night. I don't think numbers matter to much but 0 or greater then 5-25 depending on age could be a red flag.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't dump. There's something there. I think you handled it well and it will all be done soon. Well if you really aren't into her or have something better then dump but I don't think I that's your position is it? Relax play it cool don't overthink. I might be wrong as I'm new but that's what I think. Sleep it off. See what tomorrow is like

[–]botet_fotet1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Show her Sam Hyde’s TED talk and see if she believes that one too.

[–]KettleLogic1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

https://youtu.be/KTJn_DBTnrY

Show her this. Ted talks are a joke anyone with money can put one on doesnt mean they are credible.

[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear2228 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

That would be failing her shit test by taking it seriously.

Would a man who believes in himself even entertain that dumb shit for half a second?

[–]Kizzou1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Give us an update bro.

I think most of the advice youve been given is solid. Other than you responding with "lets fuck each others firends", i think you handled the situation good.

Dont ignore the other point that your girl is very impressionable to be this influenced by some nonsense ted talk. She doesnt sound like wife material bro. the fact that she couldnt even present you with your so called "red flags" is another. Truthfully men nor women need this sort of drama in relationships. Your gf seems like she has the potential to constantly annoy you with these sorts of antics

[–]ghosts_of_me2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

After reading all the comments in this thread i think it seems like too much work. The relationship has unfortunately escalated to a dramatic level. Men dont have time for this shit. Drop her if it wouldnt be that painful.

[–]Pockyaf1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's calling your bluff duh. She sees right through that from the passive pressure.

Instead of saying "Fine, you should date other guys" you should've said "let's just take a break and date other people". You probably thought the first option would be more nonchalant because you're giving her the option, but it sounds low value since you're admitting she is able to date her choice of other guys, without voicing that you're able to too. Second, you were never really going to walk away and she knew it.

You should've just broken it off and walked away.

Honestly that would've given you a highest chance of her blowing up your phone and trying to win you back. But from the way you both sound, she probably wasn't high quality anyways

[–]PayneGreyWolf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

well played

[–]Truedemocracy60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This sounds like the type of woman who will be falling for a pyramid scheme or joining a woman’s march. Easily impressionable

[–]Zero-Milk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think the real question here is whether SHE'S the one throwing up red flags by allowing herself to be programmed by TEDx SJW retards.

[–]B1ink3120 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you played it well.

Wouldn't hurt to just play the Red Pill Anthem and point at the door next time.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mtLpZWNyM0I (Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - You Got Lucky)

[–]Domebeers0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do not let your woman hang out with lesbians, feminists, or divorcees. Misery loves company. These women are miserable and their advice to your girl is only done to add another miserable woman to the world so they feel less lonely.

Honestly the fact that she even watches TED talks, let alone takes them seriously, is reason enough to dump her. You don't want 70 IQ kids OP.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So she's retarded.

Good to know, right?

[–]QuagOnGin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good job man, but honestly, I think from my experience there may be a chance she’s going to end the LTR actually. Same thing happened to me, the LTR got her friends involved and it turned into a “Dump Him” posse.

Having learned a hard lesson by being dumped when I had a feeling a day prior it was coming, I would have saved face and ended it.

But in the end I always get the last laugh and her best friend was at my house the day after she broke up with me. AWALT.

[–]Jabbermouth0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You’ve gotten some good responses, but you also need to understand (and I mean REALLY understand) that you are dating a girl who is dumb enough to be influenced by a fucking TED talk. Do you really want to invest time in a person like that?

Seriously. She is considering ending your entire relationship because of a TED talk. A fucking TED talk. You need to let that sink in.

I would soft next her for being retarded enough to even consider such a thing.

[–]Foolishoe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you aren't supposed to be in an exclusive relationship at this time in your life, why don't you just tell her it's cool to just be casual friends and the intimate things you do don't have to come under any sort of contract.

You don't kind of want to have sex with her friend, you do. You should, it's normal.

That TED talk sounds great, if your frame isn't strong enough to hold her that's fine, recognize that she isn't fanatically invested in you. Don't downgrade to plate, make her a FWB and tell her the only thing that changes is your level of possession and social accountability as far as other partners.

Fuck your pride and your emotions, they both suck. Have sex, have fun but don't focus on managing your 'relationship' with her as much as managing your refinement of your future goals and yourself into a savage.

The chances of this first being your last relationship are slim to none. I'm sure she's a nice girl and hopefully you have a long and fruitful friendship with her for the rest of your life, however, the best way to ruin the chances of that are to try and tie her down to some middle school concepts of 'serious relationships' instead of just keeping it casual, and banging like rabbits when you are both in the mood to do so, and leaving all the other bullshit at the door.

[–]kellykebab0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your girlfriend sounds like an impressionable retard. If you want to stay with her, I don't know why you started pushing on her to date other dudes and set you up with her friend. She may just end up thinking you're not that into her and move on. Which would probably be fine, because she sounds dumb, but if you actually want to stay with her, why the fuck reinforce her interest in leaving?

What a bizarre interaction all around.

[–]AshyBoneVR40 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Last night my LTR watched a TED talk on relationships and is now telling me she's paranoid because she thinks she is "supposed to" dump me

If your girl can be manipulated by a TED talk to the point where she thinks she "should" break up with you, that means she doesn't know how to think for her damn self and could be manipulated by anything or anyone that makes enough sense to her. If she wants to dump you for being toxic, let her.

[–]TheWalkingNightmare0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Cannot stop laughing.

[–]IXseed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It sounds like you haven't fully pimped her mind or she's just not fully immune to outside "voices" in your relationship. Basically she was feeling right AND wrong about you and watching this video just brought up the "wrong" for her. Like women who talk to their friends and their friends gas her up with the "he's an asshole you should leave him". So do what everyone in the comments is.

Boot the bitch. This whole thing was a big test to see if you were gonna buckle down and make her feel better. That's not your job. Let her go. And if she comes back you gotta make sure you punish her for even THREATENING to leave off some YT video.

[–]rpthrowaway11040 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol, you already fucked up by not just laughing at her and sarcastically humoring her concerns (amused mastery). It's literally just a dumb ted talk, you're entering her frame by acknowledging it.

[–]amphix339-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I mean you did good. Not sure exactly how this played out but you might have entered her frame a bit. If you were fully idgaf about you bitch then it should be alright.

That being said, spin plates. She's not worth LTRing

[–]mickenrorty-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your both young, almost guaranteed your relationship as an expiry date.

She sent you a shit test. You passed

I’m any case work on yourself, you’ll need to be strong to excel in this world

[–]Silva_Shadow-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's already got doubts in her head on wanting to ride the cock carousel. Explain to her, and point at me as you say it "see that guy over there? He'll fuck you, but he knows you've been with other men, he will never marry you, and the guy that will marry you, you won't like, because he will be weak pussy who will take anything he can get out of scarcity".

She's already wanting to ride that couch carousel and women are the best at destroying other women's happy relationships.

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're the prize here. If she drops, you just fuck less stupid, more valuable women than her.

If she thinks you're toxic, that's her opinion. Whatever. Maybe you're not her particular cup of coffee, which is fair. She's not even the last attractive single woman on your city block. Your time, energy, attention, and commitments are valuable. Shouldn't be wasted on people who aren't willing to do things to earn it.

[–]theUnBannableHulk-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sto watching CUCK talks 🤦🏼‍♂️



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